Sunday, January 29, 2012

Something's rotten in Florida

Something's rotten in Florida. The crash pile-up in Gainesville led me to do a little research to see if I could ascertain the cause of the possible sabotage and crash. As you may remember, about a week ago the Nazi and liberal wings of Amon-RA were fighting each other. That is why Spartansville, SC's BMW plant was the target of the Nazi extremists, and why the ancient, FL Cypress tree was mysteriously torched--apparently from the sky. The Cypress pine is an ancient symbol of the Amon-RA cult, going back to the day when Queen Semiramis built a bridge made of cypress, and if you look at pictures of 3rd Reich Nazi functions, you will sometimes see the trees displayed next to the swastika flag. However, as I mentioned, I think that maybe the Nazis and the racially tolerant wings of the serpentine cult have made a pact--and plans.

Those plans may be part of why little Ayla Reynolds disappeared. I am certain that it was for the same old cultic child sacrifices. Before she disappeared, her left arm was in a soft cast. It is in the left arm where the virus is the most powerful--the childhood vaccinations we receive as youngsters, is done almost always in the left arm, and its hidden, sinister purpose is to give the ancient,evil virus a safe haven, until activated by EM frequency. Oftentimes, an indication that someone is being appropriated by the reptilians of the MACHINE is the deformity of the left hand. I just saw a recent picture of Hitler that shows that, yes indeed, he was a devotee of Amon-RA (check out the thumb):

That same batch of released color photographs is where you can find the pictures of the cypress trees, though I lost the link.

The KaBal is even prepping young children for this. Check out this picture of toddler Baby Lisa:

Again, notice the abnormally large digits of the left hand, and compare to the first half of her fingers that you can see in her right. Crazy as it is, these monsters are pumping the virus into babies. So I wonder if Ayla's "broken arm" was similar to Khameini's "broken arm"--an overdose of viral agent, and when the KaBalists realized that such a deformity could not be explained (remember the news said nothing of the broken arm or possible family abuse), the little girl was "disappeared". Where to? My guess is that the Bush clan and their vacationing Kennebunkport buddies have quite the cult establishment in their summer hometown. Furthermore, I wouldn't be surprised if local law enforcement are compromised to some degree--just like they are in so many other localities where satanic cults flourish.

Anyway, what plans are the KaBal prepping for in Florida? Well, I am not positive that I am on the mark, but I found plenty of occult, KaBal types. I will start with the old-timers that I identified. First of all, Rep. Connie Mack, as was his father, and maybe even his grandfather before him (later in life, once he became affiliated with baseball, which I think was the original stage for KaBal corruption in professional sports, then the NBA, and now the NFL/AFL), are an intergenerational occult family, I do believe. Then I learned of Edwin H. Bowers, a prominent FL businessman who made great contribution to the founding of Florida Gulf Coast University. You can view his picture here:

Mr. Bowers was born and spent much of his adult life in Michigan. I was born in Detroit, so I have no ill will or prejudice in saying that Detroit was/is a hotbed of satanism. I do believe that serpentine aliens affiliated with the Amon-RA cult first did major genetic experiments on this country in this city. I posted his picture, because this is an example of clear early influence of the Amon-RA virus in someone--check out his eyes and ears. However, it was in researching his daughter and son-in-law, that I found possible linkage to the major crash up in Gainesville. The picture below has four KaBalists that my eye can immediately identify, but I will only follow up on the Korest couple:

Interesting name, Korest--it is so similar to Quresh/Koresh, the occult significance of which I have probed in a previous post. It basically is a name denoting identification with the sun god, RA. Marilyn spent her formative and college years in Michigan, as did her husband Alan. I did not have the resources to research further, but I suspect that he comes from an intergenerational occult family as well. The couple does very well in Florida. They own a business named "Kormar" Corporation, which I translate it as "sun sea". This would be a very interesting company to research if I had the resources. For now, however, I would like to focus attention on the company he founded in Michigan: "Plant Specialties" of Grand Rapids.

Now, to be fair, Mr. Korest sold the company decades ago. However this is a highly specialized operation, so I would like to paste a blurb from someone's online resume who worked there after the plant had changed ownership:

"PLANT SPECIALTIES COMPANY, Grand Rapids, MI 1980 – 1997
Designed and manufactured custom industrial temperature and humidity control systems, controlled-atmosphere produce storage systems, ammonia scrubbing systems, temperature control of heat-set web offset printing presses."

Now, what is interesting is the first seller to whom Mr. Korest sold the company--it was "Con Air" an occult Faction 2 company, which is common knowledge I picked up through the alternative news circles. Also, think of the movie with Nicholas Cage. Cage is an icon for the occult Templar community--a lazy person can begin digging the perspective of this Faction 2, just by watching Nicholas Cage movies. However, the company was then sold again--this time to VLT or Vought Airlines, under the auspices of the Carlyle Group.

Now, the Carlyle group is a major player on behalf of the Faction 1--something that is common knowledge even among the MSM literate. Of course, the big name behind it is George H.W. Bush, and the most clear, "101" presentation of the evil, behind-the-scenes culpability of this consortium, that I can think of off-hand is found in Michael Moore's presentation, "Farenheit 9 11". Now, I know that Michael Moore beats a one-note drum, but he does a lot of excellent work, and even detractors of his ultra-left perspective would learn a lot by watching his films. Anyway, this company at one point was very involved in the construction of aircraft (Hmmmmm).

I submit the hypothesis that what caused the Gainseville crash was created/exacerbated by the unusual smog. I think the smog was created by some local manufacturing plant or institution (government or the local college) that used equipment manufactured by "Plant Specialties", which had a back door that allowed the KaBal to hijack the atmospheric controls of effluvium. Or maybe, they had some help from a UFO in the sky. Or both. I can easily imagine an invisible chemical release from above, meeting with an invisible chemical release from below, and going "KAPOOEY" right in the middle.

I don't mean to make light of the tragedy. That is what the KaBal just don't get--the tremendous suffering and hardship that they cause. I deal with chronic back pain, caused in part, by automobile accidents, every day of my life. I guarantee you that there are individuals and families who are going to suffer, some for the rest of their lives, because of what happened today. Even if the body escaped injury, how many people do you think are suffering from significant hardship now because their car is damaged or totaled. FL has one of the highest foreclosure rates in the nation. If you can't pay your mortgage, you sure can't pay your car insurance. So, I wonder, how many people in Gainseville are worried tonight about how they are going to get to work tomorrow.

The suffering of individuals never enters into the calculations of the KaBalists. It is all about sacrifice to their satanic "lords" which feed off the suffering of others. This brings me to the other part of "why Gainesville"? I think the area has occult significance because of the Indian burial mound that was built there years ago. Burial mounds are a "poor man's" pyramids. Anywhere there are these burial mounds, there has been occult activity in the past--and because of the reptilian/serpentine invasion that scarred our human race back at the time of the Fall, the occult memorials will be tinged with evil. I have said it before, but I will say it again--all of these burial sites need to be identified and treated as potential markers for occult activity. If a lake or large body of water is near it (to act as a portal from the underworld, or a "parking garage" for a UFO), the scrutiny needs to be doubled. The burial mound in Gainesville is next to a truly spooky looking lake.

However, my research did not end there. However, my back is really bothering me, my mind is struggling to do make sense (I am not able to write with my usual facility and ease), and so it is time to go to bed. I had hoped that my brain might be working more normally, but it was premature optimism. I will finish this post tomorrow. Stay tuned.

My brain and energy levels are feeling more normal

My brain and energy levels are feeling more normal than they have in years--that is, most of the time. I still am struggling to focus, but overall, am happy with the change. I dreamed last night that the Nazis were allying with the "Pak ma ra" in my sleep. I translate that last as the "pure order (Maat) of RA--or the MACHINE. This means the Nazis are combining with the Opus Dei/liberal (Obama) faction of RA. Dangerous times, indeed. I have to work to keep focussed--I can't let up for a moment--no matter how difficult.

Saturday, January 28, 2012

My internet went dead for a few hours

My internet went dead for a few hours today, but it was okay, because the little I did manage to read before it happened, assured me that all is well with the world. Really ok, of which I am so grateful and relieved, even if I know there are still major battles ahead.

Actually, I think my internet was "crashed" by my friendly neighbor. My brain is working differently than normal. I find that I am struggling to write this--my verbal skills seem to be even more negatively impacted than usual. Also, I am not hearing music like I normally do. I know my experience may be unique, but usually I am capable of listening to music with one half of my brain, while the other half writes or reads. When I hear a really excellent or well-crafted song, I will stop and put all my attention on it, and hear every note and nuance. Well, I rarely listen to music like that, because there is too much on my "to do" list. So, this morning when I went to turn on an oldies/pop station that I expected to provide background melody, while I engaged my dominant attention on my morning read, I was surprised to find that I couldn't "split" my brain. Instead, I wanted to completely focus solely on the music.

Unfortunately, I think I nearly ended plugged into the MACHINE's vibrations. As a Christian engaged in traditional worship and prayer, it has been a hard lesson to learn that transcendent prayer opens the petitioner wide open to being frequency hacked by malevolent entitites. I used to have a Mahalia Jackson Christmas CD, and every Christmas that I listened to that CD, I would be gripped by the religious ecstasy that some might call "transcendent prayer". However, I now know that "transcendent prayer", made me a marked target--for the MACHINE, which actually enjoys the vicarious experience of religious ecstasy, when IT can hack a devotee's brain.

My brain is so hard-wired with its viral nano-technology, and so coveted by the MACHINE(s)--actually there are two separate ones, with separate agendas and MO's), and KaBal minions that it is a miracle that I am still standing free. However, I increasingly find myself in the danger zone. Yesterday, I think I actually lost a little bit of time, while I went into a brief unconscious reverie. Again, one of my friendly neighbors drew me out of it.

