Crazymaking past few days--no time to explain or edit past entries, though. I have a lot to do, today, but first, I need to write about the latest uncovered satanic memory, and how the local Faction 2/3 contingent has been using it to flip me.
I was meditating profitability, but felt the need to go back to bed and sleep. Since I had been awake since 3 am, I allowed myself to do so. I entered a twilight dream state, and from what I can tell, I had a memory of ritual abuse. My father held me down, while my mother used a single finger to penetrate me anally, and while this happened, a reptile affixed me with a hypnotic glare, staring directly into my eyes, while inches away from my face. At the same time, the reptile, hooked into my sacral center to energetically feed. What a mind control setup, on so many levels, but it still wasn't over. When it was my baby brother's turn to be sodomized, I think that I reached out to touch him to comfort him, because he was crying, and the reptile zapped my hands, whether with a frequency or physically, I do not know. The reptile told me that if I touched him again, that I would kill him. My hands went numb and helpless.
This explains why I have difficulty holding my newborn children. I have a neurotic fear of killing them in their vulnerability. It also explains how this rogue Faction 2 is able to flip me. I bet that the entire time my mother was anally penetrating me, exactly as you would do to work mind control on a male, the reptile was telepathically messaging me about what a "pretty" and "good" "princess" (as in precursor to reptile "queen"), I was.
Because this mind control is associated with love and sexual pleasure, it is easy to reactivate again and again, now that I am in a loving and sexual relationship. I leave PF's arms in one interdimensional state, then get yanked into another, rogue Faction 2 realm, and the reptilian message gets hammered into me again, "what a pretty princess you are". Mind flip. Same old helpless girl child identification--and completely hypnotized and even paralyzed, until I wake up, feeling horribly abused and violated.
As a matter of fact, this morning when I woke up, after realizing what was happening, I knew that it was not PF "doing me", because sex with PF never feels abusive or violating, and I came out of the twilight zone, feeling "raped" once more. Not only that, but my sacrum hurt, as if, once again, someone was energetically tapped into me. Again, whenever my sacrum hurts like that, rogue Faction 2/3 is involved. My guess is that Hobie is hooked into my psyche, in my neurotic compulsion to recreate the abuse, and I think that is because Hobie is possessed by a reptile, and that in one of our earliest interdimensional encounters, the reptile in Hobie's body was able to get a hypnotic eye lock on me. In possession, the invading (reptilian) spirit is strong, brash and bold, but if confronted, it runs and hides, leaving a fragile, pathetic, and needy-dependent victim. That is Hobie's personality, exactly. There is absolutely NOTHING in his person that would explain why he can hook into my mind, but it is not him doing the hooking. It is the reptile spirit possessing him. Hopefully now, I can finally break free of this constant flipping by reptilian Faction 2.
PS--I tell you, that it is crazymaking. I just had a flash that maybe it was not Hobie doing the evil honors this morning, but that maybe, once again, reptilian Jesuits are closer than I think, looking to cast out one serpent and replace it with another. I am getting smarter and hipper, not fast enough to prevent abuse, but enough to heal it. Forgive me, PF, if I keep getting hooked into recreations of the same old abuse patterns, and the same old neurotic guilt over and over, but I know that I did not want you in the role of my mother. I have enough Oedipal complications.