Sunday, August 29, 2010

Musings after a hell night...

August 29,’10—Abducted every night for the last few days. Prepping for me tonight—st john the bap I guess. Worse of all focked up on goddamned psychotropics again. Focking peesed as hell. Cant even curse on this stupid netnannied computer. Know im on psychotropics so focking angry want to slam doors and computers but all I can do is lay and cry. So not fair. Dealing with real emotions caused by real pain caused by real focking abuse and to top it all off goddamned pigs put me on drugs that leave me so focked up can barely function at all. Focking not in reality, spkking everything I drink, breaking glasses, nto in reality. Well take me to ur goddamned matrix. I don’t care. Ive lost the war but just know you goddamned focking pigs Im fantasizng about shredding my arms again. You can steal my free will and force feed me your goddamned drugs, implants, and plug me into a matrix, but you will destroy your prize slave in the process. Way too much fluid in my head,cant hold it up—vision seriously impaired. Optic nerve has way too much pressure. Nothing I can do. Focking drugs hurt my stomach so cant do what I want—slam down a fifth of vodka. Just have tylenol pm. Too goddamned sick to stay up to fight abduction. I don’t care anymore. I am not going to fight. Ive lost the baattle. Only hope is for resurrection.

August 29, 2010
Barely survived the night. Later, after writing this, I had looked in the mirror. Couldn’t believe how swollen my face was—no wonder why I was going out of mind . no human can survive that kind of pressure on brain and facial nerves. Tried to stay awake all nite even if I watched vacuum cleaner infomercials. Didn’t’succeed. Still think I was abducted, if not completely at least in my dream state. Now I’m awake but barely functional. My eyes are so messed up from excessive fluid pressure on the optic nerve, and my stomach is already hurting, so I know that not only is today going to be a bad, painful, non-functioning kind of day, but that the drugs and abduction scenario is going to repeat tonight.

Struggling to write this, but its hard to thinkk. Dreamed last night that I had “dragon spinal horns” on my belly, in a double row, just like the spinal ridges of a dragon. On Star Trek Voyager, there is a little girl who is a human-alien hybrid. From her alien father, she sports a cutaneous, tiny “horn” in the middle of her forehead. That is what the cutaneous growths on my stomach looked like, only much bigger, about 1” wide x 2” tall, in a horizontal double row across my stomach. Well, these growths infuriated the Aryans who abducted me last night, and they beat my stomach mercilessly with their fists, until it was yellow and bruised. (In my dream, it was my brother Jeff who beat me, but I’m not sure if that was symbolically meaningful—more on that later, or just pure deception on the part of my abductors (who hid behind the mask of Colleen to castrate me).

Two things I am trying to figure out. First of all, am I being abducted by two separate groups of Aryans with two separate agendas, one more humane and interested in helping humanity, and the other, filthy rotten, exploiting Nazis? In that case, I was abducted by the Nazis last night. For I have figured out that the dream from a few days ago, in which the woman shot at me with an arrow, was actually a dream (alternate reality) in which an Aryan injected me, after asking me to trust her. Although I am a little surprised I did that, I have to say that I trust my intuitive judgment. Rarely am I wrong about people, though sometimes I am a little generous in my assessments. But I know when someone is evil, and means me harm, and I would never have cooperated with her, even in my dream, if I thought she were that way. Having spent the last couple of days on that dream, I’ve been rethinking my opposition to alien guidance into the matrix reality. Why? Well, the facts are starting to swing my understanding of my vocation and future.

Fact: I have an Aryan, or autistic, brain. I was born that way, not poisoned through environmental manipulation of heavy chemicals, which is what is deliberately happening now. I remember a genuine, kind and respectful psychic (Cynthia H) telling me, “your brain is alien.” Whether I say God willed it, or I chose it, and I believe both are true, I would not have been born with an Aryan brain unless I came from a powerful and predominating Aryan lineage. While I think the Aryan genes come from my father’s heritage of Clan MacGregor, they are fully human, very Celtic, very gregarious, domineering, and resentful of higher authority. There is nothing particularly “autistic” or “Aryan” about their lineage, as it currently incarnates, at all. So how did I end up with such a powerful Aryan brain?

Fact: I “failed” or “passed” (depending on how you interpret it), the test given to me by Aryans when I briefly worked for the Census Bureau. It was a Tibetan kind of test to determine if I were a reincarnation of some past Aryan master. I think the Aryans are satisfied that I am, and though the concept of reincarnation contravenes my understanding of, and allegiance, to Christian orthodoxy, the evidence and my own deep intuition, fostered and sustained for years now, leads me to conclude that belief in the denial of reincarnation is wrong. I don’t know if I understand it all yet, and my brain is too sick to even go figure it out, though I know where I woul d go if I were healthy, but the bottom line is, I agree with the Aryans. I was an Aryan spiritual master at some point in the past. This is not necessarily a positive or pleasing heritage, for the Aryans have been, and are responsible for a lot of destruction and pain in the world. They unleashed the ancient, planet-destroying destruction of pre-recorded history, while their 20th century alliance with the occultists and Nazis, culminated in racial genocide and a near global destruction of western civilization. Like I said, I don’t believe that all Aryans are Nazis, but unfortunately, at least a significant minority is, and those aliens and their human allies can bring down the planet again. Anyway, I digress. The bottom line is that, at least, in one previous incarnation (for whatever that means), I was an Aryan.

Fact: Accepting the reality of reincarnations, I have reincarnated repeatedly as a deeply spiritual person. I have to depend on the insight and reading of Cynthia H for that, but I have the highest regard for her skills as a psychic and the purity of her motivation, so I do trust her. So the upshot is, that I have been a deeply spiritual person in many, many times and realities. Deeply spiritual people always want to make life and reality better, and true, (not evil) spiritual people understand and live by the credo that progress in life and the good always entails sacrifice of self (not another) and suffering (again chosen by the individual, and not imposed on another).

So, if I were a previous Aryan master, as a deeply spiritual person, I would want to make amends, or atone for the sins of a previous incarnation (both personal—I bet I made a really catastrophic mistake or choice, at some point—and collective). I would want to fight for the future of my people, and rather than take someone else’s eggs, I would have offered them up willingly, agreeing to the pain, loss, and violation that I knew I would experience in my current human body and psyche. Furthermore, it seems to me, that I am trying to reconcile different alien bloodlines in my own bodily person, which is why I carry both Jewish, Hispanic, and Mayan Indian (“mud people”) genes on one side, and very “pure” Aryan genes on the other.


That is why I think I got beat up last night in my dream. Those double rows of horns must stand for yet another alien genetic manipulation of my DNA, something I haven’t taken into account before. I think that the Aryans hate it, which was why they pounded my belly to a pulp last night, so I have to wonder if it comes from the Jewish genes (I’m always trying to figure out why the Aryans hate the Jews with such relentless, unforgiving vitriol, and I actually am making progress but to sick to go into it today). I have been thinking a lot about the Bal Star (James Churchwood) recently. It is actually the planet Nibiru or planet X which enters Earth’s orbit every 3600 years. According to Zechariah Sitchin, there are reptiles on that planet, but Sitchin himself has been convincingly discredited by a former Aryan slave (can’t remember her name now—Icke interviewed her). If Sitchin’s allegiance is to the reptiles (and I think it is) then he is passing along disinformation beneficial to their agenda. The reptiles must hate the aliens with the “horns.” I’ll call them “dragons.” If planet X is actually the home of their hated reptilian adversaries and competitors, wouldn’t the reptiles love to see the humans do their dirty work for them, and blast the dragons.

My generation will see war in the heavens, with alien spaceships fighting each other, and possibly our own jet fighters (though I am not sure direct confrontation with a superior power is such a smart strategy, unless we are certain there is no other option---but that is for another time). I do not know if the Luciferian forces and the Satanic reptiles are going to ditch their unholy, strategic alliance and fight for sole possession for Earth, or if “dragons” from planet X are even now, chomping at the bit, hoping to tear into their ancient Reptile enemies, as soon as they are in orbit.


This is all conjecture and hypothesis. But what is happening to my psyche and body is real. I can never get a grip or catch a breath. I just want to cry out all my loss, both of my own lost happiness andpersonal bodily health and freedom, as well as the pain of never knowing my children, and wondering and worrying about their future. I can never fully understand or think through a problem. It is a good thing that after years of living a spiritual life, I have good intuitive discernment and reflexes, for that is all that I have time to do.

I have (as of today, at 1:54 pm mountain time) decided to surrender into the matrix because of the facts that I mentioned above, and because I do not see how further resistance can help the cause I care about, whether looking at if from my own existential perspective as a human being, or an imagined perspective which includes past incarnations and realities of other dimensions. But I can’t surrender when I am so sick I can barely move. Nor will I surrender to people who beat me up. I don’t care how legitimate their motives (assuming that they are legit, and not just hateful Nazis). I am tired. Time to stop. Have to drive to post this, come home go back to bed. It will not be a good day.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Mind control restored—somewhat…

Mind control restored—somewhat…

August 24, 2010

Well the Aryans did get their payback on me last night just as I knew they would. I was abducted, sexually violated, and rammed with viral implants up my nose into my brain. Abducted. Again. God knows for which hundredth of an umpteen time. And, (I think), the Aryans wonder why I resist and resent their attempts to assimilate me as a channel and false prophet? God, they think they are so superior, and yet they just don’t get it. Like a laboratory scientist, experimenting on animals, they seem to have no idea or conception of the harm and violation they have done, and continue to do to me, and innumerable others. They do not understand the concept of free will AT ALL. It never occurs to them that I would be the ultimate arbiter of my own destiny and lifestyle. Instead, they believe that I would respond to and reward their abuse with obedience and cooperation!!!

