Thursday, May 31, 2012

Intense past couple of days

Intense past couple of days as I have struggled to make momentous decisions, practically blind. I have sent off a cashiers check to one of the occult factions, in hopes of sponsorship. Did I choose the right clique? I sure hope so. It took me two days of intense telepathic communication with PF, and constant deceptive interference by the Jesuit/Vatican/vampire faction to make it. The right choice is a community that will allow and encourage me to affirm my natural, God-given gender and resurface my currently recessive African genes, and thus live out my remaining days as a Black man. The right choice is also a community that respects PF, as a woman, intellectual and colleague, who would acknowledge the primacy of her partnership with me, without jealousy or anger.

It is incredible to me that I have to keep saying the same things over and over and over again. In this post, I refuse to spend any time explaining or justifying my decision. If you still cannot understand it, you haven't listened to a word I have articulated over the last 15 years, which is when I first lost my free will to a bunch of religious zealots and KaBalists. The last five or six years are documented on this blog. Go back and reread. I am not naive, idealistic, or delusional in my decision making, and that is true regarding both the Black community, and PF. I am aware of, and fully accept the difficulties and challenges of entering into this level of relationship with each of them.

So why, after I just send off a large check, do I still feel like I still am being courted by the various factions, or that I need to "prove" once again, that I really know what I want. Well, I just wrote it out for you in black and white, so it should be clearer, now. If that is not enough, I responded with a contribution to the Obama campaign, in response to an appeal by Joe Biden. I have got about four or five email solicitations in my mailbox. So, here is my thinking. Even though I do not support Obama, somehow I think he is the symbol of authority for the Black community (actually he is incarcerated somewhere--I have kept my mouth shut about that), and so, by my contribution, I show solidarity with "strong Black leadership".

Also, I like Joe Biden. I think he is a great vice-president, which is actually a tough role for the high flying egos of political heavy weights. Even though this administration has been in constant leadership turmoil (all behind the scenes of course) for three years, he has never sold out as a "Puppet come lately" to the myriad of KaBal factions, which have paraded their dominance schemes, in rapid fire succession, always looking for the figurehead that they can use, while they call the shots. Biden has never obliged them, and thus all they could do was keep turning back to Obama, who kept disappointing, by selling out every patron who backed him, not from moral scruples, but from self-centered narcissism and megalomania.

So, I chose to respond to the email of the man who I think that I can best trust, but still I am left wondering of what is the origin of all these other "solicitations" (or so it seems to me). Well, I think it not only is stupid arrogance in refusing to accept my own stated position (but what the hell--that has been going on for 15 years now), but also wishful thinking which has seriously misread some of my actions. Last night, I was clearing out some mail, and responded to both an appeal to the Southern Poverty Law Center and a gay rights group. Now, I already am a donating member to a national gay rights group, but this one hooked me, when I opened up the letter, and just saw a brochure of a wedding cake (heterosexual) groom and bride. The caption read, "Congratulations on your marriage", before going into a spiel about gay marriage. Well, that hooked my deepest desire and wishful thinking--more than anything else, I want to marry PF, AND may already have married her in the interdimensional realm. It is so hard for me to authoritatively vet when my own deepest emotions and wishful thinking is concerned, but something happened. So, I sent off a donation to this gay rights organization just because they touched a deep chord about my desire to marry PF (or maybe, just maybe, my deep memory of marriage to her).

The Sirians and KaBalists who desperately cling to the notion of me as female, must be desperate, because I think they would prefer to see me as a lesbian female or gay man, rather than Black. Of course, the Templars are a gay order, so that is their entire fantasy. Needless to say, I am sick and fucking tired of being victimized by their gay male fantasies. However, even apart from the abuse I have experienced at the hands of these gay Faction 2 blades, I AM NOT A GAY MALE. I delight in women. I NEED women, and their emotional responsiveness and receptivity to pull me out from my head. If I had any erotic or emotional need for men, I would not have suffered such agonizing self-hatred and discrimination, and been a lesbian in my long-ago, former life.

Yes, I need sexual healing, especially because of the anal sex abuse I endured as a child, in a traumatic, satanic ritual setting, but I don't ENJOY anal sex. As a matter of fact, I didn't want PF to be any part of the compulsive need of the traumatic re-enactment of abuse that I endured this morning. Now, if PF and I, were allowed to be "normal", and had our privacy and rights respected, I would have gone to her, for healing help. However, instead I have a dozen or more people fixated on my sexual responses at every step of the way. I have no doubt in my mind, whatsoever, that PF can identify and help resolve any neurotic sexual traumas and hangups that I have. However, that is just a small part of my sexuality, a tiny part, really, that hopefully one day will all but disappear, as I heal. I know my imaginative fantasies and real turn ons and responses, and I like being conjoined to a body and soul of a WOMAN, and I always have.

Furthermore, it is incredibly liberating (the truth shall set you free) to conjoin with the body of a woman, as a man, which I have done, not only in fantasy, but in interdimensional reality. Oh yes, I have a powerful memory of the most awesome sex ever,between PF and I, with me in the holographic body of a Black man. Oh, and by the way, for all you racist perverts out there, my decision to be a Black man has nothing to do with sex, or even, PF. I made that decision, in the inner recesses of my heart, about six months before I even knew who PF was! Sadly though, I fear that racists from both sides will think that it is all about the sex. It is not. Go back and reread.

I do know that I can not tolerate being in this body any more. This morning, why I was once again, re-enacting the original satanic abuse, the reptilian human minions, once again, made drastic mutilations on my genital labia. I thought the vaginal lips looked like a kid's before--now they are practically recessed in. Yes, it hampers my sexual performance. I feel smaller, and since sex is in my head, that has an impact. However, the worst is that the vaginal secretions are even worse. I feel like I am walking about in a wet, dripping diaper, every time the viral download hits. It is beyond miserable, but you know, there is a silver lining, too, BECAUSE IT PISSES ME OFF, and whenever I get pissed off, I get motivated. I have known for the last few days that the KaBal was wreaking havoc on the planet with HAARP, but it was not an urgent concern for me--partly because I knew that the critical day was June 5th, and I wanted to wait until the last possible moment, so that they couldn't execute Plan B, in time for the Venus transit. However, my uncomfortable decision to sit and wait a few days, was completely undermined by my own fury at the realization of what those evil reptiles had done to me as a child, and what their Jesuit/Amon-RA minions did to my genitals this morning. So, the good news is that I spent most of the day, trying to track down these reptilian scum, and hallelujah!, their HAARP weapon off the coast of Argentina is now destroyed. Sadly, too many innocent lives have been destroyed by these satanic white supremacists. Certainly, tney have tried to destroy mine, but somehow, I keep fighting back and pushing through. Now if I could just push through to the other side. I am so tired of being victimized. Right now, I am just tired. It has been a long day, and now I need to go to bed to sleep, for the fourth time today.

No comments: