Monday, November 29, 2010

Sick and sicker

Sick and sicker--the viral downloads have been seriously amped up, and I am so fucked up, that I can barely function. It's not just the bodily weakness, the autism (inability to bear any stimuli), and the wrenching back pain, though all those factors have me so fucking sick, I can barely move. The worst part, (for me, right now at least) is that the viral dowloads also amped up histamine downloads, and this causes excess mucous and fluid drainage. Now, on top of everything else, I am getting traditionally sick from all that. For the last three days, I have fluid in my ears, on and off; that is, they congest again when the viral download begins. I also am getting congestion in my lungs from the fluid drainage. Compounding the fluid drainage is the intuitve understanding I get that, since my breast bone/ribs were cut out and mutilated, my lungs have been very weak. (I think maybe they cut away supporting cartilage of and blood vessels leading to the lungs). I suffer from "weak" lungs on the rare occasion that I smoke, or am around second hand smoke (I can't explain it; I can literally feel the "weakness"). My Dad had weak lungs (I remember my Grandma talking about it--he suffered from bouts of pneumonia), and my brother John has weak lungs (suffers from really serious, needing oxygen, bronchitis at least once a year. Now I feel that I have weak lungs too. I haven't been sick with a cold or flu in years, but I think this year could be different. My lungs cannot handle the fluid drainage into them--they literally hurt, as though they are severely asthmatic, but they are not--it is the excessive histamine driving congestive fluid discharge into my lungs. Thanks to the neverending viral downloads, I already suffer from sickness and weakness, without laying in bed miserable with pneumonia or bronchitis (I think it will be pneumonia--I've always had a feeling or fear that I would die because of excess fluid in my lungs). I intend to start pumping a lot of raw garlic and vitamin C into my body. I have no great desire to live, but as long as I am alive, I have to try to stay healthy. Call it animal instinct--certainly I am not a free, sovereign person in control of my own life and body. Having said that, I now have a better understanding of why my body, life, and destiny has been so coveted and "claimed" by all the major factions of the world (narrowing it down to the top two or three) seeking dominance.
Crazy as it sounds, I have a reptilian etheric body. The concept of "etheric body" is not one that most sensible, "salt of the Earth" people will find familiar. I don't find it familiar. Of course, the theosophy and occult books are full of discourses on it, but I find that material to be so off-base, and even deranged, that I can't read them, except in small doses. (To be honest, it is hard to read much of anything these days, much less a topic as convoluted and full of subtle lies and misguidance as the topics of the occult). However, I will say that the etheric body is real, and that this etheric body is capable of separating from the physical body to enter into other dimensions, such as the 4th and 5th dimension, where aliens, ET's, angels and demons abide. I know this begs a lot of questions, most of which I haven't answered yet, to my own satisfaction, but I know that this etheric body is real. A couple or three weeks ago, I was laying (sick, as usual), on my living room floor while the sunlight poured in through my windows. I noticed a strange thing. My shadow had changed. I no longer had fingers. I had long, drooping claws. I was able to verify this for two days in a row (my home gets a lot of sunlight), but since then, have not been able to see the exaggerated, monstrous shadows of my hands. However, it has been verified in other ways--the fear of animals and small children, and in my own dream state.
My guess is that was the objective of the PIB's and their viral downloads all along--to activate a reptilian etheric body. For the viral downloads are trying to activate the latent DNA in each of us, that is, the latent, extraterrestial DNA. For we all have it! To be human is to have alien DNA within us. There are multiple infusions of alien DNA within us--among them, reptilian, dragon (similar to reptilian, but mortal enemies with the reptilians), Annunaki (the tall blonde "watchers" or Nephilim), the Pleiadians, and possibly other humanoid aliens, such as Sirians. I know that Sirians were very involved in genetic tinkering--I just don't know if I would characterize them as Annunaki--my initial hypothesis is to say "no", at least not all of them, because I am almost certain that the Sirians, who are "white" were involved in the evolution of the African or Black race (the Dogon tribe). So, I am suspecting that Sirian alien genes of skin color remained recessive in their host population, while those of the Annunaki were dominant (pure speculation--haven't figured it all out). This is by no means a complete listing, but I am confident that all of these ET races have their particular DNA lineages established in significant human populations alive today. After "the fall" of humanity, (mythologically represented in Genesis, but almost certainly consequent to the near destruction of the planetary civilizations of reptilian-based Atlantis and and dragon-tagged Lemuria),some benevolent force entered in, and somehow shut off nearly all of our DNA, so that currently we use only about 3%. The other 97% is that which includes our specific "alien" characteristics and what we would regard as "paranormal powers" such as telepathy or travelling into the 4th and 5th dimension in our etheric bodies.
Well, guess what, folks--the entire planet is slowly undergoing a dramatic change which is activating everyone's latent DNA. I think part of it has to do with the current astrological phenomena and positioning. We are entering a space/place in universal orbit and aspects, in which the latent DNA is starting to awaken. (It is possible that a benevolent force erected an orbital shield, millenia ago--the angel's flashing sword of Genesis--to protect us, but that shield is now failing). Why did we need protection from our own enhanced DNA? Because of the technological prowess of, and terrific enmity between, the two major players--the reptilians and dragons--which had led to the near destruction of the entire planet.
Actually, the re-awakening of our DNA has been going on for a while, because the shadow cabal, nearly all of whom are guided by occultic principles and allegiance (which survived "the fall" in secret occultic societies which we term loosely "Illuminati" or "freemasonry"), have been trying to force it, through both environmental poisoning via chemtrails and genetically modified foods, and in a few cases, through bodily implants. For years, I successfully resisted those bodily implants, put in me without my consent or knowledge, while I lay under general anasthesia for elective surgery. However, once I was castrated and mutilated, the DNA-altering virus was more able to flow throughout the entire body, and thus I get the reptilian etheric body.
To be honest, I think I have a hybrid, reptilian-dragon etheric body, with other alien DNA strands (Pleiadian, Annunaki?) mixed in. Like many Americans, I am a "Heinz 57", but obviously reptilian and dragon DNA is predominant in my latent alien DNA. Of course, the cabal knew my DNA makeup (they know the DNA of every person in the world who is vaccinated; they put a marker tag in the vaccine), and unlucky me, that is why I was targeted for implantation and ova removal (for the Aryans are related to the reptilian lineage). I haven't been very happy about this. I didn't think my self-esteem could be any more shattered after what the Mengelian Aryans did to my body and self image, but yes, it has taken another huge blow. As I always say, I loved who I was, but I don't like who I am anymore. It's really hard to love myself when I feel like shit all the time, physically, emotionally, mentallty. Still, as a Christian, I have to believe that all of God's creatures are innately valuable, and that includes reptilians. The line going through my head a lot these days is from the Anglican hymn, "All creatures great and small, the Lord God made them all." After all, there are a lot of reptilian humans on this planet--mainly in the West and in the Middle East. Even though my DNA was altered by Illuminati cabal operatives looking for a powerful weapon in the upcoming war in the heavens, I don't identify with them AT ALL. Instead, I foresee my hybrid ehteric being as one of peace and reconciliation, for I have the DNA of both parties which nearly destroyed the planet. (I wonder though, if the Aryans deactivated my dragon bodily receptors for any would-be activated "genes" through interdimensional surgery, which is why I get so weak every time they would be activated. I still remember the beating they gave me in my stomach, and my stomach is where they pinched off my nerves. So even though, I have an etheric body, I am not in control of it, which basically means that I can be abducted into other dimensions, but I cannot travel of my own free will.
I have to say that I am a little unclear about how this etheric body thing is supposed to work out. Clearly I can't function in this world with such a body; for one thing, I wouldn't be able to type this post, with the claws I saw on me. According to the alien channelings, the entire Earth is shifting to another dimension--and presumably, a reptilian etheric body would not be such a handicap there, except of course, for all my alien enemies (the dragons) who would want to tear me limb to limb, and all the non-reptilian humans who would be horrified by my appearance! I just don't see a dimensional shift happening, but maybe I'm wrong. Maybe the Earth is moving into a bifurcated split-dimensional reality. To be honest, I don't think any possible future is predetermined. We are in a very dangerous and crisis-filled time, in which the forces of evil (including the cabal which implanted me) are trying desperately to rile the world into war. That is what the North Korea crisis is about; that is what the Wikileaks dump is about (what a "hater" that Julian Assange is; like Obama, he just wants to destroy for the sake of destruction, so that he can feel better about his pathetic self). Fortunately, I think a lot of the world leaders are hip to the Illuminati game and tactics by now, and are struggling mightily to resist the pull to dissension and war.
So I have all these questions, and know that the only way I can get clear answers is to interdimensionally travel. With my activated DNA, it should be happening, but it is not (I think because the Aryans altered me on purpose). If God went through all the trouble to put me, an innocent (well,sorta) servant through the hell that I now endure, there has to be a reason, which means there has to be a way. And I, being a holy, intrepid fool for God and the cause of peace and freedom, will find it, but I can't find it as long as I am so sick I am barely functional, which brings me to my dream of last night...

