My God--the EVIL,EVIL,EVIL

My God--the EVIL,EVIL,EVIL of these alien (and human allies) Aryan Nazis--after a horrible night of pain, I woke up severely drugged so that I wouldn't remember that once again, these goddamned masters of evil are abducting me and violating my body in an attempt to turn me into a mind-controlled puppet spouting off new age pietistic nothings. To do that, they have to destroy my sexuality. As I so presciently and accurately stated at the very beginning of this blog, when I first encountered their evil machinations to destroy my sexuality by incarcerating me for loving a woman, TRUE SPIRITUALITY IS ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS, LINKED TO A HEALTHY SEXUALITY. The biggest heresy of the Christian Church has been the denigration of human sexuality, and it started very early with the lie that Jesus Christ was celibate. He wasn't. He had a healthy and self-accepting sexuality, and almost certainly, physical progeny through marriage with Mary Magdalen. But the Aryans despise their own humanity (and thus their own true spiritual life). They prefer to identify with a soulless machine, and there is nothing that destroys "The Machine" like sexuality. Human desire triumps over circuits and gears everytime (I am reminded of Jane Fonda in Barbarella--which just goes to show even the most campy of our arts know and convey more truth than anything the Aryans can with all their advanced technology and sophisticated deceit). But it needs to be a true sexuality, a mature sexuality, a genuinely free (NOT a compulsive addiction) sexuality that honors and commits to the value of their partner. The "consenting adults" argument, while contingently tolerable in immature youth, is never enough for the spiritually mature and resposible adult. The kind of hedonistic, pornographic sexuality to which so much of contemporary America is addicted and enslaved is almost as debased as enslavement to THE MACHINE (almost, because the sex addict still has an element of spiritual freedom which can lead to "repentence and conversion" and rescue her/him from the addiction whereas I really doubt that anyone enslaved to THE MACHINE has any free will left with which to choose.

The only free will I can exercise is that of my spirit, that of verbal expression because I am abducted and violated at will, and though I do not have any memories, I think I was abducted and violated again last night, for purpose of abusing the same most offensive member to slaves of THE MACHINE--my clitoris. Since my castration, I have noticed that my clitoris has shrunk from its normally large size to a tiny little pea. When I woke up the morning of my testicular castration, I noticed that my clitoris had dramatically shrunk overnight. I am not sure why. I don't think they physically semi-castrated me as is practiced, in true horrific and barbaric practice, among certain tribes, cultures, and fundamentalist, patriarchal religions today (a precursor of THE MACHINE, designed to destroy the true spirituality and fullness of human life and sexual expression--but only in women!). I know they have deadened nerves and furthermore I think that they may have "retracted" the clitoris up inside of me. Most certainly, it is not the same me. I think it fair to say that along with tens of millions of deeply unfortunate and soul-humiliated women of this world, I have been clitoridectimized (I am not going to look up the spelling of the word. It is an abomination to God and to humanity that it even exists). But I think they tried to do something further last night--that is why my groin and inner thighs are so sore. They had me trussed up while they tried to clitoridectimize me further!! I spent all day, peeing all over myself--they messed with my urethal tube--although I finally, after 5 pm, seem to be peeing normally again. I have felt emotionally dead all day. Will I recover? I don't know. Am I still capable of orgasm? Yes, but it truly a pathetic orgasm. I guess in all future reationships I am going to have to experience pleasure vicariously by giving pleasure to my partner. But nothing is going to stop THE MACHINE from destroying me. The only thing I can do about it is fight back with words. And I will. Amen

