Thursday, March 31, 2011

Another lost day

Another lost day--so drugged up that I spent nearly all day in bed sleeping. Miserable in my body once again. On female hormones--I can tell, because my whole system is choked with mucous. On top of that, I am drugged with the same old p-sychotropic that makes me miserable, truly miserable in my body. I hate the body. I hate, i hate it, i hate it. Nothing I can do about it. Got up at 9 pm a couple of hours ago, going to take a fenergan to deal with the nausea and go back to bed. It seems to me that the viral precipators coming from my netbook is at a higher voltage than usual (maybe the netbook is running hotter in the warmer temperatures---the precipators is released by the cooling fans). There is not much I can do about it--the fucking Aryan PIB's have easy access to my home. Like patriarchal assholes everywhere, they like to leave their tags as a reminder they control me, control my home, hell for that matter, they semi-control my brain thru implants. Anyway, they always leave their cigarette butts by my back door for me to see. I am like Scully and Mulder--always know the adder has been skulking around my house by the cigarette butts they (unconsciously) use to tag their dominance of me and my home. I don't feel well. Going to take a fenergan and go back to bed.;

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Forces of evil screeching and hollering

Forces of evil screeching and hollering as they prepare for a WWIII that will leave the population of the world, especially the Middle East completely decimated, and a young "King" William as the anti-Christ who makes peace, and then desecrates the Holy Temple, which the Rothschilds, Faction 2 Knight Templars, and Israeli citizens plugged into the Borg Machine, have all helped to make possible. I am not sure what dark force is preventing the US from proactively preventing this. Is it another piece of ancient Egyptian archaeology coming to light that fell into the wrong hands? The missing Egyptian cobra from the Bronx zoo, would seem to support that thesis, as well as news of another recent archaeological dig--outwardly of millions of mummified dogs. Or it could be that we are under blackmail again. The Drudge report was the only mainstream media outlet that reported it, but there is a claim of "160" nuclear devices hidden in the country that can go off anytime if the US does not cooperate. This seems like an exaggeration to me, but there does seem to be likely truth to the story that there may be a hidden nuclear device somewhere, because there was a recent "suicide" of a nuclear scientist working at Los Alamos. Los Alamos, like all of the government science facilities, is riddled with black ops personnel and agendas., not to mention highly negative alien entities.
So what do the evil cabalists behind this want? WWIII, of course. They can't fulfill their plans for a Merovingian/reptilian anti-Christ king to sit on the Jerusalem throne without this war. That is why the post-colonial mapping of the Middle Eastern states was such a mess--the arbitrary boundaries were supposed to be a total failure--just waiting for the time to be right, before sensitive and sore buttons were pushed, exploding into violent response. As far as the cabal is concerned, the time for this violent response is now. It is important that Jerusalem be in evil hands by 2012, and within 3 years, (because he will be 33), young William must enter into the fullness of planetary coronation. That all has to do with occult numerology.
I hate to say it, but the evil cabal has make rapid inroads to achieving their objectives. The Libyan action was winding down, and now it is stalemated. Watch for WWWIII to break around Libya. Pakistani newspapers are making yellow journalism proud, whipping up anti-American hysteria, while the Pakistani govt. has made deals with China, giving them full access to the roads which lead to the Middle East. How long before a full scale eruption? I honestly don't know. I have been praying all day. On top of that, the technology protecting us from revelation of our DNA is wearing thin (I think it may have to do with the virus being carried by the spring winds). Judge Judy is the latest victim to start talking gibberish. Now talking (or listening) in "tongues" does not disturb me, but it freaks most people out, and certainly a reptilian appearance will. These kind of incidents are going to create hysteria if they persist. The population should have been prepared for this eventuality decades ago, but our government has been dominated, blackmailed and coerced by forces so evil that it is scarcely imaginable.