Sunday, November 28, 2010

Who is abducting me?

Who is abducting me? I keep being abducted while sleeping, and injected with the nano virus. Sometimes I think it is the forces of good abducting me, and sometimes I think it is the goddamned Nazis/reptilians. I am too jacked up on the virus and psychotropics to tell anymore, with any certainty, what is happening to me (although it usually is easier to tell when the bad guys do it, because I wake up feeling violated). I just know that I feel really, really bad. Woke up this morning, ravenously starving for meat, and now I've got a migraine from the implants, high-pitched frequency in my head, and low protein (has to do with the metabolic changes caused by the virus). I had hoped to do so much today--exercise, clean house, etc--but instead I am dealing with the nausea and headaches of the virus. Maybe they are turning the implant volume up, because I am reading about Dulce today (just web surfing, and following the links). It is always very distressing to read about Dulce, especially because I know that over 90% of the horror story is completely true. Every time I feel sorry for myself, I think about those poor humans (and aliens?), suffering insanity and bodily violation and torture of a degree and intensity that is unbearable to even imagine. Yes Tita, you are suffering, and you are denied self-determination and free will, but life AND death is a lot worse for many other pobrecitos in this universe. So try to hang in there.

Never one day of respite

Never one day of respite FROM THIS GODDAMNED NEVERENDING DRUGGING. I know I am on some kind of psychotropic drug because I am full of rage. I want to throw shit at the walls, curse out the bastards who keep drugging me against my will, who cause me nothing but pain and suffering. My back is killing me, I've started walking like Rain man again, and worst of all, I can't sleep because of the goddamned brain and nervous system rushes that keep jolting me awake. Have the stupid sons of bitches got me on lithium again? I don't know. I'm so sick of this shit. I just want it to end. END THIS SHIT. going to take some vicodin and alcohol. only shutting down nervouse system works when i am this fucked up.

Saturday, November 27, 2010

Feeling weak, lucky to be alive

Feeling weak, lucky to be alive, after a day spent recuperating from a massive viral download to my brain, and all the problems that caused. My dream last night clearly indicated Ratzinger as the primary culprit. I am not surprised. He probably is the primary culprit behind much of my suffering--especially those acts that are torturous assaults on my sexuality, such as my castration and cliterodectomy. His agenda is to destroy a healthy sexuality in the human race to better prep up for spiritual enslavement. Anyway, today I am better. Last night I also dreamed that I was in a basement, being flooded with raw sewage--urine and feces, but then the deluge changed to clear water. I'm looking for help wherever I can get, and I think someone heard me. However, I am worried. Can anything control these viral downloads and implants? If not, these satanic reptilians are going to end up killing me, because I will never serve them. I keep a lot of knowledge and intuitive hunches inside, because I wait for the Holy Spirit to give me the go-ahead for release, because the timing of revelation can be critical to an efficacious response. But every time one of these horrible violations happen, I feel the need to reveal all--if only because I know how easy it would be for these satanists to kill me. So that is what I am pondering on today, as I try to get up and move, shower, and basically, "live" for the first time in three days.

Friday, November 26, 2010


Safe? HELL NO---Dale tried to tell me on Friday that I needed to remember that I was "safe," and I, being ever hopeful, was really wishing that were true. But my cynically realistic and paranoid side has been completely confirmed in the last two days. Night before last, the PIBs razed the little pea of a clitoris that they had left me after the first mutilation of my female sex organ (sexist pigs--the first they do to control a woman's mind, will and freedom of choice is to attack her sex). Then last night, they moved on to the brain. I am in painful agony right now. From the pain I am experiencing, my guess is that they shoved a probe/needle up into my left nostril all the way to the temporal lobe, and let loose with a massive viral load. Either because of the amount of the download, or because they were careless in how they did it, or both, I am in severe facial, ear, and head (temporal lobe) pain on the entire left side of my face, extending all the way around to the brain stem, which is so congested that I can barely hold my head up. There is nothing I can take for the facial pain (on the nerves along the left nostril, and under the left eye, and burning pain behind both eyes). Last night, I tried taking a fiornal, and usually I can feel immediate reflief from headache pain with that. Not last night. So then I took one of the vicodins (in halves) that I got from the pharmacy day before yesterday. Normally I can feel the adulteration, but I still get relief. Not last night. I just felt the anxiety and hyperinsomnia that I always get from a killer dose of viral download. Eventually I fell asleep, but not before hours of protracted suffering. The suffering has carried through until today. The temporal lobe is still numb and hurting (what does it take to get through to these reptilian PIB's that I will never believe their luciferian lies?). My entire face hurts, so much so that I have to eat in small butes--even my muscles hurt, in addition to the nerve pain. My left cheekbone area is as numb as my temporal lobe. I just took a tramadol to see if that helps (I think I remember seeing that it is good for facial nerve pain), but so far no. I hate taking the tramadol because I know that it is a mild psychotropic, and I've got too much going on with unknown psychotropics already, but this pain is terrible, and nothing helps. Most worrisome is the excess fluid in my ear, because I don't know if the viruses the PIB's inject into my head is capable of doing permanent damage to my delicate inner ear organs. But there is serious excess fluid in my left inner ear. I can't hear very well. My own head sounds like an echo chamber. I tried putting some swim ear in it, but no change. I am considering going to buy some hydrogen peroxide to put in (and treat it as Dr. Mercola recommends treating a cold), but I am not convinced that is such a good idea. I don't think I have a cold, even though I have tremendous fluidic pressure in my left ear and on my left sinus and teeth. But I am not in good enough shape to drive. Both of my eyeballs are frozen. I need to just lay down and talk to my body and try to do some self healing. Just wish I could get rid of the goddamned pain....

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Abuse during nightly abductions has begun again

Abuse during nightly abductions has begun again--at least that is what I have figured out after a day spent crying and in utter despondency. All I want to do is sleep forever, but instead, when I go to sleep, I have to worry about my genitalia being mutilated. That is what happened last night--I was clitorodectomized even further. I woke up and instinctively started to masturbate to feel what had happened, and it was clear that my tiny clit had been razed to practically nothing. Needless to say, I had a pathetic orgasm, while I felt the bizarreness of overlarge labia and no clitoris. Why is this happening? Because of the agenda of the Aryans/reptilians who cannot abide the thought of sexuality.
You know, I've got to say, that I am much more impressed with the personality and character of the Pleiadians than the Aryans. First of all, they are capable of fulfilling God's primary command--"Be fruitful and multiply." Secondly, they have such a warm, healing, and "human" presence. Finally, my research doesn't indicate the kind of rampant pathology that decimates huge swaths of the Aryan population.
What my research does indicate is that they have more liberal sexual mores and attitudes than those of the patriarchal religions (and it is no coincidence that the Aryans automatically gravitated to the celibate--and completely fucked up--Jesuits and hierarchial Vatican). I consider myself pretty conservative on sexual matters--I believe that discreetly vigilant sexual boundaries, fidelity and monogamy are high prerequisites for psychological health and happiness. However, I don't believe that neurotic shame and guilt about sex is healthy or holy at all. Healthy and holy (and hormonally mature) people are sexually interested in others; I wish for everyone a sexual partner at home, so they don't get piggy or neurotic about it. I do not assign any spiritual value to celibacy except insofar as it frees one to focus on ministry. But considering the powertripping, loneliness and neuroses I have encountered in religious celibates, I think they, their ministry, their parishes and parishioners would be better off if they could engage in mature sexual relations. Nor am I going to judge someone who I think is making a mistake regarding their sexual choices and decisions (unless it is criminal or predatory), unless I am a significant other--family, friend, or counselor. I know that people make mistakes both in their casual choices and deliberate life decisions. To be human is to be hurt from our own, and others' decisions, and I am always looking to minimize the hurt that a painful sexual decision may cause, so, yes, I acknowledge that sometimes people are unfaithful, they break up, they separate, and they divorce. My desire is to see that every human being is so psychologically whole that if that were to happen to anyone, they would be able to cry it out, recover, and move on to another level of a fulfilling life--and yes, it happens. It happens all the time. Such a "liberal" attitude towards sexuality does not invalidate a meaningful spiritual life--as a matter of fact, it can help it, as long as one lives one life by overarching spiritual principles (which I will concede many promiscuous people do not).
Also, I want to shout it out from the top of my lungs--SEX IS NOT ABOUT PROCREATION; IT IS ABOUT LOVE. This is why gay and lesbian people, who do not procreate in the act of lovemaking, have spiritually legitimate and meaningful sex. Animals have sex to procreate--we are not animals. I think that love is what brings conception to completion; that is the spiritual human participating in divine co-creation. But it is not just a procreative act that is the peak of loving creativity--it is the love generated between two people in the act of lovemaking. I think this is the tragedy why Aryans are a dying race. They do not know how to generate intimately possessive love in lovemaking, and thus there is no fruitfulness. From my research Pleiadians have no fertility problems whatsoever, and from what I can discern secondhand, they enjoy sexual attraction and relations (to what extent they are "liberal" or "conservative", I don't really know...I just get a feeling that we are simpatico on this issue.
So do the Aryans/Reptilians look to engage the fundamental vulnerability in their culture--their barrenness. No, they keep doing the same thing over and over again--stealing other people's ova and sperm, and hoping for some reptilian messiah that is going to "save" them. I will tell you again what God, in the first few pages of Genesis, commands, "Be fruitful and multiply." We are not animal; we are spiritual beings. A self-sustaining (non-predatory) procreative fruitfulness entails love. Sex needs to be about desire and love, first and foremost, and it doesn't matter what kind of physical or etheric body I am in, or what dimension I inhabit. I am a lover, and that means I will have sexual desires and partners (and yeah, I'm so sorry I'm lesbian), and all your attempts to destroy my holy sexuality just alienates me from my spirituality, leaving me completely worthless to attain any spiritual life whatsoever. If you don't believe me, dialogue with your Pleiadian brothers and sisters--they seem to be a lot happier and holier than you, and can speak to you at your level, whereas I just cry out my pain to you from the level of victim to which I have been relentlessly and most miserably reduced for years.
What a fucked up Thanksgiving. What a fucked up birthday. What a fucked up life, and these sons of bitches think Im excited to be a goddamned reptile like them.....

