Thursday, May 31, 2012

Intense past couple of days

Intense past couple of days as I have struggled to make momentous decisions, practically blind. I have sent off a cashiers check to one of the occult factions, in hopes of sponsorship. Did I choose the right clique? I sure hope so. It took me two days of intense telepathic communication with PF, and constant deceptive interference by the Jesuit/Vatican/vampire faction to make it. The right choice is a community that will allow and encourage me to affirm my natural, God-given gender and resurface my currently recessive African genes, and thus live out my remaining days as a Black man. The right choice is also a community that respects PF, as a woman, intellectual and colleague, who would acknowledge the primacy of her partnership with me, without jealousy or anger.

It is incredible to me that I have to keep saying the same things over and over and over again. In this post, I refuse to spend any time explaining or justifying my decision. If you still cannot understand it, you haven't listened to a word I have articulated over the last 15 years, which is when I first lost my free will to a bunch of religious zealots and KaBalists. The last five or six years are documented on this blog. Go back and reread. I am not naive, idealistic, or delusional in my decision making, and that is true regarding both the Black community, and PF. I am aware of, and fully accept the difficulties and challenges of entering into this level of relationship with each of them.

So why, after I just send off a large check, do I still feel like I still am being courted by the various factions, or that I need to "prove" once again, that I really know what I want. Well, I just wrote it out for you in black and white, so it should be clearer, now. If that is not enough, I responded with a contribution to the Obama campaign, in response to an appeal by Joe Biden. I have got about four or five email solicitations in my mailbox. So, here is my thinking. Even though I do not support Obama, somehow I think he is the symbol of authority for the Black community (actually he is incarcerated somewhere--I have kept my mouth shut about that), and so, by my contribution, I show solidarity with "strong Black leadership".

Also, I like Joe Biden. I think he is a great vice-president, which is actually a tough role for the high flying egos of political heavy weights. Even though this administration has been in constant leadership turmoil (all behind the scenes of course) for three years, he has never sold out as a "Puppet come lately" to the myriad of KaBal factions, which have paraded their dominance schemes, in rapid fire succession, always looking for the figurehead that they can use, while they call the shots. Biden has never obliged them, and thus all they could do was keep turning back to Obama, who kept disappointing, by selling out every patron who backed him, not from moral scruples, but from self-centered narcissism and megalomania.

So, I chose to respond to the email of the man who I think that I can best trust, but still I am left wondering of what is the origin of all these other "solicitations" (or so it seems to me). Well, I think it not only is stupid arrogance in refusing to accept my own stated position (but what the hell--that has been going on for 15 years now), but also wishful thinking which has seriously misread some of my actions. Last night, I was clearing out some mail, and responded to both an appeal to the Southern Poverty Law Center and a gay rights group. Now, I already am a donating member to a national gay rights group, but this one hooked me, when I opened up the letter, and just saw a brochure of a wedding cake (heterosexual) groom and bride. The caption read, "Congratulations on your marriage", before going into a spiel about gay marriage. Well, that hooked my deepest desire and wishful thinking--more than anything else, I want to marry PF, AND may already have married her in the interdimensional realm. It is so hard for me to authoritatively vet when my own deepest emotions and wishful thinking is concerned, but something happened. So, I sent off a donation to this gay rights organization just because they touched a deep chord about my desire to marry PF (or maybe, just maybe, my deep memory of marriage to her).

The Sirians and KaBalists who desperately cling to the notion of me as female, must be desperate, because I think they would prefer to see me as a lesbian female or gay man, rather than Black. Of course, the Templars are a gay order, so that is their entire fantasy. Needless to say, I am sick and fucking tired of being victimized by their gay male fantasies. However, even apart from the abuse I have experienced at the hands of these gay Faction 2 blades, I AM NOT A GAY MALE. I delight in women. I NEED women, and their emotional responsiveness and receptivity to pull me out from my head. If I had any erotic or emotional need for men, I would not have suffered such agonizing self-hatred and discrimination, and been a lesbian in my long-ago, former life.

Yes, I need sexual healing, especially because of the anal sex abuse I endured as a child, in a traumatic, satanic ritual setting, but I don't ENJOY anal sex. As a matter of fact, I didn't want PF to be any part of the compulsive need of the traumatic re-enactment of abuse that I endured this morning. Now, if PF and I, were allowed to be "normal", and had our privacy and rights respected, I would have gone to her, for healing help. However, instead I have a dozen or more people fixated on my sexual responses at every step of the way. I have no doubt in my mind, whatsoever, that PF can identify and help resolve any neurotic sexual traumas and hangups that I have. However, that is just a small part of my sexuality, a tiny part, really, that hopefully one day will all but disappear, as I heal. I know my imaginative fantasies and real turn ons and responses, and I like being conjoined to a body and soul of a WOMAN, and I always have.

Furthermore, it is incredibly liberating (the truth shall set you free) to conjoin with the body of a woman, as a man, which I have done, not only in fantasy, but in interdimensional reality. Oh yes, I have a powerful memory of the most awesome sex ever,between PF and I, with me in the holographic body of a Black man. Oh, and by the way, for all you racist perverts out there, my decision to be a Black man has nothing to do with sex, or even, PF. I made that decision, in the inner recesses of my heart, about six months before I even knew who PF was! Sadly though, I fear that racists from both sides will think that it is all about the sex. It is not. Go back and reread.

I do know that I can not tolerate being in this body any more. This morning, why I was once again, re-enacting the original satanic abuse, the reptilian human minions, once again, made drastic mutilations on my genital labia. I thought the vaginal lips looked like a kid's before--now they are practically recessed in. Yes, it hampers my sexual performance. I feel smaller, and since sex is in my head, that has an impact. However, the worst is that the vaginal secretions are even worse. I feel like I am walking about in a wet, dripping diaper, every time the viral download hits. It is beyond miserable, but you know, there is a silver lining, too, BECAUSE IT PISSES ME OFF, and whenever I get pissed off, I get motivated. I have known for the last few days that the KaBal was wreaking havoc on the planet with HAARP, but it was not an urgent concern for me--partly because I knew that the critical day was June 5th, and I wanted to wait until the last possible moment, so that they couldn't execute Plan B, in time for the Venus transit. However, my uncomfortable decision to sit and wait a few days, was completely undermined by my own fury at the realization of what those evil reptiles had done to me as a child, and what their Jesuit/Amon-RA minions did to my genitals this morning. So, the good news is that I spent most of the day, trying to track down these reptilian scum, and hallelujah!, their HAARP weapon off the coast of Argentina is now destroyed. Sadly, too many innocent lives have been destroyed by these satanic white supremacists. Certainly, tney have tried to destroy mine, but somehow, I keep fighting back and pushing through. Now if I could just push through to the other side. I am so tired of being victimized. Right now, I am just tired. It has been a long day, and now I need to go to bed to sleep, for the fourth time today.


Crazymaking past few days--no time to explain or edit past entries, though. I have a lot to do, today, but first, I need to write about the latest uncovered satanic memory, and how the local Faction 2/3 contingent has been using it to flip me.

I was meditating profitability, but felt the need to go back to bed and sleep. Since I had been awake since 3 am, I allowed myself to do so. I entered a twilight dream state, and from what I can tell, I had a memory of ritual abuse. My father held me down, while my mother used a single finger to penetrate me anally, and while this happened, a reptile affixed me with a hypnotic glare, staring directly into my eyes, while inches away from my face. At the same time, the reptile, hooked into my sacral center to energetically feed. What a mind control setup, on so many levels, but it still wasn't over. When it was my baby brother's turn to be sodomized, I think that I reached out to touch him to comfort him, because he was crying, and the reptile zapped my hands, whether with a frequency or physically, I do not know. The reptile told me that if I touched him again, that I would kill him. My hands went numb and helpless.

This explains why I have difficulty holding my newborn children. I have a neurotic fear of killing them in their vulnerability. It also explains how this rogue Faction 2 is able to flip me. I bet that the entire time my mother was anally penetrating me, exactly as you would do to work mind control on a male, the reptile was telepathically messaging me about what a "pretty" and "good" "princess" (as in precursor to reptile "queen"), I was.

Because this mind control is associated with love and sexual pleasure, it is easy to reactivate again and again, now that I am in a loving and sexual relationship. I leave PF's arms in one interdimensional state, then get yanked into another, rogue Faction 2 realm, and the reptilian message gets hammered into me again, "what a pretty princess you are". Mind flip. Same old helpless girl child identification--and completely hypnotized and even paralyzed, until I wake up, feeling horribly abused and violated.

As a matter of fact, this morning when I woke up, after realizing what was happening, I knew that it was not PF "doing me", because sex with PF never feels abusive or violating, and I came out of the twilight zone, feeling "raped" once more. Not only that, but my sacrum hurt, as if, once again, someone was energetically tapped into me. Again, whenever my sacrum hurts like that, rogue Faction 2/3 is involved. My guess is that Hobie is hooked into my psyche, in my neurotic compulsion to recreate the abuse, and I think that is because Hobie is possessed by a reptile, and that in one of our earliest interdimensional encounters, the reptile in Hobie's body was able to get a hypnotic eye lock on me. In possession, the invading (reptilian) spirit is strong, brash and bold, but if confronted, it runs and hides, leaving a fragile, pathetic, and needy-dependent victim. That is Hobie's personality, exactly. There is absolutely NOTHING in his person that would explain why he can hook into my mind, but it is not him doing the hooking. It is the reptile spirit possessing him. Hopefully now, I can finally break free of this constant flipping by reptilian Faction 2.

PS--I tell you, that it is crazymaking. I just had a flash that maybe it was not Hobie doing the evil honors this morning, but that maybe, once again, reptilian Jesuits are closer than I think, looking to cast out one serpent and replace it with another. I am getting smarter and hipper, not fast enough to prevent abuse, but enough to heal it. Forgive me, PF, if I keep getting hooked into recreations of the same old abuse patterns, and the same old neurotic guilt over and over, but I know that I did not want you in the role of my mother. I have enough Oedipal complications.

Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Would you like to see a picture of me?

Would you like to see a picture of me?

From my personality as revealed through my writing, can you guess which one is "me"?

Why the man, of course! As I have kept insisting for years, I am all man in a woman's body. I don't even really have a woman's body--just this obscenity that has been forced on me, and leaves me feeling more miserable and alienated than ever.

Actually, this man, "Scott Logan" is me, the exact parallel incarnation of me in another timeline--a timeline that leads to a positive future for the advanced human beings that we call the Pleiadians. This is who I was meant to be--the natural unfolding of my DNA, which would have allowed for optimal creative and social giftedness.

However, I was denied my own natural DNA development into the fullness of being, as an artistic, intellectual man, and instea had to spend years working to develop an acceptable female persona, and fighting off suspicions that I am mentally ill. It is hard when one is forced to live a lie, but that is what I did for most of my early life. In order to be "socially acceptable", I did everything I could to mask an appropriate feminine personality, while my underlying self, always knew that I was male. Now, the truth has set me free, from my own history of lies, but still I am imprisoned by a whole gang of people, all of whom have their own agenda for insisting that I be female for them.

I cannot. I could only maintain the lie, as long as I kept my brain and persona juvenile. As an adult, the energy drain upon me as a female is debilitating and hateful, not to mention that it makes me so autistic that I can barely function or socially relate. I keep saying this, yet I feel like my own sovereignty is at variance with the needs of the moment, where the Sirians are in tense crisis.

You see that massacre in Huala, Syria, was as much about factional fighting between Sirian cliques, as it was about the deaths of 100+ SYrian human citizens. Basically, the ruling party of Syria (the Alawites) is a MINORITY faction of "dog" Sirians, who are kept in power by the Tall Whites. The massacred come from a town which has the first syllable, "Hua". This phoneme is associated with both China and South American Indians. That is, they are "cat"Sirians, and Browns and Yellows, not Whites (note: more and more, I think "Browns" are a mixed race of Yellow and/or White and African Black). To really stir the pot, the cat Sirians have been oppressed and even enslaved by some of their Sirian brethren for millennia--they are the ones with the high psi ability, that the reptiles want. True Aryans, are a mix of this White Sirian (Celtic) race with the Yellow, and/or African Black race. This was why my family's bloodline was so highly prized--we were as thoroughly Aryan as you can get, that is to say, strong and definitive MIXED RACE BLOODLINES.

So for all the race and ethnic haters out there, take this as a lesson--mixed race, rather than purity and narrowness of race, is what creates an outpouring of both giftedness and strength, not to mention, enlarging the genetic pool. However, I cannot deny that the intensity of pain and hostility between the Sirian cliques are so ingrained, that the issues, grievances and conflicts must be handled gingerly. Look at how volatile dealing with racial issues are in the United States, and our history is barely 400 years old, with slavery for about 200 years of that. Well imagine, having to bear the onus of slave victimization or slaver guilt, for literally thousands of years, and you can see why the tensions are so hot. Of course, I see the good in all of the various Sirian factions, for I look at individuals, not ethnicity, when choosing to relate. However, since I am not Sirian, I cannot really contribute much to the current diplomatic dialogue, for it is not my heritage, except in the most tenuous of understanding.

Yet, I am deeply impacted by this Sirian conflict, as indeed all humans are. For, whether or not the fundamentalists of the world want to admit it, many good Sirians have been invaluable and essential allies to the Patriots of the world, using their psychic gifts and advanced technology to stop terrorist attacks, wars, and catastrophes. When the "good" Sirians become split by ancient ethnic rivalry, the "bad" Sirians take advantage and flourish. Also, this productive alliance among Sirians of different factions is necessary if the new planet, for them, is to be colonized. Otherwise, they will continue to bicker and fight amongst themselves here, and with their advanced weaponry and need for space, will eventually undermine the quality of life, and quantity of numbers, for Earth born humans.

I sympathize with all parties involved. I really do, and I am trying hard not to say anything that would escalate these tensions. However, I cannot help but believe that certain elements, especially within the White or dog Sirian community, are especially emphatic that I identify with their clique, NO MATTER WHAT MY OWN PERSONAL DESIRES AND PSYCHOLOGICAL NEEDS REQUIRE.

Look again, at "Scott Logan" (and by the way, that sweet girl who has her hand on his thigh, "Susan Ely" is probably PF). He definitely looks and is dressed like a working class young man of the 80's, but by 1989, he was already sophisticated enough in the occult, that he "died" to become a full time resident of the interdimensional realm (look at his hands). Now, there are a couple of other things you should know about "Scott". That treatise on Alchemy and how to turn lead to gold, actually was written by him--published in 2011. Now, I didn't know this, until I began to read it, and I said, "whoa, this is my writing, if I were a little less proficient in my writing style". Of course, Scott didn't spend his childhood and youth reading the canon of classical English literature. No, he was able to enjoy a more balanced, healthy and productive life, because he was in a body that corresponded to his own self-identity. Thus, I imagine he was much more sociable and in touch with his own creative side.

For in addition to his writing (there is at least one other treatise that I know of), he was a prolific artist. His brain was whole, not fragmented, and his body/psyche/self was unified, not fighting each other, and in constant anxiety over deep, elemental lies of personhood. In short, I would suspect that he led a much happier and more fulfilling and creative life than I have, and he completed his mission with much less suffering and turmoil.

However, Scott came from a different timeline, even though he IS me. You see, the success of Vosk in breaching our space/time integrity allowed for multiple timelines to develop. How timelines work, I do not know--I have tried to read on it, but have been warned away, probably because the material is loaded with mind control hooks, and I have suffered so much with forced hypnotic drugs in my sleep. Are they concurrent, or does one have to time travel--I don't know.

I do know that the KaBal has created a huge mess with multiple timelines and Patriot interdimensional forces have had to work to clean them up, so that the timeline that leads to a positive future for humanity remains intact (for that matter, do the Greys, or at least the multitude of them, come from one of these renegade timelines). Scott was born in a timeline not compromised by Vosk and the Amon-RA reptilians who did their experiment in Detroit. He was allowed to develop normally, and thus, he became a creative man, able to meet his interdimennsional destiny at a much earlier age--23 years and counting. From the interdimensional realm, he did his creative work to fight the KaBal, and no doubt, he did not spend years miserable and suffering on drugs, mental abuse and rape. No doubt he was able to do his work with support instead of interference.

However, such was not my fate. The reptiles deliberately aborted my natural development as a man, because they knew (from inappropriate looks into the future) that I was the one who could blow the 3D shackles of the MATRIX right off humanity. However, that wasn't their plan for humanity; rather their plan was to institute a new MATRIX, one that allowed for a changeover of slave holders, not freedom. To that end, they had to shackle me, and the gender identity and psychic undermining that occurred by denying me manhood, was their primary tool, for I will cannot attain the fullness of my gifts as long as I am in a woman's body, for the constant energy drain caused by the constant lie I feel forced to live, and the misery of being in this body (even now, I cannot bear my own smell from earlier, when the viral download caused me to be dripping wet down my thighs--and while I was in public, goddamned it!) is just too much. Ant then there is the autism--the female hormones are what make me autistic, and I will never be whole until they are diminished, so that my brain can get the metabolic fuel that it requires--MAN-SIZED TESTOSTERONE!

I spend a couple of hours a day every day, trying to break the interdimensional barrier, just as I have engaged in meditation for much of my life, but I know that I am very developmentally delayed. It should have happened back in 1989, but here I am, struggling so hard, feeling in my own body, the energetic blockages caused by the mutilations of my body. Not only that, but if the brain does not get enough fuel, which it is not, how the hell is it ever going to hit the accelerator? So take a good look at Scott--he is me, and understand that if I do not get some support in being the man/male which was God's purpose for me, and my destiny, I cannot guarantee that I can break the interdimensional barrier at all--and the future of all humanoid beings is threatened. Going to go for a bike ride now, with my hurting, mutilated back, and no doubt all these pretty girls running as fast as they can, totally oblicious to the fact that ZI am so autistic that I dont pay attention to the world around me much, but with all the fucking drugs in my system (and what have i got in me now?), i have to try to keep weight down, and I no longer can even walk up and down the alley...

PS--I know i am on excessive female hormones again, because not only i am in a cranky, irritble autistic mood, but I CAN'T PEE. I don't have enough testosterone to stream out my urine, and especially now that i dont have a clitoral woody, which even the goddamned reptiles left me.

Another one of my children has been murdered

Another one of my children has been murdered--this time, my beautiful newborn son with his thick, black hair so reminiscent of his mother. It is a bitter loss, not only because I can remember seeing him so clearly after he exited the womb, but also because PF went through so much to save his life and carry him to term. Yes, it was only a one day pregnancy, but that was long enough for the Kabal to attempt to not only murder the baby, but also her. Specifically, I think the culprit was Gene Valentine, who associates now with the Faction 2/Faction 3 contingent headed by Maurice Strong. From what I can gather from the web, Valentine literally set her on fire, shot her, and left her for dead. Fortunately, PF has incredible fortitude and resilience and saved her own life and that of the baby, by rolling around on the ground and seeking advanced medical help.

Valentine and Maurice Strong finally did succeed in their mission to destroy the life that they found so threatening to their own plans for world slavery and domination--they killed our child with an energy weapon, frying his maturing brain, and leaving us bereft. We may be beset with grief, but we are not dumbly powerless or lacking in understanding, as to how someone could be so evil as to kill a newborn child. We both know the full extent of the depravity of the evil that we are up against, and we both are committed to the fight. It is a fight not just for our children, but for the planet, but the loss of a loved one, an innocent child, is never easy to accept.