Here we go again

Here we go again--I fully expect another round of every psychotropics in the book thrown at me, as the PIB's use my recent diagnosis of and treatment for testoterone deficiency as an another excuse to begin the viral downloads (androgens) again. Right now, I think I am on some kind of sedative (dreamed someone was tryig to sell me marijuana) that I guess is supposed to help calm me from the horrible body-wracking experience of last night. Even as I write this I am in pain--the pain of a tender spine caused by back muscle spasm, which admittedly is status quo for me, after years of viral downloads. However, the pelvic groin muscle that is pulled or torn is NOT status quo. It is the exact same muscle area that spasms every time the viral downloads intensify. But I have never had it wrench out of the girdle and tear all the surrounding muscles and ligaments aroun it. I can barely walk. I can barely sit, because I cannot put any pressure on that muscle which, believe it or not, is necessary for initiating the squat to sit. All the things one learns about one' body when it isn't working right--no wonder I know more about the body than I ever wanted to know. So, let me repeat, I do know this and while I said it yesterday, but apparently the PIB's did not listen. I AM ALLERGIC TO ANDROGENS IN MY OWN BODY. THEY NEARLY KILLED ME AS A FETUS. I HAVE A MENTAL VISION OF A CURLED UP TINY FETUS, SPASMING AND SQUIRMING, TRYING TO EVADE THE ANDROGENS THAT WANT TO IMPACT HIS CENTRAL NERVOUS SYSTEM. THIS ALLERGY IS SO STRONG AND OVERWHELMING THAT I HAD TO ABORT MY OWN NATURAL, GOD-GIVEN IDENTITY AS A MALE, AND BECOME FEMALE IN ORDER TO LIVE. Now, after years of struggle and misunderstanding, for being a man in a woman's body is no easy thing, I find myself fighting for my life against the androgens again. They spasm and arch my body out--every muscle in my body goes into a painful lock, except at the joints, which instinctively try to pronate outward so that my shoulders wrench from their girdle, and my thighs wrench from their girdles (and by the way that groin pull left my entire right side jacked up from the lower back, glutes, all the way to my right knee), and I literally feel as though I am on some kind of rack that is pulling my limbs out of their torso positioning. THERE IS NO BIOCHEMICAL COMPOUND THAT IS GOING TO REVERSE MY ALLERGY TO MY ANDROGENS. Serotonin, dopamine, lithium, or some "nice, mellow" sedative that apparently I am on now, are not going to change my allergy to androgens. For God's sake, I changed my gender phenotype to be in conflict with my true genetic makeup and psyche. Do you think my survival instinct would do that if there was any kind of possible chemical adjustment that the body could make while it was in the womb? If you want to try to figure out how to address my androgen allergy, then I suggest you get the ET doctors to probe the mystery of the gene that causes AIS. There is one gene that causes it. I read it somewhere, but can't remember it. I probably have the gene though my AIS may originate from the industrial effluvia of Detroit--more likely the toxins worked on the susceptible gene.
As for me, I have to struggle to get through a day in which I find myself, once again, trying to save myself from the damage and abuse done to me. Very disheartening to realize that I am going to have to take very expensive testoterone supplements in order TO LIVE, for the rest of my life. The absolute only downside that I have encountered so far from this testoterone is the smell of my own body odor. Testoterone is strong-smelling, and my nose is extremely sensitive, and I find myself repelled by own smell. This pisses me off, because my body was doing fine, just fine, in maintaining its natural hormonal balance before the abduction experimnts disrupted my innate hormonal balance. If I had been allowed to seek endocrinology treatment, even after the abductions, I probably would have been perfectly fine with some mild testoterone supplementation. Now (and I am only followig my body wisdom), I need really heavy duty testoterone supplementation, and it looks as though that is going to be happening for the rest of my life. For today, I just got to limp through pain. So tired of this.

