FUCKING GODDAMNED PIGS HAVE GOT ME DRUGGED AGAIN

FUCKING GODDAMNED PIGS HAVE GOT ME DRUGGED AGAIN. so fucking furious. so sick of this shit. my malaise this morning wasnt cauysed by incipient flu or cold at all--iit was goddamned drugs stealing all my energy. tried to shake but cant shake. cant exercise. body locks up after 10 mins on treadmill--10 mins of sheer agonizing hell while i try to lift legs everything spasming--even my jaw muscle is spasming. but the worst is the weight gain. i cant continue to keep gainig weight. i have no fucking clothes to wear goddamned it. i am sick of being fat and locked up and miserable and not able to move or get energy to do nayhting. right now arms hurt so bad from tryiung to type this. typinsg shouldnt cause fucking muscle pain. then of course, there was the violent impulses again today --when once again, seeing a knife led to suicidal thoughts-hysterical laughing. yep dear, u r still o goddamed sicotrtopics and that is why u feel like shit and cant do anythig. all i can do is hate these sons of bithches--yeh, i know its all patriarchal men behind my suffering. God help me endure