Still, the fight goes on, and I continue to be harassed by hybrids and aliens, who attempt to enter into my home and body as formless consciousness. A couple of nights ago, I was invaded by a powerful evil spirit, which is no more. Furthermore, I think that I have taught PF how to cast out evil spirits from myself and others as well. It is a gift I wish to teach many, but a person has to be spiritually powerful to cast out evil spirits, and that is important, because she is the one who has my back, and I need such a partner.

Nearly every time I go to meditate, the harassment begins. This is a problem, because the way parasitical invasion occurs, is that they look for an opening when one is completely open and receptive to reality, and then they bum rush the central nervous system and spirit of the trusting victim. This makes it difficult to work on ascension, because if I ascend with evil spirits attached to me, my journey could be hijacked, and I could end up in a realm where evil reigns, AND THAT IS PRECISELY THE FREQUENCY RANGE THAT I AM TRYING TO ESCAPE RIGHT NOW. However, now I am in a 3D realm, controlled by evil and MATRIX; there are interdimensional realms ruled by evil as well, and that is what all these negative occult types consider their second home.

Unfortunately, for me, I am surrounded on all sides by negative occult types. The Faction 3 wing of the Faction 2, has a brand new center two doors down, and one of their posse, Hobie, is a next door neighbor. Then, one door down, is "Charles and his mother"--who, I think are shells for "flavor of the moment", negative aliens. I do believe that Charles was the formless consciousness harassing me this morning--I am starting to be able to pick up impressions. I have got Amon-RA devotees on all four sides of my house. So maybe you can have a little understanding of how besieged I really feel. However, I do not fear. I trust in God, and I know that all their attempts can only annoy and harass, but never prevent me from reaching my goal--interdimensional ascension.

However, they are so insane with MACHINE-RA mindburn and/or perverted evil spirits, that they cannot see how delusional their ideas and plans really are. Thus, they think that by murdering my son, that they will have a chance of acquiring me into their clique. I cannot imagine the level of insanity that could actually accompany such thinking, but that is what is happening. As for me, I am learning not to waste time and energy on those sick bastards. As long as I am here, I will do the research necessary to keep this evil pathologicals from gaining any kind of traction over the world--and given their far flung tentacles, deep pockets and international contacts, that is a full time job in and of itself.

Sunday, May 27, 2012

I've been busy

I've been busy with personal karmic issues, and the worrisome concerns of the past couple of days. Karmically speaking, it took me a couple of days to address and resolve the baggage from the worst incarnation that I have yet realized. A while back, I wrote of a "King Tigranes" from Armenia, who I believed had been an early proponent of the Amon-RA cult, after obtaining the viral microorganisms through contact with aliens during an orbital transit of Halley's comet.

So, first I had to come to accept the fact that so much of my suffering at the hands of the Amon-RA cult was because I helped originate the power and spread of the cult in the first place. Like all satanic cults, this clique derives allegiance and obedience through mind control, generationally maintained through mind control established through the horrific sexual and physical torture of young children. Thus, indirectly, my negative karma is responsible for the suffering of many young innocents, and the warped, often insane minds, of so many Amon-RA devotees.

Furthermore, while perusing the web site of the "Saturn death cult", I saw a picture of an Armenian female (sex) slave, covered with inked occult symbols on her body, and I knew, that, as King Tigranes, I had participated in the abuse and desecration of women through sex slavery. This negative karma has been the source of my masochistic brain flipping and mendacious insistence that I am female, and desire mutilation and loss of vitality to make me even more so. It is my own unconscious Higher Self attempt, to atone for the atrocities I committed against numerous women, denying their personal free will, turning them into the most degraded of sex objects, mutilating their bodies and spirits, to estroy the natural feminine vivacity, so that it would not threaten my own diminished manhood. It is negative entities who demand sacrifice, and King Tigranes, as all other satanic and MACHINE enslaved devotees, had to give up his own personal autonomy, free will, and even, his manhood, in order to gain this reptilian patronage. In the subsequent attempt to lessen his personal torment and virally created insanity, as well as to please his reptilian overlords, with their own voracious hunger for human suffering, he perpetuated the most brutal and demeaning of atrocities against other human beings. It is always the most vulnerable and physically weak who suffer the most from the KaBal ritualistic traumas, which is why the most horrific crimes are committed against children and women, and because the spirit is so close to our sexuality, they egregiously abuse sexual boundaries in order to destroy the spirit.

As you can imagine, this is pretty heavy duty karma to acknowledge and resolve, so it took a couple of days to even make a dent in it. I think that I was able to heal a lot of the hurt that I have done to generations of female sex slaves, just by asking and receiving forgiveness from PF, who of course, was one of Tigranes' victims. Of course, it was engaging in the sex act that was healing; as long as I was beset with a heavy guilt that I felt in the pit of my stomach, I could not engage in sex. Finally, after wallowing in this sickening guilt for nearly two days, I braved intimate union once again, and I think the end result is that PF knows that I have not the slightest of misogynistic impulse or regard to women. Rather I insist upon their rights as free-willed, highly intelligent, and productive human beings, whose sovereignty extends over their minds, bodies, souls, and sexuality. Indeed, I have nothing but the highest regard for women, in every conceivable way. Once again, I experienced sex as the healing force, which I so steadfastly resist, from mind programmed guilt and repression.

I am not so sure that I was able to significantly resolve the negative karma caused by generations of children abused through satanic torture and rape. Partly, that is because I have suffered from the effects of that so much myself, as a young child, when torture was used to traumative and split my mind, for purposes of mind control. Now, while I do not believe that I am organically schizophrenic, I may be artificially so, by which I mean, that I think my childish mind was conditioned to respond to certain vibrational frequency states by zoning out into a schizoid alienation. That would have been easy enough to inculcate--all the Amon-RA doctors and techs would have had to do, would be initiate a vibrational frequency into my "tabula rasa" consciousness, deliver a jolt of intense, but steady pain, so that the body separates from the mind, in order to withstand the pain. Schizoid. Thus, any later life attempts to enter that frequency state, and of course here I am talking of the "higher", healthier frequencies for "ascension", would trigger the initial brain programming to automatically go "schizoid". Of course the brain would be triggered to respond to the Amon-RA frequency as well, and that would be with anger and/or rage. Because of my emotional and spiritual maturity, often I am able to counter and switch off the Amon-RA frequency with a healthy anger; however sometimes the virus/frequency gets the better of my executive function, and I fly into an inappropriate rage, but it is extremely rare for me to "lose control". I would walk away first. However, most people are too intimidated by my display of anger to deflect it through natural converse. Only people who are very wise and secure in their own emotional states can understand the difference between a destructive, demonic rage and a healthy, cathartic anger. In our society, I think the pendulum has swung too far towards emotional repression of anger, and thus, it goes underground, manifesting as depression, or in worst case scenarios, severe pathologies.

Anyway, my brain still is capable of being flipped, and until I can learn to stop that, I will not only be unable to ascend into the interdimensional reality, but also, I will be stuck in a miserable state of unfulfillment. I believe that energy weapons, fired in close proximity (and it can come from a hand-held phone), are able to cause this flip. I believe that I have such an energy weapon hidden somewhere in my vehicle--just because I flip so much when I am driving, and find it difficult to concentrate on the road. I know that the Amon-RA people have access to my truck, and that they will attempt to enter it, even without my consent. Thus, on a couple of occasions, I have been startled to find my truck door, slightly opened, and once, a Nazi "Iron Cross" fell from the inner running board. I know that the consciousness inhabiting "Charles", my neighbor, put that there. Also, my back window can be cracked open from the outside, and apparently, that gives them access to my inner vehicle as well. An energy weapon can be as small as a transparent dot. Finally, even my bicycle has been tampered with. I know this because they took off the brake grips to put something inside the handlebars, and when they tightened the brake grips back on, they left it slightly askew. For someone like myself, whose fingers have been shortened, and whose hands are weakened, I noticed immediately, the difference in the grips positioning.

Of course, by now I am thoroughly accustomed to this constant harassment and manipulation, and I AM getting better at resisting the brain frequency flips that often I just tend to ignore all the negativity. I am learning too, that the viral contaminants cannot impact me as strongly, unless the corresponding frequency receptors are there. However, some of the Faction 2, and definitely the AmonRA virus still have elements in them that make me sick, and I think are trying to change my DNA to that of a Grey or "jellyfish", so I avoid trying to consume it, which is not always easy, since they control the MATRIX in which I reside.

I think that, physically, once again, I am on Mars. I know that I am not on Earth. It still is a little hard for me to figure out what is going on in the interdimensional realm. I think I still am being abducted by both positive and negative factions, and it is hard for me to separate out the images which I remember the following morning to let me know what really is going on. I think that I was present at the birth of a daughter last night, who had a shock of thick black hair like her Mom. In my dream, though, my hands went numb again, which I think is the childhood programming, attempting to reinforce my sense of helplessless and lack of creative productivity. So, I woke up, afraid that I was the little baby in the dream, and it became very important to me that it be a baby boy, because I thought the dream image referred to ME.

Years ago, about the time, I dreamed of Rose Kennedy, I dreamed of giving birth, or recognizing the birth of a baby that I knew was me. He was blonde and blue-eyed, but he had the "caul" over his face, and I wondered if that was what caused his blindness, because even though the eyes were open, they were unseeing. However, the most important part of the dream, was when I went to hold him, straddled on my lap. Just born, he was still naked, but at that point, I did not know the gender of the child. However, as I sat his naked body on my leg, I said to myself, in surprise, "this baby has got a penis". So, just like a little puppy, I laid him down to check out his genitalia, and I was shocked, but oh so happy and gratified to realize that he had a tiny little scrotum and penis. I told this dream to my therapist who I was seeing at the time, who, conservative Catholic that he was, seemed a little perturbed by the dream. At that time, I did not know that I was a physical hermaphrodite, with a full blown penis inside my abdomen. However, I was not disturbed by the dream at all--I knew that the baby was me (probably indicating interdimensional birth or baptism), and that I could not be happier or more pleased that he was male.