More medical stupidity from the goddamned Nazis

More medical stupidity from the goddamned Nazis--every time those goddamned bastards touch something, they cause nothing but pain and suffering. I figured out that, even though it was alien technology responsible for my castration, it was done with the seal of approval by the same satanic Vatican/Jesuit/Opus Dei Nazis who claim Jesus Christ, but who nothing of him. For them, religion is a method of institutional mind-control and has been for centuries (another topic on which I mean to write). Jesus wasn't celibate--that is all a big lie perpetuated by life and women haters who use religion to separate human beings from the true ground of their being and that most especially includes sexuality. That is why I was castrated--to cause a psychic split and alienation in me that would lend them greater access to split my mind so that I could transmit their lies and deceit all in the name of religion and Jesus Christ. In their further violations of my personhood, free will, and God-given rights (none of which they respect), they have attempted to further alter me by giving me HRT (female hormone replacement). My God, they nearly killed me in their GODDAMNED STUPIDITY BEYOND ALL BELIEF. That is the reason why I am suffering such terrible leg pain in my calf and thighs. It is not the implants. It is not cramping. It is the goddamned assholes hormonally castrating me further, in hopes of turning me into a docile cow to channel the luciferian lies of the NWO and the aspirations of a bunch of truly mind-and-spirit castrated conservative "christianists". Well get this assholes. I am supposed to tell the doctor when I suffer from severe leg pain as a result of HRT. Well, I am SUFFERING GODDAMNED LEG PAIN. STOP THE GODDAMNED HRT. STOP GODDAMNED POISONING ME WITHOUT MY PERMISSION. I AM TIRED OF HAVING TO RESCUE THE TATTERED SHREDS OF MY MIND AND BODY FROM YOUR SORRY ASS, LAME STUPIDITY. AND FURTHERMORE, WHILE I AM IT, UNDERSTAND I WILL NEVER NEVER NEVER SUPPORT YOU IN YOUR PERVERTED UNDERSTANDING OF RELIGION. NEVER!!!!

Addendum--suffering from severe back muscle spasms when these downloads occur. I was right years ago. My body automatically tries to get away from the "poison" the androgens to which I am seriously allergic, and which nearly killed me as a fetus. That is the source of the back arching and spasming to point of severe pain. I told that to the first neurologist I ever saw and he just thought I was crazy. LISTEN TO ME GODDAMN IT! So far I am the one with a track record of being right, while everything you fucking Nazis do in the service of lucifer, or the castrated Christ does nothing but cause pain and suffering.

Another thing about the estrogen/progesterone HRT--it is messing with my guts big time. I now know that the leg pain I've experienced over the past couple of weeks correlates to HRT. That also correlates to a messed up elimination system--constantly having to evacuate bowels, even if there is just a teeny bit coming out. The testoterone regularized my bowels. This morning I had a bowel movement that came as close to the pre-back injury/abduction as I have EVER had. Since then, along with the pain in my legs, has come the need to evacuate my guts--the same sensation I have experienced over the past two weeks. I don't know why I bother. I keep trying to reason with these PIB's, to try to get them to understand that what they are doing to me is wrong, morally, spiritually, and physiologically, but these are people with an irrational conviction in their own perverted, warped belief system of power and dominance, and they will never listen.

Dr. Tita to the rescue again.

