Musings after a hell night...

August 29,’10—Abducted every night for the last few days. Prepping for me tonight—st john the bap I guess. Worse of all focked up on goddamned psychotropics again. Focking peesed as hell. Cant even curse on this stupid netnannied computer. Know im on psychotropics so focking angry want to slam doors and computers but all I can do is lay and cry. So not fair. Dealing with real emotions caused by real pain caused by real focking abuse and to top it all off goddamned pigs put me on drugs that leave me so focked up can barely function at all. Focking not in reality, spkking everything I drink, breaking glasses, nto in reality. Well take me to ur goddamned matrix. I don’t care. Ive lost the war but just know you goddamned focking pigs Im fantasizng about shredding my arms again. You can steal my free will and force feed me your goddamned drugs, implants, and plug me into a matrix, but you will destroy your prize slave in the process. Way too much fluid in my head,cant hold it up—vision seriously impaired. Optic nerve has way too much pressure. Nothing I can do. Focking drugs hurt my stomach so cant do what I want—slam down a fifth of vodka. Just have tylenol pm. Too goddamned sick to stay up to fight abduction. I don’t care anymore. I am not going to fight. Ive lost the baattle. Only hope is for resurrection.

August 29, 2010
Barely survived the night. Later, after writing this, I had looked in the mirror. Couldn’t believe how swollen my face was—no wonder why I was going out of mind . no human can survive that kind of pressure on brain and facial nerves. Tried to stay awake all nite even if I watched vacuum cleaner infomercials. Didn’t’succeed. Still think I was abducted, if not completely at least in my dream state. Now I’m awake but barely functional. My eyes are so messed up from excessive fluid pressure on the optic nerve, and my stomach is already hurting, so I know that not only is today going to be a bad, painful, non-functioning kind of day, but that the drugs and abduction scenario is going to repeat tonight.

Struggling to write this, but its hard to thinkk. Dreamed last night that I had “dragon spinal horns” on my belly, in a double row, just like the spinal ridges of a dragon. On Star Trek Voyager, there is a little girl who is a human-alien hybrid. From her alien father, she sports a cutaneous, tiny “horn” in the middle of her forehead. That is what the cutaneous growths on my stomach looked like, only much bigger, about 1” wide x 2” tall, in a horizontal double row across my stomach. Well, these growths infuriated the Aryans who abducted me last night, and they beat my stomach mercilessly with their fists, until it was yellow and bruised. (In my dream, it was my brother Jeff who beat me, but I’m not sure if that was symbolically meaningful—more on that later, or just pure deception on the part of my abductors (who hid behind the mask of Colleen to castrate me).

Two things I am trying to figure out. First of all, am I being abducted by two separate groups of Aryans with two separate agendas, one more humane and interested in helping humanity, and the other, filthy rotten, exploiting Nazis? In that case, I was abducted by the Nazis last night. For I have figured out that the dream from a few days ago, in which the woman shot at me with an arrow, was actually a dream (alternate reality) in which an Aryan injected me, after asking me to trust her. Although I am a little surprised I did that, I have to say that I trust my intuitive judgment. Rarely am I wrong about people, though sometimes I am a little generous in my assessments. But I know when someone is evil, and means me harm, and I would never have cooperated with her, even in my dream, if I thought she were that way. Having spent the last couple of days on that dream, I’ve been rethinking my opposition to alien guidance into the matrix reality. Why? Well, the facts are starting to swing my understanding of my vocation and future.

Fact: I have an Aryan, or autistic, brain. I was born that way, not poisoned through environmental manipulation of heavy chemicals, which is what is deliberately happening now. I remember a genuine, kind and respectful psychic (Cynthia H) telling me, “your brain is alien.” Whether I say God willed it, or I chose it, and I believe both are true, I would not have been born with an Aryan brain unless I came from a powerful and predominating Aryan lineage. While I think the Aryan genes come from my father’s heritage of Clan MacGregor, they are fully human, very Celtic, very gregarious, domineering, and resentful of higher authority. There is nothing particularly “autistic” or “Aryan” about their lineage, as it currently incarnates, at all. So how did I end up with such a powerful Aryan brain?