Sexual violation. I do not know if there was any good reason for me to be sexually violated during the abduction. I figured out a long time ago (after reading various accounts of abductors doing unnecessary anal probes on males), that these alien Nazi abductors sexually violate humans just for the hell of it. The humiliation and powerlessness of sexual assault is just another use of deep trauma to mind control a victim. I woke up cramping so badly in my lower abdomen that it hurt to pee. I don’t know if the PIB’s are still trying to scrounge some eggs or trying to suck out any remnants of castrated tissue, or if they are just trying to violate and depress me as part of their mind control regimen. For mind control is a very important part of their agenda for me. I have been doing some Internet reading (http://www.bibliotecapleyades.net/sociopolitica/mindcontrol2/part08.htm#CEREBRAL_SPINAL_FLUID_kept_SECRET_) written by Fritz Springmeier who was unjustly imprisoned when he began revealing hidden Illuminati practices. One of the secrets he revealed was that Illuminati mind control is being practiced through physical manipulation of the cranium and the third eye point. Of course, after all the implants and screaming in pain, not to mention the very evident structural changes (literally my skull is bulging out in places and ways it never did before while my entire jawline and face shape has changed), it is clear that I am a victim. More interesting to me, however, was the explanation of how mind control implants and blocks are done through the third eye point. Bingo. That was first done to me years and years ago. I know, because spiritual people and healers have recognized it, as the seat of my “evil spirit.” I have known for years that what was happening in my “third eye” area was negative and destructive, and actually responsible for hindering my capacity for contemplative prayer and “talking to God.” It is where the “evil spirit” within me resides. I don’t know its name yet, but I am working on it. It will not be easily exorcised, or it would already be gone. Unfortunately, the evil spirit/mind control block in the third eye gets reinforced every time I am abducted. I think that is the reason a probe is put up my nose—and it definitely was put up my nose last night.
But I am getting closer. I am pretty certain it is a Borg/Luciferian evil spirit and not a reptilian one.
What does this mental block do? First of all, it is deeply depressing, severing me from the joy of life in reality. I have spent all day in a deep depressive and apathetic state. It literally makes the eyes want to close, rather than take in any stimuli. I think they also put in mind control suggestions. In my case they hate my lesbian sexuality. I think they would hate my sexuality even if I were straight, but lesbian sexuality to them is intolerable. They have no idea of how deep my need is to bond with another woman intimately and sexually, especially on a day like today, when I yearn for a partner and a lover to help me heal and hold me. Instead I got a pounding headache, a drugged mind, and mind control suggestions rooted through the block in my third eye.. But their grip is getting weaker, and I am getting closer to breaking the hold you sob’s—ask that Filipino/Indonesian psych. Of course, they can continue to drug me more and more heavily, as they have done tonight, with yet another round of psychotropics. But inwardly, I feel stronger and stronger.

I think I probably vented too much in my last post (as well as demonstrated my desperate need to get laid), but that post was who I am. I regret if I hurt anyone, and I admit that I was writing really quickly instead of exercising my usual slow deliberateness, which always leads to sloppy presentation and lends itself to misinterpretation. Still, I felt strongly that it was the right thing for ME to do, to be true to who I am, and what I dimly discern to be God’s will for me. I feel a little bit bad, wondering if I blew some lengthy negotiations, in which I was some high value bargaining chip. I could take umbrage at being reduced to a bartered asset, but I really don’t, because I understand how high the stakes are. I can see that the chemtrails have started up again, after days of clear skies, and I worry about the continuing climactic upheaval all over the world, especially in Pakistan (20 million people suffering desperately, and no real leadership to exercise governance to ease their pain). That is not Mother Nature—those are the “same old” weapons of war from the time of Atlantis, and I don’t think any country on Earth is responsible, though factions may be allied with the alien warmongers. This worries me, because even before the election, I feared that the next really hot war would originate in Pakistan, and the flooding there is destabilizing an already weak and corrupt government.
So, would it have killed me to go along with what I presume was some kind of apprenticeship under Aryan tutelage or on a “mothership.” It wouldn’t have killed me, but it is not who I am or what I came to do. I am not a royal princess, groomed to leave my home and identity for the sake of a political alliance, however necessary or laudable.
I like the Aryans, and I know that I have an Aryan mind, but I am not completely comfortable with the Aryans. However, my real complaint is with the Reptilians. Insofar as I have a personal problem feeling comfortable with the Aryans, it is because of their domination by the Reptiles. In the brief research I have done, I have discerned that the Aryans have a noble, “pagan” philosophy of stoic morality and sacrifice, unfortunately obscured by a lot of “New Age” kind of concepts—hard to really say because every channel is different. Yes, I believe that Lady Nada was a priest at Atlantis during a previous incarnation. I’ll be honest. I strongly suspect that I may have been one too, but it is not helpful to reveal, or dwell on those type of details or concepts, because there is no context of understanding among the audience. 95% of the population thinks Atlantis is an amusement park or a legendary myth.

However, from what I have experienced (and I admit, being repeatedly abducted and violated is a very negative experience) I don’t believe that the bulk of Aryans worship the “true God,” as I feel called to do. I know this is a loaded claim, but I see so much of their lifestyle, ethos, and behaviors as revolving around and responding to an idolatry, rather than their Creator. Their fears actually give more credence, glory and support to the values of the reptiles, than celebrating their Creator. Because the reptiles exploit and steal their physical and emotional energy and biological hormones, their evolution has led them to strip down their psyche and behaviors to only the most rational and logical of pursuits—no doubt to try to cheat their tormentors. Because the reptiles abuse and violate them in the sanctity of their sexuality, they have all but closed off to sexual desire and sexual expression.

In a way, I am Aryan in my responses as well. If I feel abused by some one or some process, I look to shut off my need for whatever gives them power over me. There is a story from county jail that illustrates my point. At mealtime, we were served globs of XXXX with the pod’s salt packets carried in a single paper bag. There was sufficient, but not plentiful, salt to go around, if it were distributed equally in moderation. But because the CO’s were too lazy to monitor the salt distribution, the dope addicts and greedmongers, always craving salt and sugar, would whine and fight for it, rushing the bag so that a couple of dozen ended up with fistfuls of salt. The rest of us were reduced to bargaining or begging for a measly packet from their fists. After a couple of weeks of going through this ridiculous charade, and seeing that all my appeals to CO’s and fellow inmates fell on deaf ears, I just decided to give up salt. Completely. I said to myself, “I am not an animal and I am not going to fight or beg or scrabble for a goddamned salt packet. The food tastes abominable anyway.” And not only did I give up nearly all salt in jail (except for when a responsible CO would set up an inmate to distribute the packets equally—come on now, how hard is that?), but I actually developed a very real disdain and distaste for it. I had to work at, and learn how to enjoy the taste of salt again, once I was free.


So, I understand why the Aryans evolved as they evolved (I suffer from the same self-defensive mechanism), but I believe it to be self-defeating in the end. Thus, I believe their desire and agenda to make me more “Aryan” through mind control and biochemical and cranial manipulation is a lose-lose situation. Of course, I would like to see them more “human”, but I doubt that is realistic or achievable, for their minds and psyches are set in the patterns in which they were formed and raised, and I do not believe in mind control or compulsory force to change beliefs or behavior one is a danger to themselves or others.


I see two positive possibilities. One is dialogue, but true dialogue takes place between equals, if not in station, at least in regard, and respecting the other’s body and free will is paramount. I don’t think this is going to happen. There may be elements of the Aryans open to dialogue, but from what I have experienced in my dozens of abductions, the Nazis prevail.

The other possibility I can foresee is outreach (through writing) to the hybrid Aryans-humans, including my own DNA children. For like them, I am a hybrid, and I am sure that most of them feel as big a misfit in this world as I do, but yet this world is my home, and my guess, is that this world is their home, too.

What I cannot do is forsake my spiritual birthright and vocation from God to comply with someone’s vision or understanding of me. I do not believe that spirituality is created and formed by cranial manipulation or implants. Mind control is created and formed by cranial manipulation and implants. True spirituality comes from the grace of God, a pure and gratuitous gift. While the Nazis might try to scrape some stray egg from my ovaries in hopes of producing a more “amenable”avatar, religious genius is not the result of genes. It is not the result of cranial manipulation, DNA changes, or third eye mind control. It comes when an individual, opens herself to the love and grace of God, in and through relationship, forsaking the distractions and temptations of a deceptive idolatry. Christianity, along with every other religion and belief system in existence has to fight against idolatry. For us humans in America, that idolatry is primarily materialistic. We literally worship the “golden calf,” to which the statue of the bull at the heart of our financial center testifies. Many among us genuinely and mistakenly believe that doing God’s will “earns” or “entails” personal prosperity, and thus are reluctant or resistant to ensuring a system in which everyone gets a packet of salt, preferring to fight for fistfuls. We think, however subconsciously, that our financial abundance is “God’s gift” to us for our hard work and moral virtue, and therefore we cling to it, developing an unhealthy craving for it, like dope addicts unable to appreciate or taste their food without pouring on prodigious and sickening amounts of salt. This is an idolatrous heresy, but it is so prevalent here in the “developed” world, and among the leaders of the developing world, even among those who overtly proclaim a “socialist” agenda of wealth redistribution. I spent the first couple of decades of my adult life resisting and rejecting that heresy and while my discipline and dedication has left me materially poor and powerless, it has also created great spiritual freedom. Unfortunately my own spiritual success has now led to subjugation from another level of temptation and idolatry—one which I have barely encountered except in my sleep and dream state--from the Aryans.

By the way, let me emphatically state that every mortal being, culture and civilization is subject to temptation and idolatry. No one, no aggregate entity of any type exists in a state of perfection, but we all need to be humble and work at peeling away fears and idolatries, and to the extent that an individual or society can do that, they are healthy. The great genius, promise, and hope of America (and Christianity) is our own prophetic self-critiquing, questioning and willingness to “repent,” adapt and change. Unfortunately (especially since the great Illuminati coup of Kennedy’s assassination and the great, successful coverup), the force of change has been hijacked by totalitarian and ideological social engineering and manipulation (witness Obama’s sloganeering). In the 1990’s, the prophetic, once-Jesuit, Malachi Martin wrote a novel detailing how the Illuminati would hijack and market the concept of “change” in order to usher in the new world order of the Beast. With the current concentration of media ownership and legislative priorities in the hands of a tiny, and supremely wealthy elite, we, as a nation are becoming increasingly victimized by ideological totalitarianism. The remaining bright spot is the Internet, and that is why the Illuminati are gearing up to destroy its power and effectiveness.
Totalitarianism on any level—ideological, political, economic or religious leads to stagnation and ultimately spiritual death. Psychic totalitarianism, via means of unconscious abduction, mind control, and invasion of privacy by remote viewing into another’s mind leads to spiritual death. In my 20’s, I made a conscious decision to opt out of the “Rat Race,” even though I knew that I was “called” for something greater. I took as my model such Christian saints as Therese of Liseux, who labored for sanctity, and prayed for others in obscurity. For years I was content with my decision, and really felt that it gave me a greater personal freedom and an inner, “secret” ticket to a genuine and deep happiness that, unfortunately, many gifted and highly ambitious people find elusive or fleeting. But I could not escape destiny, and I have been pulled into an even deeper vortex of temptation and idolatry, even more difficult to understand, integrate, and “make my peace with,” because it is not my native element. But I do know it is my vocation to resist and reject temptation and idolatry, and that includes the psychic idolatry of mind manipulation and control; that includes the unholy disdain for the emotional, sexual and bodily reality and beauty of human (or perhaps I should say, “mortal”) beings, and most definitely it precludes the authority of any process that denies my God-given right to free will and free choice. I don’t feel hateful, angry, judgmental or superior, nor do I have any great plans or suggestions. I know that most beings desire the good, and I see a tremendous amount of good will everywhere, even in the realms most subject to totalitarianism. However my vocation is the call to a freedom, not subject to totalitarianism. I do believe that I have successfully negotiated and incorporated that goal into my native society and 3D world, but I still am struggling to understand and master the nature of the temptations and idolatry as put upon me by related aliens from the fourth dimension.