Now, those forces of evil have set their sights squarely on me. I realize that my fury at the psychic violation and sexual harassment that I endured yesterday was just the tip of the iceberg. The Nazi psychic was so smug and arrogant--as if he already "owned" me. I guess that is the way the cabal feels. Starting with my castration, and then going through the body changes and mutilation, so that I am no longer a strong, buff intersexed being, but a small, fat, weak female figure, I have been set up for sacrifice. It took them years, but the cabal finally realized that I have an ancient and unique bloodline that they would love to terrify, traumatize and sacrifice. My guess is that it entails my own rape and murder in cultic ritual. Death doesn't bother me so much as the horror of facing the depravity of a truly evil being--and these people are truly evil beings. I am trying to figure a way out of this. Before anything like this can occur, I have to make sure that it has positive benefits, not negative ones. Of course, the way the cabal sees it--the torture and sacrifice of an innocent gives their evil deeds tremendous power, and my guess is that preparations for this sacrifice has been place since at least when Ratzinger visited Scotland, and it has been designed to boost their great holy day of Beltane, when young Prince William gets married. He is not a bad young man, but the reptilian blood in him is strong, the viral download which causes the shapeshifting is heavy, and his marriage is set up for failure (the ill stars of Beltane). When that happens, his rage and pain over his own mothers' maltreatment and murder (he has to know it subconsciously) will erupt and destroy his own soul. I have been prepped for, and am meant to be, a sacrificial victim to ensure the success of this evil agenda. I am too drugged and hormonally altered to be able to resist with any measure of just rage. I am on some psychotropic that drains my energy (maybe depakote?), and once again, I am force fed massive amounts of female hormones. Indeed, they are giving me high dosages of thyroid meds, (I can tell--they give me really loose bowels). These hormones are what makes me ravenously hungry all the time. When I am just on supplemental testosterone, not only do I have the feeling of my once-normal and routine high energy and well-being, but my appetite and hunger, and ability to control my hunger feels normal. But high priests of evil (Ratzinger?), and reptiles do not want to rape, torture and murder a strong, healthy intersexed being. They want a helpless, weak, pathetic female, totally at their mercy. Apart from child sacrifice, this torture of helpless femininity is what most turns them on. So I am being prepped with excessive hormones which make me soft, fat and unmuscular, and there is very little I can do. Normally when I feel melancholic, I play a little music, but I can't even do that. I tried playing my dulcimer yesterday and learned that my arms no longer have the free range of motion necessary to play a musical instrument. Just another humiliation and torture for them to cackle over.

At this point, I really don't see a good out. For, I understand clearly that I am to be a representative of the future, and I want to see a future that is respectful of the fullness of humanity for all, one in which the uniqueness of the individual is what is prized, not gender or racial roles that stereotype and constrict. I want to see a future where people use their psychic abilities as gifts to serve one another, not to scan another to determine if they the criteria for inclusion. All belong. Most worrisome to me is that my children may become slaves for millennia. For I think they still struggle to resist a slave mentality (and I can see from their eyes that at least some of them are in spiritual bondage to deep evil--the reptiles). This is not surprising to me, for they were reared to be slaves, and while physically free now, I wonder how much slave mentality persists. A slave is afraid of true freedom, not only in themselves but in others--strong, healthy, free people are to be feared, not trusted, controlled, and dominated. That is why, for all their power, the cabalists are slaves as well, slaves to sin. They have no freedom, and cannot bear that it exist anywhere else, and so go through extensive rituals to remind and reinforce their own false belief that slavery and domination is the true nature of the universe.