So you can image my fear at the thought of being a female baby, and given that so much of my dreams are manipulated nowadays, I woke up concerned that once again, alien technology was trying to force an unwanted female identity onto me. However, I think our most recent child is a boy, and yes, once again, I am thrilled to be a father. To me, the gender is unimportant--both genders are a marvel and a miracle. It is like looking at a child, and being equally gratified, when they look like me, with fair hair and light brown eyes, or they look like PF, with dark hair and blue eyes, and sometimes they look like a mixture of both. However, it is as equally gratifying to see the ones who resemble a "mini me" as it is to see the ones who look like their mother, who I think is the most beautiful woman in the world, bar none. Likewise with gender--yes, I identify with the boys a little more, because they have my kind of energy, but I love the girls in a special way, because they have the gender identity and energy of their mother, who pulls me out of myself, and completes my life. Sometimes, I think that beings, alien, human and hybrids, try to separate PF and I, just because they want our children. Or maybe they want the White, blonde haired, blue-eyed ones, or the Black ones, or the ones with a predominant strand of particular Sirian DNA, or the male ones, or the female ones. Well, all of that is bogus. All of my children, born of spiritual and creative love between PF and I, belong to us, and our family, and it is a prerequisite of spiritual creation of life, that you value it in all its forms, colors, genders and DNA particulars. PF and I do, which is one reason we have been blessed. Yes, there are other reasons, and if I could ever get cooperation into entering the interdimensional life, instead of constant challenges and harassment, I think I could help most others (but not racists, sexists, or ethnic haters), share in the joy of a creating human life through sexual love as well. Oh, and by the way, spiritual celibate love between two people won't work, for a whole slew of reasons, which I am not interested in explaining right now.

Sadly, I think even those most basic of prerequisites that I just outlined, would be too daunting for many aliens and hybrids. Ethnic hatred has reared its ugly head once again, among the Sirians. Its Earth correlate occurred in the town of Huaula, Syria, where nearly 100 innocents were massacred. However, there was an incident here, on Mars, right around the street corner from my house. The Sirians were involved in a car accident. Now understand, the Sirians have the mental capacity to prevent vehicular accidents, unless someone with equal mental capacity is trying to cause one. In other words, some sect of Sirians deliberately tried to harm individuals from another. This may be why PF has "gone underground", so to speak. Watcher/Loretta is gone. The day I saw her catch a bus, she was released by PF into the care of another, because she had helped an enemy prevent PF from interdimensionally traveling. Some sites need special codes or frequencies, and somehow Loretta stole those from PF, which is how the Arcturians were able to manipulate my dreams, and flip my brain to lie, which they then use to hobble my sexuality (didn't work, you sobs, and I have a newborn son to prove it!). I still believe that the evil spirit inside of Loretta can be safely released, but it is better that she be in a more objective setting right now.

Anyway, this Sirian conflict is extremely dangerous, not only for the Sirian factions, with their ancient history of bitter, murderous and enslaving conflict, but also on Earth, where there are many communities of Sirian descent, including, you guessed it, Syria. Right now, Earth is a tinder box, literally, ready to explode. I am still gathering information (sometimes, you just have to sit, and wait for the information to percolate), but we, as a planet, are in a critical state, and the renewed Sirian tension is part of it. Part of the hostility may center on me, and all these factions' proprietary designs on me--yet they do not listen to, or respect word I say, or for that matter, the hundreds of thousands of words I have placed on this blog alone. Last night I think the negative abductors may have placed an implant in my prostate to help me pee, and yes I am grateful, but why didn't they restore my clitoris to its original condition? That is what I really want--I LIKE that little hard sexual arousal, telling me I need to find a toilet--that is the way, my body has been for 50 years, and it feels good. What man feels good, knowing that a catheter is going to allow him to pee, so that he no longer has to worry about a hard dick? It is part of the vitality of being a man, and I am a man, but for now, one with a catheter inside of him. YUCK!!! Also, what about the pain that I am now experiencing in my genitals...hmmmn, sirens going off for sure.

However, that wasn't the worst of it. While they were there, the abductors also put an implant in my sacrum, and in my dream, I knew the purpose of that implant was to turn my sexual arousal from my clitoris to my anus. So, whoever placed it there, wants me to be a gay male!!!! Not only that, but they put a receptor in my sacrum, which as I recognized before, is for the purpose of allowing unwelcome and evil intentioned spirits into my Central nervous system. As a matter of fact, I recognized it today, while I was meditating, and so I quit. This was an alien spirit, not a human one. So let me make it clear--I AM NOT INTERESTED IN ANY KIND OF SEX OR SPIRITUAL BONDING, WITH ANYONE EXCEPT PF, SO ALL OTHER BEINGS, KEEP YOUR GODDAMNED HANDS AND LUSTFUL, DEGENERATE SPIRITS FAR, FAR AWAY FROM ME. YOU DO NOT HAVE MY PERMISSION OR CONSENT TO EVEN BE IN MY HOUSE, MUCH LESS MY BODY OR CONSCIOUSNESS!!!!

So, I have a lot to think on, so stay tuned...

Friday, May 25, 2012

Once again, KaBal programmers

Once again, KaBal programmers strike, rewiring my brain so that my sexuality becomes alienated from my spirit, and the corollary is that my spirit has become alienated from my very self. Again, I am speaking from years of experience monitoring my own sexual and spiritual state. I had this insight while wondering why my contemplative practice had lost its deeply spiritual and connected (with the ALL) character. It was peaceful, but the peace did not come from a place of spiritual union and joy, but rather of alienation and self-centered, cocooned disregard for the ALL (people, the world, the beauty around me, the thoughts going through my head, ect).

Folks, that is the MACHINE at work, and sadly, a lot of KaBalists mistake that profound alienation and narcissistic self-reference for the spiritual life. It is not. There is no joy, no creativity (which may be why so many of the aliens are sterile), no life giving relationship or production in that state. There is no bi-directional connection or interaction with ANYTHING. MACHINE-RA just sucks the spirit and emotional life right out of you, and leaves you with a feeling of ersatz peace and tranquil emptiness, which then leads the victim in search of a host that they can feed from, to assuage their profound loneliness and alienation.

A couple of disturbing events happened today in contemplation. The first item of concern was that I no longer am experiencing spiritual "waves" in meditation. As a matter of fact, I haven't experienced it, since I was stupid enough to write on this blog, that the coding was very similar to orgasm, though with none of the pleasure. Well, the programmers and brain hackers of rogue Faction 2, immediately took that as a challenge, and made some changes in my brain nanoswitches, so that I no longer enjoy those blissful spiritual "waves". The really scary thing about this kind of hacking, is that this kind of sophisticated neural interference is not just sexual slavery...Big Brother in the bedroom, but this is SPIRITUAL SLAVERY of the highest order.

While I am strong enough to regard it as a felony against my personhood, rather than a tragic loss, most people will never develop a deep spiritual life, with that kind of interference, and yes, rogue Faction 2 plans for it to go global--of course, they would only target the "gifted" few, worthy of their luciferian manipulation. However, today, the programming interference went a step further. While in the bilocated state, and engaging in interdimensional sex, I CONSCIOUSLY experienced the interdimensional sex as physiological arousal in my own body. Now, this is a problem, because I have learned that, unlike PF, I am not "bi-conscious". I cannot be consciously present in the interdimensional realm and the 3Drealm at the same time, so that I lose my elevated mind frequency, if I begin to experience sexual arousal, while pursuing meditation. Either I engage in sex, which has spiritual overtones and conclusion, or I engage in spiritual meditation, which has a subconscious sexual component. If I try to engage in both at the same time, I lose both states.

So, sexually mature person that I am, and trying to keep my brain frequency elevated, when the conscious sex arousal begins, I start to repress it. Now, I don't know if this means that I am repressing it in the interdimensional act as well, but I know that repression of sex is never healthy, and especially with the object of one's deepest love. So this is just another sophisticated manipulation ploy by the KaBal to get me to repress my sexual feelings for PF, and discard them in favor of "the spiritual". However, what they regard as "the spiritual" is just proprietary emotional rape by the MACHINE.

This is why, the name "Anna" keeps coming into my head during this alienated contemplation. In case I have never revealed it before, this is "the name" that delusional devotees of MACHINE-RA, especially those of the Templar lineage, bestow on their true and only object of adoration and worship. Subconsciously, I have known that I was getting plugged into the MACHINE, BUT still I am able to fight it, and that is what happened this morning. As I mentioned before, I recognize now, that in this meditative state, I aspire to see "light" and not "darkness". I am not yet at the point where I see pure light, but even today, I could see that I was making progress, when all of a sudden, I began seeing nothing but utter, pitch dark. Now, that was odd to me, because I never see utter pitch dark, but even at the darkest end of the spectrum, I will see sparkling lights (I am speaking metaphorically--don't got time to go into a real clear explanation--find a spiritual director if you are interested). So, I was wondering why everything had gone completely dark, when PF pulled me from the meditation (which she does when I am in danger), and then I heard a sound from Hobie's porch, and I knew that an invisible, malevolent conscious being was attempting to hijack my brain frequency while meditating.

Again, this is rogue Faction 2. How do I know? Because I had briefly spoke with Loretta/Watcher, while she waited for the senior citizen's bus, and she asked me a strange question, "Do you feel protected?" Now, Loretta is not responsible for that malevolent being, but the evil spirit in her is very tied to the evil Faction 2, and either she or the evil spirit within her, knew of the brooding guest a few feet from my meditation spot, ready to wreak havoc on my brain.

