Day 2 of severe depression

Day 2 of severe depression--vacillating from rage to tears to suicidal ideation. Through it all, runs the hatred of my own misfitting body. Nothing is working right--my torso is all jammed, with every movement of my arms getting in the way of the manboobs, my sacrum constantly hurts, and on top of that is the increasing nerve pain that is related to the blood sugar problems I have started having again. I can smell it on my urine. I bought some chromium to see if that would help, and what do you know--I believe it was tampered with before I took it off the shelf. So fucking frustrating. I have no control over my own body, whether it is my satanic mother and her husband, or the goddamned luciferian Jesuti/Opus Dei zealots still trying to get me channelled into some goddamned fucked up version of their cardboard fake saint. So even getting OTC drugs to help heal me doesn't work--how the fuck can I get any accurate feedback on what works or doesnt. The stupid motherfuckers are so far off base, they have no idea. I am nowhere near any religious experience. With the kind of stress and anxiety and mind deranging drugs that I am constantly force fed, I don't even have a relationship with God, except through dark faith. I guess that keeps me going, though I wish to God, someone would kill me, so I could get out of this hatefully miserable and constantly painful body.

I've lost nearly all ability to focus or concentrate, even though I have agendas to pursue. Too fucked up to do it. This is too bad, because I'm getting another bad feeling. I don't know if it is just the same old shit regarding a financial restructuring of our world, or if one of the big players (I loosely identify them as three separate factions but haven't figured out the connections, alliances, and wars between them) is planning another big terrorist event in our country.. I'm leaning towards the latter, but am too sick to read, to follow up on anything.

And through it all, I continue to be bombarded by psychic invasion. I think ELF waves attacked me yesterday from the house across from me, on the corner. I know that there used to be a PIB living there. I haven't seen him lately, but I think that one or more of the roommates there, belongs to the dark side--they just don't go for walks to the Flying Star, like prick in black did--(right down to black ankle socks with his black shorts and shirt),so I can't get a good look. Then there is the FAR OFF remote viewing--I wouldn't be surprised if there are literally dozens of remote viewers, including foreign agents, trying to get into my head. Just trying to hold on...

All you conspiracy theorists out there...remember how 9/11 was supposed to be a day of financial reckoning, but it never happened because of the terror event. What if the PIB's are planning something like that again. If some kind of financial structural reform is to be addressed on a certain date, they plan to preempt it, with a terror event. Here or somewhere else? The Indian Ocean? Indonesia, which is having volcanoes erupt (and all those volcanoes eruptions are deliberately triggered). Obama will be in India for four days--is he looking to play hero to a terror traumatized (yes that includes deliberate eruptions of volcanoes)population nearby? But is there any kind of financial transaction going on around there, which the terrorism would disrupt....