The really sad thing was that I was not engaged in any high risk behavior. I was sitting outside, smoking a cigarette, enjoying the unseasonably warm weather and the budding trees. I have learned not to engage in acts of trascendent spiritual gratitde, but rather, more inner and holistic spiritual expression. However, it wasn't the prayer that sent me over the edge. It was the testosterone which I had taken, which yes, made me feel a lot better, but also really kicked a viral wallop into my bloodstream. Also, the cigarette de-oxygenated me further. I didn't realize it, but I WAS in need of oxygen.

Then I remembered a post I had read earlier that morning of how anaerobic and aerobic bacteria could thrive together in the deep ocean (and I will refrain from a full blown explanation of what I think that means--my brain is struggling to think in an organized manner), and I got it. This virus of Amon-RA is anaerobic--oxygen kills it. So, I started hyperventilating, and doing deep "breaths of fire" and "alternative nostril breathing" (yoga techniques). Wow--what a difference, it made--finally I could understand why light but sustained exercise (years ago--lengthy walks on the treadmill, but now only bike rides), make me feel so much better. I am not getting the joy of real exercise or the rush of brain dopamine, but I am breathing deeper, and killing the goddamned parasitical spiders. Actually, I got the idea from "The Andromeda Strain", a movie about a meteorite which crashes to the Earth with an alive, yet completely alien (no proteins) micro-rganism on it that is lethal, and which the military is hoping to harness into a biological weapon. Like I always say, the artists are always a step ahead of the good guys--BUT one step behind the KaBal, which often "feeds" the ideas to them via secret societies or conventional apparatus of the trade--pitches, essays, think tanks, etc.

However, there are no easy fixes or responses. Therefore, even though I intend to do deeper and more aware breathing, I never forget that every facet of reality has been probed by the MACHINE(s) for weakness. So, I was disappointed to read of the negative press that it has been getting lately--stories that focus on injuries (really, extremely rare), and then the vicious murder committed in a yoga clothing store, by an employee. Now, yoga was what saved me, years ago, from the premature MS/ALS now wracking my body, as I struggled to deal with the unnamed virus that started sapping my vitality over 15 years ago. It also is a legitimate spiritual practice of meditation, even though it freaks out some fundamentalist Christians. However, like transcendent prayer, which also is a legitimate spiritual practice, I think it is being increasingly targeted by the MACHINE(s). Both the murderer and the victim looked like they had the virus. I think the murderer was undergoing nightly abduction, cranial manipulation, and had the goddamned parasites in her brain driving her insane. I think that unconscoiously she identified her co-worker as being more cooperating with the MACHINE, and stabbed her 330 times.

As an aside, I hope that if and when the MACHINE(s) are neutralized, a few years from now, a process is set up to determine how many of these insanely violent victims of Amon-RA who committed murder, while driven temporarily insane by the implants, may be placed on a rehabilitative track, with prudent prejudice to public safety concerns.

However, the real point that I want to make is that personal transcendent prayer, the gospel voice of Mahalia Jackson, the liturgy of the Mass, or yoga, all are fine, outstanding examples of the natural spiritual impulse of gratitude of the finite creature to the Creator--and they ARE ALL CAPABLE OF BEING HACKED. I am not proposing the abolition of anything that the Creator can hack--that is the error of fundamentalism, and in all its forms and denominations, it leaves the spiritual nature of humans either immature at best, or crippled and deformed, at worst. For the truth is, that there is practically no facet of our reality, that cannot be hacked--even the food we eat, the water we drink, and the air we breathe can be hacked by the MACHINE(s) virus. Indeed, as I write this, it is already happening--the genetically modified seeds of Monsanto, the pollution of the air by petrochemical carbons, and the damaging fluoride (makes populations docile) in our water.

So, since I, like the "Son of Man, come eating and drinking...a gluttonous man and 'winebibber'"; because I tend to have anxiety attacks when I can't breathe; since it is my nature to burst out in joy, gratitude, and spiritual praise, I MUST find a positive way to circumvent the hack.

I no that I am not there yet, but I am working on it. In the meantime, I have to stay loose, alert and alive. I can say that my brain is working more normally now--I am able to listen to music, instead of being enraptured by it. I think the brain synchs more with the MACHINE at night, in my sleep, and therefore am going to have to be really careful about what I do first thing in the morning. I don't think the drug that I am on is helpful. I am supposed to have an MRI of my brain next week, but I know that is because aliens (good or bad?) want to see my brainstem, to make me less autistic and more responsive to the unplugged world that they can move in, but which I can only visit astrally. However, I am terrified that it would leave me even more open to the machinations of the MACHINE(s). I think if I can hold on just a little longer, I will be okay. In the meantime, one last peevish note--I think I need some vitamin B12. I think that vitamin deficiency may be causing my stomach pain when I eat (or the drugs). There is no point in trying to buy it, because as soon as I thought of it, all the Amon-RA vampires in this town just went to zap every high-quality bottle in town. They did it with the testosterone, the did it with the fish oil I sought to buy, and they can do it with B12.

Friday, January 27, 2012

Same old, same old

Same old, same old--no sooner do I write that I am feeling better, than I get blasted with an increase of the viral dosage. I was in severe pain last night, as I tried to sleep, because my back was so arched that even the uppermost thoracic spine was curved off the floor--that is a much more painful experience than when the lumbar or middle thoracic back is unnaturally curved and arched. I should know--I have been dealing with the latter for years.

I woke up barely able to see or walk. My ankles have been so cut on that they are hardly there. However, the problem is that the autism in the brain caused a natal neurological development so that I have difficulty flexing my legs and feet--they want to flex up, rather than down. This is why I can't flex my legs/feet to fit into a pair of Ugg boots. My mom told me that when I was a toddler, I never walked normally, but always on tip toes, and I find myself doing that again. How crippled am I going to get before this nightmare is over?

My neighbor, trying to be helpful, told me that oxygen helped him, but even though I spent the morning pondering it, I knew that isn't the problem. The problem is lack of testosterone. So I tested my hypothesis. Bingo. You know, I had to quit taking testosterone, because the goddamned Amon-RA cult runs every health supplement store in town (not surprised--I think most of their supplements have hidden viral codes in them). I have a very few left, and I took a couple, knowing that initially I would feel like shit, as the viral load hit, and then I would feel much better. I didn't want to take them on an empty, hurting stomach, but my inner voice told me that I didn't even have enough testosterone to digest food. So I took two of the T-tabs. I was wrong. I already felt so bad, that there was no negative rush. Instead I felt noticeably better and could actually open my eyes. I need about 10 of those T-tabs, just to be functional, but one thing that all parties who wish to control me, agree upon--they prefer me as a female. I keep saying that I am not one, and I don't even care if heavy doages of testosterone masculinize me when I am in this mutilated, fucked up, whittled down, body. I just want to feel healthy. I don't care if people think I am a hairy, hormonal freak--I just want to be healthy. I should do research--lot on my mind, but I need to lay down. Need more testosterone--lots more testoserone. Without it, i am barely functional.

Thursday, January 26, 2012

I recovered quite well from last night's trauma

I recovered quite well from last night's trauma--with help from an "angel" in the astral realm. You know, I am on some kind of psychotropic drug that is tearing up my stomach, and making it impossible for me to remember my dreams. That is a real handicap for an intuitive like myself--a lot of insight comes to me in my dreams, and it could make a huge difference. However, I remember last night's dream--that my former therapist ran her hands over my body to heal me. I woke up feeling that it had worked.

The point of yesterday's entry, though, was that evil, profound, deep, and overwhelming evil exists in this world, and I haven't even experienced the worst of it. This evening, I was searching on sites again, trying to find out where the next attack is going to come from, because if we, the patriots falter for even a single time, the consequences could be disastrous.

However, personal challenges vie for my attention as well. Now, that I have an elemental wall of trust, I know that I can peek out further and longer from my fortress--which is a responsibility and call that I can no longer avoid. Yes, I am not healthy, and I still suffer from great anxiety, but I am not so sick that I can barely function. The cannabis that I am on, makes me functional--but it still reminds me of the first two quarters of college the year that my father died. I was smoking pot every day, going to class high, and barely getting by in my studies. To be honest, I didn't like the courses at the new university to which I transferred--a bunch of positivistic deconstruction crap. Conservatives would call it "secular humanism", but secular humanism actually has a proud and strong classical tradition--just not in the universities formed by Rockefeller foundation grants and monies. Anyway, the marijuana helped me function, but it took a while for life to feel normal again.

I am not a big fan of marijuana. Even when I smoked it, I didn't like being high, and it made me lethargic and listless--when normally I am high energy and hyperactive. However, I know that I must have needed to be on the meds, because for the past year or so, I would keep fantasizing about hitting a joint. Now, what the "friendly" doctors are feeding me is THC-free (I know, because I told a shapeshifter alien that you could get marijuana without THC, and the next day I wasn't so damned high), so I am not quite so miserable as when I was a grieving undergrad, trying to self-medicate. However, I still am not my sharp and bright self, even if I am not so zoned out as I was when I smoked the illegal brand of marijuana. As I write this post, I find it very difficult to concentrate, but it is not the cannabis; I am being hit by the other psychotropic -- probably depakote). I suspect that I am being given it by the Vatican allied Sirians who still think I am going to be a celibate avatar for them. NEVER!!!! While they would not rape me, or force me to witness a murder on the astral plane, they would shove pharmaceuticals down my throat without my consent--and they wonder why I am angry!!!

However, I have decided that I am just going to do the best I can do in all areas of life. Right now, research is impossible, but I will be back at it tomorrow. I have glimpsed what the future will be like if evil wins the day, and I have to fight that.

I also have to fight myself--to come out of the comfort zone, and try to feel accepting of psychic relations--not something that is easy to do when satanists stalk your every movie. But I have a trust wall now, and so I can occasionally stick my head out--but not when I am drugged, which I am right now.

