After a day when I felt strong enough

After a day when I felt strong enough to go for an extended bike ride, I have been struggling with increasing cerebral congestion and pain. Right now< I am suffering a migraine headache again--except its not a migraine--its just torture caused by the goddamned implants. I hope i can go to sleep with just tylenol pm, but theres no question, the nausea is starting.

Trying to recover

Trying to recover from a day of the most intense of evil. It amazes me when these Internet numbskulls write of the "angelic" nature of the alien intervention. It is angelic allright---from the angel of Lucifer and his followers from hell. There is nothing of God or the divine in the psychic rape and torturous pain that accompanies these alien interventions from and beckoning to other dimensions. That is why yesterday I kept covering myself up--I was trying to protect myself. I just had no way of knowing that the fuckers would violate me with such rapidity and impunity. Now, smelling blood in the water, I am all drugged up again, as once more they try to hack into my brain. I am deeply depressed--just as any spiritual person encountering the demonic violation so intimately would be. There is nothing "divine", "illuminating" or special about this experience--it is evil, pure and simple, and it really scored major points against me yesterday, all the while I was just struggling to heal from all their transgressions against my body and psyche. So much for heealing. So much for any kind of life at all. I am truly trapped, and I see no way out.
In the meantime, I am so fucking drugged that I literally cannot stand because my muscles are so locked up. More and more, I see and scream out the need for resistance. Better to die a human being than live a slave to those goddamned assholes. I suppose they are laughing as they read this, knowing how enslaved I am, thanks to the goddamned Christian morons who have sold me out, hoping for a pittance of political power and glory.

Totally fucked up

Totally fucked up. Torturers have compromised the one thing that gave me health, hope, and a sense of being human. Once again their goddamned implant poison shit has left me nonfuctional. Crippling headaches---had them before==think they may be separate psychotropic drug. Ketoacidosis. Smell it on my urine--not just once, but the last two times Ive peed. Neuropathic leegs, cant walk. Ankles are full of burst capillaries from excessive edema. Severe drive me out of my mind pain--nobiody can stand the kind of pain suffering that is my life. nobody. Austistic---cant even bear to watvch tv--moving images are all wrong. hard to drive when i am not perceiving reaslity clearly. cant bear any stimuli, the physical muscles of eyes literally hurt to open and move so it is easy to keep eyes shut. Terribl pain God, terrible pain.

Drained and exhausted

Drained and exhausted as usual after a psychotropic beating. Forced myself to get out and about even tho' I still am so messed up that I am not perceiving reality correctly--same old feeling of being autistic, and not being able to bear moving ovjects well. Very very tired. Still, all things considered, I am grateful to be rid of the fucking migraine and being able to get out of bed. I just wish I could sleep, really sleep, without those goddamned implants interfering. Fat chance. I'm starting to realize when I'm losing life is when alien interference in my world's affairs is peaking.

Going bad to worse fast

Going bad to worse fast--way too much csf in head. cant move head. can barely hold it up too heavy. body going catatonic. too sick to get diamox filled. too sick to go get some hard liquor only thing that really helps. eyes dont want to open. hurts to open and move them. i have been here before. every time these fuckers do this, they nearly kill me, and they leave permanent brain damage. maybe this time i will get lucky and die.

Second day of being so drugged I can barely lift head

Second day of being so drugged I can barely lift head--not in good shape. I spent all of yesterday sleeping--sleeping on whatever psychotropic drug completely wasted me. Woke up devastated again by the drug tho not so bad. I can get out of bed. I didnt grab for phenergan and fiornal within the first five mins of waking up, and I actually have managed to sit at my computer for, so far, about 10 minutes while I read email. Don't think I feel up to any extended periods of reading and research tho. My back hurts from having spent 22 of the last 24 hours in a prone position, and I am trying to pep talk myself into getting up and doing something. Herei s where I hate not having a regular gym routine. When I feel like shit, I hate starting something new.
Of course, starting somehting new is why I got blasted with these drugs in the first place. I was supposed to see a trainer yesterday, and just as when last week, I was supposed to have a one-on-one with a Dahn yoga trainer, I get so blasted with drugs I can't get out of bed. Why? Oh, after years of dealing with these sick sons of bitches, I can tell you why--jealousy. They are certain and proprietary in their claim that only they know and understand me and my "mental illness". They cannot bear that others, in their genuine openness to reality, both mine, and the greater reality of God, are the ones who are capable of healing and helping me, while everything opus dei and the abc boys advocate and force down my throat is pure poison to me. Really, I am not in such bad shape, except insofar as the Inquisitor's poison pharmaceuticals and brain implants have made me so, and all I have to do is escape their sphere of influence, and I CAN be healed. Of course, that is the trick, and I don't see it happening anytime soon for this current administraation is working hand in glove with my tormentors. All I can do is pray to God to give me the strength to survive my tormentor's tortures and endure my loneliness---for a big part of the Inquisition's game plan is to isolate me--that i swhy every time I am to meet with someone--and this includes Dale tooo, I get so waylaid with drugs that I can barely function. You poor sick miserable bastards. I don't know how you can stand your own evil. But I can't think on it. I am too busy trying to stand your own evil forced upon me, for my own benefit.

Spent all day in bed

Spent all day in bed--whatever psychotropics i am being force fed ha ve me so drugged i cant wake up or get out of bed. I dont keven know hat ist is about--maybe its just to isolate me. realize that every time I am supposed to meedt with someone, i am drugged up to the point of nonfunction, just so i cant go. sjust so i remain isolated. cant make me crazy assholes. you can make me fat tho. that drives me crazy so maybe you goddamned fuckrs win, no matter what i do. happy to be me happy to be free of any cooperation with ur shit. just suffering tho. tired of suffering all time, God.