Depression getting worse

Depression getting worse, fantasizing about suicide, so low energy and zombie like that I can't even walk without bumping into walls. I definitely am on some kind of psychoropic causing the depression. I am just not this depressed, no matter how fucked up my life, and it is fucked up, fucked up beyond all recognizion and repair. A whole lot going on, but I am too goddamned depressed and sick to write about it. how long am i going to be fucked up on this shit? dont know. too goddamned sick and depressed to care.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

I'm always right

I'm always right--I AM on some kind of additional psychotropic drug. TRried to sleep but the brain rushes and pain have kept me awake. Have to take a vicodin--the only thing that works with brain rushes. These brain rushes are the result of some kind of psychotropic--lithium always used to do it...but they are not what interdimensional travelling is about--I know. I may not have gotten there yet, but I know when I am riding in a car toward my destination, and when I am trainwrecked with drugs and pain. Trainwrecked--my guess is that luciferians intervened tonite. dont know. miserable and in pain.

Fighting depression

Fighting depression as I try to figure out what psychotropic drug I am currently being force-fed. I identified myself as serious deficient in acetylcholine. Researching the drugs for that condition, the one I would (hypothetically, at first guess, with little research) give myself is some kind of anti-anxiety drug like librium (no wonder, I spent years begging doctors to prescribe Temazapam, as a sleeping aid, for me), but I think that the ACH deficiency was addressed another way. For I believe that the ACH deficiency is caused by the abnormal, viral high frequency stimulation of my brain. I may be having an atypical reaction to the virus, for certainly it took the sons of bitches long enough to figure it out, and even then, it was ME who figured it out. Anyway, for a few days, I felt more like my old self--my brain wasn't up to speed, but I could tell that it was trying to get there. I even started losing a little weight (though not from my bloated belly)--so maybe they were making hormonal adjustments. But my relief was short-lived, as once again, I am slammed with viral downloads that are excessively high (I can tell by how red my face gets). This leaves me very depressed, although after reading my posts from 9/2009, I have to admit that being physiologically depressed and low energy sure beats the agonizing pain and sick dysfunction that I spent years enduring. I'm not even sure that the depression isn't a spiritual depression. How can I ever be joyful, high-energy, and happy-go-lucky ever again, after bearing in my body the scars and constant pain from an encounter with evil so overwhelmingly powerful, organized and COSMIC, that it crushed me like a peanut? I'm trying to reach the higher frequency dimension in hopes that some being there can help me recuperate physically, but I am so frustrated with the energy drain and muscle spasms that happen every time I try that it is hard not to despair. (I have to say that I don't despair; I know that God will provide an avenue of grace, somehow, someway). I also wonder if my reading and writing skills will ever be up to my normal standards ever again. I read the last few posts, and was appalled to realize that they needed serious editing. I have never edited my writing from a draft; I've always edited while I wrote, but that gift may be another casuality of my traumatized brain.
I sent off a resume for a small, part-time job near my house. I long for some kind of normalcy in human life and interaction (what kind of life is it to spend one's days reading conspiracy sites, poring over reams of information regarding a topic that isn't even an acknowledged reality by the intellectual community, and constantly struggling to figure out what tenuous, incredible info is true and what is disinformation)? I just want a partner to talk to, to listen to,to lighten me up from this never ending intensity, at least sometimes. Maybe I am just lonely because of the holidays. It has been so long that I have been lonely that I am used to it, but I can't help but long for a time when it was different, and better, so much better. I sure hope ET's aren't like co-dependent Catholics--expecting all deeply spiritual people to be celibate. I am a deeply spiritual person, but I am not celibate. But even I know that circumstances has led that to be a secondary consideration; the primary challenge is extradimensional jump, but the depression and sense of guilt (why can't I do it, considering how much virus I've got in me?} just drags me down, even though I try to cooperate....

You know, I think a big part of the depression is the realization that my mind will never belong completely to me again. Years ago, I prayed to God about this, and I was left understanding that telepathy is inevitable in humanity's future, but I like the privacy of my own thoughts. Yes, I have been psychically invaded for years now, but it is one thing to rail against it, and another to accept and cooperate with it.

Monday, November 22, 2010

I'm so drugged and ELFed

I'm so drugged and ELFed that I didn't realize the date today was the anniversary of JFK's assassination. I realized it almost by chance as I started pondering why I am being so drugged today. For I am completely fucked up--in severe muscle spasms (what happened to the acetylcholine), back pain, and sensation of bugs crawling over my body (really they are--the "bugs" are the viruses used to hook the victim's body into the Borg machine that the luciferians envision as paradise). So, I started thinking, "full moon", "blue moon"; so then I did an numerological assessment of the date--11/22/2010---VERY, VERY OCCULTIC, for those who know occult and numerology. Then I remembered it was the anniversary of JFK's assassination (how could I forget? Easy. There was no mention of it in the MSM anywhere--not on any of the web pages nor tv, including three 24 hour news cable channel--no specials on the history channel-nothing, nada, zip). Aaah, but the evil PIB's fucked up--especially the most prominent, first family of American satanic reptilia-George HW and Barbara Bush (and I mean that literally). They were on Larry King tonight for one of their rare interviews!!! Knowing these satanic bastards as I do, there is no doubt in my mind that the date of the interview was deliberately chosen (and Larry King is one of the biggest facilitators of the freemasonic NWO that there is) to crow and gloat over the evil coup they pulled off against the American people, indeed of all humanity, and freedom that Kennedy truly aspired to, and had the strength of will and political savvy to pose a genuine threat. For I believe GHW Bush was INTIMATELY involved in the JFK assassination. I even believe that he was physically present at Dealey plaza at the time of the murder. The level of corruption that satanic freemasonry has brought upon this country is truly staggering, and they are going to try to foist another son on this country as a Republican candidate, so they can try to bury us for good, since we survived the Cheney/GWBush/rogue/Illuminati 9/11 attacks, and so far, have had true patriot leadership scrambling and fighting day and night, to thwart all of their heavy (but not the light stuff like Ft. Hood) false flag terrorist attempts.
So, I can expect a bad night for these satanic PIB's are gloating and feeling their oats tonite, and think they have astrology and numerology on their side. Maybe, maybe, you spawn of satan, and scum of the Earth, but I have Jesus Christ on my side, and I will take him, and my free conscience over your sold-out, satanic souls any day. It is better to suffer, and even die in my position than to live in power and stolen wealth in yours. So help me, God, it is going to be a bad night, but not as bad it was for this country and all of humanity 47 years ago. Rest in peace, John F Kennedy. When the epitaph of history is written, people will know who and what you were, and who and what your murderers are, and I am a shrewd, realistic woman, and I tell the world, that day isn't too far off. Amen.