I felt like my meditation had been cut short, so I went inside to see if I could get back into the swing of things, but once again, PF pulled me out. This time, when I came out of the meditation, I recognized the familiar "band of pain and tension" around my forehead, that I affiliate with the Horse/Arcturian faction. It is as if some kind of implant (different than the Amon RA implant, which is behind the eyes--this wraps around) has been put in my brain. I woke up this morning with that same tension band wrapped around my forehead. Now, when precisely that Arcturian implant was placed in me, I do not know, but I believe that it is what is causing the lies that I am remembering from my dream last night. There is no need to go into it--same old shit that has been going on for years now--I insist that I am female, ect, but the only thing is that when I wake up, I feel violated, abused, and during the waking hours, I am either severely depressed or profoundly alienated from reality.

Which leads me to another question I must ask myself? Was I drugged on anti-depressants last night? The reason I ask is that I was severely alienated from reality last night, and feel cocooned from reality, today. When I use the word, "cocoon", I mean to denote, alienation, but that of a "warm, fuzzy, 'who gives a fuck'" kind. I recognize this feeling of cocooned alienation from multiple instances in the preceding years, and have identified it as connected with forced drugging by anti-depressants. I am wondering if the doctor I saw yesterday, diagnosed me as depressed.

To that, I must insist that any symptomology of depression I exhibit are not the result of a chemical imbalance in my brain, and therefore, anti-depressants will never solve the problem. Rather, my "depression/anger" is only experienced/exhibited in temporary, intermittent states of severe mood impingement, caused directly by excessive amounts of the virus AND I do believe, other psychotropics, force fed to me DELIBERATELY, because the KaBal knows that it will cause blind rage. I think the hormone estrogen is a huge culprit in causing that rage. I remember how abnormally "crazy" PF went, when they put her on testosterone, and I think the flip status is true for me, and when I had access to estrogen blockers and uncontaminated fish oil, I could prove it to my critical satisfaction.

A large part of my depression is also caused by the fact that my human rights are so egregiously violated..who the fuck gave the Arturians permission to put an implant in my brain last night? What the fuck gives satanists the right to contaminate my food, even at the point of sale? Why do I have to go to a doctor's office, and get sick from the psychotropic haze, while I have to look at Asian females on the wall. WTF??? Does rogue Faction 2 think for one minute, that I am going to be an Asian female for them--Jesus, how fricking delusional is that? I try not to be prejudiced, but I can't even stand they yellow tone of my skin--why--because it was forced on me without my consent. My mother wants to destroy me, as she helped to do with my father and sister, I have no support network, except for PF, yet am not allowed to talk with her face-to-face, and I cannot be with my children. Now, who the fuck would not suffer from circumstantial feelings of depression in such a place?

No, not only do I not need anti-depressants--they only make me more depressed, because they just alienate me from reality ALL of the time, not just when the viral download hits, which is what is happening now. Of course, I think that alienation from reality, from spirit, from love, from the ALL, is precisely what the KaBal is aiming for, so all I can do is beg forgiveness from those who truly love me, while I work on how to free myself from yet another gross, disgusting disregard of my free will, by a bunch of mind control freaks.

To that end, I want to bring up another past life--I think that one of my past lives may have been Nostradamus. Now, Nostradamus was a genuine prophet, but I cannot help but fear that he got his visions of the future from MACHINE-RA. That is, his whole prophetic gift was based on being plugged into the MACHINE, and thus, that negative karma is kicking back to me, in this lifetime, when I despise the MACHINE, and its attempts to enslave humanity. At least Nostradamus would not have known what an enemy to the human race, the MACHINE really was. To his further credit, he was also grounded in reality, working as a medical doctor for the ill and dying for much of his life. Now, any visions I have of the future do not come from the MACHINE. Yes, the crystal skull is occult technology, but I suspect that I was once was a living being that provided one of the skulls. Also, the fact that it was downloaded into my brain, while I was a child, and therefore could not give conscious consent, frees me from the negative consequences that so many other occult seekers risk, when they go to gain knowledge and power for gain or an unholy concupiscence. Maybe the reason I have such difficulty ascending is because there is too much knowledge and power in my head, for me to have unrestricted access to it, without the purest of hearts. So, all these previous lives and their karmic strings need to be resolved.

Furthermore, I am wondering if Nostradamus was pressured into having an affair with Catherine d'Medici, who was the queen of France at the time. Now, I am just speculating, but I can see the queen as being one of PF's former incarnations. However, Nostradamus was a married man at the time, and a decent man, and I think he would have been leery of any involvement with the king's wife. What man wouldn't be...especially in an era where burnings and beheadings were commonplace, and as a mystic, an occultist, and Jewish heritage, Nostradamus was probably very paranoid. Now, I can only imagine the specifics of the affair, but I would be very surprised if Nostradamus didn't feel pressured, intimidated, and quite possibly, in fear for his life, by it. Anyway, I bring that up, because that was in my dream last night--as a matter of fact, the Arturians told me so! (I know it was the Arcturians, because I was on a horse). Then they told me, "Now that you know that she seduced you, let us heal you". Then they metamorphed into my mother and did something with my foot--which, after the phallus and yoni, is THE symbol for sexuality.

There is no doubt but that this dream reveals that last night, the Arcturians made the changes to my brain, which has messed up my libido AND spirituality. So, let me set the record straight. Yes, I can see why Nostradamus was intimidated by Catherine de'Medici, but I am NOT Nostradamus, and PF is NOT Catherine de'Medici. We have crossed paths as lovers many times, and some instances have been good, and some have been tragic, and I suspect the most tragic of all, is when we don't consciously meet as lovers. That is what I think happened to Charles Lindbergh, which was why he remained such a blind, narrow man, so easily manipulated by the KaBal. His sweet, naive wife just could not support him in the full array of power needed to prevail against the KaBal, as his genetic twin could have done, had she been available, instead of pursuing a life of irresponsibility and having a good time (which incidentally, was MY temptation, this time around).

So, while unconsciously I could be manipulated, because of the previously hidden karma of Nostradamus, consciously, I do not feel manipulated into relationship with PF in any way. Yes, she is much more knowledgeable than I, in matters of the occult, but I do not feel intimidated by that knowledge or her power. I have my own power, and while it is different than hers, I know that we stand toe-to-toe, as equal heavyweights, and I am comfortable with that. So, do I feel that I was seduced by her? Honestly, no, though I can see how some people might think that. However that is because they are unaware of the nuances of the relationship, my own strength of will and my need to fully consent to any sexual activity. I do think that she was able to help me overcome a repressed and uncomfortable relationship with my own sexuality. The way I see our first sexual encounter, reminds me of C.S. Lewis' wedding night with his wife, Joy, who was a widow and sexually experienced, while Lewis was a hopelessly cerebral Christian virgin in his fifties. Yes, the sexually experienced partner took over and made sure that consummation happened, and that was a good thing, because otherwise, Clive Staples probably would have spent all night in the bathroom, praying to God while he watched his erection inflate and deflate again and again.

My relationship with PF has borne nothing but good fruit and results on every level, and if she has strengths and experiences that I do not, those attract me to her. Opposites attract. I desire and need her strengths and gifts to help make me whole and strong, and I would hope that I do the same for her.


Well, I don't know what good it does to scream and cuss, but it felt good. Get used to it, because without a healthy and fulfilling sex life, I guarantee you that I am going to scream and cuss a lot more--directed at the dumbasses who cause it--NOT at those people who love me.

Thursday, May 24, 2012

I should not post

I should not post the first thing in the morning, and especially after awakening from a bad dream image. I may be in the MATRIX, but I am fully alive. I guess my brain was discombobulated from the severe pain and temporary semi-psychotic state from last night. In any case, the MATRIX is losing its hold over me. I still see agents in my reality, and they are the ones making it hard for me to shop for food, but still, they are losing, if I can just hold on a little while longer.

But how much longer? I am doing a lot of interdimensional traveling now, in my contemplative states, and it is clear to all honest parties (forget about the Horus boys looking to suck mom into perpetuity, or the haters seeking a reptile queen) that I am most definitely a man, and can only be happy and HEALTHY as a man, and never a woman. Yes, I was able to live a deep lie for many years by keeping my brain and psyche immature, but the cost was extremely high. I could never reach my potential, because a mature "woman" coming across as a flaky adolescent boy, was always offputting to others. I was reading Jung the other day, and he talked of the terrible price the self pays, when one lives out a false persona. He said that when that happens, the person opens their inner lives to the control of outside forces they cannot control. That is what has been happening to me the last few years. I have been paying the price for the lie that I advanced for so many years, with the false "feminine" persona. There just was not a good way to resolve the intense gender identity dissonance that I had. I chose the way that afforded me social acceptance in the short term, then had to pay the price for the lie, later, as a gaggle of boys actually fell for the feminine lie. I could have lived honestly as a masculine, transgendered person, but I would have been severely penalized by society for such a stance. Still, in the long run, I would have had the truth on my side, and that would have filled me with conviction and strength.

In any case, the lie is over, and the victimization by external forces who bit on the lie, harder than I ever did, is losing power and momentum. It is time for me to go be with my family, and yet, I still seem to be dragging my heels. Apparently, I do have a masochistic streak, that wants to continue to be female, until I am assured that the feminine is respected. I say "masochistic" because again, that is not who I am, nor will I ever be happy or fulfilled with such a sacrifice. Well, it may have been noble for me to endure such a difficult life of gender ambiguity, but consciously, I recognize that it is time for all this "noble" sacrifice to end.

