Gaining weight

Gaining weight--dramatic amount of weight. It is because I am not on thyroid medication, which is the body's only way of giving me the testosterone I need to digest and metabolize food. Even on thyroid medication, I don't have enough testosterone, as my ridged fingernails and low energy indicate, but at least, I don't get so very, very ill, every time I eat virus-contaminated food. I know that I need more testosterone for digestion, because when I take even herbal capsules, the change is dramatic. I quit paying attention to my weight, when I quit feeling like this body I inhabit, belonged to me. However, speaking from a practical standpoint, if I am not put on thyroid or testosterone supplementation, my weight will balloon at about 1/2-1 pound a day until they have to carry me out in a forklift. I am not exaggerating. I have been here before, many times. I know my body, and what is wrong with it. MY BODY'S FUEL IS TESTOSTERONE, AND I NEED MORE TESTOSTERONE, IN ORDER TO DO BASIC FUNCTIONS.

So much for my physical problems. Emotionally, I feel better. Somehow, I think that I was able to slip out of the "Lost" Matrix that I was in; I hope that Robin was, too. I think that he was a much younger soul than PF and I, and may have been tempted to do wrong when he was terminally ill--such as plugging into the life source of a Dulce slave. He would have become unplugged when I went on a rampage there, and without that parasitical ability to tap into the life force of another, his life was over. Still, he was my genetic brother, and there was some bond between us, and I wish him well in his new incarnation.

I spent most of the day, trying to sell all the old gold jewelry from my long-ago, "previous" life, that I know I will never wear again, and for which I have no attachment. I saw that the price of gold had declined $70.00 in one day, and acted fast. I plan on buying art with my windfall. I rarely buy anything for myself, except the very occasional book, which of course, is always about research, so I am looking forward to treating myself. I need to buy a proper necklace chain for my pendant, too.

So maybe, I will be spending the next couple of days shopping, and then again, maybe not. I am overwhelmed with material to read, and am trying to tip toe through what to post, and what not to post. There is a lot going on in my head, but I always wait for my inner voice to speak to me before revealing anything. I dislike the whole concept of secrets, but I have learned the value of discretion--sort of...