Sick with migraines all night

Sick with migraines all night, and into this afternoon, as well. I don't know if some further interdimensional surgery was done on my face and/or skull last night but my face looks tighter than Mitch McConnell's, and with all due respect to the Senator, the look does not flatter my small face. It feels very tight too, so tight, that it hurts to smile. I remember something about 70 or 100 muscles are involved in smiling; well, I believe it, for I can feel them all every time I muster even the most wan and feeble of smiles. As a matter of fact, I can't smile. My lips are too constrained by the tightness and jowly facial fluid. It looks as if I've lost 2 inches off my mouth and lipline. If I don't look like a female cloned Mitch McConnell, I'd be a great poster child for a Grey/human hybrid, and though I'm chuckling at the thought, it hurts to turn the lips upward. The pain extends all the ways to the back of the neck where the migraine is and has been for over 12 hours now. So, I'm hoping that my abnormal face is not the result of some surgery (my poor body...), but is just the result of tight muscles and excess fluid caused by yet another regimen of psychotropic drugs. For I know from past experience, that staying up all night with migraines is the result of psychotropics. Still so nauseated. Furthermore, the stomach literally hurts--really bad. I can't even drink water without putting in a little juice, and taking it in small sips. My stomach is just rejecting even water (and I am a huge water drinker). This tells me my electrolytes are all out of balance--the only time this happens (besides migraines and nauseated stomach, is when I'm severely dehydrated). So much going on. So much desire to write, but I am not even able to read very well. Fortunately, I don't feel that we are in crisis, though I think the patriot leadership team is having to make some unpalatable (and that is an understatement) choices and decisions because financially the country is so broke. I feel for all of them--they just move from dire crisis to dire crisis. At least I can lay in bed today (but if I felt there was something I could do to alleviate the dire crisis, I would be forcing myself to be up and about). I feel as if I am being appropriated and claimed by all sides, good and bad. I don't know who is responsible for this latest round of drugging, but if it is the good guys (the Pleiadians and the pro-human, pro-Earth humans and rebel aliens), drugging is not the way to go. I will be able to interdimensionally shift, but not when I am sick like this. If it is the bad guys doing this, the reptilian Satanists, and the luciferian, Borg-allied, "kabbalistic Gentiles", I know nothing I say can dissuade you. But I know where my allegiance lies--I'm for good all the way, even if I am not healthy enough to fully participate. Don't know--just really sick today....

A little later...definitely the bad guys making me sick. I did a search for "metallic taste of water and migraine" and found an intuitively connecting hit of temporal lobe seizure and dsyfunction. I have known for the past couple of days that something is going on in my temporal lobe. I can feel the numbness in the entire lobe area. This area is also is the location of the hippocampus, where I know I have a lot of damage (and where two guys in my dream--I now know were luciferians, tried to get me to smoke marijuana to "help" it. Yeah right. More like help them). What is important about this area? According to my web research this is the area targeted for alien implants. Why? Because this is the area that is responsible for our"inner hearing." The luciferians have tried for years to get me to believe that I am schizophrenic, and I know from my dreams that they want me to channel their luciferian New Age cultic shit. A lot of people are "hearing" these alien and/or rogue intelligence communications in their heads. I am lucky that so far I have been able to resist it. Even if I heard "Sananda" or some fake Jesus in my head, I would rationally know the difference, and wouldn't "bite" on the deception. Sorry luciferians--I know that temporal lobe hijacking has worked with a lot of people. It won't work with me. It just makes me sick to incapacitation with migraines and nausea--just like the entire luciferian agenda does...

Saturday, November 20, 2010

Swollen with fluids so badly

Swollen with fluids so badly that hands are numb and nerves in my legsa and arms are dead. Been fucked up and depressed on drugs all day. Wanted to write, but now cant concentrate because im so fucked up. Goddamn it, when does this shit end?

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Slammed down

Slammed down with psychotropic drugs--I guess the PIB's are afraid of what will happen if I experience emotions. I am NOT schizophrenic or manic-depressive--I am just dealing with intense, intense, history (personal, cosmic, and nationally localized), and experiencing emotions is the first step in the decision making process, and I need to make a huge decision (I don't know if it will be honored, but that does not invalidate the value of personal decision and choice). Me being myself--an overwhelming "P" on the Meyers Briggs, instead of a "J", I procrastinate about final decisions, always looking to gather more information, so that I can make a more certain and sure decision. Honestly I think I have enough information, though I know what I would like to investigate further, but I am so drugged up from last night that I am loathe to make a decision. I do not like to put forth decisions and arguments when I feel like shit over drugs, but to be honest, that is such a frequent state for me, and while difficult, I still am able to make good decisions and analysis in such a state. But not today, I don't think (double negative, what am I really telling myself). Maybe I just want to wait till tomorrow--it is always so much easier to talk things out than to write them out, but the Illuminati could have me doped to the gills tomorrow. Yes, I am mostly free of the overwhelmingly pernicious and evil effects of the Aryan abductions (and I truly think all of those responsible, from the bottom of my heart), but I still am being abducted and manipulated by agents that I once considered neutral to good, but no longer do. I am too tired and depressed to go into it (I keep being reminded of the Cat Stevens song, "I know it's not easy to be calm, when you find something going on. But take your time, think a lot, for you may still be here tomorrow but your dreams may not." My dreams have been shattered so many times as to be non-existent, but still there is a deep desire to get life and decisions right, with the maximum potential for good, healing and reconciliation, for all concerned, including i think I will procrastinate a little further, even though I know what way I am leaning.
I continue to worry about my mother. I think something happened last night, but she still must be alive, for I have not received a phone call. Maybe I was just crying over my pain at the loss I experienced when I was finally able to recognize the full extent of her hateful desire for destruction of me (three weeks later). BUT emotions HAVE to be experienced, they have to be processed, acknowledged, felt, accepted and resolved. Admittedly that takes time, energy and work. The Illuminati would keep us drugged up so that we don't feel those pesky emotions, but that is what makes us human, and it clear that some (the Aryans and Greys) future descendants of our human population, have lost that ability to feel to such an extent that they are not only are incapable of reproduction and perpetuation of their own race, but also, in the most extreme cases, have become pathological monsters incapable of any feeling, empathy, or moral virtue. God save us from such a future.

All "het up" (Appalachianism)

Very worried as I sit here, late at night, trying to convince myself to go to bed. I talked with my mother earlier. I had been putting off phoning her for nearly a week, since when I received her check. I . just haven't felt in a good enough mood to call my mother, but this evening my energy returned and I called. It was a strange call. Warren answered and said that she was in the shower, and he took the phone to her. Mom said that she was in the shower, and I thought it strange that he handed her a cell phone in the shower. I offered to hang up and have her call me once she was dressed, but she said,"no, no, no." We talked very briefly about nonconsequential things--I found it difficult to talk to her, knowing what she has done to me. She asked about the persimmons, and I already had a preplanned answer for her. The persimmons had made me sick, as I thought they would, but being a trusting and hopeful soul, I tried to eat them. (Later I saw the black dot at the bottom navel of each one, and they were eaten with holes within a week). Once I realized that they had made me sick, I saw a huge spider. I have never been phobic about spiders, even though they get into my house, especially in fair weather, when the door is open. I do know though, that spiders represent the mother, and seeing that fat ugly spider, I killed it with my shoe sole. Most uncharacteristic--I once saved a tarantula the size of my open hand from my bathtub and freed it in the woods behind my house, while Colleen yelled hysterically, "kill it, kill it." Anyway Mom said that she was going to work tomorrow, and that is why she was showering at night. I felt uncomfortable talking to her while I knew her to be in the shower and said I would let her go so she could get out. She told me she loved me, and I think that she meant it--as much as she is capable of loving. I told her I loved her, and I really meant it. Despite all she has done to mutilate and try to destroy me, I do love her. Maybe if had been abusive to me when I was little, I would not love her, but even though she was not a good mother, I felt that even her limitations helped me. Because I was autistic, it was good that I was not smothered with an overemotional and affectionate mom (though I feel sorry for my siblings). Because she was so weak and dependent, I learned to be strong, and it is that strength which carries me through life. Anyway, the last thing I heard her say was a call out to Warren, like she needed to give him the phone or needed help getting out of the shower. Strange to think of my mom talking on the phone in the shower and strange to think she could not step out with the phone in her hand. I have been thinking on it, and there are two possibilities: 1) they are going to a satanic ritual tonight, and I am to be abused and sacrificed in another occultic rite tonight; 2) they are going to a satanic ritual tonight and she allow herself to be killed in sacrifice--ritual suicide. The latter possiblity is not as far out as it seems. I believe that Zecharia Sitchin offered himself as a willing sacrifice in a reptilian ritual while the Pleidians and the patriot leadership team hunted down and finally destroyed the huge Aryan mothership. He was over 90, but I think he offered himself as a suicide sacrifice in hopes of propitiating the karmic universe and saving the Aryan mothership. He failed. Why would mom commit ritual suicide? Because her fragile, childish ego is completely built on a fantasy that she is a good, attentive mother and grandmother, and if that fantasy has been destroyed, I don't think she has much to live for. There is nothing I can do for her. There is no corrosive anger on my side towards her, just bewildered hurt, but she has chosen to be possessed by Satan, and while I have always hoped (even before I knew that she was involved in satanism) that she would outlive Warren by a number of years, and get back to her original best self, I don't know if she has the heart for that anymore. I wonder if I should try to stay up all night so that they can't abuse me, but the truth is, that every single time I am ritually abducted, I learn valuable information. I have been emotionally wrought all day, at the resurgence of evil spirits in our country (I can feel it), and have been pondering how best to fight back. If my suffering helps shed light on the current crisis, I don't think I should necessarily try to escape it. I will think more on that before retiring. Of course the final option is that Warren is assisting in her suicide right now, at home, not in a ritual setting, and if so, I want the son of a bitch prosecuted to the max. Let him spend the rest of his life in prison eating crappy food, watching network tv, and living in close quarters with the "jungle bunnies" who he despises as subhuman, all of whom can beat his ass. At least there might be some measure of justice in the world.
Of course, the final option is that I am being overemotional. It has been a hard day, with insights coming fast and furious, and I am trying to sort things out, and figure out what to do next, and it has not been easy to deal with what i have been dealing with today. More on that later, but right now, I am so emotional, I need to write out my thoughts, sleep on them, and then later make the decision to post. Right now, I am just too goddamned upset.

