Woke up this morning in severe pain from my nerves in my left thigh--a sure sign that I am being force-fed speed. Actually, I didn't need the pain. I only slept three hours last night before completely waking up unrefreshed--another sure sign of speed, and a mind control tactic used by cults and security organizations--sleep deprivation. Instead of feeling suicidally depressed this morning, it took everything I had not to hurl the teakettle against the wall. I am full of rage at my pain and suffering. It doesn't help that I perused a web site on brain injury this morning and recognize that I am suffering both permant and current symptoms--memory loss, loss of word choice function, fatigue, disorganization, sensory overload (definitely related to my autism and definitely severely exacerbated by these psychotropic drugs), depression and anger. I do not to what extent I will ever be able to heal from this damage, but God told me at the time of the original lithium injury that permanent damage had been done, so I am not optimistic.
Right now though I am just trying to survive--to escape the hell of this speed and psychosis inducing drug, but it is so hard when I can barely walk. My muscles feel like they are atrophying, and through it all Dave Denny keeps IMing it. Get this Dave, FATHER (if that is what it takes to get you to listen, powertripping patriarchal abuser). GET OUT OF MY LIFE. NOW. FOREVER. GO FIND A GIRL TO GIVE SPIRITUAL DIRECTION TO AND PROJECT YOUR STUPIDITY AND ARROGANCE ONTO. I AM NOT AVAILABLE. I WILL LEAVE GOD TO JUDGE YOU, BUT YOU HAD BETTER HOPE THAT GOD DOESN'T ASK FOR MY INPUT.
Hint Hint: The power of the poor (the powerless)pierces the cloud", and right now, as for the last ten years, I know God has heard my prayer of agony and anguish--angony and anguish, pain and suffering initiated and orchestrated by you. Good luck with your life and eternal judgment. Just leave me alone.
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