forced psychotropic drugs again

10/13--

Severely depressed--but now I recognize without a doubt, I am being drugged.  I had to come home yesterday and sleep, and today, I am going out of my mind with this shit running through my veins and brain.  I suspect now that it has been going on for several days., because I have found it difficult to concentrate, exercise or even clean house.  I had started to write, but for the last several days, I haven't been able to focus well enough to write, or do anything else for that matter.  This morning, I was so my brain was so distracted I couldn't even read.  This has been going on for several days now---I remember because I felt so unusually bad on  Tuesday morning that I took 2 Relacore and 2 estrogen tablets on Tuesday afternoon right before yoga, and immediately I felt my energy come back, and my ability to focus returned.  So my guess is that they started this shit over the weekend or on Monday.  It also coincided with serious ongoing nausea, hunger, and weight gain (and these bastards are always going on and on, about me losing weight, but they and their stupid psychotropic drugs are responsible for the last 30 pounds I have gained--30 pounds that I have to sweat blood to lose)   But Relacore has very bad side effects for me--it has severe masculinizing side effects.  But if that is the only way I can feel like a human  being, then I will take it. Obviously my life and body is not my own, so what the fuck does it matter.  I am close to seeking sex reassignment anyway--it should be really really easy for me.  I won't even no damn doctor's approval.  OTC testorone and illegal steroids abound.  GET THIS ASSHOLES!!! Can you read?  My problem is HORMONAL, not psychological.  Hormones are what I need---not your stupid shit.  You have caused permanent damage to me me with your stupid shit.  I am in constant physical pain, thanks to your shit.  And even now, I am so severely depressed I can't function.  I have to go out of town tomorrow, and I don't even have the ability to get up and pack or clean my house.  I can't even read a chapter in a novel.  All I can do is rage and cry, and desperately wish for another lifetime where I am free of you and your poison.  But I know that I am drugged up.  I can't make decisions when I'm like this.  I desperately need to detox before I go home.  Time to take 2 Relacore to see if it will give me a chance to recover so that at least I can function.