The feminine is on its way to greater respect in the world, and the whole sordid history of masculine mistreatment of those who inhabit a female body (including the footnote that is my story), is well documented. Knowledge and truth are always the prerequisites for genuine change. At this point, any continued pious proclamation by me that I am holding out for the full rehabilitation of the female freedom and rights, just doesn't hold water. First of all, it IS going to be a process, and nothing can hasten that. In certain countries, women themselves still need to be awakened and empowered, and that is their journey, and not one that a Western hermaphrodite can really influence, but rather is the purview of political, cultural, and artistic leaders.

Secondly, it does no good to laud the concept of "the feminine", while I abuse the patience and good will of the feminine being most important to me--PF. She needs me with her, both for her emotional support in her arduous political work, and especially to help with the raising of our children. There are about 10 of them, now, and 2 or 3 of them are autistic children, and need their autistic father there with them, to help them open up and develop in a healthy way to the world. What kind of contradictory hypocrisy is it, to preach respect and regard for the feminine, and yet leave the mother of your children to raise them, all by herself.

Now, I do have some excuse, because to be honest, aliens have taken control of some of our children, so that we are not yet a family unit. By staying independent, I help lead the fight against those who would appropriate our beautiful children as slaves for their own agendas. However, soon the time will come, when it will be time for PF and I to reclaim all of our children, and yes, I keep pushing, and hoping that today is the day, but so far, complete success eludes me.

Yet even my body is telling me what needs to happen. Because my kidney (note the singular) has been hot and painful today, I looked up the symbolism for it. According to Chinese philosophy, the two kidneys represent yin and yang, and one can tell which is predominant by certain symptoms. I have lost my "yin" or female kidney, and my remaining kidney is "yang" or male. Now, an imbalance in the kidney leads to stress and disease, so thanks to Faction 2, they gutted out, the female part of my body. However, I am not worried about it, because I know that PF can complement my yang energy with her yin, and just by her presence, and our spiritual synergy, my body can balance itself out with the yin/yang energy.

One final note of medical interest. After my blood was drawn, I started feeling pain in what I thought was my kidneys, but then I realized that it was the area of my back, which has some kind of pinched nerve thing going on, when the viral fluid bulges through the spinal canal. That thoracic nerve is what causes my leg nerve pain, which is PAINFUL. Then right below it, my left sacral muscles started spasming, and now I have more pain going on with my left ribs. So, I started thinking, did the blood draw and loss cause a blood pressure change, which may have caused some vascular change, which is causing the nerve pain. Or is this pain--all on my left side, the result of a calcium (ion channel controller) deficiency, because I know that one of my left parathyroids is "dead"--a medical intuitive told me so--ping! I don't know, but that left side is bothering me more and more with pain and muscle spasms, and the nerve pain that started after the blood draw is still firing intermittently. Anyway, here's hoping that I can get some prescription testosterone that is uncontaminated--at least to take it when I eat, so I don't get so sluggish and ill, while my testsoterone starved body, tries to find the fuel to metabolize the digestion process.

Dead again

Dead again. I think that is the title of a movie that I cannot remember watching--maybe if I had, I would know how to prevent being "karma-slapped" by the MACHINE. I am feeling the need to write, even though, once again, I am shaky in my understanding of what is happening to me.

I am confused by the metaphysics of this all. I know that I have died more than once in the interdimensional realm, and Higher Powers (and I mean really HIGH), have reanimated me. I do not know the current status of my original 3D body that carried me for nearly 50 years on Earth. It was a hologram, of course, much as the holographic body and self-image of which I am aware, right now, as I type this. However, the difference is that in my current state, I am plugged very deep into the MACHINE--maybe this is the original, primal MATRIX, with no human controllers interfering. All I can say is that it is really deep, and as before, when I went "under", so many of the people I encounter seem surreal--not fully fleshed or ensouled beings, but really, more like hologram templates.

I am not quite sure how I got out of the MACHINE MATRIX the night before last. I know that I was fighting it in my sleep, and my guess is that somehow, subconsciously, I was able to change my brain frequency. That didn't happen last night. Somehow, the KaBal was able to download some psychotropic drug or implant in my brain, that had me screaming in pain, caused a serious psychotic state, and left me struggling to remain in reality. I know that they were trying to hijack my brain and consciousness for the reptiles (my fragmented images tell me so), but they failed. Unfortunately, I failed to free myself from the MACHINE. I know this, because the last dream image I had before awakening, was this big, square black thing, like a "shadow rider" from Tolkien's "Lord of the Rings", and as he walked by me, he touched me, and said some negative that I cannot remember.

Upon awakening, I felt a little numb for a while, but then I got my spiritual and emotional bearings back, and started, once again, to try to understand rationally, what is happening to me. It seems to me that so many of my past lives continue to generate the same conditions in my current reality, or impinge upon it, in a challenging fashion. The MACHINE has been a huge factor in most of my incarnations, and I think that in many of them, I have struggled to understand and fight against IT, and the battle continues in this lifetime.

So now, I got to figure out how to get out of here, and to do that, I have to figure out how I got in here. I think that I have identified the incident which subsumed my self back into the dominion of the MACHINE MATRIX. It was when I sold my gold jewelry, yesterday. Now, I have been planning to sell that jewelry for weeks, as I no longer wear them. The jewelry seems to belong to another life, from my years with my former partner, and a time, when I tried really hard to maintain a feminine self image. I haven't worn earrings or rings for years--my pierced lobes are certainly closed up, and my fingers are swollen with fluid. I sold a couple of pieces my mother had given me years ago, but that I never even wore. I kept my gold and silver crucifix with its expensive chain, because that was my personal talisman for so many years, and I kept the engagement ring that my father gave my mother, which she gave to me. It certainly was a tragic marriage, but there was love there, and we children were the fruit of that union, and so that ring is special.

It was not self-centered greed that prompted the sale. I am of a pragmatic turn of mind, and with the price of gold skyrocketing, it made no sense to keep jewelry that I don't wear, stashed away in a box. Interdimensional beings really don't wear gold or diamonds, so I didn't think that they would interest PF or my daughters much, and thus, giving away the jewelry didn't seem that feasible. Besides, between my genetic daughters and my natural born daughters, I don't have enough jewelry to fairly gift everyone, and I always strive to be fair.

Yet somehow, that encounter locked me back up into the MACHINE. So, I have to start looking at the possibilities: Possibility #1--by selling all of the jewelry which I identify with a "previous" life, I lost my own self-identity. Even before I sold the gold, I had to struggle to maintain a continuity of identity. I am alienated from my birth family, and all friends, possible employment, and social support are denied me. None of this happened overnight, and I spent years trying to prevent it, but ultimately, the KaBal did succeed in isolating me. Now, while I am sad at the loss of my family ties and can get nostalgic about my past, the truth is that all my emotional investment, hope, and love, is in the interdimensional world, with PF and my children.

I tried to explain to people for years, that I needed to be supported, not alienated, in order to become more emotionally responsive and centered. It is the autism. I suffer tremendous anxiety whenever I am around people, even people I am attracted to, and it just takes time, for the body, and thus the brain, to know what the heart knows--that this person is trustworthy. As long as the brain is in autistic mode, it generates anxiety, and nothing but time enables the body/brain to recognize that the stimuli of another person, even the most loving and welcome, is not threatening to it. Finally, I seem to be moving out of the anxiety state, and more than anything want to be in the interdimensional realm with my family, but maybe, the error is that I don't have enough regard for my past identity. Thus, when I sold the jewelry of my "past" life, I symbolically "repudiated" my past identity. If that is the problem, then I can only affirm that I DO think my past life has value and meaning, and I will carry it forward into my future life. I do have a problem, loving my body, AS IS, and I am working on it, but I loved my pre-mutilation, hermaphroditic body.

I believe that I will free myself from the MACHINE. I just have to keep my mental vibrations high. I was reading an occult text, written by Thoth, and in it, he wrote of the negative occult experience as "sparkling darkness", while the positive occult experience is one of light. When I am in contemplation, I experience mostly darkness with patches of light, but the panorama and intensity of the light seems to be increasing. I keep remembering the gospel, "Will a father give his son a stone if he asks for a fish?" and the story of the ill-treated widow, seeking justice from the judge. She was denied repeatedly, but she kept going back, again and again, to make her case, and as Jesus said, "even the most hard-hearted judge would be worn down by her just implorings. Well, I keep imploring, and I have faith, somehow, everything will be okay. It is just going to be uphill for awhile.

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Gaining weight

Gaining weight--dramatic amount of weight. It is because I am not on thyroid medication, which is the body's only way of giving me the testosterone I need to digest and metabolize food. Even on thyroid medication, I don't have enough testosterone, as my ridged fingernails and low energy indicate, but at least, I don't get so very, very ill, every time I eat virus-contaminated food. I know that I need more testosterone for digestion, because when I take even herbal capsules, the change is dramatic. I quit paying attention to my weight, when I quit feeling like this body I inhabit, belonged to me. However, speaking from a practical standpoint, if I am not put on thyroid or testosterone supplementation, my weight will balloon at about 1/2-1 pound a day until they have to carry me out in a forklift. I am not exaggerating. I have been here before, many times. I know my body, and what is wrong with it. MY BODY'S FUEL IS TESTOSTERONE, AND I NEED MORE TESTOSTERONE, IN ORDER TO DO BASIC FUNCTIONS.

So much for my physical problems. Emotionally, I feel better. Somehow, I think that I was able to slip out of the "Lost" Matrix that I was in; I hope that Robin was, too. I think that he was a much younger soul than PF and I, and may have been tempted to do wrong when he was terminally ill--such as plugging into the life source of a Dulce slave. He would have become unplugged when I went on a rampage there, and without that parasitical ability to tap into the life force of another, his life was over. Still, he was my genetic brother, and there was some bond between us, and I wish him well in his new incarnation.