You see, there is a difference between power and authority. Power feels the need to dominate others and situations from a sense of fear, inadequacy, and distrust, and certainly I have been victimized, not only by the power trips of the evil cabalists, but also by those people and groups, seeking to do good, but who themselves have fallen prey to this binary mind-control reality we live in. True authority does not spring from fear, but only from a deep sense of self and love--you have to love yourself before you can love and trust another--even on the most superficial, not necessarily intimate, level. When a person loves her or his self, that person can freely accept authority from another, because that is another essential component of authority. You will NEVER be a person of authority until you are free enough to accept it, without grudge or resentment, from another, even if all you respect is the office or position of the authority, while you distrust and maybe even, despise the person of authority. The key to doing THAT, is by owning and developing your own free will. All of my life, I have happily given my all in every situation I found myself, and when I could no longer do that, it was time to move on. Yes, I grated under the "official" authority of many of my bosses and superiors who did not have the mature personal qualities of authority to be effective leaders, but I made up for their shortcomings, with an overabundance of my own free will and authority. I could do this as long as I felt there was a sufficient, if unspoken "contractual" agreement, in which mutual expectations and responsibilities were laid out clearly. What I could never stand, and what is a sure sign of a slave mentality is the "manipulation" game. It has been extremely frustrating to me over the past several years that I have not been treated with respect or authority by those who have attempted to dominate or recruit me, through manipulation instead of frank and honest approach and appraisal. But, after years of being approached in highly manipulative ways, I have become much better at understanding and decoding what is offered and expected than before (maybe if I were not autistic, I would be more adept at responding to this kind of manipulative socialization, which seems so prevalent in our culture). I now know that my choices are becoming much more constricted, and indeed, that I am approaching end game. I still stand by principles however, and do know that any choice I make, I will make it with a free will, fully and completely. Because my options are not pleasant (allow myself to be sacrificed by the cabal, or allow the future of humanity/my children to be deeply jeopardized by the same cabal), I struggle with emotions and a feeling of oppression. You are not to take this as indicators that I am incapable of making a free choice and decision. I am free--free to live my emotions, express my emotions, and then release them, without grudge, resentment, or prejudice, and I would wish the same for all. No, this battle really is being fought at a deeper spiritual level, and the emotions, thoughts, and images, are just the necessary stuff and distraction which occupy this human shell and psyche, until the moment of realization, which I trust will come (because if I am forced, my decision will be to resist bitterly). In the meantime, I appreciate the prayers and well wishes of all people of good will, but don't spend a lot of time focused on me. The entire planet is in peril, and needs prayers, and sadly, I am not in a position to give much attention to that, so I would appreciate it if others, who have a spot of free time, could take up my slack for me...thanks and blessings to all who yearn for a free humanity.

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

A whole new front

A whole new front waged against me by the fucking Aryan PIB's--PSYCHIC SEXUAL HARASSMENT by stupidass, motherfucking male pigs who leave me feeling like I just walked into a pick up straight bar, with a bunch of horn dogs looking for a cheap fuck undressing me with their eyes. God, it gives me the creeps to even remember it. Same old motherfucking asshole that violates my mind space every time I work out at the free community gym---just smirking now at my mutilated, Mengelian body--proof that his Aryan pig peers put their tag on me by destroying my body. In case you can't tell, I am pissed off. I actually have been in a pretty good mood all day, as the new turn in tactics by the mind control patriarchal pigs who dictate my every move, seem to finally realize that I have a predominantly MALE HORMONAL SYSTEM, and the goddamned hell they have put me through with their drugs, their mutilations, and their forced hormone deprivation, is counterproductive. Oh, but the bastards haven't given up. Sure, I am getting a little more testosterone, but they also are forcing progesterone on me, and it clogs my mouth with slimy mucous, making me constantly feel the need to spit, and it clogs up my nose and respiratory passages. Not only is it physically disgusting to have all that mucous in my mouth, it leaves me feeling stupidly faint. I suppose that is the Aryan PIB's idea of feminine emotion. I don't know. I am tired of trying to figure out their abusive patriarchal stupidity. I know that it is progesterone that I am being force fed, because I also am taking estrogen. My body released progesterone for years, (and probably still does), and it never caused the mucous in my mouth. It also is possible that I am being given pregnancy hormones--the Aryan PIB's really have a sick sense of humor. Anyway, nothing I can do for it, but endure--try to learn how to keep sick pricks out of my psychic space in my head. I don't want anybody in my head, but my mother, the women I sexually love and who turn me on, and my children. Everybody else, I am not interested. I "get" the fact that you want to introduce me to a psychic space, but I am looking for the respectful collective consciousness that I have encountered before, among Native Americans. I am not interested in joining any psychic collective BECAUSE I NEED TO HEAL AS AN INDIVIDUAL. I need to get back by self-identity, my self-esteem, my self-image. I need to look in the mirror and see a body that looks like mine, and not some Nazi's wet dream. I need to know that my mind isn't violated 24/7 by agents of every type and stripe. I need to feel that I am free to date and love other women. I need to work and provide my own upkeep. Until this happens, I am going to stay in a self-defensive mode and wait.

