Another morning I woke up in agonizing pain

Another morning I woke up in agonizing pain--back and shoulders. I don't know if I was cut on, but I know that my thoracic cavity musculature was pushed forward. Stupid, goddamned fucks are trying to force a female body on me. Well, its clear that they pushed the goddamned Nazi boobs even further out (thank God it is winter and I can cover the goddamned offending things with a sweatshirt), but the cost is severe pain, difficulty breathing, and loss of energy (my body had been changed to a more normal hormonal configuration, which felt better for a couple of days). My body's energetic pattern is male, and the more contorted and unnaturally female my body is forced and confined, the more pain, and loss of all energy and vitality. I can literally feel my bio-energy being stymied in my back.

I have to recognize and accept that continuing in this state is impossible. I keep hoping to just win some time, so that I can remain independent, but I don't think that is going to be possible. Of course, I have approached the Black psychic community for help, which was denied (and that was after a year of having them stand by, doing nothing while I was systematically mutilated--even though I was putting my life on the line in astral battles with them). I don't hold a grudge, but it is clear that the Black psychic community suffers from a lot of psychological immaturity and self-inflicted racism that makes it difficult for them to accept a strong and free White person, even though it is clear that in the deeper unconscious realm, I have been/am a powerful Black leader.

It also bothers me, because I think that Obama--maybe backed by Salusa--is trying to play the race card to take over a position of (figurehead) astral leadership. Obama couldn't be a leader if he tried. You know, I look at photos of crushed Tim Tebow and recognize the humiliation and sense of failure he is feeling. However, I have hope that he is going to come from this experience a deeper and fuller man (even if he never becomes a great quarterback--without a total reorientation of style, I don't see it, but he is humble enough to learn and change). However, so many Black men are "princesses"--who cannot accept the fact that life deals out humiliations and failures to everyone; instead they blame racism for all the hardships and pain that they endure, instead of recognizing that such is life, and working to hone themselves into strong men on the edge of life's pain. Instead, they stay mired in childish blame games and whittle their own selves down into less than men.

The tragedy of Barack Obama is that he does have the gifts to be a genuine leader, but he has no gratitude for that which bestowed those gifts--namely, his White occult family, which groomed him for success from the womb. Nor did he ever learn to accept humiliation and hardship as necessary lessons which transform life's pain into greatness of spirit and efficacious ability--instead, he was schooled at a very early age, starting with Frank Marshall Davis, to attribute so much of his existential pain into ideological racism. Thus, unlike young Tebow who is sitting on the bench with balled up fists, wondering what he did wrong, and desperately pulling into himself for the ability to right "the wrong" (of course, he is NOT the primary culprit, but real Men always blame themselves first, and outer circumstances, no matter how damning and daunting, second)

Now, why is this important. Because Obama is desperate for the glamour, narcissistic celebrity, and rich benefits of the lifestyle of the rich and powerful, that he will grasp at anything to continue his bogus run. So I fear that his next move is going to be to play the race card, even more overtly than he did in 2008, for which he was given a complete pass by the media. It is funny--I read an article the other day about Michelle Bachmann playing the gender card--yet she hasn't demonstrated a fraction of one percentage of Obama's egregious self-pity, and "poor African-American me" pity party. It's still going on--most recently manifest in that thoroughly corrupt and occult traitor, AG Holder whining about how he is catching flack for his direct responsibility in the gunrunning which has resulted in HUNDREDS of dead Mexicans, because, he shares Obama's skin color. PFFFTTTT!).

The worst case scenario is that Obama would seek to ally himself with the occult Black community which was so formative in his unconventional conception, and provided essential covert support in so much of his adult years in Chicago--the Nation of Islam, and their Amon-RA colleagues, including such types as Bernardine Doerhn and Bill Ayers. Even though racial relations seem calm now, this occult clique can rouse terrorist actions or racial tension in a hurry. As a matter of fact, that was part of the plan from the beginning.

I am really angry, because it seems to be (I could be wrong) that Obama is using the media to present an image (especially to the Black psychics, whom he is desperately trying to woo, since he no longer has a power base) of "wronged" Black grievances. Check out this picture at the CNN blog:

http://whitehouse.blogs.cnn.com/

Do you know what I see in that picture? A staged photo op, which is supposed to convey the message that White people (in this case a little child), are inherently racist and want to touch Black people. Check out Obama's grimace. This is all for show to remind all the Black "princesses" out there, constantly bitching and moaning about the "pea" that they feel, even while lying on 20 mattresses (any African-AMERICAN is privileged to live in the top 1% of the world in quality of life) about how hard it is to be in a Black skin in White society. This photo-op is to probably reinforce the "PEA" that Obama has been feeling since he was a teenager, and a someone came up to him in school, rubbed his skin and asked if it would rub off. Now, this is offensive, no doubt, but guess what--in my school, people would come up to you and rub your skin or hair, and ask if you had "cooties" or moan "oooh", or some dumb shit. School is full of immature kids acting out in immature behaviors. The point is to recognize this and refuse to give it power over you. As much abuse as I endured at the hands of my schoolmates (and I could fall into the ideological trap and term much of it "sexist"--"boys just naturally hate and torment girls"), I would be fully justified to be a hater of humanity, to toss and turn over the multitude of peas that life threw at me. This action was certainly insensitive, and probably "racist" in a soft way (just like the boys at my school who liked to punch girls or snap bra straps, were "sexist" in a soft way), but it is a PEA.