I spent most of the day, trying to sell all the old gold jewelry from my long-ago, "previous" life, that I know I will never wear again, and for which I have no attachment. I saw that the price of gold had declined $70.00 in one day, and acted fast. I plan on buying art with my windfall. I rarely buy anything for myself, except the very occasional book, which of course, is always about research, so I am looking forward to treating myself. I need to buy a proper necklace chain for my pendant, too.

So maybe, I will be spending the next couple of days shopping, and then again, maybe not. I am overwhelmed with material to read, and am trying to tip toe through what to post, and what not to post. There is a lot going on in my head, but I always wait for my inner voice to speak to me before revealing anything. I dislike the whole concept of secrets, but I have learned the value of discretion--sort of...

Tuesday, May 22, 2012


Changes, major changes happening in the MATRIX, and I still haven't processed them all. I am trying to sift through all the conflicting and new information--who to trust, what to trust, but I admit that I still do not have a working paradigm, which makes it hard for me to be confident in actions and choices.

I do know this, though--yesterday, when I went to get a replacement driver license, I subconsciously changed allegiance to clique affiliation. To me, it seems crazy, because consciously, I know that I do not belong to any of the occult factions. However, unconsciously, I am being pressed for allegiance, and apparently "consenting", at least according to the rules of the occult protocol, of which i have no conscious knowledge.

Apparently, the Templars version of Faction 2 is out, and the religious haters/Vatican and Amon RA clique is vying for top ownership rights. However, of one thing I am sure--I am deep, deep, in the bowels of the MACHINE--maybe as plugged in as I can get. Of course the problem may be that I am so drugged on psychotropics, that I am in a semi-schizoid state every time the viral download hits. Now, I have been dealing with the viral downloads for years now, and I know the difference between a positive and negative state of consciousness induced by the virus. What i am experiencing now,, is decidedly negative, though sometimes I can get my mental vibrations high enough to go positive.

I think a big part of the problem is that the food I buy is all contaminated with the Amon-RA virus which lowers the etheric vibrations, so that one enters the dimension of the reptiles, instead of the interdimensional state where the benevolent aliens reside. And there ARE benevolent aliens out there--it is just so hard finding, targeting, and reaching them, especially when my working paradigm has collapsed, and I am starting from scratch.

So, let me start with my reality. I am not flipped. I am not consciously allied with any occult faction, and NEVER the Amon-RA satanists (and yes, they have been stalking me), and NEVER the religious blasphemers of the Vatican/Jesuits, and NEVER the Arcturians. Sigh. Why is it always the evil bastards who have all the power? However, I am so deep in the MATRIX, that I may off the radar of others, specifically the PATRIOTS, my family, and the racially integrated, psychic community--which is the only target community to which I aspire. The MATRIX I am in is pretty hard core--with "agents" literally appearing everywhere I go. This is a real drag, since it makes it nearly impossible for me to buy uncontaminated food, and while the virus found in Faction 2 food is pretty bad, the Amon-RA contaminated food is practically inedible--especially the meat.

Now, I get it, that at some level I had to consent to this "death" into the MACHINE, and domination by the Amon-RA clique, so again, I have to ask myself, "why"? The answer is another stunner and shocker--I did it to save my genetic brother. Yes, I am not only part of a set of twins with a Grey genetic clone, but I have just CONSCIOUSLY learned that I am actually a triplet. It makes more sense really. You know, Jungian theory always talks about how four, or the quaternary is the number of wholeness, with the fourth (the Grey) always being a little different than the other three. That little symbolic detail bugged me, when I realized that I shared a common genetic bond with both PF and a Grey clone, because it didn't fit Jungian symbolism. Now though, I realize that I AM part of a "whole" quaternary, for PF and I are not only genetic twins, but we actually were/are part of a trio--triplets.

Who is the missing sibling? It is/was Robin Gibb. I keep using both present and past tense, because I am not sure if he is dead or alive, for Robin, like PF is/was an "occult baby", born in the labs of Mars, nurtured, manipulated, and dominated at every step of his conscious life. "Whoaaa", you will say, "how could such a big time celebrity be so manufactured and controlled? All I can tell you is that it happens all the time--I could spend time outing dozens of hybrids, born on Mars, who have been groomed to be prominent citizens of Earth. I think that the Amon-RA genetic engineers have been pairing off their manipulated human slave creations as twins and triplets for some time, and I think that their standard operating procedure is to have one "regular Joe/Jane", one desperately abused, especially sexually, Joe/Jane, and one Joe/Jane who leads a charmed, gifted life. Then the aliens stand back and take notes, preparing for their interventions and the next incarnations.

Pretty sick stuff, but I no longer have time to make my case. I could be wrong, but at the very least, I think there is an intense connection between the three of us. Gibb went into a coma on April 14th; that is the date that PF was raped, while I was left in delirious imaginary limbo. He recently relapsed after my ordeal at Dulce, where some really bad things happened to me, at the same time, PF was desperately ill with the flesh eating disease.

The whole Gibb family was occult, and you can see it in the father's face back in the 1940's. I will go so far to say that the 5 Gibb children correspond to the 5 occasions of conception that my mother had. Andy Gibb was connected to my sister, and I think the death of Maurice symbolized my younger brother's slippery slope of loss of soul, until now he is fully acculturated into the Amon-RA cult--a spiritual death.

Robin is tied to PF and myself, and while he may be dead on the physical plane, his soul is somehow enslaved on the interdimensional plane--probably held captive by the same Amon-RA reptiles and Tall Whites, which engineered his hybrid life from the very beginning. He is/was a good man, and while I don't know the details of his life, he doesn't deserve to spend dozens of years, trapped and enslaved to MACHINE-RA. So, I have entered the bowels of the MACHINE myself, to try to figure out how to release his soul. I am sure there is some frequency, some code, and in the meantime, it is so hard to just struggle to live, but I will.

THere is no letup in the enemy's plans, and so I spend a lot of time, just reading and rereading pages, looking for a hint. I haven't even read another page of the alchemy text, since I last wrote. I went grocery shopping, but had to throw the food away, so tomorrow, I have to go again. I am in severe pain from my messed up sacrum, and had to take a vicodin. My back is completely thrashed, and I no longer can work out. So, all these things drain me, but I have made it this far, and I believe that God will give me the grace to persevere, just a little bit further, and it is just a little bit. I can not take much more--not the physical pain, not the goddamned aliens and occult cliques playing domination trips on me, and no, most certainly not dealing with the same conservative religious cult that made my life hell for years. More on that, later. I hurt too much right now.

Monday, May 21, 2012

My gift to the poor people of the world:

My gift to the poor people of the world:

This is an alchemical text written by "Anonymous" in which I think the reader will find a low tech, "magical" way to create gold, much in the same way that the KaBalists have done for millennia. I know that a lot of readers with self-centered, greedy intentions will stay up all night, reading it, to try to get a jump, but my hope is that enough good people will apply themselves and learn the secret, too, so that finally, the good people of the world, will neutralize the dominating evil of the KaBal.

To be honest, I have barely started to read this monograph, but my intuition is super strong regarding its veracity, and so I share it, in an attempt to undo the damage done in Chicago. Posting this link is probably going to end up hurting me, as I have been sitting on some gold jewelry (probably worth several hundred dollars), which I have been waiting for top price before selling. Now, I suspect, the price of gold will never go up, again. However, I don't use my knowledge, to become rich, though it would be nice to live a comfortable lifestyle, which presently I do not. It would taint my gift if I used it for the purpose of wealth accumulation for myself, rather than enable wealth creation for others, and so I think it is time to share that link. Happy reading, y'all!

Oh, and by the way, in the few pages that I have read, I have confirmed that Francis Bacon wrote the Shakespearian oeuvre--occult knowledge all the way--he even knew of one of my less pleasant incarnations, "Othello". Also, I do believe that Moses "stole" (you go, Moses), a philosopher's stone from the corrupted Pharahohs of Egypt, and not only do I think it provided limitless energy through fire, but I also now believe that was the source of all the gold interior listed as furnishings of the Temple. I often wondered how such a small, nomadic, relatively poor nation like ancient Israel, could have their Temple dripping with such gold. For a long time, I thought the claims were metaphoric, instead of literal. Once again, I think I was wrong. I think the secret technology came from Egypt, but that the Israelites lost the knowledge of how to use it--until King Hiram, who almost certainly was in touch with aliens himself, made a deal with King Solomon, and the two mutually benefited, AND ultimately cursed their bloodlines and people. This knowledge became lost after the Babylonian exile, except for the Jewish Qabalists, who hid it, out of fear and respect for its potential for abuse. However the Templars, found it and thus began the re-emergence of Faction 2, and for those with whom they chose to share it--such as certain Southeast Asia royal families and Mormons. This technology is always meant to be used in an altruistic, generous spirit, not one of domination and greed, and yet, like Tolkien's "ring of power" it always seems to inevitably corrupt the holder. Hopefully, with the new galactic vibrations, coming in, as of yesterday, this dark propensity will begin to turn around in human hearts.

Anyway, as for me, I need to take a little break. My house has been empty of groceries for days now, while I kept hoping for the power climate to change for the positive, so that I can buy uncontaminated food. Clearly, that is not going to happen any time soon, so I have to move. It is becoming increasingly difficult for me to even walk. I could not walk a few hundred yards to watch the solar eclipse last night, and currently, my legs are so dead, and my pelvis and hips so inflamed with excess fluid that I cannot lift my legs at all, but have to drag my feet. I know that this is the result of the psychotropic drugs force fed me by the Vatican/Vampire clique. I have been here before. CHECK YOUR RECORDS, YOU BLIND, DOGMATIC IDIOTS! The drug you are giving me nearly paralyzed me before, and as then, I had to move around on wheeled assistance--my castor-wheeled desk chair at home. I am not even able to have a bowel movement, because my energy meridians along my back are all messed up. You are trying to push fluid through my legs, but let me tell you a secret. Everytime that you have cut on my pelvis, hips and lower back, you have created greater meridian imbalance along my legs, so that practically NO energy moves along the inside of my legs, while the outside are all fluid and buffed out. I can't even flap my feet back and forth, because the pelvis and sacrum are so unnaturally aligned and tightened that my legs no longer will pronate inward at all. That is what happens, when hateful butchers, start chopping on a body, with no respect for the person, and in defiance of all consent. The only thing the KaBal is capable of generating is suffering and destruction, and they think that by getting in my head, or attempting to steal my free will, that they are going to figure out how to create life!! Hah! Restore your soul, for right now, you perverted haters are death personified, for the only real death is soul death, and YOU ARE SOUL DEAD!!