In order to resolve this, I need to be able to talk to relate freely to God, but needless to say that is difficult when I am constantly drugged. Last night I was abducted and injected again (goddamn, the Aryans just won’t let go). In the last 5 minutes, a viral download began, which makes it impossible for me to think rationally (so this post is coming to an end). My most immediate spiritual need is to free my mind from the mind control block in my head but until then, (or along the way), my only means to insist on and assert my freedom is to write, which is hard when I am so unhealthy and low energy all the time. Maybe I should just try to find work again, but considering that I have been abducted the last two nights, I doubt the PIB’s will allow it. My poor mother is as tired of this XXXX as I am, and I know I cannot depend on her to support me much longer. Something has gotta change.

Monday, August 23, 2010

Mind control broken?

Mind control broken? I don’t know—not all the way, I think, but close enough to have the mind control handlers worried. I was at the library, using the Internet to try to interpret last night’s dream (hint hint), when after about an hour, the handler was able to sit down right next to me. He was an Asian (dark skinned—Filipino or Korean maybe?) with greasy hair and glasses. I could tell immediately that he was of very high intelligence, as he gave me a worried, medically evaluating look (clinical psychologist or psychiatrist, for sure), before he sat down next to me. I could also tell that he didn’t belong there (in a public library accessing free internet), but I didn’t worry about it too much. I had planned to leave after an hour anyway, hoping to use the remaining 2 hours later, after I had worked up this post offline, on my ancient Gateway. As I left, I glanced and saw that he was watching a Youtube video of Beethoven. Yeah, he sure didn’t belong in the downtown library with the rest of the unwashed, unemployed and low-income patrons like me. They must be scared. My dream must have been right on.

Still, I have agonized over what to post. I know that I have a lot of knowledge and hypotheses that are probably accurate, at least most of the time, but I also know that a lot of subterranean (and stratospheric) action is going on right now, and I don’t want to inadvertently give aid to the enemy, if, in my ignorance, I misinterpret something or someone. I also don’t feel well. My stomach feels like it is wrapped in an iron corset, and I literally find it difficult to eat, drink, and even to breathe. When breathing is painful and tense, one’s life is really impacted. Every muscle in my body is struggling to deal with this inability to breathe. (All my life, I have been a ‘belly breather’ which is optimal for health, and something most people lose after infancy. I can tell now the great emotional difference in belly breathing compared to the tension and anxiety associated with breath that only gets to the lungs or the diaphragm. The belly is the sacred center of the body, and my sacred center is dead—with nothing but inorganic nanotechnology down there). Then, of course, there is the matter of self-interest to consider. Yeah, I don’t have much to lose, but the PIB’s controlling me are psychopaths, (including the Beethoven-listening doctor), and every time, I think they cannot make my life more hatefully unendurable, I am proven wrong, just as now, every few seconds, I have to struggle to breathe.

So, I have decided to go (nearly) all out. If they have the psychs sitting down and checking me out at the local library, I must be pushing the PIB’s warning bells, which is the closest I can get to what I really want to see—execution of those goddamned Nazi pigs by firing squad. Before I relate the dream that got the Nazi psych to come to the library, let me just paint in very broad brushstrokes, an alternative view of the world as we know it—both in metaphysical understanding and in power dynamics. We, the human population, have been fed a steady stream of lies and diversions to keep us mind controlled, while the real spiritual battle, rages on, with most of us, unaware. I don’t have the time to provide supporting factual proof or flesh out the details, but in order to understand my dream, the reader has to know the context of the reality as I hypothesize about it.

There is a Creator God, his Son, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Spirit which indwells within those who live and love in relationship to this Godhead. This is a matter of faith, which I do not expect all to embrace, and neither is dogmatic assent to this understanding completely necessary, but a true faith life in the spiritual realm is. For the more that the reader truly understands that there is a force for good and justice in this universe that is powerful, omnipresent, and will prevail, the more they can truly know and act to accept and co-create this good and just reality. It is a huge mistake that secular humanists have passed on to modern humanity to ignore or disavow the a priori spiritual realm, because humanity’s greatest enemies—the “Reptiles” and the “Borg” right now come from the spiritual (or other than 3D, material) realm. Thanks to modern humanity’s spiritual ignorance and indifference, they are way ahead in the game, truly kicking our asses.

The Reptiles are known enemies of humanity from way back. Images and scriptures from all cultures bear witness to this. Read your bibles, people—Genesis and Revelation. The demonic army of Satan was quarantined after God and his archangels successfully, if temporarily drove them into hell. That is where the Reptiles reside today—in the 4th dimensional world (that most humans cannot see or experience) that they call “Agartha.” Reptiles hate humanity and God, but they like to have sex with us, in the same way pedophiles enjoy terrorizing children. They also have tinkered with our DNA, including mine in a big way (through both paternal and maternal lineage), and have exercised dominion over this Earth by co-opting the humans who would be leaders, and thus have led to slaughtering wars and financial slavery of the bulk of humanity. Reptiles like it when humans suffer.

Then there is the “Borg”—a name I pulled from Star Trek. This is a collective of species and identities all amalgamated and fused together under a soulless dominion of machine and computer code. The Borg’s spiritual name is “Lucifer.” Their dominion pretends to be that of the “light” and rational, and has access to a supercomputer where all models of action are run through and predicated for success. I don’t know where the “Borg”originated, or what species it has assimilated, but right now I do suspect that every “channeling” from every so called star system or avatar, comes actually from the Borg. I must insist that I do believe that there are benevolent beings and species in the universe and that, very likely, some are trying to contact us, whether by “channeling” or crop circles, but the authentication problem is huge, when the channeling is subject to interception by evil forces, which is exactly what is happening.

For both the Reptiles and the Borg have human allies, both from our own present world and time, and from human visitors from the future residing in the inner Earth (with the Agarthans or reptiles) and in our oceans. There are basically two groups of other-dimensional humans, or “sorta-humans”, the Grays and the Aryans. I will focus on the Aryans, for the Grays, while prevalent in UFO lore, are actually powerless. Both Grays and Aryans are subjugated to the Reptiles (and Borg?), but the Grays, who are a future humanity dispossessed of nearly every attribute that makes us free, are especially and most pathetically powerless. This does not make them “good.” After centuries of slavery and degradation, it is rare that they act except out of the most devious motivations of self-interest, and that means keeping their reptilian overlords happy, which is bad news for humanity. The Aryans (read history from biblical times to Nazi Germany—I want to write an essay on the Aryans soon) are more complex . They have kept their bodily integrity and their ultra-clear rational minds (maybe they come from a time dimension closer to now than the Grays), but not the human emotions, joy, or spontaneity. They are like Vulcans on steroids. Like the Grays, the Aryans too have become sterile and unable to reproduce (which of course is why I, like so many other abductees, have lost their ova or sperm. Our natural issue is being born into another dimension!). Apparently, the Aryans have the innate genetic capacity to “incarnate” Reptilians into this 3D world from their home in hell—which the Reptiles really enjoy, so Aryans have not been as degraded as the Grays. They are a more valuable slave, and treated accordingly. I truly believe though, that some other-dimensional Aryans truly wish to throw off their domination and seek genuine alliance with contemporary humanity in the fight. The problem is how to distinguish them from all the despicable Aryans, both of this current dimension, and from other dimensions, who are quite happy being slaves, as long as they throw “94%” of humanity “under the bus” condemning them to a lifetime of “pod slavery” ala “The Matrix.” All the people of color, Jews, and those dedicated to sensual pursuits rather than intellectual ones, will find themselves sucked dry for their “orgone energy”, hormones, and inner mind images and videoscape, while they are fed all kinds of drugs and pleasure images (how many times a day can you XXXX the playmate of the month?) to keep them in a “happy” mental prison. The Reptiles desire us for our hormones—adrenaline and cortisol-- and for sex and gratification of their perverted pleasure (think Satanists), while the machine Borg desperately long to experience the emotions of humans vicariously through mental images they steal from our brains, once they are wired with nanotechnology. When the Borg and the Reptiles made an alliance in the mid 1990’s, the pace of alien exploitation accelerated.

Of course, there are humans who have known all along what is going on—I especially point the finger at the high level “Freemasons,” and Templars. For they are the descendants of the esoteric knowledge of the original Aryans—from Atlantis. Atlantis destroyed itself, and all the Earth cultures with it (and though I am not sure why, I think it had something to do with either the unleashing or the quarantining of the Reptiles). They brought a lot of bad karma on themselves. When their continent sank, a remnant of their priesthood went to Egypt, where their esoteric teachings and texts were hidden. If I were healthy, I would spend time researching ancient Egyptian mythology, because that would tell me what the mythos of the ancient Aryans were about. As it is, I know that my castration, done on the eve of July 22nd (which is celebrated every year at the Bohemian Grove as the sacrifice of Mary Magdalene, who is my patron saint because of my birth date), actually refers to the castration of Osiris by Set. It makes me sick to even think about it, but I knew to read a book on Egyptian religion, and I had one in my bookcase. In disgust, I threw it on the floor, and it skittered and disappeared underneath my bookcase via an ornamental crevice about 2 inches high and 6 inches wide. Ahem. Selah. Maybe there is a holy reason that the lore of Atlantis disappeared from the face of the Earth. Except that it didn’t—without going into the genealogy, the lore was kept alive, and now it is in the hands of Nazi freemasons who are using it to wreak havoc on humanity, and aid their evil allies—the Reptiles and the Borg.