Dr. Tita to the rescue again. Once more, I have to fight to save my own life against the evil violations of the goddamned ET Nazi doctors and scientists, who know all the facts and data involved in the mutilation of my body and the forced DNA transformation of the human race, but who don't have a flipping clue, because the truth is they don't care about the health of the human body and are completely incapable of any creative scientific or medical thought. Just a bunch of programmed, STUPID intellectual zombies--and they think they are superior to us puny humans here on "Planet of the Apes," and sadly to say, there are a lot of humans (satanic Jesuits and Vatican patriarchs anyone?, more on that later) who agree.
Testoterone. This was what my body desperately needed. Since the castration, I have been so sick I have hardly been able to move. Worst of all, was when the viral downloads began. I've always been able to tell when the viral downloads began, because immediately I would feel like shit, go seriously autistic, and my muscles would begin to spasm. I would feel as I did on the rare occasions when I snorted crystal meth, which I absolutely hated. But after the castration, not only could I barely move, but when the viral downloads began, I would fade to near unconsciousness. I experienced that sensation once before, in my "normal life" when I was given adrenaline in a local anesthia by a dentist. I went into the same kind of psuedo-fainting spell. When I snapped out of it, the experienced, older dentist told me that I was allergic to adrenaline and to make sure that I never let a medical professional administer it to me again. Well, doc, what can I say? Anybody with two eyes in their head, much less a medical professional, can see the overwhelming deleterious effects on my body that the ET drug experimentation and unethical violations has had on my body, but they never listen to, or respect a word I say. They have nearly killed me, left my body an obese, damaged wreck, and they have done permanent brain damage (though with the testoterone, my brain is working so much better. I can carry a thought. Yesterday, I couldn't grasp the word I wanted--a post lithium phenomena for me--but the thought stayed in my head until I worked out the word I wanted. Wow. I haven't been able to carry a thought like that for a very long time--maybe since before the lithium--though I still don't have the high vocabulary recall that I once had). As a result of the castration, I wasn't even functional, barely able to summon the energy to move, I was severely depressed, and the psuedo fainting spells that occured every time the virus download began were really scary. While laying in a fainting spell, I told myself, "I can't live like this. I have to be able to do something to save myself. What has changed?" The answer was clear. When the goddamned Nazi pigs castrated me, I lost most of my ability to make testoterone. So I went to a shop where I knew I could get the highest legal levels of testoterone possible. Eureka!! The positive difference in every aspect of my physical and psychological health is incredible. I'm still not healthy, but so much of the autistic symptoms and dragging energy is gone. So then, I began to reverse-think the cure and symptomology, and it all becomes so clear, if still a little vague (I am not a compulsive perfectionist in matters of medical science. I just want to understand enough to heal myself, since obviously I cannot depend on anybody else to do it for me). What is clear is what frauds these ET and satanic Jesuit/opus dei doctors are, because they KNEW what was going on and if they had even the barest ability to creatively think through a symptomology to a diagnosis they would have known what was happening without nearly destroying me in the process.
FACT: (that they knew and I had to laboriously piece together after hours spent surfing the web)
They are changing human DNA through viral downloads both by natural and diffuse means, such as chemtrails and autism-causing vaccines, and in my case, by direct neurological implants in my brain and body.
FACT: (that they knew and I had to laboriously piece together, and admittedly my understanding is still pretty fuzzy, but I understand enough...)
The changing of and transcription of DNA/RNA codes involves the necessity of binding to androgen receptors, and thus requires the release of androgens, including, but necessarily limited to, epinephrine (adrenaline--which is why I always said the viral downloads were like being on crystal meth) and cortisol.
FACT: (that they should have deduced by my hermaphroditic condition and also known--IF THEY WOULD ACTUALLY OPEN THEIR FUCKING EARS AND LISTEN TO THE SICK AND SUFFERING PATIENT because I have mentioned it at least twice before, including in previous blog entries--I AM ALLERGIC TO ADRENALINE).
I suffer from Androgen Insensitivity Syndrome. How could they not figure that out? I am clearly a chromosomal male with testicular tissue in my abdomen (anyway, once upon a time, when I was whole, before the fucking goddamned Nazi butchers castrated me). The only diagnosis is AIS. My body is allergic to my own androgens, and yet they, in their ignorant stupidity insist on downloading the virus pumping me full of increasing amounts of androgens in an effort to change my DNA/body-brain-reality connection) I think that the cause of the fainting spells, was a severe allergic reaction to the androgens the viral download releases, which psychologically, in my most primitive brain, reminds me of when, as a fetus, I nearly died in response to the androgens which tried to turn on the testoterone. Instead, I lived, but as an intersexed, hermaphroditic female, who, if I had known the suffering I would endure at the hands of these quack, fake Mengelian doctors, would have chosen miscarried abortion.
So how exactly is the testoterone working? I'm not positive. It is either acting as a kind of homeopathic foil, so that I can tolerate the androgens, or the circulatory testoterone (remember, I am not allergic to testoterone; I am allergic to the androgens which makes the testoterone) enables the androgen receptor to open and bind. Read this, for those of scientific persuasion:
"Testosterone, for example, is a steroid hormone that has been described to exert both genomic effects and, recently, also nongenomic effects. Genomic responses of testosterone are mediated through intracellular androgen receptors (ARs), which are 110-kDa proteins with domains for androgen binding, nuclear localization, dimerization, DNA binding, and transactivation (reviewed by Zhou et al., 1994; Quigley et al., 1995). The nongenomic effects are assumed to be mediated through unconventional receptors in plasma membranes. In rat osteoblasts, these membrane receptors have been recently shown to belong to the class of membrane receptors coupled to phospholipase C via a pertussis toxin-sensitive G-protein, which, after binding of testosterone, mediate a rapid increase in intracellular free [Ca2+] ([Ca2+]i) and inositol 1,4,5-trisphosphate formation"
(Lieberherr and Grosse, 1994 (Testosterone Signaling through Internalizable Surface Receptors in Androgen Receptor-free Macrophages
W. Peter M. Benten,* Michèle Lieberherr, Olaf Stamm,* Christian Wrehlke,* Zhiyong Guo,* and Frank Wunderlich). Another interesting note that I knew had a lot to do with what was going on with me--the problems of calcium.