Fact: I “failed” or “passed” (depending on how you interpret it), the test given to me by Aryans when I briefly worked for the Census Bureau. It was a Tibetan kind of test to determine if I were a reincarnation of some past Aryan master. I think the Aryans are satisfied that I am, and though the concept of reincarnation contravenes my understanding of, and allegiance, to Christian orthodoxy, the evidence and my own deep intuition, fostered and sustained for years now, leads me to conclude that belief in the denial of reincarnation is wrong. I don’t know if I understand it all yet, and my brain is too sick to even go figure it out, though I know where I woul d go if I were healthy, but the bottom line is, I agree with the Aryans. I was an Aryan spiritual master at some point in the past. This is not necessarily a positive or pleasing heritage, for the Aryans have been, and are responsible for a lot of destruction and pain in the world. They unleashed the ancient, planet-destroying destruction of pre-recorded history, while their 20th century alliance with the occultists and Nazis, culminated in racial genocide and a near global destruction of western civilization. Like I said, I don’t believe that all Aryans are Nazis, but unfortunately, at least a significant minority is, and those aliens and their human allies can bring down the planet again. Anyway, I digress. The bottom line is that, at least, in one previous incarnation (for whatever that means), I was an Aryan.

Fact: Accepting the reality of reincarnations, I have reincarnated repeatedly as a deeply spiritual person. I have to depend on the insight and reading of Cynthia H for that, but I have the highest regard for her skills as a psychic and the purity of her motivation, so I do trust her. So the upshot is, that I have been a deeply spiritual person in many, many times and realities. Deeply spiritual people always want to make life and reality better, and true, (not evil) spiritual people understand and live by the credo that progress in life and the good always entails sacrifice of self (not another) and suffering (again chosen by the individual, and not imposed on another).

So, if I were a previous Aryan master, as a deeply spiritual person, I would want to make amends, or atone for the sins of a previous incarnation (both personal—I bet I made a really catastrophic mistake or choice, at some point—and collective). I would want to fight for the future of my people, and rather than take someone else’s eggs, I would have offered them up willingly, agreeing to the pain, loss, and violation that I knew I would experience in my current human body and psyche. Furthermore, it seems to me, that I am trying to reconcile different alien bloodlines in my own bodily person, which is why I carry both Jewish, Hispanic, and Mayan Indian (“mud people”) genes on one side, and very “pure” Aryan genes on the other.


That is why I think I got beat up last night in my dream. Those double rows of horns must stand for yet another alien genetic manipulation of my DNA, something I haven’t taken into account before. I think that the Aryans hate it, which was why they pounded my belly to a pulp last night, so I have to wonder if it comes from the Jewish genes (I’m always trying to figure out why the Aryans hate the Jews with such relentless, unforgiving vitriol, and I actually am making progress but to sick to go into it today). I have been thinking a lot about the Bal Star (James Churchwood) recently. It is actually the planet Nibiru or planet X which enters Earth’s orbit every 3600 years. According to Zechariah Sitchin, there are reptiles on that planet, but Sitchin himself has been convincingly discredited by a former Aryan slave (can’t remember her name now—Icke interviewed her). If Sitchin’s allegiance is to the reptiles (and I think it is) then he is passing along disinformation beneficial to their agenda. The reptiles must hate the aliens with the “horns.” I’ll call them “dragons.” If planet X is actually the home of their hated reptilian adversaries and competitors, wouldn’t the reptiles love to see the humans do their dirty work for them, and blast the dragons.

My generation will see war in the heavens, with alien spaceships fighting each other, and possibly our own jet fighters (though I am not sure direct confrontation with a superior power is such a smart strategy, unless we are certain there is no other option---but that is for another time). I do not know if the Luciferian forces and the Satanic reptiles are going to ditch their unholy, strategic alliance and fight for sole possession for Earth, or if “dragons” from planet X are even now, chomping at the bit, hoping to tear into their ancient Reptile enemies, as soon as they are in orbit.


This is all conjecture and hypothesis. But what is happening to my psyche and body is real. I can never get a grip or catch a breath. I just want to cry out all my loss, both of my own lost happiness andpersonal bodily health and freedom, as well as the pain of never knowing my children, and wondering and worrying about their future. I can never fully understand or think through a problem. It is a good thing that after years of living a spiritual life, I have good intuitive discernment and reflexes, for that is all that I have time to do.

I have (as of today, at 1:54 pm mountain time) decided to surrender into the matrix because of the facts that I mentioned above, and because I do not see how further resistance can help the cause I care about, whether looking at if from my own existential perspective as a human being, or an imagined perspective which includes past incarnations and realities of other dimensions. But I can’t surrender when I am so sick I can barely move. Nor will I surrender to people who beat me up. I don’t care how legitimate their motives (assuming that they are legit, and not just hateful Nazis). I am tired. Time to stop. Have to drive to post this, come home go back to bed. It will not be a good day.