Everybody should know what is meant by the designation, “Nazi.” No decent human being would ever assist the likes of the Reptiles and the Borg (unless of course, they were duped, like a lot of New Age types have been via channeling). The Reptiles and Borg both, are as evil as they can be, and only the most evil of human being could stand their stench, much less an alliance with them. Why do they do it? Power. Some people will do anything for power. Then there is the Aryan component as well. Why are dumbass people “Nazi’s”? That is for another time, for my dream involves Nazis, reptiles, the alien agenda, and it is time to write it down before I forget…

In my dream, I was being recruited by a “cell” of Reptilians except that they were humans. I felt sold out by my own people—those fighting the Reptiles—and thought that they wanted me to be a double agent. But I knew that I could never be a double agent because I am not a liar. I can’t live a lie. I am INCAPABLE of living a lie. I believe what I believe and say what I say. And on top of that, in my dream, I wondered, “what are the Reptilians going to do to me when they find out I’m Jewish?” (although maybe they would cut me a little slack since I suspect my Jewish genes descend from the tribe of Benjamin, which I believe is the only Jewish tribe to be altered by the reptiles). No matter—I am a woman of faith who “clings to my religion” and therefore am not going to be able to cooperate with evil, not even as a double agent. The cell’s members (about four of them) had clear blue business cards with a phone number (all 303 area code) and another ID # (the number of the Beast). I saw books and material on how to progress in the Reptilian lifestyle. Zero interest on my part—not even curiosity piqued my interest. Reptiles are just gross. Do I want to smell the panties of a porn star?? Yuck. One woman wanted to shoot an arrow at me, in a kind of trust-building exercise. She told me, “don’t move, because if I hit your muscle, it will do permanent damage.” She dinged me, but not on a muscle, and I felt a slight pain in my little pinky. One final note: the leader of the Nazi was named “Arnulfo.”

Interpretaion: The headquarters of the human allies of the Reptiles in the Western US is underneath the Denver airport (303 area code). It is not NORAD/Co Spgs (719). The reptilians have a hold on me. As much as I consciously hate it, I cannot escape it. That is why the woman could get me to stand still for her while she shot an arrow at me in a trust building exercise. It was as though I were in an autistic state--not really responding to the reality around me--just barely aware of it. She hit me in the right arm (masculine power and strength) but only lasting damage was to my pinky--symbol of ability to communicate (which is why I was so certain I had to write this as soon as I woke up). I wasn't really interested in reptilian lifestyle or agenda at all, even though I consider them my enemy. I don't know if someone wants me to be a double agent plant, but I would be terrible at it. First of all, the reptilians are much greater psychics than I am, and the bottom line is that I am a TERRIBLE liar. It's just not me. The leader of the human allies of the Nazis is a man named "Arnulfo." This is a Hispanic rendering of a Germanic name meaning Eagle and Wold, yep, Nazi all right. I think this refers to the "king of the world" located underneath the seaport off the coast of Spain, or possibly it refers to a Nazi who is operating off the coast of South America.
More than anything else, I am concerned about this invisible hold that the Reptiles have on me. It is an evil spirit, and it is what is giving these evil monsters power over me.

Of course, it is interesting to think that the whole dream could have been a setup--implanted by the damned reptilians. doesnt really matter I know who and what I am. I just wish that I felt better.

Saturday, August 21, 2010

New "personal best"

New "personal best"--220 pounds as I am on some kind of psychotropic that puts on the pounds and steals all energy away from me. It is getting harder to get up and go to the library to read email and stay abreast of current events. I force myself to get up and do chores, but all initiative, all drive, all ability to care, is just gone. I just want to sit and watch tv--that tells me as much as my low energy and lackluster vitality that I am severely depressed. Oh, the rage too. I am not waking up full of rage, and wanting to throw things all the time. I just never know when my peevish bad attitude and hating life is going to snap in a flash of rage. This is psychotropic drugs--I am never full of rage or have low vitality when I am healthy.
I have no appetite--in a negative way, not a positive way, and my expanding belly is ice cold. Cold belly tells me that I am living in my head and not in my body, which is always something I try to prevent, but am too depressed and low energy to care.
At night, I suffer from EXCRUCIATING pain, as I feel the swelling in my brain and behind my eyes. I thrash about, wondering where did I go wrong? Had I become an alcoholic or drug addict, would my life be such a hell? I fantasize over and over again, about the one time I saw someone shoot up heroin, and I wish I could get my hands on some kind of drug, however legal or illegal to stop the pain. It's pretty bad when I am coveting the heroin high, but the suffering is so bad, I just long for escape.
And for what? To put me in contact with the "ether" state which I hate with a passion? For telepathy? I have no problem relating telepathically with people who use the gift as I do--to augment verbal communication and a feeling of solidarity, instead of as a weapon to dominate or go for a joyride in someone's mind. To put me in intimate touch with my unconscious in my dream state? I am starting to have the clear, vivid dreams that used to be the signature of my dreamstate reality, before the hell of the drugonslaught of the last 8 years. So, do I have to scream and cry in pain all night, in order to have the kind of clear, vivid dreams that I used to have naturally, unself-consciously, and completely pain-free, years ago, before the goddamned PIB's ruined my brain and body with their chemical poison. Not only did I used to have incredibly clear and vivid dreams, but I used to wake up with a song in my heart and a prayer on my lips, as happy to be alive in my conscious, waking state as I was in my unconscious state. Now that has changed. This morning, I woke from a clear, joyous dream, only to start groaning and hating life, as soon as I opened my eyes, which couldn't see properly, and stood on the ground, feeling like a weakened, 80 year old woman, who had to work at maintaining balance and locomotion, instead of the healthy, vital, strong person I once was.
You stupid fucks. I was healthy, and eager to live in both my conscious, physical, real-world life, AND the life of the unconscious dreamworld. After years of abuse, I am healthy in neither, and trust neither (yeah, I had a good dream last night, but I cannot trust it as an aberration, after having had nearly 25 years of continuous, near nightly, and healthy contact with the dream world interrupted by the PIB's and their goddamned lithium and heavy metal poisoning. Just writing a little bit takes every bit of energy I've got. time to go home and watch tv.

Friday, August 20, 2010

Bunch of little posts that have not been transmitted

Bunch of little posts that have not been transmitted, due to being so sick that I have barely been able to move. For the past several days, I have been abducted nightly and injected with viral bugs in the right frontal area of my brain (close to the next posterior division--cant remember what it is called right now--say 2 o'clock position, closer to the top than the sides...). Not only can I feel the swelling of the injection site, it leads the whole surrounding area swollen like a 1 inch emerging orange in my head. This causes intense pain. Super swelling in the brain. Way too myuch pressure in my head and on optic nerve. back hurts bad. no yoga in over a month. Sick, heavy head, barely able to hold up. Heavy metal poisoning. Sick, sick sick. can't eat right because I am so nauseated and suffering from indigestin, no matter how small the portions I eat. I don't know what the PIB's hope to accomplish by injecting me with their goddamned chemical poison (though web research leads me to believe that it is being injected into the "intuition center" of my brain, but I know what their ultimate aim is--for me to be the "aryan saint", that they envision will save them from dominance from the reptiles. Well, guess what, you dumb fucks, I know my vocation better than you do, and for all your evil manipulation of the time continuum and reality, you don't know me or my vocation. I AM NOT CELIBATE, NOR WILL EVER BE, JUST DAMNED LONELY AND UNSUPPORTED. I AM NOT A WOMAN, AND THANKS TO YOU GODDAMNED EVIL PIECES OF SHIT, I AM NOT LONGER A MAN. Where I fall in the metaphysical continuum of non-being, I have to live, but I am not able to live when I am so fucking sick that I can barely function. But I know one thing--the overwhelming evil you have done to me--the drugs, the lack of regard for my free will, the theft of my ova, everything--leads to the inescapable conclusion--that your own evil is what puts you under the domination of the reptiles. If i am to do anything to change future reality, it will only be done once I escape your evil dominion, and right now I don't see it happening any time soon. Everything is looking dark. I dont jknow how i can keep going, literally. i am too sick to hold a job and wi wont move back in with mother. i will live in homeless shelter first. I remember dreams about my mother, but i am too sick to write out dreams or what I believe. all i can do is post insistently that I will not support your sick warped version of the future. You know nothing of the spiritual life or health. i know, but i am too sick to write it out. trying to keep positive attitude when i wake up so severely depressed every morning my first thought is why does God keep me alive when I just want to die?" Why I don't expect the reptiles, the Borg, or you Aryans/opus dei/jesuits to understand (hint, hint...I just laid out the three big players in the evil slien interaction with Earth), I am furious, JUST FURIOUS, at those who should know better--specifically those who have all along cooperated with the reptiles, borg and aryans to make my life a living hell, and boxed me in ever tighter until ther is nowhere to move or go, except death. Because I know I am
FURIOUS at the deception and misery inflicted on me, I am not writing mcuh. I am afraid that I will put down words in anger that I will regret later. Too much pain and anger to go on right now. especially since i am so goddamned sick.
postings from the past few days.
FUCK ALL YOU GODDAMNED ARYANS AND YOUR GODDAMNED NWO LUCIFERIAN ALLIES WHO ABDUCT ME EVERY NITE TO PUT YOUR POISON IN ME.