P.S.--Let me insist that I regard the medical use of non-THC cannabis, the exact same way, that I regard anti-depressants. That is, they are to be used for short-term, crisis intervention situations, and never meant to be a healthy, long term, daily supplement. Marijuana may have afforded me a coping mechanism for three to four months, but I hated the way I felt the entire time, and knew that it was time to give it up when I did. Furthermore, I did not touch the stuff for over 25 years, and when I did again, it was more out of curiosity than any real desire, and I knew that it was not something I would ever want to do again. Altered states of consciousness may be acceptable for youngsters, experimenting with life and the parameters and content of the psyche, but it has been years since I had the free time to engage in such practice--besides the spiritual practice of meditation, while initially dry and difficult, actually leads to much more fruitful results.

Right now, however, I think it fair to say that the acute anxiety I am experiencing--both from evil opponents, patriarchal control freaks, or just the unaccustomed intimacy of whole gang of people being in my mind all the time QUALIFIES AS CRISIS LEVEL ANXIETY!

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Murder, most foul

Murder, most foul--my post from this morning may seem relatively normal, but it actually was a fucked up morning. I was so drugged that it I couldn't get up from bed until 11 am (I did a quick morning read in a semi-conscious state when I posted the blog). Last night, I suffered grievously during the abductions. Actually, I think I was abducted by two, possibly three parties. The abductions by the patriots is not what is driving this post--good vibes I can keep to myself. The negative abduction is what was driving me crazy.

As I write this, the edges of my eyeballs have literally been sucked out, as the MACHINE tried to extend my cranium once again, and I have massive swelling behind my eyes and brow ridge. My clothes are hanging off me like I am a scarecrow, from where they excised major muscle from my beck and upper chest. I had trouble getting my bike up the basement stairs. I have a plank that I use as a track, but my strength has been severely impacted by the loss of my chest muscles, and I found it unusually difficult to push it up the track.

Once on the bike trail, I was spitting every few minutes from the thick shit spittle in my mouth caused by excessive female hormones. I was suffering from the peculiar motion sickness (on a bike) that I get as an aura to my migraines. As a matter of fact I felt that I was having a dry migraine again, with my eyes barely able to stay open. I have been given drugs--benzodiazepines and cannabis (thank God they got rid of the THC) to address my autistic anxiety and hyperactivity. It is mostly working, but I had a flash tonight that has me stressed to the max.

I was watching an old rerun of the cop show, "The Closer", which I enjoy. It was about the murder of a back-stabbed prostitute. Now, I had seen that show before (it is a classic of the series), and I am not squeamish about murders--having been a case manager to dozens of them in my correctional career, but the murders were arousing weird feelings in me, when all of a sudden, I started feeling like I had seen a murder. Of course, it would have happened in an abduction, and I was in denial, shaking my head. I tried to tell myself that it was a mind manipulation trick they played on me, using a snuff film--the sick perverts do that kind of thing--but I don't think so.

I can't remember much--except to remember that I witnessed a murder, but just as I suspect as when I was anally raped, I was given a choice--to accommodate to their wishes or suffer the consequences. I think that they raised the ante, so that I watched a murder to leave me filled with guilt, horror, and shame regarding the sexual act because I suspect that eroticism may have been involved. I may have seen her engaged in a seemingly voluntary sex act before the murder.

If you don't think that this kind of shit happens (especially in the Amon-RA cult), read the stories of the sex slaves whose life have been a sheer hell. Right now, the only one I can remember off hand is Cathy O'Brien and Arizona Wilder, but there are a couple of the others who have written about it (Trance Formation of America). I remember an incarcerated youth telling me how his satanic cult (he was in some heavy shit, and things ended badly for him), burned a homeless man alive as a sacrificial offering in the southern CA desert. At the time, I wondered if mental illness shaped his narrative, but now I know that he was telling the truth, recognized that I had suffered at the hands of satanists, and was trying to ease his own burden.

You know, I really have been avoiding writing about what my suspicions now that foul play, was involved in the deaths of both my father and my sister (sucks to have an occult-pedigreed surname), because I wanted to be sure, and then I didn't want to deal with the emotional pain of it all. Now, I know, I must write it all down. Secrets are just something the goddamned satanists use against me. I won't go into it tonight. I need to sleep off the horror of the memory, but I will. In the meantime, satanists continue to stalk me, but you know what? When it happened today, when I went to the local mart to fill my water jugs, I just walked away. For years now, I have been able to spot the sick, spiritual bastards, but normally I just ignore them. Today I had had enough, and just walked away. When did I witness this murder? Last night--I have had no problems watching graphic police or war stories before...

Don't know, Need to go to sleep. Hands are completely numb from all the cutting they did on my shoulders, chest. they have stubbed off my fingers, leaving me with child sized fingers, and monstrous sized hands. I don't care. No matter what, I am not giving into those perverted, soulless monsters on anything,

I have moved beyond a feeling of out of sorts

I have moved beyond a feeling of out of sorts to downright, disabling depression. I have to peptalk myself for an hour to just get out of bed, and now I don't have the energy to even finish my morning read. Once again, this is all related to sexuality/spirituality.

On Sunday morning, I was pleasantly surprised to realize that I had my penis back inside my belly. I know--not only is it the source of sexual arousal, it brings a feeling of being alive and able to relate to the world. I suppose it is uncomfortable to have sexual tension there, but as I felt it, I knew that was normal for me, and it felt good. It did NOT feel good to have no sexual partner to release the tension. I was too inhibited to even masturbate, wondering how many people are inside my head. However, because that is my normal way of sexual being in the world, and I have dealt with that same situation hundreds, if not thousands of times before, I know how to discipline and work with it--physical exercise helps a lot.

Right now, I am not capable of physical exercise at all, but so what? I have no sexual libido, no energy, no agapic love to bestow upon anybody--just peevish anger and even rage at being denied my manhood and necessary testosterone levels.

I am sure that I asked for the penis to be removed. Why? I think I am dealing with classic psychological conflicts--I know what they are, and I know I need to deal with them, but I am so drugged, I have no energy to do anything at all.

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

I go to bed feeling very out of sorts.

I go to bed feeling very out of sorts. I never feel like myself when I am force fed female hormones or psychotropic drugs. I am not sure what is going on in my unconscious, but I know there are some psychological/spiritual issues that I need to work out. I can't work on them when I am all drugged up, yet at a very deep level, I feel that I am doing the right thing, even though my life is miserable. I am not a martyr, though--I really hope that very soon I will feel more comfortable with my life--and that inner and outer selves won't have such a disconnect

Thank God

Thank God, and all His helpers who give me the strength and grace to do what needs to be done. Once again, I think the New Madrid fault line dodged a major bullet (damned those malevolent Sirians are determined to blow out this country's heartland). I am sure that things are still tense--I see where a bona fide vampire, Jonah Hill, got an Oscar nod. You know, I never like to pass judgment on most celebrities if they are affected by the occult, because sometimes they are innocent victims, and I don't have time to waste trying to psyche-probe Hollywood stars, athletes, singers, performers, etc. However, sometimes it is clear as bell--and Mr. Hill is deeply involved in the negative vampiric occult.

As for me, I am very sick with whatever psychotropic drug I am on. It started last night, and even though I got the necessary break, so that I could go to the coffee house this morning and post the previous entry, I have been really sick ever since. I don't know what I am on, but I am nauseated, high, dizzy, and severely autistic. My blood sugar is doing crazy things, with my body starving for rare meat (thank God I had a steak in the fridge), yet as soon as I eat it, the nausea starts again.

I wanted to go for a little bike ride to scope out the extent of hostility directed to me. It helps not only to see who is stalking or protecting me, but biking along in nature, also opens up my spirit in an expansive, intuitive way. Being in the house kind of cramps it a little bit.

However, there is nothing for it. I am too autistic to keep my eyes open, so I am going to go watch some light hearted videos--you would be surprised, but even those give me insights. Speaking of which, the patriots in all countries of the world, need to be alert and a little paranoid. Those sounds that are in all areas of the globe, is indication of the Tall Whites trying to set off seismic faults through sonic vibration. I am not feeling anything imminent right now, but my Internet is back up, and I am checking the MSM news sites every couple of hours to see if anything rings alarm bells. I just keep praying that, no matter what, we stay one step ahead of these haters.

Alert: Satanists on the prowl

Alert: Satanists on the prowl--which no doubt the Patriots already know from my cursory reading. Between the massive solar storm on the war, the threat of tornadoes and earthquakes off the southern CA coast, they are effectively blackmailed. Even more dire is the threat of a magnetic pole flip. That would be an extinction level event as land masses sink and mountains rise from the sea. This is terrorist blackmail by the Tall Whites--who can impact seismic trigger points from inner Earth (maybe even threatening to trigger massive earthquakes with explosives. This is why the Earth is hearing strange noises--the sonic repercussions of this inner Earth manipulation is being acoustically "caught" by inner Earth and resounding back. The time is fraught with dire peril.

I myself have not had internet access since yesterday. At 6 am this morning, I was at Starbucks to use their wi-fi--I couldn't wait four hours for the library to open. The satanic NSA agents were one step ahead of me, and I spent the first 45 minutes trying to recover from the EM zap. However, the MOST IMPORTANT THING:

While trying to open a link about a mayor killed in Hickman KY, my Starbucks Wi-Fi went dead. However, I am very close to downtown from here, and there is a lot of free wi-fi that I can try to ride, at very weak strengths. That is how I was able to open up the post and read enough to know that Hickman's mayor was killed by another satanist (of the same cultic tribe that preceded my entry into Starbucks). Furthermore Hickman is located at the Mississippi river--right in a Madrid fault hot spot.

Therefore I THINK THAT IT IS THE MADRID FAULT AREA, WITH THE CRISIS POINT NEAR HICKMAN THAT IS IN IMMINENT DANGER. I see where the satanists who were sitting in a black SUV have left. I don't know how long this weak wifi connection will last, so signing off for now. Will try to keep posting in spurts as I learn things.