Upshot of all this, I feel a lot better, but I'm not at all certain I want to continue this, because if I am right, the testoterone will facilitate the DNA/RNA changes that I fight with every fiber of my being. Given the complete violation of my personhood, the permanent damage inflicted on my body and brain, and the irreconcilable loss of my castrated full humanity inflicted on me by these evil bastards, I am sure that these DNA/RNA changes are not in the best interests of humanity. So I can choose to be so sick that I am barely functional or I can find myself involuntarily cooperating with the Nazi PIB's whose agenda I despise.
To be honest, I don't know what to do. I really feel like I need an endocrinologist to work out this tesoterone/estrogen thing for me. I know a GP can't do it. I know I am a medical anomaly, but I still think an endocrinologist would be the best bet. Amazing isn't it? Every time I heal myself, after hours of research, and weeks of suffering, I am reminded of the wisdom of Dr. Huaman who wanted me to get a "full endocrinological workup," after the second or third time she saw me. Years of suffering could have been saved if the goddamned Nazi quacks had just followed sound medical advice. But that is enough for now. Another viral download has begun, and while it no longer makes me want to pass out, it still gives me severe muscle spasms and hot flashes and I need to lay down.

Alan Turing

Alan Turing...unsung hero and unsought model for my unfortunate life. Alan Turing was a gay man and brilliant mathematician who was the one single man primarily responsible for cracking the Nazi crypto-codes, and thus ultimately was one of the most responsible, if behind-the-scenes, individuals for the British triumphant perserverance through the darkest days of the war. In gratitude for his most audacious achievement, he was railroaded out of civil service on charges of psychiatric malfeasance and incompetency due to to the "hormonal imbalance" that "caused" his homosexuality. After Churchill, the one single man who was most responsible for the victory of the Battle of Britain, was disgraced and isolated after being deemed an unacceptable security risk because of his homosexuality and psychological eccentricity. I know how it feels Alan...
I am drugged on God only knows what, and am so sick that I am nonfunctional. Miserable and suffering, I try to do the only things I can do--watch tv, but even that is an incredible challenge of focus for me. Mostly I just want to lie down and listen to music. Of course, I don't expect anything else from the Nazis and the PIB's. After all, I am their sworn enemy, and I despise everything they stand for, and the hell that they have made of my life with their violations of my body (brain and body implants, ova theft, castration, and the neverending drugs). I despise their corrupted, evil values and their perverted vision of the future. I know that we are sworn enemies and I can expect nothing from them but torture and violation until they get from me what they want--a psychotic, mind-controlled, 'religiuos seer" that they can use as a false prophet to usher in the most evil age humanity has ever known. I can't change them. I'm reminded of an exchange between Sri Aurobindo and Gandhi (and even though Gandhi was the one more ostensibly influenced by Christianity, I always liked Sri Aurobindo a little bit more--he was more like me, more in love with God and the individual person than with his own ambitious agenda to transform society or the need to cultivate a sense of iconic sanctity). Anyway, Sri Aurobindo learned that Gandhi had said of Adolph Hitler, "we will melt his heart in the furnace of love." Upon hearing that Aurobindo snorted, and replied, "the only thing that will melt Hitler's heart is an atom bomb." I am not proposing violence or violent resistance. I am only saying that there is an implacable and organized evil so great that the only authentic response is resistance with every bit of force and fiber of one's being. I am not a soldier. I don't even own a gun, and it wouldn't do me any good if I did (though I certainly recommend them for the majority of the population). The only resistance I can offer is that of the spirit. I don't fight against the forces of evil for recognition, reward (though a living salary would be nice), or need for psychological revenge or validation. Fighting dragons is a nasty business, and though I didn't choose it, unlucky fate has thrust me on on the front lines, and my only authentic and honorable option is to fight with every force and fiber of my being, while I try to stay alive, whole and sane.