August 15th-I need to quit using the word, “drugged” to describe what happens when a viral download takes place. It feels like being drugged-not in a good way, but in a very bad way. Speed. ADD. Anger. Fear. Paranoia. Heart and brain racing. This is not drugging though; it is worst-hormonal tampering. I know that elevated cortisol and stressed adrenals/adrenaline are a big part of it. This dominos into so many other negative and unhealthy biochemical changes which creates multiple health problems and symptoms-most regrettably for me, elevated blood sugar to the point of possible diabetes. It turns my once sunny and happy-go-lucky, if intense, disposition into an unhappy, agitated, irascible kind of person who cannot focus on anything more than a couple of minutes.
So what exactly is happening? I think they are forcing activation of latent “ET” genes, and I have some really nasty, reptilian genes. I believe that the purpose of the viral download is to “uncoil” my DNA, removing the “Write Override Close” protection, to allow for my DNA to be overwritten and rewired. I DO NOT BELIEVE THAT THIS DNA OVERWRITE HAS ANY SALUTARY BENEFIT WHATSOEVER TO HUMANITY. I despise every change that has gone on in my body (what, you think I should get excited about ‘psychic’ abilities. PFFFFTTTT). Real communication, real people, real life-that is what gets me excited. This process of DNA change has trashed my body permanently, caused years of terrible suffering from heavy metal poisoning and all the goddamned drugs the PIB’s threw at my brain. Now, in addition to the constant fatigue and low energy, I have another problem-years of braces and orthodontic surgery are being reversed as I develop a significant overbite, and lose my lips to swollen, fluid-filled facial tissue. This is not only aesthetically dismaying, but it causes constant annoyance and discomfort, because I literally cannot shut my jaws and lips together in a position of rest. My once natural dental “bite” is gone, and I am miserable with the resulting overbite and “won’t-shut” mouth. Furthermore, I am afraid that the constant stress of opened, never-resting jaws is going to cause my TMJ (which has been a huge and painful problem in the past-almost certainly caused by earlier abduction medical tampering) to recur. And there is nothing I can do about it, and there is nothing I can hope for. For years now, I have documented the suffering I experience at the hands of these PIB’s. Yet, no one would believe me when I told them that we were being duped, that no one with even the most minimal of respect for the human being, ever would do to a person what was being done to me. Instead , everyone participated with the PIB conspiracy against me, drugging me with every chemical in the book, trying to force me to believe in my so-called “mental illness,” zapping me with electromagnetic pulses, before they finally put the implants in my body, eliminating the need for the outer, physical activation of viral download.
Once again I’m proven right, but at what a cost…if people would only just talk to me, work with me, relate to me, they would understand that I'm not schizophrenic or manic-depressive… As it is, I sense that a great tragedy has befallen the forces for good, and there is nothing I can do about it, no one to talk to about it, to help me confirm, grieve, release, and resolve. Suffering alone, just like the women and children of these psychopathic monsters who are assimilating us, with practically no resistance…

Upon awakening, I realize that I was abducted again last night, but not by the reptilians, but rather the Borg who have easy access to my mind through the brain and neurological implants. Once again (old hat now), they attempted to hack my dream state. Once again, last night (or rather, in the early morning), I suffered from the constant brain/nervous system rushes that make it so hard to sleep (so in order to sleep, I try to focus my mind on music, instead of feeling my own bodily sensations). I understand now that the brain implants AND the excess fluid medium in the head and body work together, not only to rewrite my DNA, but to provide a conduit through which another entity can enter my mind. The PIB’s could not get sufficient fluid in my head before. Instead, it congested at a relatively “low level” and blocked their access. It also made me VERY ill, especially when they force-fed me psychotropic drugs to accentuate the psychotronic implants. When I sought medical help from the alternative healers, they figured out what was happening. Unfortunately, when the healers figured it out, so did the PIB’s, who then took the info to further enslave me to their technology and agenda. Kris and Laurie figured out what caused the lymphatic block in my face, but the PIB’s took the corrective action which led to an increase the psychotronic fluid level in my head to such an extent that now my entire facial/jaw structure is changed to the point that my upper jaw is jutting forward and overbiting so much that I literally cannot shut my own mouth at rest. It is not the healers’ fault. Even if they had known of the sinister and evil agenda of the PIB’s, (and like most others, I think they honestly believed that the “Sirians” (i.e. BORG) actually were trying to help humanity), they would not have been able to prevaricate and lie before the probing power of the PIB’s invasive telepathy. It is just feeling impossible to fight abduction by the Borg as long as I have these implants in my body, and I have been sold out, as a bargaining chip, so that I see no way to escape the mind hacking in my dream state. Of course, I spent years writing and analyzing my own dreams, and so I know the difference from a dream from God and/or my own unconsciousness/deep self, and one that is imposed on me, but I am tired of not having a normal dream life and I worry that these nightly injections of “bugs” (literally nanoprobes) are going to leave permanent damage on my brain.

Once again, I feel curtailed to end this post before I am ready-not anything I can do about it….later.

Later, now I can say that I am drugged-and I am. I guess I am not supposed to feel the anxiety and irascibility of the viral download because I am so drunk on serontonin (or whatever sedative they have given me today) that I am walking into walls and barely able to keep my eyes open. Always starts out so slow-at the beginning and middle of the day, I just feel so tired and dragging, not really caring about anything. I can tell in my eyes when I am stoned on psychotropics and could see in the library’s mirror earlier today that I was definitely drugged. Now I am so superduper stoned that I can’t open my eyes or think or function. I try, but I just am barely able to function. Don’t know if some telepath (white, not black, as they usually are) was trying to contact me in the library. Not interested. I don’t do telepathy with people I don’t know. Consider it incredibly rude, violating, and prone to serious error of interpretation when all one sees are a few stills and not the movie. Words, verbal communication is what enables proper context and understanding of the images. I wouldn’t be surprised. The PIB at the gym the other night (of course, a sick and no doubt racist, freemason white man) was enjoying his telepathic invasion of me. I just cussed him out in my head and moved away. No point taking telepathic invasion personally. Today, I just didn’t care. The guy didn’t even merit me putting up boundaries. Of course the Taylor Ranch library has much more elbow room at their computer stations, as well as a more courteous and truly studious clientele than the downtown branch I frequent because it is less than a mile from my home. None of this would be an issue if I were healthy, and able to just proactively relate to people no matter what THEIR hangup, but I’m not healthy.


Pounding headache behind eyes and on top of head. Shooting pain in ears. Way too much pressure in head. Think may know what is wrong. Too sick to do anything aobut it. Suffering so much. Pain incredible. Worried about right eyhe. WAY too much pressure on optic nerve. Messing eyesight. Afraid im going to los eyesight. Nothing I can do about it. Too much pain.

On top of all that, painful heartburn back. Ate a handful of oriental trailmix and four sushi rolls for supper. Body is too XXXXed. Way too much sugar. Body cant digenst even small amts of food.

Aug 20-Woke up wishing I were dead. Honest to God, I wish I were dead. I am so tired of this neverending suffering and misery. Stomach so bloated out, hard to breathe. Cant exercise. Cant open my eyes. Just sick God, sick all the time. Tired of struggling. Trying to get by. I know who is responsible. The same goddamned aryans responsible for the hell that has been myt life for last twelve years. Same focking goddamned pigs who stole my eggs. SAME STUPID BASTARDS WHO HAVE NO IDEA WHAT HOLINESS OR SANTCTITY IS BUT WHO THINK THAT IF I JUST TIME TRAVEL TO THEIR REALITY, I WILL SAVE THEIR WORTHLESS ASSES. FOCK YOU PIGS. ID RATHER SEE YOU DEAD THAN HAVE ANOTHER BEING GO THRU THE HELL I GO THRU EVERY DAY I WAKE UP. MY IDEA OF HOLINESS NAD SANCTITY COULDN’T BE FURHTER FORM YOURS. BODY HURTS SO FOCKING BAD. HEAD HURTS. BODY IS JUST A BEACHED WHATLE. NO END IN SIGHT. DON’T THINK THE GODDAMNED ARYAN PIGS WILL EVER LET ME GO…..SO DEATH, GOD, I PRAY FOR DEATH.

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

fucking pigs have me so fucked up barely functional

fucking pigs have me so fucked up barely functional. know im on some kind of psychotropic. full of rage. i hve to go where im not around people want to go off for verything. severly autistic. tried to go to eyeglass mart. overwhelmeed by alol the glasses. that means im autistic--whem im overwhelmed by all the thingness of things. literally cant stop hundreds of pairs of galasses invading consiousness. typing with eyes shut/ too much info coming in via stimulus. in additionto the autistm, i have lump in throat hard to swalllow. very dyspetptic. indigestion even tho i can hardly eat. i eat in small ilil amounts even tho body is hungry, stomach cant take food.
all good, too sick to write today, but in my mind i kno9w what i want to write . kepp me drugged up you fucking pigs because every time i can write i am going to tell the world what FUCKED UP EVIL BASTARD PIGS YOU ARE. got dream hacked nite before last. too sick to write it, but remember it. i will write when i can. i dont mind being hacked you fucking agents of evil machine. the more you hack me, the more i learn and know about you, and the more i learn and know about you, the more i despise your agents, your agenda and your actions. give me more knowledge so i can fight you more. too fucked up to do anything today but know what is in my head.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Abduction horrors continue despite my every effort

Abduction horrors continue despite my every effort--so fucking deprressed over what is going on. The abduction is not by the reptilians, but by the Borg I think. I need to try to figure out relationship between them but I am toos sick to do so today. Severely autistic. Unable to focus on anything. Can't read. Forced myself to go to library to read web, but too goddammned sick to read. Forgot disks so cant copy. Full of rage. belly bloated impossibly. Pain in nose and face where the goddamned fucking pigs thrust their their goddamned torture probe up my nose to put their goddamned bugs in my frontal brain--from the back they did the nearly routine nightly injection at back of brain. fucking goddamned pigs told me they "liked my orgone energy" WELL GUESS WHAT ALIEN MOTHERFUCKING PIECES OF SHIT, FUCKING PIGS, ITS MY ENERGY AND IT DOESNT BELONG TO YOU. In a dream they also told me not to eat because it brings down my "vibrational energy." Needless to say, I plan to eat pork every day for the rest of my life. I don't want my vibrational energy anywhere near what you fucking PIGS desire. too sick to write rationalkkty. need to try to figure it out. but I hurt too much today. too fucked up. too sick to do any thing. too sick to resist. I wish I could get away from these goddamned neverending abductions by these PIGS that i despise.

Sunday, August 15, 2010

Rejoicing definitely premature

August14th-Well my rejoicing was premature. I am pretty sure that I was abducted last night. I woke up with a pin prick at the base of my skull. I am pretty sure that they pumped my brain full of viral bugs last night (or rather after 6 am in the morning). I woke up with the most bloated belly ever. The viral bugs always make their way to my stomach, but my stomach was so bloated that it had brand new purplish lines and stretch marks caused by the edema. I also found myself ADD, antsy and angry for much of the morning—the “speed effect” of the nanotechnology that I hate so much. I’ve had a hard day—lot of viral downloading going on—and now, I am so drugged I doubt I can stay up tonight.