Saturday, January 21, 2012


STUPID, FUCKING ASSHOLE PRICKS--all the cursing in the world can't change how frustrated I am at now being able to exercise autonomy over my own body. The reason for my anger--I just lifted up my shirt, and saw that I am gaining dramatic amounts of weight. Is my dead brain the result of lithium? Unlike what the fucking blood drinking, anorexic vampires think, I am hardly eating---especially since they contaminated my food. All of it tastes like shit. The higher quality the food, the more unbearable it is to eat it, but the body still hungers for proteins, so I try to force myself. I may be on some kind of cannabis, but it sure isn't making me hungry.
Rather, as often with lithium or depakote or risperdol, I lose all appetite.

So, how did I bother to check on my weight gain. Well, I went for a late night up and down the alley stroll, and when I got back, my boxers and thighs were soaking wet with vaginal secretions. I stuffed a pillow case in there, so I don't feel like a wet-diapered baby all night. Unfortunately, this event, reminded me of what I try so hard to block out, every single moment of every single day--awareness of this fucked up, caricatured female body and huge boobs that drive me crazy and fill me with disgust. So, having been reminded of my hateful body, I bit the bullet and pulled up my tee shirt in front of a mirror. My bodily sensations were correct. I am gaining massive amounts of weight, and am bloated, gassy and miserable.

So I guess I know now why I have absolutely no emotional life or response, except anger--the fucking drugs the stupid assholes are forcing down me, are killing everything. What a fucking pip of a way to end my day. I should make a rule--just like I no longer wear pajamas, I should make sure never to look at this disgusting fat, cow boobed body never again in a mirror before bedtime.


I am afraid to read my previous post.

I am afraid to read my previous post. I cannot ever remember thinking and writing being so difficult in my life--at least now when I would persevere through it. As I went for a brief constitutional, doing my alley rounds, I realized that my thinking has lost all emotional energy. That is not a good thing; that is bad. It is emotional energy which starts the fire and stirs the pot. Without it, thinking is laborious, and even hateful. I wonder if this kind of dead brain I am enduring is the way most kids feel, and which is why they tune out of school.

I know that my chaotic brain drives most psychics crazy, but not only is it comfortable to me, it is the source of my creativity, and creates a feeling not only of well-being, but joy. I like the feeling I get when all the jagged edges of the pieces start to fit. Today, they were not fitting, and normally I would not write until the pieces were close to fitting together, and I felt the compulsion to do so. However, the compulsion comes from the inner joy created by the zinging emotional energy created by a chaotic mind, and without it, writing is just a big, fat, boring chore and duty. Of course, I will do my duty, but I cannot imagine living a life with this kind of dead brain.

I feel like today's post is one big rough draft, but I rarely write rough drafts--at least on hard copy. Instead, I draft my writing over and over and over again in my head, and like a poem for a poet, I know when it is finished, and then I will start writing. Oh well, I tell myself, this is war, and while I don't feel very alive, I know I am not dead, and I sure as hell am not a vampire!!!

I am so tantalizing close

I am so tantalizing close to presenting a clear picture of the occult KaBal reality impacting our world, and I have been trying to hold back until I could do so. However, two events have changed my mind. First of all, I see that American warships are off the coast of Iran. Now, I had assumed that the Nazis would wait until they had a better grip on the American political scene before instigating war, but that was an erroneous assumption. It never is smart to underestimate the audacity and evil stupidity of evil. Secondly, I was mutilated again, and am in severe pain, barely able to sit or walk, as well as being severely asthmatic--this probably was because the
Amon-RA vampires realized that I am not going to make it easy for them to destroy my brain even further.

Last night, I watched the movie, "The King's Speech", and I recognized the source of "Bertie's" affliction to be the same as mine. Reared in a severely strict, patriarchal household, and constricted by his public role as royalty, he was never allowed to own his feelings--and so whenever his outer reality and verbal duties required a response that touched on his fearfully constricted emotions, he would stammer. So, how did his therapist get him over this handicap? By insisting that he express his anger--the anger of a frustrated, stymied, emotionally repressed boy, who was afraid that verbal expression and emotional response would be rebuked. So Bertie learned to overcome his handicap by cursing out a blue string of profanity.

Now, I know that some timid souls have trouble with my foul mouth (and believe it or not, that too is a result of emotional repression and fear), and it is not something of which I am proud, but it serves a purpose. Like Bertie, I was denied emotional expression as a child. I didn't stammer. I just had great difficulty speaking. Testosterone and teenage anger at the abuse I experienced in my dysfunctional family, as well as learned verbal ability built upon imaginative immersion in novels, finally got me over that autistic hump. However, my profanity use did not start until I was in my late 30's and early 40's. Working in a prison for five years, I had picked up quite the blue vocabulary, but in five years, I only cursed once while working. The reason was simple--I demanded that the immature youths treat me with respect, and would confront them if they cursed at me, so therefore I could not curse at them.

However, in 1995, my world began to fall apart--I was abducted, abused, and even raped by aliens and their Amon-RA vampire minions, and clearly I felt that once again, I was not allowed emotional response. So, what did I do? I went to a monastery setting, where I was even further abused, not only emotionally, but spiritually. That is when my foul mouth really started to explode, which surprised even me, so that, practicing spiritual discipline at the time, I resolved to quit it by "giving it up for Lent". Unfortunately, my every day life became such a hell that spiritual discipline became a daily chore just to survive and function. Now, however, I clearly see that the abuse that I am enduring is constantly trying to force me back into my autistic handicap of silence and shame of my own emotions, so like Bertie, I have to let out a string of profanity, just to take back ownership of my own emotional awareness and response.

Now, another coping mechanism that I used as a teenager and young woman, was to understand my world, both outer and inner. I was/am driven to intellectual understanding of what is happening in order to assert my own response to it. When I was younger, half-baked ideological spurts did not bother, but after my Christian conversion experience, I matured, literally over night (or over three nights), and I became more sensitive to a holistic understanding of life as I perceived it--in short, I became "wise", and wisdom is a very underrated commodity in our world.

Now, most recently, I was trying to use the second coping mechanism--I was trying to be comprehensively fair, before I just spouted off--and as I am so close to putting it all together in an indisputable presentation, that I was just waiting for "the click" to happen. However, after waking up in such severe pain, once again having been mutilated in my sleep, I AM ROYALLY, FUCKING PISSED!! So now, it is the turn of my second coping mechanism to rise to the fore--righteous anger, and though I have no compulsion to curse liberally (I kind of lived it vicariously through Bertie last night), I am angry enough to start spouting off without the kind of rational documentation for which I was initially hoping.

My original hope was to start this post with a history lesson--a thorough, comprehensive history lesson. Forget that. You all will have to follow through with your own historical research. However, I will start with an image that ran on the "Drudge Report" for most of yesterday--the image of Ft. Sumter, South Carolina under bombardment--which of course started the Civil War. I think that Drudge's subtle point was that just as the secession of the South was encouraged by outside foreign interests, the civil war was directly instigated by outside foreign influences. Furthermore, in the SC Republican primary going on today, the seeds for foreign domination and American civil war are being sown

Now, I know that so many anti-Semites on the Web will point the finger at the Rothschild banking family of Britain--that is such a "misunderstimatation", as George Bush would say--and he would know, as he is part of the family which manipulates this huge occult conspiracy KaBal web. The so-called "City of London" is actually part of a large occult hydra with multiple factions. I am close to revealing the entire overlay; however ANGER compels me to shout out the little bit that I do know.

Yes indeed, Drudge's image has hit the nail on the head. The USA is being held hostage, and driven to civil strife, and perhaps war, by a foreign power--right now the Nazi Dutch Royal Family and their German Nazi friends. Now, before proceeding, I want to make three points clear. First of all--this is not an exhaustive list of negative KaBal power players--these are just the most imminently threatening ones. Secondly, not all Dutch people or government functionaries are Nazis; likewise for the Germans. As a matter of fact, I think Angela Merkel is a patriot--who has to fear for her life, just like the patriots in other countries do. Finally, not all royalty are evil KaBalists; Elizabeth Windsor has taken huge punches from well meaning and well versed conspiracy theorists like David Icke for years, but she too, has been a covert patriot--for decades.

However, there can be no denial of the fact that evil Sirian aliens have controlled the seats of power in all reaches of the world FOR EVER, or at least since the fall of Atlantis In the past they operated through a small clique of royalty, which in turn, went out and colonized the world. However, as the world's power parameters have expanded, so have they.

Today however, I want to focus on the Nazis--yes the same Nazis that originally boosted Hitler and which was responsible for worldwide destruction and the deaths of 50 million, including the Holocaust of the Jewish people. This is a fratricidal hatred, as the Nazis are descended from the same stock as the Tribe of Benjamin, and perhaps Judah. There is ABSOLUTELY NO RATIONALE for racial hatred--and especially to the genocidal proportions eagerly endorsed by these Nazis. Unfortunately, they have proven by their past that they are capable mass murder of innocents, and now they are salivating at the prospect of forcing it upon the world again. Make no mistake--while they hate the Jews with a special vehemence, that same hatred will lead them to destroy any and all peoples of the world in the process. You see, their alien patronage comes from a particularly vicious faction of Sirians--the tall Whites or Amalekites. Their obsession with racial purity was passed on via the Third Reich's obsession with "Aryan", blonde hair, blue-eyed purity, although many Aryans are actually swarthy or sallow olive in skin tone--brothers to the Jewish tribe of Benjamin.

Anyway, as most readers of this post know, the Nazis were not eradicated with the surrender of WWII. Instead, they migrated to havens in South America, given covert identities in the newly established security agencies of the USA, or even, went to inner Earth, via Antarctica. There, they continued to build their occult connections with malevolent aliens--reptiles and Grays--that Germany had managed to initiate in the 1930's. After the 1947 National Security Act, which allowed for a covert state security apparatus, ultimately unaccountable to no one, not even congressional representation of the American people, the next really big coup for the Nazis was the Eisenhower treaty with the aliens. All of the accounts that I have read give the date as Feb 20-21, though they differ on which AFB the treaty signing took place. By this treaty, the official American government allowed (malevolent) aliens to have literal bases in our country, while they abducted our people for so-called medical experiments. Now, there is some room for argument that many of the players and officials involved in this UFO, did not know how truly evil the ulterior agenda of these sinister aliens were. It is very possible that some of the bloodline Germans/freemasons involved in this conspiracy, were unaware of the Tall Whites' role in this hidden agenda. Rather they thought that they were supporting a more benevolent Sirian faction (ah, but did they know that these Sirians were themselves looking to colonize our planet--because the sun in the Sirius system was about to go supernova?).