Let us suppose that this not a staged photo op, though I think it is, since this staged persona and imagery has been Obama's stock in trade to demonstrate his "leadership potential" from the very beginning, and that picture just looks completely staged. People are naturally curious, and often insecure, about differences--the "other". This is not always racist. When I took my 3 year old niece to Disneyland, I was irritated because some adult Black man, couldn't take his eyes away from her. Now, my intuition told me that he was not a pedophile--he was just fascinated by her blue eyes and platinum blond hair. It was racist in a "soft" way. When I was a college freshman, working at a snack stand, I was shocked when a Black male co-worker came up to me, and started patting and feeling my hair. Now, I did not experience that as violating (unlike my experience as a teenage girl on a Greyhound bus, where a Black man sat next to me, and deliberately trapped my thigh with his, until I got up and moved). I did find the hair patting somewhat invasive, but my Greyhound experience did not turn me into a racist, so I was open to what and who the young college student really was. He was basically a good person just fascinated by my hair and wanted to feel it. Had I encountered him in high school, he probably would have been just as fascinated, but would have uttered afterward, "ooh, cooties", or perhaps, "I just wanted to see if it would rub off" . Now, you might say this encounter has sexual overtones, but guess what, I saw the same scenario play out on a televised football game. Joe Flacco was sporting a brand new flat top, and while sitting on the bench, a Black player came up and started ruffling his hair. When, in male bonding, have you ever seen Black men ruffle or pat each other's hair? Naturally, this move irritated Flacco, and he shook off the hand, but I don't that he turned it into a PEA that kept him tossing and turning all night.

Get it, everybody? It is natural to be curious and fascinated about differences. Yes, there is social protocol to be observed, and it is annoying or worse when violated, but EVERYBODY needs to be careful that they don't turn misdemeanor offenses into PEAS, much less full-blown grudges that cause bitterness and resentment which badly cripples maturity and efficacy in the world. So, I hope and pray that whatever audience (Nation of Islam or Black psychic community) that Obama is trying to trick into backing his power play, doesn't fall into the same racist deception that had Americans, both Black and White, so fooled in 2008.

We have ALL been duped, myself, Tim Tebow, the American voter, nearly the entire human population, and it is incumbent upon each one of us to come to a mature acceptance into how we have all cooperated with the process, through our laziness, our idealism, our ideologies and "isms". For me, personally, I am in a critical phase (have been for years, actually), as I try to determine who is trustworthy and who is not. I get duped, too. For a while, I was more consciously (though not "unconsciously" or "astrally") trusting of Salusa than he deserved. Some Sirians are trying to protect me, while others are slowly killing me.

I am going to have to make a trust choice, because I don't think I can live much longer, with these nightly abductions and agonies. However, whoever I trust is going to have to be people who accept my free will to choose and affirm my self-identity. You see, I get it. My unconscious and conscious lives are not one and the same, and I am going to have to make some changes to resolve that dilemma, in order to fully live out my destiny. Now apparently, there are at least two timelines that I know of--one in which I am a Black male, and one in which I am a crippled White female. What REALLY, REALLY bugs me is the racism/sexism I have encountered in both factions. The Blacks psychics are uncomfortable with me as a White lesbian female, but they love it if I am a bodacious, badass Black man (well at least the men do; apparently at least some of the females want a domesticated "soft" man, much like Jesus has been feminized over the centuries). A lot of White people have this sentimental, idealized concept of the martyred feminine--and they would feel "cheated", and even enraged were I to accept a predominantly Black identity.

But guess what? It is MY decision, and I will make it in accordance with what I perceive to be God's Will, which ultimately will translate into what will make me most happy and fulfilled. However, I insist that everybody QUIT THEIR GODDAMNED RACIST AND SEXIST EXPECTATIONS. Quite obviously, it is possible that I can impact the world whether I am a White, crippled woman, or a fierce Black warrior. The point is that either, or rather, any identity, has intrinsic and creative value. I know which way I am leaning, but I am not ready to make an "all-in" decision. What I desperately need is the same thing I have needed for years--a safe place to process these unconscious realities, where there is my freedom of will to choose WHATEVER, is respected and honored.

Now, I am in pain, and I am going to watch TV, while I try to figure some stuff out (I know it may sound strange--but that is how I do things).