August 15th—I need to quit using the word, “drugged” to describe what happens when a viral download takes place. It feels like being drugged—not in a good way, but in a very bad way. Speed. ADD. Anger. Fear. Paranoia. Heart and brain racing. This is not drugging though; it is worst—hormonal tampering. I know that elevated cortisol and stressed adrenals/adrenaline are a big part of it. This dominos into so many other negative and unhealthy biochemical changes which creates multiple health problems and symptoms—most regrettably for me, elevated blood sugar to the point of possible diabetes. It turns my once sunny and happy-go-lucky, if intense, disposition into an unhappy, agitated, irascible kind of person who cannot focus on anything more than a couple of minutes.
So what exactly is happening? I think they are forcing activation of latent “ET” genes, and I have some really nasty, reptilian genes. I believe that the purpose of the viral download is to “uncoil” my DNA, removing the “Write Override Close” protection, to allow for my DNA to be overwritten and rewired. I DO NOT BELIEVE THAT THIS DNA OVERWRITE HAS ANY SALUTARY BENEFIT WHATSOEVER TO HUMANITY. I despise every change that has gone on in my body (what, you think I should get excited about ‘psychic’ abilities. PFFFFTTTT). Real communication, real people, real life—that is what gets me excited. This process of DNA change has trashed my body permanently, caused years of terrible suffering from heavy metal poisoning and all the goddamned drugs the PIB’s threw at my brain. Now, in addition to the constant fatigue and low energy, I have another problem—years of braces and orthodontic surgery are being reversed as I develop a significant overbite, and lose my lips to swollen, fluid-filled facial tissue. This is not only aesthetically dismaying, but it causes constant annoyance and discomfort, because I literally cannot shut my jaws and lips together in a position of rest. My once natural dental “bite” is gone, and I am miserable with the resulting overbite and “won’t-shut” mouth. Furthermore, I am afraid that the constant stress of opened, never-resting jaws is going to cause my TMJ (which has been a huge and painful problem in the past—almost certainly caused by earlier abduction medical tampering) to recur. And there is nothing I can do about it, and there is nothing I can hope for. For years now, I have documented the suffering I experience at the hands of these PIB’s. Yet, no one would believe me when I told them that we were being duped, that no one with even the most minimal of respect for the human being, ever would do to a person what was being done to me. Instead , everyone participated with the PIB conspiracy against me, drugging me with every chemical in the book, trying to force me to believe in my so-called “mental illness,” zapping me with electromagnetic pulses, before they finally put the implants in my body, eliminating the need for the outer, physical activation of viral download.
Once again I’m proven right, but at what a cost…if people would only just talk to me, work with me, relate to me, they would understand that I'm not schizophrenic or manic-depressive… As it is, I sense that a great tragedy has befallen the forces for good, and there is nothing I can do about it, no one to talk to about it, to help me confirm, grieve, release, and resolve. Suffering alone, just like the women and children of these psychopathic monsters who are assimilating us, with practically no resistance…

Upon awakening, I realize that I was abducted again last night, but not by the reptilians, but rather the Borg who have easy access to my mind through the brain and neurological implants. Once again (old hat now), they attempted to hack my dream state. Once again, last night (or rather, in the early morning), I suffered from the constant brain/nervous system rushes that make it so hard to sleep (so in order to sleep, I try to focus my mind on music, instead of feeling my own bodily sensations). I understand now that the brain implants AND the excess fluid medium in the head and body work together, not only to rewrite my DNA, but to provide a conduit through which another entity can enter my mind. The PIB’s could not get sufficient fluid in my head before. Instead, it congested at a relatively “low level” and blocked their access. It also made me VERY ill, especially when they force-fed me psychotropic drugs to accentuate the psychotronic implants. When I sought medical help from the alternative healers, they figured out what was happening. Unfortunately, when the healers figured it out, so did the PIB’s, who then took the info to further enslave me to their technology and agenda. Kris and Laurie figured out what caused the lymphatic block in my face, but the PIB’s took the corrective action which led to an increase the psychotronic fluid level in my head to such an extent that now my entire facial/jaw structure is changed to the point that my upper jaw is jutting forward and overbiting so much that I literally cannot shut my own mouth at rest. It is not the healers’ fault. Even if they had known of the sinister and evil agenda of the PIB’s, (and like most others, I think they honestly believed that the “Sirians” (i.e. BORG) actually were trying to help humanity), they would not have been able to prevaricate and lie before the probing power of the PIB’s invasive telepathy. It is just feeling impossible to fight abduction by the Borg as long as I have these implants in my body, and I have been sold out, as a bargaining chip, so that I see no way to escape the mind hacking in my dream state. Of course, I spent years writing and analyzing my own dreams, and so I know the difference from a dream from God and/or my own unconsciousness/deep self, and one that is imposed on me, but I am tired of not having a normal dream life and I worry that these nightly injections of “bugs” (literally nanoprobes) are going to leave permanent damage on my brain.

Once again, I feel curtailed to end this post before I am ready—not anything I can do about it….later.

Friday, August 13, 2010

All-nighter

August 13th—I just finished pulling an all-nighter. After realizing that I have been sexually abused, castrated, prepped for rape, and possibly even raped, by 4th Dimension reptilians, I have decided to try to fight the abductions by staying awake at night and sleeping during the day. Sure, this will impact my quality of life, but honestly, how could the quality of my life get any more poor? There is a perfect little circle on the flesh right above and to the inside of my knee—exactly where an implement would be used to force my knees apart in order for genital abuse to take place. I have just decided that I have to fight the Borg. I have a bad feeling that they have pulled off a major victory somewhere, but I can’t investigate it without internet access. Besides, I have to fight for my life and my body. I’ve got a lot going on. I am nowhere near physical health, and I am still drugged on something (or maybe the viral implants are so amped) that really messes with my body. Every time the viral download hits, I go into my familiar muscle spasm-lock. I also need to poop every time it happens. I have a feeling that my body has learned that it needs to excrete heavy metals through pooping, and so I think that is healthy, but who wants a half dozen bowel movements a day? Worse of all, at least as far as sleeping is concerned, are the brain rushes which jolt my entire body like an electrical shock every three minutes or so. The only way to stop it is to dampen my central nervous system with the only effective drug available to me—alcohol. That is not healthy, so congratulations, PIB’s—in a way, your stupidass abuse of me helped me to decide to follow through on an unpleasant decision.
Speaking of unpleasant, I saw a PIB at the gym. A real honest to Satan PIB, all dressed in black. I can spot them a mile away. Only one of the dozen or so I’ve seen seemed to me to be decent human being. This PIB was no exception. He had the most icky, sociopathatic vibe, accompanied by a mean face and cold smile, that I have experienced in quite a while. It is incredible to me that the American taxpayer pays for these fifth column sociopaths to run amok, destroying life, liberty, and our very country, itself. I suppose the PIB’s and their satanic supervisors were intent on sending a message to me, now that I’m bucking the reptilian abductions. “You belong to us. We control you, and we can terrorize you at will.” YES YOU CAN. But I am going to fight at every turn, and with every weapon available to me.
It was not a good day. I experienced a lot of sadness (that is why I wonder about what happened), and the PIB’s threw a major chemical whammy on my brain when I went to talk to Dale. I knew what I wanted to say, but I found I had difficulty saying it. Oh well, just an excuse for more writing, but for now, I am going to try to sleep.

Thursday, August 12, 2010

So fricking frustrating

So fricking frustrating to not be able to take the time to think through, write, present and edit my thoughts. Following post is very poorly written but it is important, because the PIB's want it gone. I am about to kicked off the computer...bye

a couple of minutes later, after being kicked off. My blood is boiling. I want to write further, but I have made a rational decision to spend my last 45 minutes to stay current with web postings. I will try to write further later tonight, offline. My apologies to my readers for the poor presentation and editing. The hassles I experience trying to post online, trickle through to the readers. But I won't shut up....

So fricking frustrating

So fricking frustrating to not be able to take the time to think through, write, present and edit my thoughts. Following post is very poorly written but it is important, because the PIB's want it gone. I am about to kicked off the computer...bye

“Alert Starfleet Command, we have engaged the Borg.”

“Alert Starfleet Command, we have engaged the Borg.”
“Alert Starfleet Command, we have engaged the Borg.” These are the most chilling words in all of the scores of Star Trek episodes that I ever have watched. They were uttered as Starship Enterprise battled against a ruthless enemy possessed of overwhelming technological superiority, which wants to destroy all of humanity through cybernetic assimilation to its machine collective. I can’t remember if the command was given by 1st officer Will Ryker or Captain Picard, because, of course, in the "Borg" story arc, Captain Picard is early on assimilated by the Borg,losing his individual humanity and free will as his body is invaded by nanotechnology which makes him more machine than human, and completely subjugated to the machine/computer collective known as the "Borg." While I love the phrase (and band name), "rage against the machine", I think the chilling pop culture phrase, "Borg" is more appropriate. It has the Anglo-Saxon ring of pithy and blunt directness and unequivocating honesty. Also, it is the most descriptive truth of humanity's current situation in the larger galatic universe in which we human Terrans are small bit players, but prominently positioned right now as "the Borg" look to cybernetically assimilate us to the collective hive of the machine mind. It would be a huge win for them, and would, I think, change the balance of power in the ongoing cosmic struggle. Let us not forget that, in traditional theology, Satan repudiates God out of anger for the favoritism God shows to us humans, granting us free will. We may be a technologically backward and emotionally immature people, but we are one of the last remaining "free" (relatively speaking, of course)populations left in the known universe (which is much vaster than 99% of Earth's citizenry realize).
In the Star Trek mysthology, the humans eke out a (temporary, but not decisive) victory over the Borg, as Picard is rescued from the clutches of the Borg collective, to which he had been assimilated by nanotechnology and implants that stole his free will and vitality. His crew exercised loyalty and courage to physically rescue him the heart of the Borg cube, and his mental genius and acumen, and pluck to fight back, even when enslaved and assimilated as a drone, led to the Borg defeat.
I have engaged the Borg, and I am losing. I cannot stop the nanotechnology from invading my body and attempting to flood my mind with illusions. But I still put my money on the humans, because we have the "intangibles" factor going for us. But the fight is not going well. We are beset on all sides by enemies who do not have our best interests in mind at all. I personally am fighting the Borg every day and night, as I struggle to maintain my humanity and connection and fidelity to the truth. We have small victories and larger defeats.
But, as much as I suffer, I will not give up. I will not take the route of Captain Pike (staying with the Star Trek theme), and enter the menagerie of illusion because I cannot bear a "body-destroyed-and-all-but-dead body which is practically intolerable to someone who once knew great physical energy and vitality. I will follow the lead of Stephen Hawking (who lately has been quite vocal in his warnings about contact with aliens), who may suffer from a mangled, physically unresponsive body, but who maintains fidelity to the truth of the freedom of the mind. It would be so easy for him to accept the illusions that Captain Pike did, but he refuses. I do, too, ABSOLUTELY, UNEQUOCALLY,WITH ALL MY MORAL FIBER AND SPIRITUAL WILL. The whole world is being fed lies for the enemy does not want to physically destroy us, which they could do with ease. They want to assimilate us, to enslave us in a holographic world of lies, deceit, and illusion. In order to feed us those delusions, they need to have plugged into their computer maxrix, and this is what the nanotechnology and brain/nervous system implants to do this.