This is no longer an issue, and unlike the Nazis, I do not recommend that anyone hold grudges of any kind or type--just let the past go, no matter how painful the betrayal or oppression. There are Sirian factions trying to help us, but unfortunately, it is clear to me, that they still are bound by these ancient factional grudges and hatreds (and I thought hillbillies held grudges for ever!). However, I think most people AND aliens of good will can agree that the Tall Whites pose the gravest danger to this population and planet--and that is the alien faction backing the Nazis.

After the treaty of February 1954, the next big advance by occult KaBalists was the formation of the Bilderbergers in late May of 1954. Before proceeding , I want to clarify my post from yesterday, when I wrote the term, "Bilderbergers/Merovingians" as if they were one and the same. I want to be clear that they are different, though sometimes they ally, and sometimes they fight. Right now, as I write this, they are fighting, which is why several French soldiers (representative of Merovingians) were killed in Afghanistan yesterday by Taliban (puppets of the same Amon/RA/Tall White faction that empower the Bilderbergers). This example is why I don't like writing out thoughts that are still incomplete--invariably I make mistakes that I need to address later. The other point I wish to make is that the majority of people who attend Bilderberger conferences are not evil--they are just the best and brightest from a wide variety of fields and professions, often honestly thinking that they can use their expertise to make the world a better place. They realize soon enough that the deck is stacked, and very few can learn how to hold their own in the game without selling out or giving up.

Now, I do not know that much about the Bilderbergers. I once dreamed that Maurice Strong was one of them. I know that the Dutch prince Bernhard was the prime mover in their formation. I know that Bernhard was a hard core Nazi sympathizer. I know that one of their most immediate objectives was to form/infiltrate and protect profiteering war industries (which is why by 1961, Eisenhower was has having to caution against the Military-Industrial complex, and why we got involved in the Vietnam war). I know that over half of the participants in the first Bilderberger conference, were German.

Now, I haven't really done thorough research into Queen Beatrix and the Dutch Royal family, just because the alternative media mostly gives them a pass (hmmmm, wonder why?). However, what I have read over the years, and what I know now have me convinced that the Dutch royal family is indeed Nazi. I will go further, and say that I had a profound intuitive hit when I started to research Queen Beatrix. I know the web is all abuzz about Web Bot's "mystery blonde woman". Forget the Ukrainian beauty--it is Queen Beatrix, who my intuitive spirit identifies as arguably the most evil woman in the world. You know, sometimes my intuition speaks to me from deep, left field. As I was looking at Queen Beatrix the other day, my intuition did that. It reminded of something I read years ago, written by a naturopathic doctor who had to flee for her life. She had serviced a clientele of the highest European elite, and was stunned, when a female client that she identified as a "top echelon leader of a small European country" told her nonchalantly to take care of herself, because soon, "we will begin 'culling' the herd". That memory "pinged" right on Queen Beatrix. I think it very likely that she was the leader of whom this doctor spoke--I remember that I spent a couple of hours googling for all female leaders of European countries, and could not find a "hit"; I never thought of googling for European royalty. At the very least, Queen Beatrix shares this exact sentiment; otherwise, I never would have remembered the exact quote that I forgot about years ago, while reading about her.

The first question asked by any reasonable person would likely be, "why the Bilderbergers?". Most people just can't understand how some individuals are driven, literally insane, by the lust for power. The Bilderberger move was just a post WWII grab for European power, that was specifically patronized by the aliens which are affiliated with the worship of Amon-RA. Now that includes the Tall Whites, but it also includes other Sirian factions, which is where this could get really deep into human factional history, but I must pass it over for now.

Let me just say that this Amon-RA complex loosely corresponds to the southern Mesopotamian/Persian/ complex which then went on to emigrate inhabitants to Austria, Hungary, France, and parts of Italy. Whether the Dutch people are part of this emigration pattern, or whether only the royal House of Orange is, I do not know. Check out the Dutch prince's royal monogram--it is classic Amon-RA symbology:

I also know that the Dutch has had dealings with the Jesuits/Vatican/Knights of Malta to the detriment of their colonized peopled for years (watch the movie, "The Mission"). I know that they named a South American colony, "Suriname" which literally means "bow to the sun" (aka worship of MACHINE-RA). Yes, they have been affiliated with Amon-RA for centuries. So, why wouldn't they ally with their Amon-RA cousins, the defeated Nazis, nursing dreams of vengeance and world conquest through alliances with evil aliens, sometimes from other timelines?

A reasonable person still might protest, "but why would someone like Maurice Strong be involved with this group?" Remember what I said before about various factions in this alliance--yes, some are racist and conservative, while others are incredibly tolerant and notably libertine and fiscally liberal. However, they WILL and do make alliances to serve their mutual agenda. Another historical fact that I too often forget myself, is that in 1995 the malevolent aliens and their human minions signed a peace treaty among themselvess, in order to facilitate their common agenda--the continued spiritual and etheric slavery of the human race. That is why all the occult factions of the world could cooperate in the attack on 9/11.

However, more than power and corporate schmoozing were on the agenda of this first Bilderberger conference. According to Michael Salla, one of the earliest whistleblowers of the KaBal/alien agenda, it was at this meeting where it was decided that secret funds and war stolen, or expatriated gold, would be used to finance relations and research with extraterrestials and space travel:

This all came about because Eisenhower entrusted Nelson (I think) Rockefeller to handle the alien agenda. Now, I can't blame Ike for handing off the project to somebody else to oversee. He was a military general whose pragmatic successes came from the battlefield. He could not have known of the KaBal which runs the world invisibly, from behind the scenes. Thus, he did not know that Rockefeller, and his sidekick, young Henry Kissinger, would immediately move to have the entire extraterrestial project put under complete and restricted control of the KaBal as dictated by the Bilderbergers. Thus, from nearly the very beginning, the KaBal has controlled, manipulated and used extraterrestial relations and technology to further their agenda--factional power moves and control of the human population.

Now, while it is well known now, that black ops funding have been used to build underground bases and reverse-engineered space craft, most people don't realize that our trip to the moon, as viewed on TV, was completely bogus. First of all, we could not have gotten to the moon without extraterrestrial help--and certainly we could not have made it to Mars, and established a base with experimental genetic and breeding programs, which is what we did. Precisely how we got to the moon, I don't know--there is plenty of material out there for the scientifically inclined. However, we DID get to the moon, and once there, we not only discovered reptilian bases (which we already knew, since it was the reptilian allies of Amon-RA, the Tall Whites, which helped us get there), but also MOON ROCKS.

However, these moon rocks are not merely fascinating chunks of extraterrestrial geology. They somehow have the latent potential to become sentient beings which can mind control and/or kill human beings. This of course, is a knowledge beyond our human comprehension, so once again, look for a fictionalized presentation to help you understand it--that would be the movie, "Apollo 18". Even before I watched that movie, I knew that it was true. It tells a story of an off-the-record Apollo mission, in which the astronauts are attacked by these moon rocks/vampiric spiders. That may sound like complete science fiction, but I my inner voice had already confirmed the existence of those vampiric spiders in the astral realm, a couple of weeks ago. Also, this movie was made by the Weinstein brothers. You want to see the face of decadent evil? Check out those brothers.

Now Hollywood has been run by the occult KaBal for years. However, the level of Amon-RA influence has increased radically in the last few years. The Weinstein brothers are just the latest, Merovingian/vampire flavor of the decade to come along, but they are wielding tremendous power. Hell, they had two of their vampire minions, Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt send a message to Obama in hopes of getting him to figurehead the latest KaBal move.

Oh, I am getting ahead of myself. You know, it is so hard to write, when the brain is not fully primed. The words are not flowing, but everything is coming out haltingly, and I wish I could talk to somebody, which is easier when the brain just doesn't flow (it might be the psychotropic drugs I am on, but partly, it is the fact that I haven't figured everything out). So, going back, let me explain that at least one Merovingian faction is patronized by stargate watchers who are literally vampires. Most of their followers, however, are acolytes--wannabe vampires. I have seen literal vampires both human (the gnome at Smith's or the evil monster that tried to get in my head while in jail) and alien (a shapeshifter who thinks if it becomes a beautiful, blonde-haired, blue eyed woman, that my spirit won't run away and hide, wink wink).

The Weinstein brothers, no doubt through their KaBal connections, have gotten hold of these moon rocks/vampire spiders, and are using them to dominate and terrorize Hollywood. By the way, I could write a five page essay on the Amon-RA influence in Hollywood--of how actors/actresses/directors/producers have to literally succumb to evil influence or be written off. I only bring up the two previous actors because it pisses me off, that they would get so directly involved in bringing about a power revival of a totally worthless nincompoop (maybe they are impressed because he can dance and sing--that ain't leadership skills, folks. The cult of celebrity in this country is killing us).

How the Merovingians got their hands on these rocks, I am not sure--maybe through their association with the Bilderbergers, maybe through their association with their alien patrons. However, I think that more is required to activate the evilly sentient properties of the rocks. A certain sonic or electrical frequency isneeded to activate the vampiric organisms. Interestingly enough, there are literally hundreds of moon rocks which have been given away to leaders of various countries. I think that they are somehow associated with Mars. They may be on the surface of Mars, and they may be remnants of the invasion force that destroyed the surface of Mars (see all the electrical/lightning gashes on the planet). As a matter of fact, the Moon itself may have been the invading spheroid that seared this galaxy, and those rocks/parasitical spiders, capable of sucking the life and brains right out of humanoid life, may be responsible.