Congratulations to the Nazis--they definitely have made significant inroads against my defenses. I am alive, but my life is not worth living. I am no longer a sovereign person, and my body and brain has been severely compromised by brain and nervous system psychotronic implants and a 70 pound weight gain caused by drugs. Their constant drugging, mind-control techniques, and brain hacking during my dreams has fractured my psyche somewhat, as I tried to explain to Dale earlier today. I am not schizophrenic. This dream is the result of a drug-induced schizophrenia caused by my self's flight from my body. The person offered the rings in the dream a couple of nights ago wasn't me, but it wasn't an evil alter ego either. My real self is in here, in my soul, in my spirit, but even in my dreams I am now presenting a "fake self" to the Nazis--except my real self was in the dream, watching too. I'm not happy about this erosion of my once healthy psyche but it actually is another defense at self-protection of my real self. It is not schizophrenia, but, I will admit, a psuedo-schizophrenia that does bother and disappoint me, even though I know that the drugs are the cause of it.
I do not have a normal mind. I have an "Aryan" mind (possibly the result of a previous incarnation), which is very unemotional and telepathic, in a word, an autistic mind. I suffered terribly as an autistic in a normal world, so I had to learn how to develop a more human, emotional personality to co-exist with an Aryan mind. I am not saying I did it perfectly. I just did it the best I could. Being lonely and isolated from an early age, I became very comfortable and chatty conversing with my own self--option, possiblilites, hypoheses, and sometimes, hooking into an obsessive-compulsive loop. And yes, it is fair to say I am neurotic and weird and different, but I was healthy and productive until the implants were put in me. One of the consequences of the implanst (from what I can tell) is to make the human mind more Aryan, more telepathic, more thinking in terms of images. But that is the exact opposite of what is healthy for my brain. I need, I HAVE to work at being more verbal, more logical, more sociable. So I am now overdosing on an Aryan brain, and losing my ability to function well as a human in the process. That is not schizophrenia--that is fricking too much overload on a brain that had a healthy homeostasis to reality before. Nothing I can do about it, esp on the risperdol. all i can do is think in images. Not able to interact with reality at all.
Well, Nazis will be Nazis, nothing I can complain about that. But it would be nice to get some support, some backing, some help from people who should be my allies, who have benefited greatly from what I have offered, and instead I find myself, as before, all alone on point, having to deal with intractable realities and psychological insecurities of those who can only see me through a filter of adolescent pshycological immaturity as a securtiy risk. i could go on more, maybe i should, but unlike my hidden would be allies who read my words to use as weapons, I cannot help but act with spiritual maturity and honor to protect those who have absolutely no problem throwing me under the bus. So I just gotta say two things. First of all, insofar as I am healthy enough and capable enough, I hope to leave a written record for the future as I engendered it. Second of all, a word of warning. I am too fucked up to do any research or figure antyghing out. Alan Turing is milked dry, castrated, and brainfried on hormonal changes and drugs (oooh, sounds really schizoid, huh? Go fuck yourselves, those with no metahporical mind whatsoever). However, while I am not able to function, I guarantee you the Nazis will be bery busy. And I am too sickl to do anything about it. I am fighting to preserve what is left of my mutilated body, mutilated mind, and hidden self and spirit. Takes all the eneryg i have.

