Friday, May 4, 2012

I am not safe anywhere.

I am not safe anywhere. I just "lost time" at the park, where I went to try to lay down and rest and forget about how badly my mutilated body and badly constricted lungs feel. Because my lungs are in such bad shape, I think the Faction 2 cut out the viral fluid downloads and instead started up the goddamned lithium again!! At least, I came to, with my brain "rushing" as it does on lithium. What stupid fucking idiots...if they can't castrate me physically, or with their virus, while pull out the good ole' lithium--that will turn her into a zombie for us, so we can at those brand new titties we created for us pathetic juvie boys and girls, stuck in an infantile psychology, to suck on.

I don't even care what I look like anymore. Yes, you mother fuckers can get me to identify as a female by forcing massive amounts of female hormones down my throat, but you know what, consciously, all you do is turn me into a zombie or a rage machine, and as the hormones and chemicals build up, unconsciously I become as dead a piece of wood as I anticipated consciously even before. I AM A MAN AND I AM SICK AND FUCKING TIRED OF YOU PATHETIC PIECE OF SHIT CREEPS, FULFILLING THE REPTILE'S DEEPEST AND DARKEST THEFT OF MY SELFHOOD, MY MANHOOD, AND MY HUMANITY. Anybody with two eyes in their head can see the difference in me when I am happy and self-identified as a man, and when I am fucking miserable and lame and chemically castrated into the feminine identity of my early childhood--WHEN I HAD NO SELF-IDENTITY AT ALL. But that is all the better for you, isn't it, creepos? That means you can force your mind control identity on me at will. Oh, but it never works out that way, does it, because eventually soul and spirit rebels against playing the ego games that I had to play for the first forty-odd years of my life, trying desperately to convince myself and others that I was a woman, and failing miserably, as the best I could do was to act out the role of a perpetual teenage boy. But that satisfied a karmic wound, too, didn't it? Is it possible that David and Jonathan made a juvenile blood oath to remain loyal lovers no matter what royal duty or marriage obligation got in the way? Of course, life ended up getting in the way, with a terrific crash--and that is usually what happens to juvenile blood oaths about eternal love, but Jonathan died for it, and David never got over it. The sad thing is that I doubt that he ever had a mature love for either Jonathan or anyone else, because of the bitterness of his personal emotional pain, but boy did that juvenile homosexual legacy leave a mark on the soul...and I have felt it ever since. Now, I am not against homosexual relations of any kind; though as a spiritual practitioner, I am against immature relations. However, nearly every human being starts out their sexual relationships and experiences in a very immature way, and I am no exception. The tragedy is when someone gets stuck in that rut of immaturity, and especially when they pine for it, for the rest of their many years, ignoring all the opportunity for the real love available to them in the NOW. That is what happened to David, and I think that is why in so many of incarnations, I am gay or bisexual (of course, a perennially stormy relationship with my destined genetic twin and lover, over multiple lifetimes plays a role as well. It is always hard for two strong individuals to have a mating of equals, and especially when society or circumstance denigrates equality of one of the couple, and that is what patriarchal society has done to women, for thousands of years). I think the young Jesus had a homoerotic thing going on with his disciples, before Mary Magdalene came along, and not only the Gnostic gospels, but the canonical gospels reveal the tension between the male disciples and Mary. Jesus probably was not interested in sex with any of his male disciples, but Mary had to come along and ruin their unconscious puer fantasies. Then, there was the homosexual male club of the Knights Templar. There is no doubt in my mind that homosexual rites were an important initiation rite into this religious order. Even now, I am being stalked by Templars, and apart from being spiritless, dessicated, pathetic men, they strike me as gay men--all longing for their celibate feminine icon of "wisdom". What a crock of shit! If you long so much for connection with the feminine, give up the boys, and go find yourself a girl, a real girl, not someone whose dreams you are monitoring and controlling via the MATRIX code and hijacked brain frequencies. Quit mutilating me in an attempt to force me to fit your damned juvenile boy fantasies. Actually, I think what you want more than anything else is a strong male leader, but you are scared to death of one--because that will force you to admit your own pathetically deficient manhood, and you can't have that, can you? No, the mind controllers work really hard to keep you in boyhood status, and you are scared to death of being a strong, free man who claims his own personal authority. As a matter of fact, just the thought creates psychological dissonance and emotional turmoil--so much better to have a loving, nurturing female, totally dispossessed of any power or authority, just like yourselves.

