A brief respite from the psychotropic drugs is over

A brief respite from the psychotropic drugs is over.  I felt so good yesterday as I was able to read and pray for the first time in what seemed ages.  I read a poem, and I actually felt it.  As I was walking about doing grocery shopping, I found myself noticing, relating to, and praying for the various individuals as they crossed my path.  I have to say that it felt so wonderful to be myself again.  I was able to acknowlege the arising feelings that I have kept repressed ever since I realized them a few days ago.   Aaah, but then the psychological morons who have made my life an utter hell, started doping me up again--on speed I think, just because my legs feel so heavy and dead, like they always feel when I am on speed. I had to take a math test again, and guess what?  My mind is fried, shot, kaput.  I aced the test, but I know that I had to work at determining the answer instead of getting it with the surety, confidence and lightning speed which used to be my norm, back in the lifetime when I was still an undamaged,  free person with full citizenship rights and privileges.   Even worse, I no longer can read with the same facile comprehension that I once took for granted.  I had to take a psych assessment test (which I've had to take now a dozen times in the last five years).  I am comfortable with them because I am honest, and because, thanks to Logic 101 class, I know how to instantaneously deconstruct ambiguously worded sentences.  Well, guess what?  I no longer have that gift.  I struggled mightily to understand what the ambiguous questions were asking.  I am a wreck.  I don't know how I am going to be able to pull life off.