It will be interesting to see what the maintenance man does tomorrow when he comes to fix my plumbing. Last time he was here, he left an energy weapon in my front lawn that left me sick for nearly three weeks. Am I due for another energy weapon, or is it going to be more mind game bullshit? You know, Nazis, your stupidass mind control tricks don't work on people of high intelligence, but you keep your playing your goddamned games, and I keep praying for the day I am FREE of you.

Monday, March 28, 2011


RELIEF--testosterone to the rescue again. After feeing severely depressed and so sluggish nearly all day that I could barely move, the magic mood elevation happened again! I was so depressed that all I could foresee was death, and my stomach was in a knot. Two T-caps later, I was almost my normal self again. I even had a bowel movement (at 8 pm at night), which had been denied me all day. Between that and smoking a cigarette, I could literally feel my blood start moving again. Best of all was the lifting of the HEAVY, HEAVY depression. Nor am I so depressed about my body, feeling like a slug. I honestly think the hormonal problem that has been plaguing me for years, and causing the weight gain is the lack of testosterone. I think my young adult body had reached a natural homeostasis of my sexual hormones that suited my intersexed body. But then, I was abducted in California and implanted with the virus (I know because that is when I started having the lactic acid syndrome and stiffness in my ribs which is a symptom of the viral download in me), and this caused a metabolic acceleration which put abnormal demands on my hormones. But because my masculine hormonal system was immature, it could not keep up with the demand, and I started to suffer from low testosterone, and my body innately struggled to balance itself out, pushing up elevated levels of adrenals, and causing my natural hyperactive self to become even more so.

I think the Aryan PIB's have completely removed my masculine hormonal system, and now I am REALLY fucked, for my T-levels are so low, that my ability to function is impaired. I literally become depressed to the point of suicidal, and I am sure that is how I feel (not like a fleeting mood), and boom, I take 2 T-capsules, and the oppression and heaviness lifts. I don't even think that the current dosage I am taking is enough (especially if they pulled my thyroid meds, which they may have). It is so hard for me to accurately gauge what is going on, but today, I easily needed to double that dose in order to be MINIMALLY FUNCTIONAL. I never forget the feeling of well being that I had when I first took the testosterone supplements on top of my natural double hormonal system. For the first time in years, I felt happy, excited, extroverted, focused and productive. I figured out a long time ago that testosterone actually helped my ADD, but more importantly, when I first took those T-caps, I felt healthy enough to do what I really want to do--set agendas and follow through on them, function in a normal disciplined manner, reading books, researching and writing. I remember talking on the phone to Dale and Pam (no doubt because the PIB's, in their utter stupidity, thought I was going to go crazy with excessive agression, but the truth was that I had not felt so comfortable talking on the phone in years!) I felt like a natural human being, instead of an autistic.

