I feel feverish and ill as if I were hospitalized.

I feel feverish and ill as if I were hospitalized. I hate hospitals, and I hate feeling ill. I remember struggling to walk outside and sit under a tree in my hospital gown when I was a teenaged patient. It was a small town hospital in a different town. Maybe some nurse saw me, and figured if I could do it, it would be healthy for me, and emotionally it was. Physically, it took everything I had to "wave my flag" for a couple of minutes and head back to bed. I am too sick to move much at all. Outside it feels like winter, and so it does inside of me as well. Life is just going to suck for a while, and there is nothing I can do about it. Sometimes, one has to go with the flow, and wait for momentous grace. Evil seems to be prevailing again, and sadly enough, there is very little I can do to resist it right now. I have hope though, that spring will come--I just hope that my body can endure that long. I am suffering from terrible brain inflammation and muscle and back/shoulder pain. Keep soldiering on.