Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Massive headache

Massive headache and low energy has me whammied to non-function. don't know how i made it thru the news. May be GABA. wehen i went to dr, i asked for temazapam, which years ago was a "miracle pill" for my unbearable insomnia. tempazam always helped me relax, fall asleep, and wake up the next day raring to go. It also gave me even more vivid dreams than normal--which I considered a gift. However, when the KaBal KKK got involved in my life, drs refused to write me prescription, and my night time bouts with insomnia disintegrated into sheer hell. so i was surprised my current dr agreed to write the prescription for me, when I asked for alternative to vicodin to help me sleep with my chronic pain. My current dr is excellent, but I am on Medicaid, and so it is really difficult to get an appt. as a matter of fact, i got a call, informing me of the appt--ah, yes the local, friendly aliens pandering their influence.

I suspect the aliens behind the call were the faction of dog-Sirians desperate to find a way to get the virus "to take" in me, so that they can shove the "blue pill" down my throat. Oh, and get me in a state, where being an lethargic, sluggish, celibate/religious makes me a prime mouthpiece for their religionist blasphemy--Opus Dei or some similar shit.

Well, the tempazapam still works--help me sleep, and really relieves the anxiety of pain and viral download. however, I am not dreaming on the meds, and I wake up very unrefreshed, feeling as if i havent slept at all--not in a negative, insomniac way, where i bump into walls and eyes droop all day, but rather in a neutral way, like i am some kind of robot, which doesnt need sleep/dream. not a good feeling. so i started researching and figured out that lot of my problems with anxiety and spastic, locked muscles are related to GABA deficiency. now, i never had any serious problems until the goddamned virus was forced on me, but it is clear to me that lack of GABA is causing many problems. Thing is, i tried taking OTC GABA before, and it gave me massive headache, like i got now. i wouldnt mind trying gabapentin or bachlofen or some GABA mimicking wannabe, to try to see if they help, which one more beneficial, but i need to control meds. because the problem is not that i dont have enough GABA--its that it is not utilized efficiently. My brain doesnt like excess GABA, and it sure can't handle the excess glutamate responsible for making it (bad for autistics). right now, i am being drugged without any personal control. fucking miserable. one notable side-effect. i lost my elevated, high body temperature, and feel more "normal". actually i feel cold, but considering that it is winter, and i am in short sleeves, i suppose that is normal. just a few days ago, it felt great to go outside in short sleeves and sit in twenty something weather, while I drank morning coffee, and tried to cool my body down from the night sleep. One thing I can count on--the KaBalists will flip the switch and boost my temperature back to sweating highs--just as soon as the temperature starts to rise into the 90's.

in the meantime, it is the same old shit---fucking estrogen force onto me that leaves me so congested i cant breathe, so low energy i cant keep my eyes open, and so fucking wet, i have to wear a makeshift diaper inside the boxer shorts i now wear, because i am too wet in my mutilated pelvis to wear any kind of elastic banding. feels good wearing boxers actually. a lot of lesbians, including my ex wore them. I understand why, now. they are cool and comfortable and breathe.

well, i continue to research and think---just like to think things thru about posting before doing so--just want to be sure i want to say what is in my head. after the crisis, this week, it is clear that the de facto President and Patriot Leadership Team, know just exactly how to handle a crisis. Great job. i know i was only about 80% right--i would have been 95+% right if i wrote it today, but my intuition knows when something is urgent, and needs to be written out, and when something just can sit and stew in my head. So much information coming thru the web---and only so much that i can (and/or choose) to reveal. sometimes it is better to keep mouth shut. however, please put in your plans for the next crisis. dont know when or how, but it is coming (not immediately, though...)--but if things change, fucked up or not, i will puke out every blue pill ever put in me.

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