I only bring this up, because it is elements of Faction 2/Faction 3 (remember "3" is the faction that gained power after stealing the Moon spiders are still making my life miserable. They are the ones who mutilated me last night (Hobie had to drop by to see what the interdimensional cop wanted--he had to report back to his boss that they had fucked up major, and my lungs are all but collapsed from lack of space in my chest cavity)---but oh, "now she looks like a REAL girl, tee-tee-tee".

I think they also may be frustrating the posting of my blog entries. After all, they don't want anybody to know just how tyrannically abusive and obsessively controlling they really are. I say this, because I think I messed up while I was in the park. I had written in my blog that I did not want to be stalked by any White people. Yes, my disdain for racist Whites is beginning to spill over into a blanket condemnation of any White who I have not vetted. I am just SICK AND TIRED of being abused by White people and White aliens. It has been going on for years, and I am in constant pain and misery thanks to those stupidass idiots. So, what happens in the park? Why a couple comes and sits down 10 feet away from me. Now, they probably were a good couple--the woman didn't have the skinny Tiggy look of so many Nazi females, and the man didn't have the clean cut, conforming look of so many Nazi males. However, I was sick and in pain, and felt utterly powerless and ignored, so I got up and stalked off. I heard the man spit (an Amon RA thing) and I spit back. Now, my question is, "was this couple innocent and ignorant of what I had just wrote, because my blogs are not being published"?

Then, there is the fact that PF has been railroaded out of Rumormill News, which has been my go-to site for many years now, but which, in recent months has become the almost exclusive preserve of the boy posse. Yes, Crystal River will always post good stuff about Morgellons, Watchman and Bob are mature, even if I don't always agree with their perspectives, and Raye and a very small handful of others (who I decline to name to protect their identities) can always be counted on to offer very perceptive insights that you cannot get anywhere else, though they seldom post. However in recent months, the boy posse has utterly gutted the RMN web site of substantial and uniquely insightful articles. The exception has been PF, under a multitude of her screen names, including my favorite, "Poof"--how do you think I came up with PF (psychic friend)... Now, I haven't talked to Poof about what is going on. I don't need. My razor sharp critic's eye, can recognize all of her variant posting personalities and writing styles with ease, and even when she is posting for a guest writer, she will usually offer a brief, inimitable blurb that genuinely says something worth reading. Well, the boy posse has hijacked all of her screen names, and is posting under them, but gone are the identifying and worthwhile blurbs, as well as the authority, that said in loud letters to me, "READ THIS, it is important". I will be looking for another site in which to get my timely information, for the boy posse has nothing to offer, that I cannot get from a quick perusal of Drudge. The only difference is that one is spouting spin put out by the alternative Faction2/Faction 3 wing, while Drudge is the Web shill for the conservative/ Murdoch wing of Faction 2. That is too bad, because Raye is really a great person. I don't know if she lost control of her web site, or if it was hijacked by the deep pockets of Faction 2. At this point, I still trust in her integrity; I just don't know how free she is--do not underestimate the power of the occult to hinder or enslave anybody--and she probably has a lot more positive coping skills than I, in this regard. However, I challenge any reader can go back 9 months ago, and see how many independent writers there were then, and how many there are now. It may be hard for a newbie to discern, but nearly all the names posting at RMN now, are immature, psychological juveniles, putting out the spin that the Templars of Faction 2 wants them to. I am sorry, but I need a little more maturity and wisdom in my reading, so I will have to spend some time exploring some other sites: one that I know I trust off the bat would be Kerry Cassidy, although her MO is doing lengthy interviews, and I am interested in short, brief posts that may ping something in my head and spark a more investigative research.

So, since I am being cut off from my blog posting, I am going to have to start reading my posts out loud, again, in hopes that everyone (or at least all the psychics in my vicinity, mostly hostile, but a few friendlies) hears my message.

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