Incredible sickness and suffering

Incredible sickness and suffering with these drugs that have left me practically paralyzed and in a severe autistic state.  I cannot walk.  I cannot drive without freaking out. I cannot read.  I cannot listen to music.  People talk to me, and I feel like I am mentally retarded because I don't understand what it is they are saying to me.  I am not in reality.  All I can do is watch TV, lay in bed and cry--oh and one more thing, praise God for getting me out of the Roman Catholic Church.  Unfortunately, it didn't happen before the bastards did irrepable damage to me--and still is doing it--but at least I know that if I die (and my desire to live is so low now that I don't know how much longer I will be here on this earth), an Episcopalian priest will perform my burial.  That is so important to me--that a cleric who is MAN enough to accept a woman as a full and equal partner in the mystery and vocation of faith is the one who I want to administer sacraments to me--not these sick misogynists with their specious arguments on how women aren't fully in the image of the divine.  Bullshit.  I only bring this up because I see the SLI (Dave Denny or one of his RC fundamentalist or Opus Dei cohorts) are still stalking me online.  Fortunately they are easy to ignore, for I am much too sick and out of touch with reality to have a conversation with anyone. 

I don't know how much longer I can hold out.  My days are hell.  My nights are hell.  I don't know if I will ever have a free future again for the SLI and Opus Dei have gotten the NSA involved (no wonder--they are exactly alike--both entities treat people like slaves and things to be controlled, used, and manipulated  instead of as free human beings).  I have already gone through ten years of this torture, and I will not go through another ten.  I feel like a kid trying to cover myself up while I just keep getting kicked and kicked and kicked.  At least when I was a kid, I could heal, but my body and brain have already been so damaged by these bastards that I know my healing capacity is severely compromised.  I am so tired of suffering.  I am so tired of being alone and celibate.  I am so sick of not being in reality, of not feeling joy and happiness, of not being able to read or play music because I'm so drugged up that I am a nothing but a vegetable.  God help me.