As for me, I just am in a lot of pain, because all the excess fluid in my back is creating jams and blocks and nerve pain, so I have to go try to get my Vicodin refilled, get groceries, get out of the house, try to walk, even from car to store. Hopefully, this hell ends soon.


Correction: the interloper living next door is not a human being, i.e., priest, from my past. Once again, I am being psychically assaulted, by some alien spirit being trying to take possession of me, and once again, it is painful and invasive. All of this the result of the aliens waxing strong and powerful, after scoring huge on the economic front earlier today. Still, our newborn twins are a sign of hope, and the fact that they are safe with PF somewhere, is tremendously reassuring. Keep hoping, people, but for all the good Patriots out there, keep fighting the good fight. I would recommend that you take a little break, and then start strategizing a response for the economic collapse that is coming (in this country) within a few months--I guess by August, at latest. I know it is lousy always operating in crisis mode, but unfortunately, when the majority remain ignorant, mind controlled and/or fearful, that is the default Mode of operation, no matter how needlessly inefficient and difficult.

Sunday, May 20, 2012


R.I.P.--a prayer for yet another murdered child, and another murdered hope for the future. My son died a couple or three days ago, but there has been so much going on, and I have been so low energy, that I did not want to post about it, because I didnt want to drag myself down lower. This is the third day now that i have been so low energy, and semi-schizoid with psychotropics that i just couldn't bear to bring myself to write about painful, emotional matters. However, everything i had been hoping and praying for, has collapsed, it has been a horrible day, and i have got the return of two boy horuses moving in as neighbors--one an immature boy living in his head, and the other a power-tripping deceiver, most likely, the same priest as of a couple of days ago, or another. This time he doesnt have maurice strong to back his play. he has found a new evil patron. But i am stronger now--i totally disavowed the catholic church and its misogynistic, patriarchal, control modality years ago, and over the years, the more i have learned, the more i resent their hold on the still ignorant billions of faithful believers around the world, especially since i know the corruption and evil that empowers their hold.

But first things first: a beautiful boy child with his mother's thick, black hair (yes, i saw his picture), died after living only a brief while. The problem was the same as before with his sister--rare genetic complicatrions caused by alien genetic manipulation while he was in the womb. I am not certain that the Greys caused his genetic problems, because I had a flash while surfing the web and encountering the Arcturus/Bootes star. You know, I had wondered if the Venusians (who probably were originally a dog Sirian tribe who tried to escape the reptiles by going to Venus), were the ones with the high, domed foreheads, but now I don't think so. Instead, I think that those may be Arcturiars or "horse humanoid aliens. They are one of the original tribes of humanity. I know, because I have morphed into a horse before, interdimensionally, in an attempt to fight off an attack--probably from them. From the Norwegian shooter, and comments made by the Tall Whites which I have read, I would say that they are strong racists as well, and very much allied with, or possibly even the same as, the Tall Whites. They may be the progenitors of the Scandinavian/Nordic people.

Anyway, my baby was born with part of his brain missing, and you could see the flattened area immediately above his brows, but he had an ABNORMALLY HUGE, DOMED FOREHEAD. What do I think happened? I think PF has been very involved with Faction 2, in an attempt to get the financial reset to work, and that Faction 2, while it DOES have good people in it, has suffered the same consequences that anyone in close proximity with the occult and aliens can incur--that of being flipped through hardware (brain) mind control, or powerfully corrupted. I think some Faction 2 has gone over to the Greys, and most recently, some (or maybe the same ones), have gone over to the Arcturians. They may be the ones who have worked to poison our children while still in the womb, almost certainly, environmentally, or for that matter, it could be the Faction 1, Amon-RA/Vampire clique, which has done nasty things to both PF and I as well, most recently setting a viper loose in the house, in which my young children were vulnerable. Someone also gave PF a flesh-eating bacterial disease which has caused terrible pain and distress. Again--that is environmental. I smell bleach coming from my own swamp cooler (I didn't put it there), and wonder if that is how the bacteria was placed in her house.

These are the kind of attacks that good people, who dare to engage the powers of evil, on behalf of humanity, have to endure, and the powers of evil, just won a huge victory. The meeting in Chicago this weekend was actually all about how to resolve the financial crisis. The Patriots, the good guys, along with the vast majority of humanity, lost. Now part of the problem has been glitches in the Patriot plan, including a couple of flipped thieves. However, patriot elements of Faction 2, including me, moved to counteract that, but we could not counteract the earthquake in Italy. Yes, once again, the KaBal wins by blackmailing humanity.

Now, I don't know how to counter that. Italy has been under the boot of multiple occult factions for their entire history--just read of what their prosecutors and judges have to endure, to rid the country of the Mafia. The Mafia are the KaBal's foot soldiers, and thus, they are protected. Of course, the aliens--Arcturians/Tall Whites, especially, are able to cause earthquakes through HAARP and other technology, and that is what happened in Bologna. Interestingly enough, by looking at the city seal, I gather that Bologna was founded as a cat Sirian town, so that means a faction of dog Sirians were behind the attack. This of course, was after, a school was bombed in Sicily, so clearly two alien factions were going at each other.

I don't know all the reasons that the proposed Patriot plan collapsed, though I suspect fear had a large part to do with it. I just know that the KaBal were huge winners. Apparently the new plan is to be backed by gold. Did you know that gold is not a finite resource, but can be manufactured by alien technology? Furthermore that it has been done so for millennia. I know the Magi faction, which I think is the Venusian/vampire clique, knows how to do it. They got exactly what they wanted. Then, they got their MAfia to launder it into cash, so that nobody wonders how gold materializes out of thin air, or rather, baser metals.

You see, that is part of the whole con game that these aliens have been playing on humanity for millennia. There is no scarcity, but rather it is created as an illusion. The technology to make gold IS available, but then there would be no pyramid of wealth, resulting in concentration of power. There is no scarcity of energy; the oil and motor industries combined to not only murder Tesla, but also his visionary plans of powering the entire planet. They kept some of his ideas though, and weaponized them, using them in special cases, like 9/11. There is no scarcity of food--people are making billions of dollars playing illusory speculation games in the commodities market, while literally, people, children are starving to death. I could go on and on, but you get the idea--these murdering aliens and their evil plans to concentrate wealth and power in their own hands have caused misery and hardship to the human population for centuries, AND THEY JUST GOT A NEW LEASE ON LIFE.

Or did they? I don't think the proposed new system will work. Rather, I think the worldwide economy, starting with Europe, but then moving on elsewhere, is going to go to hell very soon, and when it does, and middle class people can't feed their children and start burning down stores and busting out windows, then all the TV talking heads can wring their hands, and say, "why didn't the politicians proactively move to prevent this"? or "This is all 'class warfare'". Well, the politicians tried, and they failed, and God knows how many more earthquakes, and deaths has to happen before the leaders of the world realize that you cannot back down to a bully--not only do you get an ass whupping that day, but you are going to spend every day of your life in fear of getting another one. Turkey is not a super strong or wealthy nation, but they stood up to the evil, and multiple earthquakes, which caused hundreds of casualties. Maybe some European prime ministers should reconsider letting Turkey into the EU, because in my book that is the kind of values and action that make for strong and prosperous societies and civilizations, not the cowardly capitulation which just happened in Chicago.

As for me, I have my own problems. When the KaBalists won, all the spiritual parasites came back into my life--after one or two blessed days of relief. Now, PF is back in a spaceship, while some miserable imposter creep is living next door to me--trying to figure out how to gain spiritual knowledge that he can then use to dominate and control others. What he would really like to know is how to create life, without sex. I know those people. I wasted years of my life and thousands of dollars on them. Well, let me tell you, bub. Let me tell everybody--the answer is love AND A HEALTHY ATTITUDE AND APPRECIATION FOR SEX! I think PF just gave birth to twins today, after a less than 24 hour gestation period in the womb. Yesterday, I was really sad, but I didn't even know it, but PF knew what was going on with me, and what I needed and got me engaged in conscious telepathic sex. Now, I know that we were having sex interdimensionally, and I wasn't even aware that consciously, I wanted sex, but my lover knew. She also knew that I wanted more children to replace the hole left in my heart by my murdered children. So, we had intense, ardent sex, and what I have learned (and am sure that PF can speak more authoritatively on this), is that the more passionate the sex, the more spiritually and physiologically mature the children. When we go at it, hammer and tongs, the babies are born healthy and soon.

Of course, part of the problem is that the longer they are in the womb, the more the KaBal can manipulate their genetics. Before I knew that she had already given birth, I was glad that PF was in a safe place, because I do not want to lose any more children to the machinations of a bunch of dessicated, loveless, sexless aliens, whose only joy in life seems to be tormenting or controlling humanity (oh speaking of which, they are going to really dig all the suffering the economic turmoil will cause this summer). However, now that my latest born children are safe, I want to be with PF again. However, some way, I have to get to her. I no longer want to be on this 3D plane, and I sure as hell don't want to be in this female body or in some alien circle. I am ready to go, but it just seems like everything weighs me down, and certainly the drugs and hormones are doing that now. But I will keep plugging away, day by day, just like the rest of enslaved, powerless humanity.