Severely depressed

All my attempts to find a homeopathic alternative that will work to replace my deficient thyroid have failed.  I have two choices--I can either try to clear myself of the fucking poisonous shit, and then I suffer all the symptoms of low thyroid.  I was so upset yesterday to realize how my skin had become like sandpaper again--so coarse and dry--even my face.  I can handle most of the problems associated with low thyroid though, except for the digestion.  Whenever I feel the pain in my digestion, I break down and take the poison again, and then my stomach feels a little better, while I have to deal with all the associated symptoms--the overwhelming feelings of severe depression and lethargy, the fucking headaches which are getting worse and worse, and about to drive me to bang my head against the wall--overall feelings of near panic anxiety and suicidal ideation, as I am forced to take medicine that I know has been poisoned to try to keep my body functioning.  So I have a choice---either I quit eating, or I take their poison which is destroying not only my overall physiological health, but also my emotional and psychological well being.  I am so angry at these bastards and their stupidity and their lack of respect for my dignity as a human being.  But then stupidity and lack of respect for my personhood has been their trademark MO all along--it just took me years to take off my guilt ridden ideological blinders to see it.  I'm so upset because I was on the track to genuine healing, in peak health, happy and confident about where my health stood, and where it was headed; now I'm a wreck.  But the SLI & Co are not interested in my healing; they are only interested in extending their control over me.  So now I'm going to have to starve myself and suffer a partial, if not total shutdown of my body in order to get clear.  I am so angry it is beyond words; besides it takes too much energy right now in my depressed, dilapaditated, poisoned condition