More writing from the poison haze

(This is undated, but was written in December, when I was under the influence of lithium and speed)

So, are these people messing with my medication again?  I have been suffering serious depression (of a type and duration I never suffer....wanting to cut myself with a box cutter!!!!!---
what's up with that?).  I've been getting headaches and have a psoriasis rash again---both of which are prevented when I am on true thyroid medication.  I did not take the medication last night
and actually woke up feeling like a human being, for the first time in a long time.  Most telling of all is the draining low energy that steals my iniative and drive.  When I feel like this, I can't
remember how long ago that I felt normal.  But I see that today is Princess Diana's 8th anniversary of her death.  My life was stolen from me by the SLI (and I have never gotten it back)
 when I lived at County Line Road, and I remember waking up to learn of her death there.  So...sigh....eight years, feels
like 50.  I can't even remember what it is like to have a normal life without unwelcome religious fanatics interfering and manipulating and controlling my basic life decisions and choices.  As I am sitting through this training class, I can't help but think how better suited I am to technical support, needing the intellectual challenge of a steep learning cuve, but I am not allowed to engage
in employment that meets my needs.  At least I have no huge sexual drive right now---that's another thing that anti-depressants
do to to people who are not depressed---steal their sex drive and makes you disgusted with your body.  Of course, then, that would make me the perfect candidate to be a nun.  What a clever
idea!  I could join the body hating zombies in their cassocks and habits.  There's only one problem.  I refuse to believe the lie that the Church puts on all of its members, but especially
those poor sobs who suffer celibacy---that sexuality is hateful and cannot be freely chosen by any human being, but must be regulated by the "fathers" who know what is best for us. 
Forget that.  I may not be free to live my life as I choose, but I will not enslave my mind to body hatred through their conditioning drugs.  I feel better already now that I'm getting rid
of the patriarchal poison.....(no wonder I wanted to cut open my veins--I just wanted to get rid of the poison).....