All my attempts at penitential self-explanation

All my attempts at penitential self-explanation clearly failed. I woke up in such fucking terrible pain--both physical and psychological, that I am going to need to take a vicodin before breakfast. I know, as soon as I awake, when I have been abused, violated, and tortured, and that is what happened to me last night in my sleep. My guess is that it was the fucking Vatican/Jesuit/religious blasphemer clique, because I am suffering from nerve pain in my teeth, where their goddamned torture instruments have caused major erosion of my periodontal tissue. They have done such major damage to my dental health, that I am considering having major work done, and putting the charges on plastic.

I tell myself to hold on, though, because soon, I will be getting an upgraded body. In the meantime however, I have to have a functional body, and the goddamned fuckers not only cut on my upper torso, leaving me in chest pain, but they also cut away at my sacral area, leaving me in constant nerve pain in my leg and hip. worse, they left one leg, the left leg shorter than the other, so it is difficult to even walk, and the leg "gives" under me, with no warning

Once again, I am autistic. I was sitting out on the front porch with morning coffee, and realized that I was too autistic to even keep my eyes open to see the deserted streets and familiar sights of the 6 am morning. Even now, I am too autistic to keep eyes open for long. Am i on psychotropic drugs causing autistm? eyes are really dark, like they are when i am on drugs, but maybe it is just too much viral fluid.

one thing i know for sure that it is negative KaBalists responsbilbe for my condition--fucking rapists and haters probably are terrified that I am going to interdimensionally jump, before they have got their control hooks steadfastly in my psyche.

I blame myself. This would not have happened if I had not let my mind lower in vibration. It is ahrd being so constantly vigilant, but let me tell you that it is MUCH harder, being in this terrible pain and severe autism. It is MUCH harder thinking of spending the rest of my life under the dominantion of those sick occult bastards--whether it be Amon-RA, Faction 2, vampires, or the goddamned religous nuts of the Vatican/Jesuit faction.

So, somehow, I am going to have to elevate my mind from this state...dont know if i can do it today, but i will sooner or later, and when I do, ibeleive me, i will be more motivated to "keep custody of my mind".


PS...just went to lay down in bed, and my sacrum has been so mutilated that I can barely swing my body up into a three and a half foot bed. already i find it difficult to lift my legs into shower/bathtub. i think the sacrum has been mutilated to reduce sensitivty so that the goddamned amon RA vampires, and Watchers can get access to me, for spiritual possession. You stupid fuckers, don't you think I can feel your icky, nasty evil spirits from far away? won't happen. as a matter of fact, let me say, there is only one person whose consciousness is welcome in, and feels good and natural within my bodily presence, and that is PF. Even if someone is benevolent and/or someone I like and trust, I dont want to feel any other consciousness in my body, PERIOD.