Of course, I wrote all this down in this journal, and of course, it was completely ignored by the PIB's--no data that conflicts with their presupposed expectations ever gets through to them, and they have decided that I to be a traditional, feminine saint for them. The high energy and ambition enabled by high-T interferes with their plans for a clingingly dependent, traditional Madonna figure for them. This has led to utter hell and prolonged suffering for me, because my daily life is such a struggle. People have no idea how much effort it costs me to read and write what I do. I am like a malnourished person, trying to get up the concentration to write a dissertation, for the testosterone deprivation I am experiencing is a malnourishment. All you stupid PIB's out there---my body does not run on estrogen and progesterone. Excessive amounts of that makes me so depressed I can barely move. My body needs testosterone, and it was quite capable of making the necessary amount without masculinizing me, until you interfered with my body by introducing metabolic acceleration with the viral downloads. Now I am FUCKED, because there is no way my body can produce enough. The dosage I currently am taking costs me $80.00 a month, and I really feel that I need to double the dosage. Not only is the expense prohibitive, but of course I am aware that this is going to create noticeable masculine side effects, but I no longer care. You have turned my beautiful, unique body into a freakish mutilated alien job, and if I am going to be a freak, I want to be a happy, productive, and energetic freak--not a fat slug, who can barely move. I would rather have facial hair, than be in this fat blob of a body I now inhabit. Through your ignorance and imperious arrogance, you fuckers have really destroyed my body's natural, if unique rhythm and homeostasis, and now all I can do is try to band-aid the gaping wounds and contain the damage your stupidity has caused. No doubt tomorrow, I will wake up under the influence of yet another psychotropic drug for yet another umpteenth time, as you refuse to accept the truth, even when the data, accumulated over YEARS and repeated efforts, prove how wrong wrong your Mengelian approach and conclusions really are. I don't care. I have made my decision, and know that I might not live much longer, but I would rather go out, like I feel now, like a full human being, cooperating with my decision and controlling my actions, instead of being so sluggish and enervated that I can do nothing, but make the feeblest intentions of the will.