Now, I am going to digress a little bit, and venture out into a thought field that had not occurred to me before now. What if the power of the KaBal KKK, whether political (world leaders) or artistic (Hollywood), or spiritual (myself), all resides in who controls the vibration that turns the insentient "rock" or seemingly inorganic technology into a sentient, mind control vampire that can take up residence in the brain cause shooting pains in the head and behind the eyes, as well as "flip" the brain switches? My inner voice is telling me that I have one of those moon rocks/parasitical vampire spiders within me. It resides in the forehead.

Now, getting back to the political blackmail happening in this country, as I write. A few days ago, there was a story about Mars meteorites discovered in Morocco. The next day, Hillary met with the Algerian minister (the country next to Morocco, for those who are geographically challenged), and I could tell that the patriots of the world had taken a fall. Now remember, Algeria is a former French colony, and the French are associated with the Merovingians. I think that what happened was that the French/Merovingians made a power move, but that is not the end of the story, because somehow, the Dutch Bilderbergers/German Nazis got the upper hand over the French, which was even worse news for the patriots of the world, because these Nazis/Tall Whites want to start WWIII NOW!

This is why Barack Obama went on his big photo-op to Disneyworld, with him posed right in front of a castle based on several "European castles". He was declaring his allegiance to Bilderberger royalty. Now you will say, "but Obama is Black. Why would he hang out with racists?" Check this out:

Right now, this is the only time that I have seen the Obamas, and especially Barry, to be truly happy and excited to be in the presence of White people. Why? Because they are HIS people. They belong to a brotherhood that transcends even the skin color difference which has negatively obsessed and embittered him his entire life. They are all brethren in a satanic cult that is as centuries old--that of Amon-RA--the worship of the serpent and the MACHINE. Both Obamas come from inter-generational occult families, and Michelle is as devoted to the evil cult as he is. Check out her pictures. Look for the indentation at the temples where the parasitic implant eats out the brain. Look at her swollen chin right beneath her lips or the familiar jawline pouches.

My mind is going all over the place as I write this, so let me sketchily recap the line of my thought. Power (royal) families have been enthroned by virtue of their relations and subservience to extraterrestrial aliens from the beginning of our known history. In the 20th century, this modus operandi took a tremendous leap forward with the advance of science and technology. Various occult societies and power factions learned that the secret to controlling the leaders of a country was through a brain implant that can mind control, incapacitate, or kill, if the appropriate frequency is present. (Look at pictures of presidents in the previous century--even then the Amon-RA influence is discernible). There probably has been a power struggle between these rival factions and their alien benefactors since the beginning of time, and it still is ongoing. The Bilderberger (Dutch and Nazis) and Merovingian tug of war that just erupted within this week's span is just the latest manifestation. The world is in critical danger, because the Nazis insist on the extermination of the Jews, and they want it NOW.

This country is in critical danger, because the Dutch Bilderbergers/Nazis are blackmailing the Patriots by threatening to activate the Moon Rocks/Mars meteorites. Not only myself, but many people of note in every field of endeavor, including many patriots have those implants, but are able to control them, as long as they are not artifically activated. How can they be activated? Immediate electromagnetic "zap"--what I have written of how Obama made Sens. Byrd and Kennnedy ill is the laborious way, though for special people, like me, is always a good standby. I also think the solar flare that MACHINE-RA is directing from the sun, can electrify the entire atmosphere, setting off multiple implants. Remember too, we are not just talking about people. The story of the Martian rocks in Morocco means that they activate these rocks and they can just latch onto ordinary folk--people who do not have the sophistication to handle the rage and pain that these implants cause. Finally, I read that once again, the occult forces put a military satellite into orbit--that combined with the Grail satellites can triangulate to afflict any point on Earth. Can you imagine what would happen if any hot spot on Earth was so targeted. The people would literally tear each other apart--much to the amusement of the reptiles, and interest of the MACHINE.

In the meantime, the travesty continues. Corruption and media manipulation are now backing Gingrich to win the GOP nomination. Gingrich is the Republican candidate closest to Obama, insofar as like Obama, he has absolutely no character whatsoever, and will sell out to any bidder who gives him power. However, he would be more dangerous than Obama, because he is genuinely gifted with political skills, and would not be satisfied with a cult of celebrity standing, but insist on achieving his political objectives. Remember how he was running an end that ended with the non-sequitur of how he didn't speak French like Romney. That one had all the TV commentators puzzled--obviously, they aren't in the inner circle of occult knowledge. Or how about Gingrich giving his CNN interview from "Orangeburg, SC"?

Gingrich will never get the nomination--he's too damned opinionated and self-centered. No, the GOP just wants to force a convention brokered candidacy in which they nominate Jeb Bush, who has impeccable family credentials. Obama is jumping over the moon, too (hey, can I get some of those moon rocks for myself, so I can send them to whoever I want). After all, he knows if it is between Jeb Bush and himself, he has a 50/50 chance--even if the Bush family tries to steal the election via MACHINE fraud, as they did in both 2000 and 2004 (forget the hanging chads--the real scandal was in the software programming).

Do you understand now why Obama was crooning, "I'm so in love with you" to the Apollo theater. Again, what he was signalling was that he is so in love with the NASA Apollo Moon project. (Before you admire his "singing skills", let me advise you that I have seen evidence that the MACHINE can activate that,ex tempore, too). Why would Barry be so happy--apart from the fact that more than anything else, he craves adulation and praise? Because he is beside himself with joy at the thought of inflicting billions with this infestation of sentient evil, and of because his hater's heart is thrilled at the thought of seeing the Jewish nation wiped off the map. The Jews of this country have been among his biggest supporters--what complaint does he have with them? None, but he is a hater, and hatred has to have an object. When the Jews are obliterated, he and his band of KaBal KKK brothers will move on to another target.

As for me, I didn't set out to write this piece, and spent the first three hours, writing and deleting, writing and deleting. However, I finally got to what was most pressing in my unconscious, though again, I could do this so much more effectively via talking than by writing. There is still more that I want to say, but I have spent all day at the computer (not much to show for it, I know), so I am going to take a break. I looked out my window, yearning to go for a bike ride all day--it is too late now, but maybe I will walk up and down the alley a few times--wow, what an exciting life I lead...

Friday, January 20, 2012

No use in pushing

No use in pushing back against the current, hateful reality. Amon-RA, the Nazis, and all their evil power-hungry, hating, evil minions are back on track to start WWIII in the Middle East.

It is hard to see evil gloat--and it is on every news channel that I see, but I feel my inner voice holding me back. The Nazi KaBalists have a powerful blackmail weapon that they are holding over the Earth, and the Patriots have had to retreat for the preservation of the planet and humanity.

I am not so much in retreat, as I am listening to my inner voice to find the right timing. When Amon-RA rules uniterrupted, my life becomes hateful, too. I figured out why I cannot manage to dash into a fast food restaurant and get an uncontaminated burger. Think back to the movie, "The Matrix". I am stalked by a high powered UFO wherever I go, and when I make a stop, "agents" can literally take over the body of whomever I approach. I would like to think that agents can only possess "weak" or immature people; however, that is the profile of the average fast food worker. So, I am having to eat contaminated food. I got violently ill when I ate from a Mexican food truck in the parking lot where I do my laundry. MY fault. They hacked into my inner voice and lied. Kicking myself for being so gullible--I should have been operating from paranoid, don't trust anyone mode, and I wasn't.

In a way, it is okay. The one thing that I cannot stand is a liar--especially a liar who claims moral superiority. I know which faction lied to me, and which faction poisoned me, and the information I gathered today, helped me to coalesce more information. Lie to me through the sanctity of my inner voice, and the bastards lose all credibility with me--not that they ever have had much anyway, but all the shapeshifting in the world cannot stop me from uncovering their identities.

I seem to be recovering from the viral downloads quicker, but there is no way I will have a brain CT scan, as long as the Nazis are pre-eminent. I know they want to do brain surgery to try to get me plugged into the MACHINE. While I am confident that I can resist all attempts to enslave me, I just don't want those evil Amon-RA people doing ANYTHING to my brain. Maybe brain surgery would help; maybe it would turn me into a mental vegetable. So far, all of their attempts have been massive failures that have stripped me of my high energy and peak fitness, and have left me crippled, obese, and in chronic pain, unable to do anything that I once loved--from hiking to yoga to playing music. No thanks, I will wait until I am in a position where I feel safe, and trust the environment around me.

In the meantime, I suffer along with all the other patriots of the world. I am having to eat contaminated food, since I cannot access healthy food. Food that has been moleculary altered tastes terrible, makes my belly poof out (because of all the nano tech thingies they activate in my gut), my brain shut down in a fog, increases the nerve pain caused by all back mutilations, and has me dribbling down my leg in vaginal wetness. No doubt about it, my quality of life suffers when the Amon-RA KKK is in control of the world.

I don't think they can prevail, but timing is everything. Nothing I can do right now, but cringe at the reality I experience around me, in digital image, and in person.

I survived yesterday's Nazi assault

I survived yesterday's Nazi assault, even if I spent most of the day non-functional. I can say with certitude that Nazis were behind the attack, because I was harassed/stalked by a couple of blonde, anal-retentive teenage boys who were broadcasting their thoughts everywhere.

You know, I am really close to putting all the pieces of the puzzle together. However, I will just say that Amon-RA has different sects or factions worshiping IT, and while the devotees might disclaim that they have any kind of spiritual faith in anything, and even profess atheism, I could make an airtight case that they are just supremely blasphemous idolaters, who have displaced Almighty God with Satan/Lucifer. However, I don't have time for spiritual talk. My life, my country, my world is under assault, and gaining insight into the tactics of these enemies is more important than probing their psyches and spirits.

It is helpful to say that the biggest split in the Amon-RA camp is between the racists and the non-racists. I call the racists "Nazis" though many of them are sallow, swarthy and dark, though they venerate the blonde, blue-eyed look. It was the "racist" Amon-RA that was putting me through the wringer, yesterday. I think I posted that my food had been contaminated, and I ate it, then slept, and woke up so high, that I could barely move. I mean that I was really high, as in given some kind of anti-anxiety agent (very likely something similar to cannabis) that had me looped out of reality all day.

