Missing poetry, prayer, and exercise

Missing poetry, prayer, and exercise as these damned psychotropic drugs continue to atrophy my mind, spirit, and body.  I shuffle along like an 80 year old woman, longing to be able to just walk like a normal person again.  I want to have energy again.  I want to be able to lift my arms and move in celebration of being alive.  Instead I can barely walk a few yards to where I lay down, and then of course I can always shuffle around the house while I mostly lay in bed or watch TV.  And every time I look at my legs, I see more and more dimpled fat where there was once nothing but toned, healthy muscle.  My whole body is turning into a fat blob, and I know it is from the hormonal changes caused by these NSA sobs and their invasive violation of my body.  Yeah, you pigs, I know now what you did to me when I was under anethesia.   I don't want to think about it, because I become filled with rage and hopeless despair, so move on.  The priest today read a poem, and I envied him.  I remember when I used to be able to get up and read poetry or Scripture, but now my mind is so messed up on drugs I can't even follow Internet journalism--which is written on about a sixth grade level.  It is the most depressing thing to not be able to read and pray, and get significance from life.  I have never been so prevented from cooperating with grace.  All I can do is ask God to help me.  I hope tomorrow is a grace filled day.  Today sure wasn't, and now once again, I get to try to go to bed with painful rigid muscles that spasm, a never ending headache from all the fluid in my head, and the surefire knowledge that try as I might, I cannot connect with the holy spirit that is within me, but completely alienated from my drugged presence.  Jesus this is the most miserable and hateful of lives.  I have been handed over to the powers of evil, and I am helpless to resist.   Please stop it. Please stop it any way that you can.