I have just spent an hour of my precious 3 hour library-alloted time writing this. I felt that it was urgent to do so because I realized that my previous post which I had worked up offline on my ancient, unplugged computer (word processor) had totally disappeared from both the computer and on the disk, which I use to carry the data to the library to post. There is a remote chance that I messed up and didn't save the data appropriately, but I don't think so. I am pretty computer savvy, and wouldn't make such a basic mistake. So I can only guess that the PIB's didn't want the info out on the WWW. I am not pleased with this post, but I tried to recreate it from my earlier post. It must be important for them to want it deleted.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Lot going on

Lot going on--I dont know how much longer i can keep posting. Psychotropic drugs have got me so fucked up I am yanked from one extreme to another. Physically, I am very ill and low energy. Very depressed. feel hopeless. last nite unable to sleep at all. severe headache caused by psychotronic implants (i can tell) nerve endingsiof my entire head on fire. THen i had the brain rushes which ive had before--psyhotropic cdrugs--cant sleep with the rushes jolting my entire nervous system. went to gym to work out. tried for about half hour, noeneryg. may need to just starting writing longhand. no more diesire for anything

Monday, August 9, 2010

installment 1

Taking a page out of Dickens, I am going to post creative work in installments as I write it. It is not what I want to do, but I must because I cannot control anything in my life. Hopefully, this will disseminate info widely enough to protect the content. I hate to do it this way, but given the status of my life, I see no other way to do it.

Introduction

It’s My Pleasure



“Where is Sarah your wife?” And (Abraham) said, “She is in the tent.”
The LORD said, “I will surely return to you in the spring, and Sarah
your wife shall have a son…Now Abraham and Sarah were old, ad-
vanced in age; it had ceased to be with Sarah after the manner of
women. So Sarah laughed to herself, saying, “After I have grown old,
and my husband is old, shall I have pleasure?” (Genesis 18:9-12)



Recently, in a life of many trials and few miracles, much suffering and occasional joy, I experienced the humbling epiphany that I was a mother! Of course, I had known that I was a mother for some time, ever since I had realized that my ova were stolen from me during a surgery on my optic nerve. Alien technology was used to suck all my eggs from me at about 45 years of age, without my consent or knowledge. I only knew something was amiss when I went into sudden and premature menopause after the surgery. I was not happy about it, at all, but rather shocked and angered into a numb unresponsiveness. I knew from my research into conspiracy theories (I was trying desperately to understand the crazy manipulation and circumstances of my life), that aliens had made a pact with rogue elements of our government, exchanging R&D for sperm and ova in an effort to perpetuate their sterile, barren race. On occasion, I would think about the fate of the roughly 75,000 eggs that I estimated were stolen from me, and wondered what life for my genetic progeny would be like. I didn't dwell on it much, because to be honest, from my perspective, the future of the human race looks very dark, degraded, and grim—similar to my own life situation ever since I was sold out and delivered into the power of the rogue government and their alien allies. I have suffered terribly, and continue to suffer at the hands of these “Pathologicals In Black.” The emotional, physical and psychological pain and suffering has been so great, that in depressed and angry moods, I have wished for the natural and inevitable extermination of a race that is so pathological in their mental and emotional orientation that they literally can no longer propagate their own species.
However, my own innate sense of justice, fairness, and open-minded tolerance started preparing my mind for a positive change several weeks ago. I started remembering a plot line from the X-files in which Agent Scully, who had lost all of her eggs in an alien abduction theft, found out several years later that she was the mother of hybrid humans. I especially remember Fox Mulder asking an intense, red-haired hybrid, “why are you trying to save her,” to which the young man simply replied, “she is our mother.” Unfortunately, my memory of the X-files is regrettably vague, but I seem to remember that the hybrids were actually deeply endangered—ruthless bounty hunters were sent to kill them, though I can’t really remember why. Anyhow, God speaks to me through my imagination, and slowly it dawned on me, that, somewhere, I had real, genetic offspring, and that, like the X-file hybrids, they are emotionally honest and tragically persecuted individuals fighting for their lives and futures, as surely as I am. Indeed, to their credit, I believe that they probably are fighting harder, for I believe a life of struggle and the most precarious of futures is all they have ever known, whereas I spent much of my early adult years largely oblivious to the evil that threatens to engulf and destroy reality as humanity knows it. But now that evil, which has allies and resources that I could never hope to match, has checked my every natural possibility and hope, and I look forward to only to my death, which for me, means the end of years of overbearing suffering, pain, isolation, betrayal and loss. I am not lugubrious or resentful of my fate. I believe in the resurrection, and believe me, I have despaired of this life for years.

The primary regret I have is that I will not really “know” any of you. In human society, to “know” someone is to relate to them, from a position of interpersonal dialogue and vulnerability, from the most casual to the most intimate of encounters. I understand that as hybrids, you probably are more comfortable with telepathy than with relationship dialogue and vulnerability. However I am telepathic too, and I can honestly tell you, that while telepathy is a useful tool of interaction, it is not an accurate or legitimate way of “knowing” someone, at least among us humans. Over the past ten or more years, I have experienced deep wounding by people who have purposely and routinely thwarted and denied all my attempts to relate to or “know” anyone. It is a sick, warped form of “spiritual direction” used by patriarchal mentors and priests, and, not coincidentally, it is also the primary means of “mind control” practiced by the satanic elements who now control my life (but not yet, praise God, my mind). Over the past couple of years, I have also become familiar with the wounding caused by telepathic psychic invasion, and I find that tremendously violating as well. For someone, like myself, who is very concerned about the future of humanity, this explosion of people who are trained in, but not gifted with, the use of telepathy, is a very frightening phenomenon. For I can foresee that the use of telepathic invasion of privacy as a unilateral tool and weapon to dominate or probe another, without their consent, will only create intense feelings of being violated, resulting not only in escalating tension and hostility, but ultimately in violence and fratricidal war.

I hope to write more on telepathy, and its proper use, place, and etiquette at a later time in this discourse, but I am gravely ill and in great physical pain, and don’t know if I will have the energy to fulfill that ambition. However, I feel that there are more important and pressing matters that I must address first, because I honestly don’t know how much longer I will live, especially since my every prayer to God now is for death. As I started to reread my opening paragraphs, I realized that I had shifted my audience from the generic “they” of my unknown children to the personal “you.” I am not going to edit anything. This essay will be written, especially for “you,” each one of all my children, whom I will never know.

First of all, I want you to know that your mother blesses you, equally and unconditionally, with the most munificent of blessings. I was unaware of, and did not consent to your conception and being, but I am aware now, and hereby give my most unequivocal and heartfelt consent to the fullness of life for each of the approximately 75,000 eggs that came from my bodily issue. I started this chapter with a quotation from Genesis. Your mother is a self-identified (though not institution-identified) Christian and I am steeped in the scriptures of the Hebrew canon and the New Testament. It is my hope that you too, will encounter these scriptures and learn how our great spiritual forbears lived and exercised their humanity, and talked to God (religion deserves a lengthy chapter, but in case I don’t get to it, there’s my plug).

living dead

Hassles. Hassles.

August 8, 2010
Living dead. Didn’t know I could be alive and feel so bad. All energy gone. Cant stand cant walk. Spine hurts so bad. Cant do any exercise. Havent done yoga, not even child pose or down dog in over three weeks. Belly hurts. I know that’s where vampiric implants are.. sucking all energy. Too sick to care. Rarity for me, eating sugar. Trying desperately to get enough energy to be alive. Think purpose is just to hook up mind to machine, and drain mind. Dreams have no connection with body reality. I know images are beig pumped in… Think that is purpose. Worried about weight. Think im going to have to quit eating. Too sick to take any vitamins supplements. Maybe only way to die is to quit eatin……. Lower back dead no sensation. Cant be possible to be alive and suffert his much. Praying God for death.

Good news of a sort…this evening went to watch an exhibition football game on tv. Brain literally couldn’t follow it. This is good news because I have been here before. I remember trying to watch football games from last year, and not only being completely uninterested in even my favorite teams, but even worse, too sick to watch motion on the playing field. Cant follow the ball or the players. Eyes can only look straight ahead, no action, no motion. Because ive been here before and survived I guess I can hope. Want to write, but so sick, brain cant keep train of thought.. just want to lie down. Every muscle in body is locked and spasmed and it hurts to sit up, lay down, stand up, body just hurts terribly… body all spamed and pronating outward from joints. Been here before. Can live. Don’t have any desire to, except to help my children fight against the machine.