PS--I jsut saw my face in the mirror and recognized the look of a psychotropic drug on it. That is why I am so emotionally depressed and unhinged. What drug? I don't know--the ones that were put on the vitamin D that I bought. I knew the vitamins were adulterated because they were hard and crunchy, instead of soft, crumbling, and powdery. I took three of them just to see what drug they were--don't know a name, but I know i wont be taking them anymore.

Inner voice says time to post. I have been crying for the last half hour. Some peace now--maybe I am crying for my "lost" mother, for even though she is alive, she is lost to me. There is a huge gulf between us. She still is my mother, and I still love her...

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

So much for my request--

So much for my request--it's been a really heavy day of viral downloads. Urine literally smelled like clorox bleach. NOw, I'm getting ready to take a vicodin to help me sleep for there is so much fluid on my body that all my joints and nerves are aching. I can barely lift my knees to walk, because of the fluid pressure. Worse of all though, will be the expected anxiety and head rushes that I can count on as soon as I lay down. I am too naturally hyper to be on these viral downloads, and I am spiritual enough to not need them, but so much for my input. I'm sorry that I don't feel centered enough to write more about the HUGE, jubilant victories and blessings that America, and indeed, peace-loving people all over the planet scored last week. This country averted treasonous (our own President, some of his closest advisors, some high ranking navy officers, and hundreds of rogue intelligence agents) multiple dirty bomb attacks--definitely biological, and also (I suspect) nuclear, after dodging the huge, would-be, CERN-initiated attack. The world averted a false flag attack on Iran (not by us, but by the world's most dangerous and eager warmonger right now, which parks subs off our west coast) which would have led to an immediate, all-ready-to-go invasion of Israel, and immediate Middle East conflagration (and by the way, Iran's president was as complicit in offering to sacrifice his country as Obama is dying to sacrifice America). All of this phenomenal success and "tipping point" happened at nearly the last minute, with everybody busting their ass to make it work, including Homeland Security (so cut them a little slack, all you anti-govt. types). Our govt is slowly being transformed from an effective, hidden enemy of the American people, to a hidden, reliable, and competent fighter for the American people. So all you Christians and people of faith, say a prayer for your real leaders, who saved the heartland from unimaginable devastation and the world from WWWIII--especially Hillary Clinton, Robert Gates, and John McCain, not to mention all the loyal military involved from generals down to soldiers. They could use your prayers because after a week of stunning success, the good guys have suffered another setback, and that is the way war goes. And guess what, war is not around the corner, or in 2012; it is here now--both on the global, financial stage (and God help us, if we lose the primary tactical advantage we have, of a food supply that feeds not only us, but huge sectors of the world), and on the cosmic level, but we are not so hapless and victimized by alien forces anymore, and that includes me. We got a fighting chance. Maybe tomorrow I will write more, but I like being thorough when I write, and I still suffer from these damned viral downloads.

PS--I can't be sure that a foreign sub fired off a non-American missile towards Iran. Because we suffered treason within our own Navy, from Ray Mabus, it IS possible that a rogue American sub using a foreign-made missile (because our own missiles are accounted for) was responsible. However, there is one nation in the world, salivating for war, and the only thing holding them back is their inability to feed their own population, and they ABSOLUTELY, MOST DEFINITELY, were aware of the treasonous plans, and ready to captitalize.

PPS--already, I am sorry for posting this--but it is out there, so it is too late to withdraw. To be honest, I am not 100% sure of what happened, but I've got it narrowed down to a couple of scenarios, which, maybe, I will propose later. The bottom line though, is that we are at war, and we have, not only powerful external enemies, but also powerful and entrenched domestic, treasonous enemies. This is not a time for anger, McCarthy-style witch hunts, and paranoia. And no ideological blame. Our govt has developed this powerful, treasonous element since the 19th century, scoring big coups with the assassination of FDR and especially, JFK). No one party or person is to blame. This is a time for prayer, for trust in the patriot leadership team that is effectively guiding this nation against our enemies, foreign and domestic, and patient waiting for the situation to stabilize and clear. And it will--I feel it, but we still are in active war--it is taking place in the financial markets right now. So support your real leaders, just as we always have in time of grave crisis and war. For the situation is progressing forward by leaps and bounds, even with the setbacks. It is also a time for vigilance, but not armed or paranoid overreaction, especially in our agricultural heartland (don't assume the govt is your enemy; it is not. It saved us from horrific destruction). My psychic intuition tells me that in the heartland, Kansas is especially vulnerable, but also San Diego (very high risk), Illinois, and Hawaii, so everybody stay vigilant in your prayers and in your outer lives. We are in an unseen war, but the enemy is evil incarnate itself, and the best resistance is prayer and personal holiness.

I hope that I haven't created more problems than soothed fears. This is why I didn't want to write...

Monday, November 15, 2010

So much happening

So much happening, and I am not sure how much to write--I don't like secrecy, but I have to be sure the Holy Spirit is prompting me before writing. "Loose lips sink ships." And buddy, there are a lot of ships sinking these past few weeks and days--fortunately for us, the good guys finally seem to be the victors. Another reason I find it difficult to write is because I am always looking at researching and solving the next problem. I have wanted to do some serious research and writing on several topics, but always, there is a pressing need to stay ahead of the current events curve, because I know evil never lets up, and I have to stay vigilant. All it takes is one mortal blow to this country...
Finally, I have to be in good enough health to stay on top of all the agendas I pursue, and once again the viral drugging has started. I'm too sick to go into it--why it happens, my response, ect. I just want to say that I am no longer being abducted by the Aryans, but by the good guys. So since I know that you are good, give me a chance to ccoperate with you. I think I know why I resist, but I have to work things out my own way. I think you have figured out, as I did, that I suffer from an acetylcholine deficiency, and I think you have addressed it, and I am grateful for that. But my resistance is ultimately not biochemical, but rooted in my divided and hesitant free will. I think I can work it out, but I need to be healthy. Two weeks--just give me two weeks free of the heavy viral downloads and any psychotropic drugs (I think they pulled my thyroid meds which left me very constipated and with migraines, but I didn't complain, because I didn't feel that my digestion was totally stopped, as I have in the past. I was going to work it out with the Aloe Vera recipe I've used in the past). See, I'm trying to cooperate, with you all, which is very hard when I have to figure everything out by myself, without dialogic input. Maybe I should write more often, but when I feel uncertain about how much to verbalize, I get caught in a neurotic paralysis, and keep going over and over it, in my head, and write nothing. Two weeks--that is all I ask for, and after two weeks, feel free to start drugging me again. I think that is a fair deal, after all I have done...

P.S.--What is causing my dreams to be all confused and vague? If it is the viral downloads, then reducing or ceasing them, will stop it, but if it is another psychotropic drug, please stop it. I need to dream in order to enter and engage another dimension. But I can do it. Just two weeks. If I feel that its not working out, I will let you know. These viral downloads arent working out, for sure.

Thursday, November 11, 2010


GODDAMNED PIGS HAVE GOT ME ON LITHIUM--CANT BELIEVE THOSE STUPID FUCKERS. No wonder my brain is so fucked up. I have way too much pressure on my goddamned brain you stupid fucking idiot pigs. Ive been here before. how much damage has to be done before you fucking stop destroying me? my brain is so heavy right now. icant bear any stimuli. hurt so fucking bad, quit taking tramadol and now nerve and back pain is back, but worst is the fucking head. i just want the fucking head cut off so i cdont have to carry all that fvucking weight any fucking more. taking pills and alcohol to knock myself out. pain is unbelievalbe. agoney is unbelievable; no way anyone can endure wht the hell i endure from the hand pof these Mengelian aryan drs. checked to see. gaining weight again. 1 pound. i will see if pound a day still holds. my head cant handle theis goddamned lithium. cant handle Jesus. you gonna have to kill me or take care of me. cant handle the fucking paikn, n pressure. cant imagine how bad the autism really iks. God help me.
....definitely lithium--3 shots of vodka just made me feel better. Proven antidote to the psychotic misery of lithium--lots of alcohol--at least it makes me human enough to be present to reality. going to finish the, i can even walk better, after three shots. definitley on lithium.

Suffering from severe vertigo

Suffering from severe vertigo, after a night from hell that can only be described as torture. I cannot move my head to left or right, up or down, without suffering from extreme vertigo. Holding it still takes immense effort. I've been here before. My head has WAY too much csf in the brain, and it is impacting every facet of my brain. The goddamned PIB"s have found a way to increase the viral download to my brain (proabably by putting in a spinal shunt and increasing viral downloads by implants in my arms--I can literally feel it, like thousands of bugs crawling up my arms). However, the stupidass Mengelian doctors just don't get it. My brain can't handle the viral download. I am autistic with an attenuated brain stem, and my brain has severe allergic reactions to glutamate (production of which accompanies or derives from brain download). My whole body tries to protect my brain, but last night it failed. I could feel the congestion and pain at my brainstem area, and knew that my brain would be shutting down. Thank God for vodka--shut me down, so that the brain could try to recuperate. As of right now, it has not recuperated. My brain is so heavy, I feel like I am walking around with a high fever, cottonwooled from reality. I have to take pains on how I move my head, for any movement starts the vertigo. I am suffering from the brain/nervous system rushes/jolts. My eyesight is deeply impacted, as all that fluid impinges on my optic nerve. Worse of all is the sick, barely functioning in life side effects of a brain tumor, and my brain stem is being strangled. I don't how long the brain can keep going like this. It is not like the body. A couple of nights ago, I dreamed two men told me that marijuana would help my brain neurons grow back. I tend to think these were "good guys," as it is documented in multiple places that slave handlers of mind controlled victims, absolutely forbid the use of marijuana. Now that I think about it, maybe this is the secret to my resistance to my satanic/luciferian handlers. Having smoked marijuana, and knowing others who have, I know that the drug releases the contents of the unconscious in a mild and pleasant way (whereas alcohol releases emotions), but my mind works that way all the time without any drugs! They can't get in one of their luciferian images or downloads, because my unconscious brain is constantly moving, thinking, imagining, dialoging, hypothesizing about imagined scenarios. So they think I'm schizophrenic, when I just have a built-in protection against their mind control. But they can't stop the images without turning me into a vegetable, because that is the way I think. But they done permanent damage to my brain--I can tell how much verbal facility and mental fluidity and agility that I have lost (I no longer can think, and evaluate words or situations with the same speed). Interestingly enough, when I researched marijuana and brain neurons on the web, I found that pot has some evidence of growing neurons in the hippocampus. When I saw the hippocampus. I knew that was the part of my brain in which I feel great pain, on a regular basis. But I won't be smoking any dope. I am not in a healing modality. I am in an endurance modality. That is all I can do--endure and hope that this vertigo and brain stem strangulation get better, before these stupd fucks cause even further damage.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Abductions started up again.

Abductions started up again. Very sick. I am walking around with the brain tumor sensation again--so nonfucntioning in reality. See no foreseeable help. I'm afraid that my body/brain can't continue like this for much longer. The fucking aryans/pibs have increased amt of csf in brain. I have autistic brain. I cannot handle any glutamate, and that is waste product of their infernal dna/rna processes. too sick to read, too sick to watch tve. nerve pain increasing. have nerve pain in wrists. they have put implanst s there. I can't survive like this. Noway.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010


Risperdol--this is the drug that I am being forcefed right now, and it is kicking my ass. I am barely functional, though I try so hard. I am glad that I didn't spend any money to join a gym this month. It would be a complete waste. Risperdol actually separates me from reality--makes it easier to live in my imagination than in the real world. Also separates me from joy, from feeling, from engagement with the world. Makes it difficult to read or concentrate. I am doing half assed scans of my routine reading checklist--I'm too sick to do anything else. There is a lull right now. I should be chipping away at the bookmarked sites on my reading list, but that is impossible. Of course, when I am on risperdol, I suffer from muscle spasms, so I took a tramadol last nite to help with neverending pain. I suffered from a severe anxiety attack. That is the other thing risperdol does--it makes me severely anxious and insomniac at nite. I first realized this when I was in the hospital. At leastthere, they gave me temazapam to help me sleep. It also messes up my perception of images, so that I can not look at flashing images or at people expressing emotion (I see threats and leers in all faces). None of this is new. I have spent months of my life dealing with the mind destruction caused by risperdol and all these other psychotropics which are never ending, while the PIBs try to get me to disengage from the real world and believe their fantasy new age lies. Physiclaly, it also is very hard on my body. My blood pressure was 150 over 90--yep, risperdol. I never had high blood pressure before I was hospitalized and force fed risperdol. Twice a day, I had my bp taken, and couldn't believe what was happening to my body. It also causes excess mucous, so now I am congested in my lungs--mucous in my mouth, my lungs, my nasal and throat passages.
I suspect that the high blood pressure is caused by the intensified autism with the accompanying anxiety. I am severely autistic right now, and can not bear any stimuli. Makes me very anxious to engage world, even at fundamental level. Have to try. weather turning bad. I need to get out winter clothes from basement. try to clean house a little bit, but i feel so bad...little leater, tried to sleep, but now my unconscious is imaging in carttonish characters. going to be a really fucked up day

Monday, November 8, 2010

Trying to hang in there

Trying to hang in there--as in my life and my head, while the Borg/reptile alliance continue to blast my head, would be allies in my immediate vicinity (real immediate) continue to play mind games, and the strategy to save the country continues to move so slowly. I am convinced that I can hold out, to death, if necessary. A couple of nights ago, I was screaming in agonizing pain, as the Borg/reptiles turned their viral implants on me full force, but God came to my assistance. No matter what, my faith will get me through. I just don't see an end to this hell that is my life.

I listened to a lengthy interview with Clif High last night:

I was struck by the depth of his understanding of what is really going on in the world--not very often do I feel that I listen to someone who really knows what is going on in the world and is free enough to state the honest-to-God truth. Out of hundreds of statements and positions, I only can disagree unequivocally with one: he thinks that the so-called alien agenda of causing DNA/RNA mutations is a bunch of hooey foisted on us by duped charlatans and channellers looking to hoist a new religion of "Ascension" on us. Well, he is absolutely correct about the latter part. "Ascension" isn't to a fourth dimensional world; it is to a fantasy induced, holographic slave reality. I can forgive him, because this new age treachery has tremendous appeal and power. However, I KNOW that the luciferian borg/satanic reptiles are indeed trying to change our dna/rna. I know, because it is happening to me, and has been in process for years. I could defend my assertion, but I am too sick right now. The only reason I am able to resist the mind control that accompanies this dna/rna change is, that, as a spiritually mature Christian mystic, I lived in an incredible fullness of reality for many years--more than many of the so-called "spiritual advisors"--especially priests who I sought out, and who then sold me out, and more than the psychics and remote viewers who spend their entire duty shift trying to get into my head. I cannot say that I am in such closeness to reality now. Constant pain, suffering, loneliness (which leads me to spend a lot of time in interior dialogue chatter), and the psychotropic drugs have forced a wedge between me and the fullness of reality interaction that I once enjoyed. But I still have got nearly everybody else beat! Most importantly, I have got the satanists and luciferians beat--they just won't admit it. There's no point in bragging, as they can destroy my body and mind at will, and it is not me, or any great superhuman strength. It is all grace. Amen. I can't even say that I am right and on top of things all the time. Sometimes, I am wrong, but like Clif High, not very often. Right now, though, I am really worried. I know that America narrowly dodged another bullet (actually two), by the forces of evil, and now I see that Netanyahu is headed to Houston (to talk to that reptilian reprobate, GHW Bush). Clif High, who makes predictions based on a software program analyzing linguistics in the public media, says that WWIII begins with an Israeli attack on Iran. I see from one of her supporting bloggers, that Hillary Clinton is understanding the danger and is going to be dealing with it, (now that she and the patriot leadership team just barely averted another terrorist scenario nearly successfully pulled off by Obama), but tensions are so high, I can't help but feel anxiety, especially for a situation in which I can do nothing but pray. Maybe i would have more fight in me, if I felt better, but I can barely drag myself through the day as I struggle to move and function while the metabolic drag and dysfunction of the dna-changing alien virus batter me, and remote viewers probe me. But everyone plays their part. There are a lot of good people in the real world, taking real chances, and real actions, with bare minimum of support, and like Clif, I can't help but feel that the good guys are going to win (of course, as a Christian, that is a fundamental prerequisite of my belief system anyway. The question is, "how long, oh Lord"?) I just gotta hang in there....