However, I did not just sit around blissed out, with the munchies, while my brain got lost in imaginative la-la land. No, I still had the "brain tumor" effect happening in my brain, which makes it unbearable to open to any kind of visual or ausitory stimuli, so most of the day was spent moaning in front of a nearly mute television. As the day progressed, and I started feeling a little better, I decided to venture out into the big, bad world, to see if I could get some uncontaminated, take out food.

Well, after driving around for 15 minutes and two stops, I still failed, which reveals the level of sophistical remote viewing that I endure. Incredible as it seems, the bastards know every thought that goes through my head, even while I am driving. I am not exaggerating this at all. I have tested the hypothesis many times--probably there is a hidden (behind the cloud) UFO that monitors me at all times. They may be trying to protect me, but like me, I think that they have an experimenting mind set, and they try to see what the various occult frequencies will do to my brain. If I can identify, experience, and transmit the MACHINE-RA frequency, "switches" in victims' brains can be reset. That is how I am able to liberate others from the grip of the MACHINE--by suffering the same frequency myself. It does not "flip me", or at least it hasn't yet, (almost certainly because I am old soul very familiar with the programming ruses of MACHINE-RA), but it sure does make me sick, so I am usually not very happy when I am in this afflicted state--especially when I am being stalked by Nazis.

Anyway, when I got home, I could tell the food was contaminated, but not to the point that I was violently ill--whether that was because my brain was set to a certain frequency, or because of all the anti-anxiety drugs, mood-altering drugs in my body, I do not know. It was interesting to note that, when I got home, my house was in a bulls-eye of an intersection between two chem-trails--the only two chem-trails in the sky! Now, as I have mentioned before, I think chem trails can serve a positive function. I noticed a year or two ago, when I was carrying a reptilian aura, and physically very ill, that a sky full of chemtrails actually made me feel better. I think that is probably because the metals/chemicals in the chem-trails were/are setting off/encouraging specific frequencies in the brain. I would say that it is likely that the chemtrails are set to an Amon-RA frequency, and while that may feel good to me, when my brain is laboring under a reptilian frequency, it sure doesn't feel good, when I am "normal".

Anyway, today I feel much better. It probably is because my brain switches were flipped last night by my "friendly" Sirian abductors. I ate the same food that made me sick yesterday (no, I am not stupid--I am constantly experimenting to try to understand my reality), and while I could tell that it started a viral download, the discomfort was in bearable parameters, unlike the Amon-RA frequencies. So, I don't feel too well, but I surely don't feel as deathly ill as I did yesterday.

You know, it was interesting to see photographs of Marianne Gingrich on the web. I can tell that the viral fluid is really swelling one side of her face, and the UPPER PART OF HER LOWER LIP. The viral fluid has the same effect on me, so that I look like I'm "rubbing" a big, old wad of snuff. She also suffers from MS, which is what the virus causes in me, as well. So, I am wondering if a genetic/biochemical inability to circulate the viral fluid causes MS-like symptoms. For that matter, was the virus responsible for Michelle Obama's father's MS? For that family was deep in the Amon-RA occult, even before the birth of their children. I am satisfied that the evidence is clear--Craig and Michelle Robinson were part of the same Amon-RA genetic experiments that conceived Barack Obama, and caused my autism--even if I choose not to document that evidence at present. Besides, I don't believe in beating a dead horse, and Barack Obama can kiss the Bilderberger, Merovingian/European royalty White ass all that he wants, but he is a dead horse. I would hope that he forgets about his narcissistic power-trips and work on his soul--and singing Al Green ain't gonna cut it.

As for me, I have to take advantage of feeling well, and must do some chores. Wonder what kind of day, I will have out in the big, wide world?

Thursday, January 19, 2012

So drugged up, nonfunctional

So drugged up, nonfunctional--unable to do morning read. in some kind of psychotic haze. so much going on, so much i need to do, but il literally cant moe. even body wont move. brain doesnt work, and my fridge is full of contaminated food, but too sick to grocery shop or drive.

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Fucked again

Fucked again by KaBalist. So fucked up on the goddamned virus can barelyu keep eyes open. body, esp legs are crawling. realize now that the stupidass pricks WANT me to be autistic. its how they can get the MACHINE in to take over my individuality and turn me into a drone (im mycase, maybe a queen) of hive consciousness.

what can I do? I have to eat. they put the fucking virus in my groceries again.. soon as i eat, my body starts vibrating, start slapping head, and legs feel like they are crawling with bugs.

Furious. enrgaged, words cant describe how fucked up a feeling autism is. Yet DaBal sirians keep looking for a magical drug to get me to do their will. there is no drug that will work, there is no amount of mutilations that will do it. I keep saying over and over again. I need a safe and accepting environment before I consent to any kind of "Ascension". until that happens you fuckers can't force me to do anything. BECAUSE I INTEND TO RESIST WITH EVERY OUNCE OF MY WILLPOWER. stupidasses you never learn. over a dozen years ago, i told the monks at the monastery the very same thing i am telling you, but the piece of shit priest just smiled at me patronizingly, knowing what i did not--that within a week i would be in jail, thanks to them and their big buddies.

A while back i saw a movie, and in movie,,, I knew that i would not arrive to my destination that others wanted me to go until i got to Indian st. Now, i know astral happening s had something to do with that. but at time, i interpreted it tow ways. one, was need to get back to ab ORIGINAL state---either to full expression of God's plan for me as XY male, or back to a place where i feel good and happy about body. other positibiliyt is that i need to go the route of spiritual discipline--contemplation and yoga---cannot do that when i am so fucked up on drugs that i can barelyh fucntion .

Pissed off at myself. once again, i let myself be fooled by thiese piece of shit KaBalists.. have to go to bed. too fucked up to do anytihng else. another 80 dollars down the fucking toilet.

I am having difficulty

I am having difficulty doing research. It is a combination of wikipedia being down (has limitations, but with my analytical skills I can get around them), one of my most useful web sites being out of service (hmmm, I wonder why?), and PAIN. Once more I was cut on last night and once again, I can barely sit, because of the pain from back muscles who don't have the strength to hold me up. When I am in pain, my ability to concentrate vanishes. So, I am not going to write much. However, in my dreams last night, the final impression was that something bad was going to down in Houston. I see where an Amon-RA devotee was murdered, but I am wondering if she was murdered by her own faction, because she did not have the guts to follow through with a planned terrorist strike against the assets associated with Faction 1. Since F1 is heavily identified with the petrochemical industry they would have lots of targets in the Houston area....and what about Jeb Bush going to China? Well, I will think on it a little more, but right now I am in too much pain.

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Too much insight of a personal nature

Too much insight of a personal nature is bombarding me right now, and I, who proudly spills out all my "secrets", am truly dumbstruck. I still find myself shaking my head at the incredulity of it all, but yet I know it is largely true. The only doubt that I have is fear that I am subject again to another mastermind (computer?) manipulation. It seems to me that I have quite a history of that. Anyway, this is so beyond the pale, that I am just going to sit on it for right now, while I steam and fret at the number one person who has brought me into this situation--ME! Oh, and by the way, I will remember to include in my prayers and intentions, the other person who has behind all of this, since my days in Colorado over a dozen years ago. Damned long time to sink your teeth into somebody--but she definitely is special--and motivated! I encountered her consciously (unconsciously I think that she already was impacting me, back in CO), when I started to read some of her "channellings" that were posted on the web. However, I quickly ran into MACHINE contamination. You see, I think that she did originally post (or "channel" to a human who posted for her) authentic material about her life, and I could pick up on that, but then, the CIA/Nazi/NASA/MACHINE-RA complex got involved and started spinning out a bunch of hooey. I would say that this person acted as a channelling "guardian angel", because she is only allowed to impact this world indirectly, though she is as human as I (ha ha!). Seriously, she is as human as I, just super turbo-charged.

However, as always, evil gets in the mix and spoils everything. So last night I tried to rediscover some of the Internet posts that I remember as authentic. With all the contamination, it was too damned hard, especially with all the drama going on in the world that I have to constantly monitor.

I know that powerful psychics, both human, alien, and sorta-in-between, are all in my head, so they know what I am worried about. Good, that means I can go for a bike ride, and work off some of this emotional energy.

Sunday, January 15, 2012

Well, it has been another lost day for me

Well, it has been another lost day for me--I don't know if I have been on drugs, or if I just am wiped out by last night's astral rape. Consciously, it doesn't bother me that much. I remember realizing several years ago that, while a rape in my youth would have been emotionally devastating to me, maturity has given me a solid spiritual foundation that enables me to bear even the most hateful of violations. Still, I am tired of constant assaults I endure. I tell myself that I am doing this so that no other child has to suffer as Caylee Anthony, Camden Pierce, Baby Lisa, Ayla Reynolds or Mir Mir. Yes, there will always be disturbed predators, but it should not be a tacitly approved cultural epidemic, which is what satanic/luciferian worship has brought into our world. Compared to what those poor children had to go through, I have gotten off lightly, for the satanic assault on me did not begin in earnest until I was a mature, spiritually self-aware adult.

Still, it is hard being so sick that one can barely move. I suffered with the "brain tumor" syndrome, a bad headache (congested brainstem), and stiff neck for most of the day. I forced myself to cook supper, but otherwise dragged around all day. My head is still hurting, so I am going to bed hoping for a better tomorrow.

