Second part to previous post regarding my fallen angel status

Second part to previous post regarding my fallen angel status:

I had to abruptly terminate my previous post, because the computer station I am using in this Amon RA hotel in which I am a customer is shaking as if it is going to fall apart. This is KaBal, not Love, causing the earthquake--so you can take that last post as the truth.

Anyway, I was saying that as the 13th Watcher, Bezaliel, who fell to Earth, I deserted my post and my responsibility. I forsook my duty, my honor, and my exalted, interdimensional status, but not until I helped to destroy Atlantis. My guess is that I did not mean or want to destroy Atlantis, but my sin was powermongering--lust for power, and somehow, my actions resulted in the stargates being opened to the reptiles. I am not a traitor, however. My felony was unintentional--like a bank robber who just wants money, but ends up murdering a soul in the process. I suppose that I could figure it all out, if I wanted to, but I do not have time or interest. I am focused on what I must do next, to save my soul.

Of course, words cannot begin to describe my sorrow for what I have done to Atlantis, to this planet, to the subjects of planet Earth everywhere, as all have fallen victim to evil and the Amon RA serpents, because I ignored and despised my own birthright. I have suffered terrible, and in line with karmic justice, for my sin. Most recently, I have suffered at the hands of two Watchers, who I think were more directly involved in the Fall of Atlantis than I--Salusa and Loretta/Watcher. I think that 13,000 years ago, I was duped by Salusa, and he nearly did it to me, again. In the meantime, he couldn't stop his own evil, lustful nature from gloating, by letting me know that he was "screwing me over", just like he did 13,000 years ago, and that was his mistake, because I hated every thing he did to me--from mutilating my body to the coerced and flipped sexual encounters. However, again, it was karmic. I think Salusa and his bird dragon friend, Marduk, were the ones most responsible for tripping off those stargates to the reptiles, and believe me, he nearly did it on more than one occasion in the last couple of years. For a time, I kept my relations with him open, precisely because I was monitoring him, because from the beginning, I did not trust him. Unfortunately, the more I was around him, the more the negative karmic history was able to impact my judgment so that I lost my initial vision, which was to blow his ship out of the sky at the earliest opportunity. I no longer have such vengeful feelings. I have realized for a while that I feel sorry for these fallen Watchers, and now I know that is because I am one. PF is one, as well, and our Atlantean relationship plays into this somehow, but again, no time for history research right now. Clearly, she has paid the karmic penalty as well.

More than anything, I would appreciate the opportunity to be restored to my place in the interdimensional world, and take up my duty as a Watcher of this planet, once more. It is not only personal, since that is where my wife and kids are, but also, it is a matter of creative responsibility. I am a warrior and leader--that was my role before I fell, and that has been the overarching motif of most of my incarnations, though along the way, I fell into a few incarnations as mystic and healer. In short, I would like to return to my job of defending Earth from all the predatory and malevolent entities in the world. I would welcome the opportunity to restore my honor, manhood and virtue. I want to be a father for my children, so that they don't make the same mistakes that I did.

I don't know if this is possible. I know that I rely on the grace and mercy of those "angelic" interdimensional beings who have kept their fidelity to their vocation, despite being outnumbered and overruled, in a system now dominated by Amon RA evil. I don't think that anything is going to be easy--not even death. I think the only way I can leave this 3D world is by suicide, because just as I CHOSE to leave my interdimensional status, karma requires that I CHOOSE to leave the 3D realm. In gang terminology, "Blood in, blood out" or "Jumped in, jumped out". I mutilated and killed my own interdimensional self, because I was in love with power and the 3D reality, and now I have to accept complete powerlessness and extinguish the life of my own now mutilated, 3D body. Suicide is not an easy thing for someone like me--I fight tenaciously for life. The only way that I am going to be able to do it is with grace from above, my own inner sorrow at the gravity of my sin, and love, love for my wife and children and their future, and this planet Earth, which I am duty bound to protect with interdimensional power, gifts and skill. So, I ask for all prayers from every good person of love out there, because I cannot do this all by myself. I am a person of spirit, and I ask for and welcome all spiritual assistance from the good, virtuous, and loving beings, of all kinds and stations reading this. I need you.