Saturday, November 6, 2010

Fucking opus dei

Fucking opus dei and their brainwashed mind controlled minions continue to drug me. Woke up this morning, groaning and barely functional. Could barely concentrate enough to read my email--admittedly it did include a stellar lecture by Bill Moyers on the sellout of democracy to the plutocracy. It is distressing not to be able to read, retain facts or concentrate, but this shit has been going on for years now. I know when I am barely functional, that is all I can do, barely function. I hope that my previous assertion that the Illuminati occultists were aiming for a one-two punch is incorrect, because I am too fucked up on drugs to do any research. I will only say it again, watch out for San Diego.
As for me, as fucked up as I am, I am not really capable of living out my life in accord with my wishes, but i know my wish. Thanks to the evil Satanists and their unholy, and by omission, accomplishes, the mind controlled religious zealots, i no longer can fit into a world as woman or as man. I am a misfit eunuch and that is all there is too it. But there is an option for me to live out--an option increasingly chosen by others--androgyny, and that is now what I aim for. My life and my energies will be pursued by, for, and with others, who reject this patriarchal bifurcated world of rigid gender roles. Instead, I will aim to be with people, who while identifying as one gender or another (and I too will need to make that choice, even while always knowing that it is a lie), put more emphasis on individual and creative personhood, and don't get hung up on gender roles. Under no circumstances will I have ANYTHING to do, whatsoever, with homophobes, or anyone who would deny gay, lesbian, transgender (I guess that would be me) people full human and legislative rights. I especially pledge to fight the mind-controlled so-called, "Christianists", or any patriarchal relgion for that matter, who know nothing of Jesus Christ, but are too insecure in their own psyche and spirituality to step outside of conventional roles as dictated by the law (cultural norms). I am tired of being victimized and abused by these pieces of unholy shit. It is over. As for me, it still is not over. That's okay--I've been drugged by you motherfuckers for over five years now. I don't care if you drug me for the rest of my life. Thanks to your complicit cooperation with the satanists, I no longer can live the lie that I am a woman, but inside I still know who I am, and while I am not free to live it out, I am free enough to resist and despise your evil manipulations. enough for today. got to try to get up and function.

Oh...dreams last nite--dreamed that I had two gadgets in my brain for drugs to be force fed me, while a group of opus dei men all sat around and explained to each other how they were going to give me a back shunt. FUCK YOU. Cynthia wonders why I have problems with males--that is why, goddamn it, I am fucking sick and tired of these goddamned patriarchal males thinking they own me, they can webcam it, they can drug me, they can mutilate me, they can do any medical procedure they want, and all because in their worldview, they are males and I am a female,, and they OWN me. Fuck you and all your plans. You can make my life sheer hell but you will never own me, nor get an ounce of cooperation from me. You think I'm a prophet? Well, here's a word for you--anyone interested in the life of the soul and the life of the spirit--GET OUT OF OPUS DEI, GET OUT OF THE JESUITS NOW NOW NOW! Prophecy for the day

Friday, November 5, 2010

Was I wrong

Was I wrong earlier today when I told dale i wasn't on psychotropics. definitely fucked up on some kind of psychotropic. NO doubt that was reason for the rage while the goddamned opus dei prick smirked, congratulating himself for diagnosing my vast rage. GUESS WHAT ASSHOLE--GET ME OFF THESE FUCKING DRUGS AND LET ME HEAL MYSELF. MY RAGE IS FED BY YOUR GODDAMN POISON YOU PUT IN MY BODY AND YOUR GODDAMNE FUCKING UNWELCOME INTRUSION INTO MY LIFE. I dont know when i am going to heal. spent hour leisting to christian music which usually helps me heal. realized i couldnt feel, no normal, drug lack of feeling. house is a fucking mess. surefire indicator i am fucked up on drugs when house is a mess. when i am healthy i am able to keep it clean. just want to sleep,, and get away from this fucked up drugged up body, and my fucked up life where a bunch of goddamned christianists who worship the law and mind control try to turn me into one of them. FUCK OFF YOU JGODDAMN PIGS. GET THE HELL OUT OF MY LIFE. AND TAKE YOUR FUCKING DRUGS WITH YOU.

Venting fury but still am burning with the rage of the abuse done to me

Venting fury but still am burning with the rage of the abuse done to me. Even now, I am on some kind of psychotropic, and the fucking bastards just don't get it. It is not only the drugging, the abductions, the mutilations, and castration that is the intolerable abuse--it is the whole prerequisite that I am not a full human being, but subject to the dictatorial whims of others--whether they be satanist Illuminati or mind controlled opus dei or Jesuits. Not one of my tormentors accept me a free and sovereign person. They all think they own me, while I struggle to not only survive but try to prevent yet another evil attack, all without a shred of support. I saw some opus dei prick as I left dale's office--no doubt he was smug in my raging. Guess what assholes? You have created the rage. You are nearly as responsible for my suffering as my satanist mother and her husband. I am too sick to go into this any further. I just saw my face--it so tomato red that I am worried about a possible stroke or aneurism. I am so close to going out of my mind on whatever fucked up drug I am on now, that I can barely control myself. this post is not going to continue. No research tonite. But for all those who do accept me as a sovereign and free person, know that I know how to proceed further with my personal life. I do feel a lot better, more hopeful about myself. Just too fucked up to write anymore right now.

2 in the mornining

Up at 2 in the morning, confirming what I have uneasily felt for the past couple of days--another really evil, treasonous act is underway. I don't know if it can be stopped because I suspect that some of our high ranking Navy officers, including Ray Maybus, the Secretary of the Navy are involved. I hate to say that, but as has been proved time and again in recent months, our military, who are on the front lines of dealing with the alien threat, are susceptible to being coopted. In this case, I SUSPECT, that it is the so-called, "Faction Two," or rogue elements of F2, which are conspiratorially committed. Why? Because their primary allegiance is not to God, this country, or humanity. It is to their occultic worldview and code of conduct as defined by Freemasonry/Knights of Malta, Templars, ect. I think that F2 has acted in alliance with the "good guys" in the past, but that may have been to purge undesirable Nazi elements from the ranks, or maybe just an internal power struggle.

But (among other things), the occultic world view is committed to the rising of "Pangea" (Lemuria) and Atlantis, and I think that is the primary objective of the upcoming terrorist event. The secondary objective is to create chaos, terror and destruction, especially in the US, and consequentially, to make sure that the pathological murderer and traitor, Obama stays in power. I watched the postelection press conference video of him, and can see the contemptuous hatred, sly lies and evil on his face, while so much of the press and no doubt, the sheeple public, sees him, as "humbled." But I know what that conniving look of sly evil on his face means and portends, and God knows, there is enough suffering and misery in Haiti and along the Gulf Coast, to testify to its potent efficacy. So what is that motherfucking satanic spawn up to now?

He is leaving for India tomorrow (today, actually). Accompanying him is an obscenely bloated entourage, travelling in extravagant luxury which no doubt feeds his grandiose delusions of grandeur as a great Muslim prince, while his peon subjects suffer from 10% unemployment. However, I believe that part of the reason for this excessive display of grandeur is that he expects this trip to springboard his platform to the world presidency. Also accompanying him on this trip are THIRTY FOUR warships, ostensibly for security. What a laugh! Come on people, whenever before in American history, has a president been accompanied by 34 warships--maybe Yalta. Our presidents have the best and fastest reacting security in the world, but no doubt he expects trouble after the completion of the most catastrophic terrorism to hit not only the US, but also Australia, and perhaps other countries (China).

It is going to be a global seismic event that creates huge tsunamis all across the world. Especially hard hit will be the Eastern seaboard, including Washington DC (I wonder who is responsible for saving his daughters, who apparently will be in school). Florida will be obliterated. The Gulf Coast will be slammed--Alabama Mississippi, Louisiana, and the Gulf Coast of Texas (want to know something about these states--red Republican--Obama's "enemies"--sure will make it easier for him in 2012). These states will be hit by the tsunami so that the Atlantean islands can reemerge in the Bermuda Triangle area (poor Puerto Rico, Cuba, and all the Carribean islands), and in the Gulf Coast. The whole world will be impacted though I think that Northern Europe, especially Britain will be spared (I think the Illuminati plan to make that a major seat of power). I especially worry about Australia, because for months now, I have read of raising sea levels there. Hillary will be in Melbourne the day that the seismic event happens. I expect Melbourne to be completely obliterated, and as a result, the most effective leader that the free world has right now, will be eliminated. If you really want to know what countries will be impacted, go to, and read their post-Planet X global redrawn maps. is a Freemason disinformation site, but their presentation of which countries will suffer and which will sink forever, is a blueprint of their own plans for nefarious change.