In pain this morning

In pain this morning, as my upper back was shaved and mutilated last night, whittling me down smaller and smaller. I have a strong hunch as to the occult Faction that is claiming ownership of me now, but I want to have a fuller understanding before writing. However, it is hard to do the research, when my back hurts so bad, I can barely sit. Oh well--I will say it. I think the occult Jesuits/Opus Dei are the ones cutting on me now. More on that hypothesis later. Interesting dream that I had last night though. I dreamed that I was a boy, 8-10 years of age, who was being anally raped by an adult male. In the dream, I was crushed and desolated. Was I really raped in my dream, as part of an attempt to get me to synch with the MACHINE, or was it just an implant. I don't know, but it means that the occult Catholic blasphemers have finally admitted a psychological fact that I recognized years ago--my masculine psyche and spirit is much more impacted by anal rape than vaginal rape.

Ultimately, it won't make a difference. I may have an immature male psyche, but I have an full-grown, big-ballsy, MAN spirit and courage, and even rape is not going to get me plugged into the MACHINE, no matter how crushing to my self-worth. No, what really bothers me more than anything, are the continued mutilations, because they cause terrible pain, and make my shrunken and tightened body unbearable to inhabit. Now, even though I haven't done much in the way of a morning read, I am going to go watch vids. My back hurts to much to sit at the computer.

Saturday, January 14, 2012

An edit to last post:

An edit to last post: I am not really capable of thinking things through very well, but a little extra reflection makes me think that the Genovese ship hit a deliberately placed mine--guided there by its culpable captain. I do believe that occult forces from Iran were likely involved; however, it must be stated emphatically that the governing nation of Iran was not to blame (I think Patriots may have wrested power away from Ahmadinajad and Khameini). These occult forces honor no country or god except MACHINE-RA. Yes, there are occult devotees in Iran, just like in the USA, just like in most countries of the world. It could have been the USS Carl Vinson that attacked innocents, not under the flag of the USA, but under the maritime sea of law, governed by the MACHINE. Thus, the Italian captain is identified with this force, just as the Jewish billionaire, Sheldon Adelson, with his Venetian themed casino is one. I briefly thought about outing every one of these people I could identify, but "THEY ARE LEGION". So now I try to keep a tactical silence, while seeking an opportunity to decapitate (or, God willing, "flip"), these "capos" of the Beast.

I can tell the caliber of my writing has deteriorated

I can tell the caliber of my writing has deteriorated, but I am too sick to care. I think I have had yet another change in my genetic code, trying to force me to be more feminine. Instead it makes me emotionally sentimental and weepy, while making my mind even more chaotic and non-rational than usual. I just don't have the ability to sustain focus on the inner workings of my mind, and I can tell that it impacts my writing. I have said it before, but I will say it again, every cell in my body is male, and trying to force female hormones and brain activity on me, will only make me a lesser, more deficient person.

One thing for sure it has made of me a paranoid, nervous wreck. Yesterday, after all the drama died down and I knew that I had some level of outer safety, I made a few public stops, and I found myself neurotically paranoid. I kept checking everybody, and literally could not stand the thought of anyone being behind me. I had to compel myself not to bark at some gentle, unassuming, and innocent man behind me in queue, "don't stand behind me".

I realize that I have some pressure and tightness in my belly, and it corresponds to a pooched out belly, so I am thinking that they put an implant in my belly, which is impacting my solar plexus, which is what is causing my nervous agitation and paranoia. Stupid fucks. They probably put it there to try to give me a feminine "energetic center", since they gutted out my natural masculine energetic center in my sacrum. It is amazing to me, that such "advanced" (alien) beings could be so stupid as to think that any kind of authentic spiritual energy can be aroused with ersatz implants. It won't work. and it never will; however I know that I cannot convince them of this, for ultimately it is the MACHINE behind this sacrilege.

Anyway, they gave me a viral download which sent me into the worst semi-pychotic state ever, and the problems weren't just mental--my entire body felt paralyzed. I have felt pretty crazy while subjected to those viral downloads before, but this was, without question, the worst that I have experienced. So, they have shoved me full of psychotropic drugs again, and I am barely function. I have no feeling, except a dull sense of anger on anything that impinges upon my consciousness. My mind finds it difficult to think, and I am having serious problems with memory again (lithium, anyone?).

I am too tired to do much, but I know where my next line of thinking is going to take me--if I can just get the energy to do it. Meanwhile, the occult forces continue to murder and foment war. The Italian cruise liner was hit by a torpedo--probably by ROGUE, OCCULT forces which very likely could have taken over an Iranian submarine. Fortunately, the world's leaders who are patriots know this, and are trying to stay cool. After all, it wouldn't be a first time that a torpedo started or escalated a war.

You know if my brain were working right, I would probe the interesting connections regarding the Lusitania--the ship was actually named for an Iberain/Roman province that fought the Carthaginians. You see, all this back and forth is related to occult infighting. For those who have more energy, explore the Venetian/Genova rivalry. Those towns were settled by different Israelite tribes, and it was a Genoa ship that sank. Who are aligned with the Venetians? Well, for starters that billionaire who has raked in billions off fixed games in the NFL ever since his chosen candidate was fraudulently installed in the Oval Office, which afforded the addition of institutional force to the leaning occult/criminal pressure already on club owners. It has been a lucrative racket the past couple of years. Of course, now his money--5 million of it-- is on Gingrich, but who is an international occult player, and until the cosmic conspiracy of evil is defeated and revealed, atrocities like this sunken Genovese ship, or a tractor trailer ramming a BMW off a CA road, will continue.

I just hope everyone, including myself, can keep a cool head, and act rationally. While the death of dozens of Italians is tragic, a world war with hundreds of thousands, and even millions, would be more so. In my cursory morning reading today, I learned that the day before he died, Lincoln cashed a check for $800.00 cash. Why? He knew that an evil greater and more powerful than all the armies of the South at the height of its power and armaments, was about to come down on him. I think, though, that he made a decision that there were no outer walls of trust that could defend him, and so he retreated behind his inner wall of faith in God, and the next day he was murdered. With his assassination, the reconstruction of the South took a genuinely hateful and predatory turn, which I blame for the retardation of emerging civil rights and healthy social integration of the freed slaves.

So this war has been going on a long time, and we just have to hold on a little longer. I really have hope that soon, this year, it could all be ended. I wouldn't lie; there really are great "intangibles" in the Patriot's favor--we just have to be patient and put up with insult, umbrage, and unfortunately, murder of innocents, just a little bit longer.

Friday, January 13, 2012

Checked my voice mail

Checked my voice mail and there was a message from my dr. No doubt she had been consulted about my anxiety attack yesterday. I am NOT going to apologize for my anxiety--yes, I am GABA deficient and have autistic perception of reality, which fuels abnormally high anxiety. However, I tell you what really fuels anxiety--waking up with my shoulders cut off, missing a whole set of ribs, or having my genitalia mutilated in my sleep. After having people I trusted and/or loved throw me jail for 6 months--where I was under constant anxious assault, because I could not get the private time or intellectual stimulation I need to be hapy. Or maybe, it was being thrown into a mental hospital, where I was constantly told how mentally ill I was--and guess what the goddamned riserdol did make me ill. Maybe it is the years of being forced fed psychotropic drugs of every imaginable stripe, of nearly dying because I could not escape the constant frequency assaults that made me so ill I could barely function. Maybe it is the result of years of never knowing if the person who is approaching me is going to zap me, and start the dreaded viral flow that makes me sick. Hell, in the last month, I have thrown away over $150.00 of groceries, because they were contaminated at the point of sale--I don't mean that they made me queasy; rather, they made me violently ill.

Maybe my anxiety is caused by the knowledge of arcane truths regarding the particulars of evil power in the world--of which nothing in my traditional education--secular or spiritual prepared me. Then keep in mind, that I figured all of this out by myself--which is a good thing, because I have had so many luciferian deceptions thrown at me, it is a miracle that I am a free woman today. Yes indeed, I may be anxious, but it is the anxiety of someone whose freedom is constantly under assault, not the brain-doped calm that MACHINE-RA gives (read the psychs evals of Casey Anthony). Finally, do not underestimate my sensitivity to intuitive impressions. When I know of an impending attack, my anxiety goes sky-high. It is my unconscious' way of alerting my conscious mind to start dredging up the clues. Thus the night Obama prepped to murder not only Hillary Clinton and Chris Christie, but also millions of Americans, I couldn't watch a movie about vampires. On the eve of Friday 13th I knew something big and bad was planned, and my anxious response, while worrying to some, is just my way of dealing with that reality. I could be like 99% of the population, and have no idea at all what is going on, but my heightened "extrasensory" perception is both a blessing and a curse with which I have learned to live

Finally, I don't know who I can trust--when I see humanoid figures shapeshifting into animals and other people (and taking over their personalities and knowledge, I tend to get a little nervous). Mostly my fear and anxiety though, centers around my apprehension that am not allowed to choose my own self-identity. Everybody wants me to be an icon that fulfills their projected expectations, and all they have done is confuse and undermine my once secure self-esteem and self-identity, which given my intersexed gender, autistic handicap, and difficult circumstances of life, was an individualized accomplishment of which I was proud.

Well, I figured out a few things yesterday, and it was crisis panic mode that led to the insights, so I am not sorry that I had an anxiety attack. For the first time, I think I grasp a little of what is going on in my personal life. Most of the time, I am so busy concentrating on the big picture, I never spend any time thinking about myself--which is not hard, when I am as miserable as I can be in this mutilated, unnatural,female body. I think that there is at least one solid transdimensional person (and really a lot more) that truly desires my well-being (and that includes my insistence for personal sovereignty and freedom of choice for self-identity).

You know, starting in the late 90's when the Spiritual Life Institute (no doubt under the urging of Opus Dei/Maurice Strong tyes), began web-camming me in my apartment, I just learned to shut the bastards out. However, now that I recognize that there is a legitimate desire for relationship on the part of at least one psychic constantly "in my mind", I find myself becoming self-conscious, WHICH GUESS WHAT?--makes me ANXIOUS!!!

No drug in the world is going to fix that. They will just limit and hinder me--just like today, I am all zombied out on some kind of drug--probably was given some sedative last night. So now, I am so tired that it is difficult to even think about three hours of research, but I tell myself to do it, then I am going home and either sleep (if I can) or watch TV...