sick

I'm so sick with the poison these bastards are forcefeeding me.  I know every breath I take makes it worse but it is so hard to get up the energy to go somewhere to escape it--especially the gym, where it is so depressing to see vital, strong alive people, able to work out, and remember that once, long ago, i was that way, instead of a depressed fat spirtless lump barely able to move.  I know that I will never recover from what these fuckers have done to me in the last 2 months---they have trashed my body on the cellular level, and I will never recover.