Woke up this morning truly feeling like

Woke up this morning truly feeling like shit, like death, like hell, well like I am started to be drugged on psychotropics. In addition to waking up after a tossturned light, light dreamless, and most unrefreshing sleep, I am not only in severe muscular pain from the implants but once again my eyes cannot bear any stimuli. This means psychotropics. SO sick of this shit. Sick of suffering sick of pain, but nothing I can do but endure it. I wont read this morning. In a few hours i will be totally nonfunctional, not able to do anything but lay still with a sheet wrapped round head. this means i have to get everything possible donw--check out printer, wash dishes. startt now tita, I dont know how long i will be able to last. i dont know how long vefore i have to take fiornal for headache

Severe neuropathy in both legs and feet

Severe neuropathy in both legs and feet--a lot of pain doing yoga today. I realize how much my body has deteriorated tho I try so hard to stay physically active. The lost week of psychotropic drugs and no exercise also caused a weight gain of 2 pounds. So I don't feel very happy today. I figure at the rate I am going I will be in a wheelchair in two years. So I have to start doing some serious thinking about the upcoming surgery since I'm certain that they are going to do more horrible things and implants to my body which already is totally trashed. Too depressed to deal with it right now--I wonder what the long term effects of constant cerebral edema (which is another gift the fuckers have bestowed on me) is--besides of course, going blind...

205 pounds

205 pounds and too sick to work out. I have too much speed in me, weighing down all my body, deadening muslces and giving headaches. cant even turn head. Time for bed--hope i can sleep with this kind of fluid filled, painful headache.

I'm actually able to lift my head today

I'm actually able to lift my head today though I still am high as a kite and my legs have no sensation. All I want to do is lay down in bed and recuperate from the body and psyche trauma of the last few days. But I don't know when the torture will begin again. I have to stock up on food and water. And even though, I don't feel like it, I have to force my deadened body to work out--otherwise I will degenerate with even greater rapidity than I am now.

Resentful?

Resentful? No, too goddamned sick to be resentful. 3rd day that I have been completely nonfunctional. Too sick to read, too sick to surf, toosick to watch tv. Any efforts at any of the above give me a severe migraine headache. Brain cannot stand any stimuli. all i can do is sleep and dream--tghe dream of a feverish person. My back is startin to lock up buth there is no way i can do yoga. there is no way that i can drive. My only goal for today is to take a shower--last one i took was on firday, sat i skepped and sunday i woke up, too sick too move. but it takes such immense effort to move a hand or leg, i dont know i fican get up the effort to stand in shower for 15 minutes. not depressed tho. i know why i am suffering this. and i choose it. I dont cooperate with depraved, fraudulent evil that unfortunately now sits at the highest levels in this land. id rather die first, and all the goddamned drugs u give me cant change my moral center. not that i expect that to matter--the people who are druggin me woulnt recogniz morality if it steamrolled them.

Resentful--

Resentful--hell yeh I am resentful. Second day havent been able to get up due to psychotropic drugs. Cant even drink coffee--the sure sign to me that I am too sick to go towwork when I can drink coffee. aTried yesterdaya--drank half cup Not even able to try today. Unable to watch sb yesterday. Going to go back to bed since i am too sick to do anything. Yeh i am resentful. I am resentful too of the two mind reading students who I have probably to thank for this mess. Such stupid asses alienated rfrom reality that they cant recognize what goes on in my head--a rehash of memory to try to look for clues, and a mental impression of obaama that was directly tied to the cnn broadcast i was watching while working out. But the dear little wannabe mind reader had absolutely no idea (I know I paid more attention to her than she did me) of what I was watching on tv. That is the difference between a neurotic, alienated mindreader and a healthy functioning one. I was totally attuned to outward reality while part of my attention engaged the imaginative meanderings in my head for clues (and the image that shocked the poor naive little mind reader was a subliminal image that the evil puppetmaasters purposely placed at the beginning of the third debate to subliminally coerce voters. Of course I wsnt coerced; just outraged at the contempt withc which obama and his puppet masters hold the American voter and population. Well congratulations asshole doctors. Today, like yesterday you have succeeded in alienating and separating me from reality. All I have now is my unconscious meandings.

Very sick

Very sick--have no feeling in legs or left hand. Body is feeling disembodied. Struggling to get up and move. supposed to go to friends house to wath sb. So gd sick i cant move