So how is this great seismic event to be triggered? CERN. CERN is supposed to do some controversial experiement on November 9th, but it has either been moved up to November 6th or it is Stage II of the Great Catastrophe. How do I know this? Well first of all, CERN is evil, evil, evil. I cannot think of one good reason that place exists, and I am not a science hater. In its early stages, it was heavily funded by the Queen Mother of England, who is now deceased, but who was in her day, one of the great agents for reptilian evil. I think the primary purpose of CERN is to activate a stargate for evil reptiles (as in aliens, not as in serpents) and demons, to return to this 3D planet. But grand endeavors move in stages, and the next stage is to terrorize and flood the world, raising the old lands of the Atlanteans, "as it was in the beginning." I read that yesterday, every seismic indicator all across the world went off. No doubt that was a preliminary test--the next one will be amped up significantly, and that will create tsunamis of a magnitude and number never seen before.

To help CERN along, will be rogue naval ships, especially nuclear submarines. For a long time, I have kept saying to myself, "you need to write about 'Mabus'", but I struggle so much with poor health and day to day living, it never got done. I first came across Mabus, after reading a Nostradamus prophecy. He is named as the 3rd Antichrist, pivotal in the onset of WWIII. As I researched Mabus, the most disturbing element of his biography was his incredibly early backing of Obama's candidacy. Now, Obama may be a gifted bullshitter, but the real professionals in the political world should have been able to size this guy up for the big fat zero with the goofy, toothy insincere grin that he is. I can understand why a lot of ordinary people were hoodwinked. Not only was Obama trained to use Neurolinguistic Programming (which especially impacts educated people) which made him a hypnotic speaker, but occult forces were also involved. There was the sacrifice of his eldest daughter to Satan--that carries a lot of power (and wounds his daughter's soul forever). Also, alien forces surrounded him wherever he went, like a luciferian Nation of Islam security guard. Look in videos at his inaugaration for UFO's. Again, relying on the (at one point), indiscreet Zetatalk, they also spoke of alien forces monitoring and guarding him. The scariest thing I ever saw though, was his speech at Hyde Park, where there were all these moving orbs that got captured on camera. PEOPLE, THOSE ORBS ARE LITERALLY CONTROLLED BY FORCES FROM THE UNDERWORLD!! (Check it out on the web--there has been research on it in unrelated instances). You can call them Agarthans. I am Christian. I call them demons. I think Obama had what Hitler had, occultic forces from below, literally using occultic technology--mind waves, ect to hypnotize a bunch of people. Pretty scary, isn't it? But someone like Mabus, like Bill Richardson, while they might admire his technique, wouldn't be fooled by it. Richardson, like many other politicians and Democrat delegates threw their allegiance behind Obama once it was clear he was the frontrunner. BUT MABUS WAS BEHIND THE OBAMA CAMPAIGN FROM THE VERY BEGINNING. That tells me that he was part of the original, and very evil, yes satanic, cabal that orchestrated the whole illusion of the Obama campaign. In other words, Mabus is a really bad guy, and he has a lot of power. Not only is he behind the 34 ships in India, I bet he has rogue captains on nuclear submarines following his orders. So, if CERN should need a little help, a few nuclear torpedos at strategically located fault lines should help. Even worse, if my memory of prophecy is right, Mabus is responsible for WWIII. Maybe he plans on sinking a Russian or Chinese ship or two, just to really stir the pot, and get it ready for the demons.

So when is this going to happen? Either today or tomorrow, when Obama is in India (during the "festival of lights"--luciferian light, freemason light), and Hillary and Robert Gates (another leading force for the good guys--where will Senator McCain be?). I am confident in giving you the precise time. Obama had a "tunnel" built, to avoid traffic as he travels to the Gandhi museum. That tunnel is an analogue of the CERN tunnel, and at the same time, particles are colliding at CERN, he will be enjoying the ride through the tunnel. Occultists are all about ritual, and that is his way of expressing his oneness with "flipping the switch" that causes massive destruction everywhere. Then he can go to the Gandhi musuem, and put on his great humanitarian face (this man isn't a politician; he's a frigging actor) , and read from a prepared speech that characterizes him as the great moral leader of a devastated world.

So, what can the good guys do? I think they are going to need a little help from their newfound alien friends. The nuclear missiles on the Navy ships have to be neutralized (how, I don't know--what if, we leave our subs defenseless, and WWIII starts when some chump NK sub sinks one of ours. Or, freemasonry is a worldwide phenomenon--what if some European or Asian ship goes rogue?). Also, I keep having a thought go through my head, "the poles need to be remagnetized." I understand that recent changes were made at the magnetic poles--probably to prevent a pole flip as Planet X draws near, but what if that left the planet vulnerable to manipulations by CERN? Maybe that is what causes all the great seismic events--a pole flip, but I don't so, because I know it is very controlled, as to what parts of the planet suffer, and which escape. Mumbai will be safe--maybe that cyclone forming in Masdras has something to do with it. I am not a scientist, but there is something about remagnetizing the poles that I think will help us...
It's after 4 in the morning. I have to get up in a few hours. I need to try to sleep to see if I can dream anything else. God bless the people trying to save us, bless me, and every single human being living on this planet (and the good aliens trying to help to start including them in my prayers, too)!

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Day 2 of severe depression

Day 2 of severe depression--vacillating from rage to tears to suicidal ideation. Through it all, runs the hatred of my own misfitting body. Nothing is working right--my torso is all jammed, with every movement of my arms getting in the way of the manboobs, my sacrum constantly hurts, and on top of that is the increasing nerve pain that is related to the blood sugar problems I have started having again. I can smell it on my urine. I bought some chromium to see if that would help, and what do you know--I believe it was tampered with before I took it off the shelf. So fucking frustrating. I have no control over my own body, whether it is my satanic mother and her husband, or the goddamned luciferian Jesuti/Opus Dei zealots still trying to get me channelled into some goddamned fucked up version of their cardboard fake saint. So even getting OTC drugs to help heal me doesn't work--how the fuck can I get any accurate feedback on what works or doesnt. The stupid motherfuckers are so far off base, they have no idea. I am nowhere near any religious experience. With the kind of stress and anxiety and mind deranging drugs that I am constantly force fed, I don't even have a relationship with God, except through dark faith. I guess that keeps me going, though I wish to God, someone would kill me, so I could get out of this hatefully miserable and constantly painful body.

I've lost nearly all ability to focus or concentrate, even though I have agendas to pursue. Too fucked up to do it. This is too bad, because I'm getting another bad feeling. I don't know if it is just the same old shit regarding a financial restructuring of our world, or if one of the big players (I loosely identify them as three separate factions but haven't figured out the connections, alliances, and wars between them) is planning another big terrorist event in our country.. I'm leaning towards the latter, but am too sick to read, to follow up on anything.

And through it all, I continue to be bombarded by psychic invasion. I think ELF waves attacked me yesterday from the house across from me, on the corner. I know that there used to be a PIB living there. I haven't seen him lately, but I think that one or more of the roommates there, belongs to the dark side--they just don't go for walks to the Flying Star, like prick in black did--(right down to black ankle socks with his black shorts and shirt),so I can't get a good look. Then there is the FAR OFF remote viewing--I wouldn't be surprised if there are literally dozens of remote viewers, including foreign agents, trying to get into my head. Just trying to hold on...

All you conspiracy theorists out there...remember how 9/11 was supposed to be a day of financial reckoning, but it never happened because of the terror event. What if the PIB's are planning something like that again. If some kind of financial structural reform is to be addressed on a certain date, they plan to preempt it, with a terror event. Here or somewhere else? The Indian Ocean? Indonesia, which is having volcanoes erupt (and all those volcanoes eruptions are deliberately triggered). Obama will be in India for four days--is he looking to play hero to a terror traumatized (yes that includes deliberate eruptions of volcanoes)population nearby? But is there any kind of financial transaction going on around there, which the terrorism would disrupt....

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Severely depressed on some kind of drug

Severely depressed on some kind of drug--my brain is so fucked up with all the chemical poison and luciferian implants and viral downloads, that it is impossible for me to tell. Took me an hour to get out of bed--an hour of wondering what happened to the old me who used to be wake up happy and ambitious for the day. I have an agenda, but there's no joy, no energy, no spark. Another worrisome development with whatever fucking poison I am being fed now--my body is starting to go down the road of diabetes again. My morning pee had that fruity smell, and I have suffered from severe leg nerve pain, hobbling to walk, for the past two days. I'm trying to figure out myself how to help heal my own body and the only thing I can hope for is the removal of these viral implants, but I don't know if even that will work, or if my brain is fried beyond repair. I guess as long as it moves slow enough for psychics to get in there and get out of what they want and need, I will be kept alive, physically alive anyway. But I have found my ability to concentrate, to read, to process, intellectual curiousity is all but gone anyway. Not much interest in anything except figuring out how to stop this excruciatingly painful nerve pain in my legs. Spent the morning looking at alternative and pharmacological treatements, but my inner voice is so dulled and deadened by chemicals that it is not speaking to me--at all. Tired, tired tired of it all, tired of living, tired of waking up, tired of being in pain, tired of carrying this body that doesn't belong to me, tired of watching my body turn to fat, while i am too sick to even exercise. Tired of it all...