Risperdol

Risperdol--I figured out what is causing my sheer hell and agony. Been here before. never ceases to amaze me why these stupid fuckers keep doing the same shit over and over . same pain, same suffering, same inability to relate to reality. back and head is killing me. muscle spasms. head so heavy i cant lift but nothing as bad as themental suffering. well, guess what fuckers you are strangling my brain stem again and i cant wait. i want to die isntead of being ur fucking voddoo doll that u keep tortring in hopes that i ever have anythging to do with your sick perverted religion. good people are not so fucked as i am . all i can do is pray they succeed. i am in too much physical pain, mental tormeent to do anything else.

know its going to be a bad day when i wake up groaingin

know its going to be a bad day when i wake up groaingin. vampiric energy drain even in the morning. fucking toxic patriarchs destroying my body and life with their psyhcotropics. cant walk, cant even hold my balance or my head. not in reality. another wasted day.

Can't believe how fast I got so fucked up

Can't believe how fast I got so fucked up. Went to drive for alcohol and tylenol pm because i am too fucked up to be in my life. i want to be drunk. and stoned. and fucking out of it. Been here before when i was on lithium. maybe iam on lithium. i am suffering from intense rage and hatred, and lithium gives me mood swings. lithium also gives me catatonia and in just a couple of days i have become catatonic. could barely drive. cant turn my head to see. reaction time is shit. i am not in reality. like lithium, i just want to get drunk so i dont have to feel this fucking psychotic reality i am in that makes it impossible to even watch tv. time to get drunk get rid of this fucking wasted life that the goddamned fucking piece of shit ratzinger christians r doing to me/

Feeling like shit

Feeling like shit with heavy head and headaches. A feeling of depression that I am never going to be free, "to reclaim sexuality and soou." Instead I am going to have evil parties fighting to use me for the rest of my life. I try not to be so down but I can't help it. My life has been taken from me and I will never get it back. All I can foressee is pain and suffering.

After a brief respite, drugging begins again

After a brief respite, drugging begins again. Had to drive to store to buy tampons and got incredibly sick from motion sickness as I watched all the images i pass look like they were moving at me. Migraines and sick headachnes with neausea again. cant take fiornal. am hoarding it. think on a different drug but not sure. body wants to vibratre try to get rid of heavy head but too sick to do anything but lay down. so sick of this shit. i want to be a human being again, with a life. im sick of this constant shit. i evny sarah palin. i wish i could say to ptb i dont want to play the game anymore. take your furcking goddamned implants and your psychotropic drugs out of my goddamned system and let me just be a human being again. too sick . to care.

I spent all day in bed

I spent all day in bed drugged with some weird psychotropic that made it impossible to get up. Had a hellacious migraine for the first half of the day, which followed a night of absojute misery and pain of migraines and nausea. Since then tho, I have mostly just been too drugged to do anything but lay in bed and sleep. Spent about on e hour trying to watch a very familiar star wars movie, but too sick to follow the dialogue--same old psychotropics of being unable to wath moving images on tv. Its a pretty bad day when one is so sick the cant even watch tv. whatever they gave me, also gave me a period for the first time in a year. so it must have done somehting hormonal. im hoping im well tomorrow, because I dont have any more tampons and im too sick to go to the store. Time to go back to bed and sleep, too sick to read anything on the Net. My brain is so clear relatively and uncongested that whatever drugs i am being given are potent and immediate, as in the old good days before these fuckers fried my brain with their drugs and implants.

Totally fucked up

Totally fucked up on whatever kind of psychotropic these goddamned reptilians have put in my brain. Can't keep my eyes open fucking headache, swollen and infected ankles. Great. Going into fourth of July holiday knowing that my govt. has sold me out to the greatest goddamned evil on earth and getting ready to enslave whatever part of population they dont murder thru vaccination and illness. too sick to go any further. help me God....worst of all is the emotional fucking anssiness and rage caused by these goddamned drugs. Im just so fucking pissed off--want to smash things, cuss out asssholes, just sick of all this goddamned shit.