well i was wrong

well i was wrong--forces of evil continue to impact body. cant stop crying from physical pain, and mental depression suffering and anguish. think im on some kind of puschotropic. leaves me drugged. barely able to move. because i cant move i cant exercise and now my bad back and spine is complaining loudly they arent getting exercise. cant even stretch them out. dont know if im ever going to be able to exercicse again. over two weeks. so fucked up. so lifeless. no energy. just pain. on top of that i think ive got a kidney infection and that may be part of pain. im not able to pee, even tho im drinking lots of water. there is no urine. im wondering im going to have chronic kidney problems for rest of my life because those goddamned fucking pigs messed with inner plumbing when they castrated me. i may end up going to hsopital. i know there is nothing i can do for kidney infection pain. then there is the drugs. i cry and cry overhopelessness of situation. i pray for death. release. something sanything. jsut no mars, no tme travellign. no astral planing. i prefer death. how much suffering can one person take before they die. seems all i do is suffer in pain and pssychotlogical chemical torture. brain is rushing again. will take major drugs alcohol to try to sleep. Pain. Pain. Pain. God end my misery. please endmy misery.

Kidney infection?

Kidney infection? Once again, worried about my kidneys--have intuitively worried about my kidneys for years, starting in 1999, when the only MD GP who really seemed interested in my total health, told me that she was worried because I had protein in my urine. But I moved and went through a string of doctors, all of whom seemed to misdiagnose rather than diagnose my problems. Then right before the Great Lithium Fry started, Rebecca, a DOM told me that she thought that I had a chronic low grade kidney infection. I've been worried about my kidneys and their palpable tenderness since then. The naturopaths told me to make sure to take clay to eliminate toxins through intestines rather than my overstressed kidneys (they could tell how overstressed they were by feeling my organs). The problem is that the virus download causes so much abnormal heavy metal toxins that have to pass through the kidneys, and it is too much. Now I'm dreaming that I have a kidney infection, and am wondering if that pain in my thoracic pain (seems kind of high for kidney pain to me, but what do I know?) that wraps around to my frontal ribs is kidney pain. I plan to take some more clay later before I go back to bed, to see if I can relieve the stress on my poor kidneys. I've certainly been stressed out on toxins for over a week now. I can tell by my grotesquely swollen face, and my severe energy drain to the point that I spend most days sleeping, and barely able to walk. After the incident with the cops coming to my door, I realized that I am deliberately being set up to "go off" in a public setting, with police, or at the hospital or wherever, so that these PIB's can manipulate and control me further. I think that my familial genes have been tampered with on BOTH my paternal and maternal sides (more on the maternal side later) to be hyperaggressive, cortisol-induced stressed and paranoic to the point of rage and violence. But I'm not really a raging or violent person, so that while I might emote rage or violent anger, like cursing and pounding the head of a mop into the floor, really I get over it quickly. But I realize now that I have to be careful--I am being set up to act out in such a way that they can move to contravene against my freedom. Anyway the worst might be over. I sure hope so. Warren, who is the face of the Nazi faction in my dreams, appeared in my dreams about a week ago. I think that was a signal that the Nazis were going to make a major push. Fair to say that indeed they have. Dream this afternoon (slept nearly four hours from 11-3) was that Warren was being told to pack his bags and get out of my mom's house. I didn't really live there but he was coordinating his activities from there. He wanted to give me a check to compensate for my suffering. It read $3919.00 for a kidney infection. I turned the check over in my hands and thought $4000 for the hell that I'v been put through? Then in my head I began calculating the lost wages over the last seven years as I have been prevented from working, and I realized that I wasn't going to accept his offer. But I was weak and tired and hungry from the extended illness, and I was craving pizza, so I went to find a pizza place I knew, before I thought about any kind of counterclaim offer. Still weak, sick and tired. Going back to bed for a little bit, but am going to take some clay first, to try to relieve my stressed kidneys (causes the toxins to eliminate through the bowels rather than the kidneys),