August 9th—Psychotic mind. Funny thing—every body who drinks the proffered koolaid talks about the “clarity” of aryan mind. It is not clear. It is sterile and barren and PSYCHOTIC (mind disconnected from body reality). No doubt this is facilitated by the implants and the nanotechnology they have placed in my solar plexus, visera, sacrum, and entire nervous system, which creates alienation between body and mind. Alienation to point of psychosis. I try to stay oriented to reality but it is not easy. I am barely capable of any emotion, which is scary because I cannot emote out negative emotions thoughts and perceptions in a healthy way. Instead im aware of it being repressed and developing into a cold, unfeeling hatred. Spiritual hatred. True hatred. Satanic and Luciferian hatred. Pathological hatred. Nazi hatred. It is this cold unfeeling hatred, created and fed by the disconnect from emotions and body that has led the aryans to become monsters, such monsters that they would wreak their own psychotic alienation on others, steal their bodily issue, deny them their sexuality, and even, my God have pity on me, castrate them. And incredible as it seems, these pathological, castrating entities and their co-opted human minions (the ones who integrate and accept the transhuman implants that destroy their humanity, and create unfeeling monsters), are in position of strategic and tactical strength in all facets of our political establishment and military. Even worse, they are maneuvering to destroy all credible opposition, to establish permanent dominance. Their current plans were put in motion by the deliberate hatchet job done on Gen. McChrystal. This enabled a truly upright man, Gen. Petraeus to be put out of the way at Centcom, and take a demotion to become battlefield commander in Afghanistan. He probably took it, accepting the bait that it would put him in a powerful position to run for president in 2012 (not knowing that the second part of the equation change would ensure that he would never be more than a puppet). For the hidden second part of the strategy was to place Gen. Mattis in charge at Centcom. Gen. Mattis is one of the “lost,” sold-out to alien “principalities and powers” humans. Checking out his eyes on various prominent photos, I can tell that he, indeed, is not only evil, but even worse, is no longer fully human. This is not because he is a “give ‘em hell” kind of general. It is the reflective mirror, the lack of emotions that I see in his eyes. Unfortunately, for me, when the implants are really powerful the viral downloads, I can see the same alienated reflective orbs staring back at “not me” in the mirror. Mattis was confirmed in tandem with Clapper of the intelligence office. This was a double whammy against the powers of good in our government ( a deal made to save the lives of astronauts in the space station?) One thing for sure—the upshot is to leave me even more heavily victimized. As sick as I am however, I have to try to do what I can, sound the alarm or all humanity will suffer the monstrous, emotional, psychological and spiritual castration that I experience in my own physical flesh. I would not wish this castration on anyone, not even those who have consented to it.

Saturday, August 7, 2010

Hassles.

Aug 6, 2010—I survived the Feast of the Transfiguration, but not very well. I was abducted and tortured again last night. I woke up with a puncture mark behind my right ear. There is no doubt that the PIB’s released another bunch of bugs into my brain in yet another one of a never ending attempts to pry my will and spirit open to their brainwashing. I wish I could just convince these torturers that there is no way that I am going to break, and if they can’t accept that, please go ahead and just kill me. I was severely autistic all day; down with a sick migraine and no energy for most of the day, though I am trying to force myself to do at least one chore a day in the outside world. I tried to go to the gym, but I was too weak to do anything, though I faked it for about 20 minutes. I am so distressed about the loss of muscle and increase of larding that I am experiencing, that I am committed to try to work out at least once a week, but I don’t know if there is anything that I can do to stop the deterioration of my body. As a matter of fact, I have given up on ever completely recovering my bodily health and vigor. I haven’t done yoga in over three weeks. There is only so much energy I have, on a good day, about 1/3rd of what is normal for me, and it is clear to me that my body will never recover from the torture that I have endured over the last eight years. Even now I am looking at the purplish bruises on my feet and the multiple slash marks at the border of the foot and shin, and worry that permanent damage has been done to my feet and ankles. Then there is the cosmetic dismay at the premature skin stretches and wrinkles on my legs and arms from years of severe edema, and then the draining, all the while denied the treatment that would have addressed the problem. What little energy I have left is to try to follow the news and current events over the Internet—which takes even more energy now that I have to go to the library and deal with all the hassles involved in public queuing and sharing of space. Earlier today, I was too sick to concentrate on reading so I just skimmed some email and a few posts. Typically for me, I feel better now that it is 11 at night. My hormonally altered, night-owl circadian rhythm is just starting to kick in, but unfortunately the library is closed and won’t be open until 10 am tomorrow. Hassles. Hassles. Hassles.

August7th--The good news is that I accomplished my chore of the day--laundry. The bad news is that I was so weak that I could barely stand in the laundromat, and just stuffed a bag full of unmatched socks--I was to weak to even pair socks. I continue to be afflicted by the onset of energy drains (the viral implant downloads) so severe that I can barely open my eyes, walk, or lift a 20 pound basket. It is the same as before. I am resigned that there is nothing that I can do about it. I know, (and they know) what I need to live like a human being--endocrine treatment and testoterone supplements, but it won't happen as long as alien influence is running this government, and right now that is the way it is. I wonder sometimes how much I should write of what I suspect and what I know, but I am not an inflammatory or harangueing type person, and find it difficult to throw out provocative thoughts and opinions without feeling the compulsive nudge or push that comes from the Holy Spirit. I ask myself, "Is that why I suffer so much?" "Is my measured and balanced response an invitation to the Nazis to keep abducting me in hopes of 'turning' me?" I don't think so. Besides, I am beginning to write in a more organized and systemic fashion. It is just painstakingly slow. Even as a college student and fine expository writer, I resented outlines as cumbersome and unhelpful. However, I realize now that such a discipline would have been helpful for me to master, as organizing and outlining in my mind is difficult when dealing with large amounts of material. Of course, in college my body was appropriately hormonally balanced and my mind was healthy, and I could keep, carry, ponder, edit, and "work" ideas in my head constantly. Now all thought is a draining struggle, just as all of life is a struggle. But I am absolutely committed. It is just going to be a slow process, especially until I can "see" the outline in my head

Thursday, August 5, 2010

Severely depressed

Severely depressed as I am forced to acknowledge that there is absolutely nothing I can do to protect and defend myself from these alien vampires who make my life absolute hell. I spent the past two days barely able to move. I can move now, but I'm so dragging and drugged that it is difficult. I know that the PIB's are messing with the nerve endings in my solar plexus, which may be part of the reason I feel so dead. I don't care. It is better to feel dead but have some measure of spiritual freedom than to sell out to these PIB's who are out to destroy all freedom, all spirituality, all energy in their warped perved vision. Even now, I find myself unable to write what I need to write--constrained by time. That is okay, though. I will continue to fight with whatever means are available to me--just need to feel a little bit better...

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

I guess the PIB's aren't fans of Jane Fonda

I guess the PIB's aren't fans of Jane Fonda--LOL. Seriously, once again they have successfully hijacked my personal computer, I am unable to use it for anything except playing solitaire. The internet, the printer, and all the storage drives--floppy, CD-ROM, and USB aren't working. So once again, I find myself utilizing the free computers, with all its limitations (wait times, hour-short increments, three hour max, etc). It's better than nothing, especially since, with each abduction violation I endure, I become more and more determined to fight these Nazi pricks with every weapon I possess. If I end up writing out my thoughts and beliefs in long hand, I will. I am constantly remote viewed and probed by psychics anyway, so I can only hope for transmission, and if not, at least the act itself should bolster hope and a sense of accomplishment. I need all the hope I can get. After two days of feeling human, the abductors once again did their psychic/bodily rape, and undercut my attempt at self-healing. I make jokes about Jane Fonda, and the campy Barbarella poster I downloaded for my now defunct personal desktop, but what made me feel human, beside the energy boost, was the sense of passionate desire, "ganas", for life. I was shocked because I found myself praying for the first time in a long time, I mean, really praying, not with words, but with the same spiritual yearning that is the basis of true spiritual relationship. I could shut my eyes and get into a state of TRUE contemplation. It was not the realm of the "ether." It was the realm of real connection and subsuming union with, in, and through God, the ultimate ground of our being. Since the abduction from night before last, that is all gone. Gone too is the joy and enthusiasm for life, my feeling of normalcy, my ability to sleep (after two nights of falling asleep like a baby, I couldn't sleep last night until after 4 benadryl, 2 tylenol, and about 3 shots of vodka--that is not normal, that is not healthy), my digestive problems (my bowel movements are messed up again, and once more I have that peculiar indigeston), and my ability to focus and concentrate (it was so funny to read that testoterone could cause ADD--for the two days that it worked for me, I was able to concentrate and read/understand better than I have in years). So what happened?
Well in addition to further attempts at cliterodectizing me, somehow the alien doctors were able to get into my nervous system and "rewire" (literally) my hormones, so that most of my hormonal output is feeding their nanotechnology conduits instead of my own life force and vitality. It is as if they are able to turn our normal human gonadal hormones into something they can "milk" and use--especially corisol and adrenaline, but no doubt others as well. This is hormonal castration, and unless something changes, it looks like our future is not only going to have castrated, enslaved women, but also men. They can suck out male vitality and life force just as easily as patriarchal cliterodectemies have been sucking out female vitality and life force for centuries. Despite my pain, loss, grief, and rage, I cannot wallow in self-pity. The PIB's scored a major victory yesterday. I am not certain, but I think that they were able to destroy the defenses that the space station had attempted to put in place, and maybe that is why the Nazi's were able to get control of my computer. I am not going to speculate. What has happened has happened. I can only pray that I am able to do my work without ideal computer internet access. So let me just say that I am a little worried about the upcoming August 6th date. That is the Feast of the Transfiguration in the liturgical calendar. It also is the date that "Little Boy" destroyed Hiroshima. At the time I learned of the date of the atomic blast, I thought "what irony." Now, I know there was nothing ironic about the choice of the date at all. The satanists like to pervert Christian and holy dates, warped to fit their own warped, evil beliefs. I don't feel any strong alerts, but without access to a computer, I may not be as quick to respond to an intuitive feeling as I should, so I am throwing it out there. Watch out for Hawaii. As a college student I dreamed of Hawaii being destroyed by nuclear blast, and given our current Fraud-in-Chief, I am worried even more. When Jon Stewart starts cracking jokes about the non-existent birth certificate, you know that the truth is beginning to crack the partisan divide and defenses. The PIB's always choose their targets/agendas with multiple objectives in mind. Right now, I would say that Hawaii fits the bill. Wow, writing this, I just became even more worried. In my dream, I saw the atomic bomb blast over Hawaii metamorph somehow into the consecrated Host that a priest on a Navy ship was holding up. The imagery is kind of confusing. I am rememebering the dream from years ago. But there was a definite connection. The entire act of the the Holy Eucharist is one of "transfiguration", and in my dream it was explicitly linked to the atomic blast. Interestingly enough Catharism (the heretical sect of Christianity linked to the Templars and the luciferian gnostics who are allies now with the satanists) also respect the feast of the Transfiguration. From wikipedia-- "In Catharism "transfiguration" is meant as personal transformation and evolution as opposed to referring to an actual Jesus. The meaning is esoteric." All I can do is put it out there. Hopefully the good guys can check it out.