Well, the drug is not lithium, but wow, am I drugged

Well, the drug is not lithium, but wow, am I drugged---to the point that I can barely function. I know it is not lithium because I put it to my lithium test--and drinking alcohol, while making me feel emotionally more mellow did not make me mentally sharper and clearer. Basically, I am walking around with so much cerebral spinal fluid on the brain, that I am like someone living (or dying) with a brain tumor. The brain disability impacts everything--mood, sensory perception, energy. I keep wondering what happened to my high energy that I have always been able to count on to pull me out and onward, to fight the good fight. Did the PIB's make some kind of hormonal/nervous system change to me? Or is it just the elevated amounts of virus, creating the excessive csf/brain tumor symptomology that has totally destroyed my energy---for I do feel like I like did years ago, when this virus first was directed at me. I was still employed, and I went from being one of the happiest, most energetic and extroverted people, to barely being able to move or function, and severely autistic, in the sense that talking to people, which is always anxiety producing and challenging for me, became downright overwhelming and next to impossible. It doesn't help that I really don't have anyone to talk to--I know there are people trying to help me--it's just that my experience of them is essentially the same as the Aryan Nazi PIB's--they love feeding off the vibes of a unique person, but they resent and can't accept me for who I am--an intersexed lesbian. Oh, but now that I am a mutilated man, instead of a healthy, intersexed man in a woman's body--now they are confident that I will fit in their world! That realization, and the knowledge that the trauma and abuse done to my body, would never have happened if I had not been sold out by these same people who rejected, and wanted to change my intersexed body and queer self-dentity as much as the Aryans--starting with the SLI--is just one more huge depression to bear. Yet, I have to live with and accept, and somehow try to forgive it. The stakes are too high. Because of my high spiritual nature, and all the implants and alien virus in me, I can't allow myself to fall into a negative frequency unless I want to become a shapeshifting reptilian or an anti-Christ. That basically is my choice--sanctity or evil; saint or anti-Christ. I understand so clearly now, how people become evil. They become evil when they are treated and betrayed as I have been, and in an attempt to cut off the pain of lost trust, innocence, and healthy self-identity, reject trust, innocence, and healthy self-identity, seeking power instead. I imagine I could be a very evil person, but I made that decision to reject that years ago. It's not even a temptation. What is a temptation is falling into despair--this longing for death, so I don't have to live in this fucked up, mutilated body anymore. I wish I could fight evil the way Jesus did. I would rather have suffered agonizingly for one day and get it over with, than go through the 12 years of hell that I have gone through. (To be fair, my high spiritual and psychological health enabled me to put up a good fight for about most of the years, but my health is totally gone, as is the body and hormonal system which enabled such resistance, and my natural spiritual self is reduced to a clinging to a hidden soul). But what immature spiritual people never understand is that reality is always changing, every individual and their life situation is unique, and God needs and demands saints that are responsive to the reality as is, not to what the mythos or historical dogma dictates. The religionists who have sold me out and destroyed my God given body, would go back in history and sanctimoniously murder Mary Magdalene if they could, so that they could preserve their precious memory and mythos of Jesus as celibate. No, I don't know what God has in mind, but I know it is essential that I be true to myself, no matter how much I suffer. It is just so hard with these drugs dragging me down, and I know I am on something--because once again, my guts are messed up, and I woke up with nausea at 4 in the morning--same old damned tired loop of psychotropic drugs--I've experienced this once about 10 times. Pretty crazy. And you wonder why I am so fucked up, and every third post is a rant about my health. It is because nearly every day is a struggle just to keep my sanity. Well, there is nothing for it but to keep going. I guess I have been bartered over to the Aryans in exchange that the entire military of the US does not mutiny, for I realize now that not only are many White military personnel are not only coopted into the Borg Machine, but many of them are coopted into a deeply racist Aryan ideology. That is why there is such tension between Blacks and Whites in the military, and God help us if that rift cannot be healed and reconciled, but escalates into open conflict. I am no longer so furious at the Blacks who violate my mental and emotional privacy, as I was when I thought it was the White psychics (Nazi PIB's) vs. the Black psychics. Now I know that my brain and my life is remotely viewed by every conceivable cabal, faction, and a multitude of foreign and domestic agents, 24/7. It does no good to be angry that I have been stripped of my right to privacy, for the current reality (which I did not choose, but was imposed upon me) is, that I am a high stakes pawn of value in a cosmic war between good and evil, and the agents of good have to keep up with the agents of evil, or they lose. I also know that the Aryan-identified military is much more compromised by evil than I thought. You see, originally I had thought that the military Whites were mainly compromised by the Borg Machine, victims of brainwashing. Yes, I knew they planned to throw the people of color (about 95% of the population) under the bus, but I thought their doomed future was death or abandonment to a prison planet Earth, ruled by negative entities (similar to what we have now). Now I know that these military Whites (and again, I am sure this is not the entire White population, but it is significant enough to influence top decision makers), actually buy completely into the racist Aryan ideology that some people are superior and some inferior, and that you can treat people based on how you categorize them--race, gender, SEXUAL ORIENTATION, etc. They don't even have the excuse of being brainwashed. Even the day after I cried my guts out, after subconsciously and then consciously realizing my children had been bred to be spiritual slaves to evil, reptilian tormentors, so that the "pure" blondie Aryans could have big smiles and clear blue eyes, the Aryans were giving me the same inviting, vapid smiles--a little more tentatively, but still there.

My God, what kind of soulless monsters are you people--approaching me when I know the fate and suffering meted out to my own flesh and blood by your partners and allies? How can you smile at me, inviting me, when you despise my own brown skin (of which I am more proud than ever, which is more than I can say for my white heritage), or when you destroy my beautiful, Native, Mayan cheekbones, and replace it with some European version WHICH LOOKS LIKE SHIT AND WHICH I DESPISE--because it is nothing but hateful racist body imperialism, which is what I have suffered for years now. You Aryans are worse than brainwashed. The Borg Machine brainwashed have been mentally compromised, but you have been SPIRITUALLY compromised. I am going to pray about this some more, but at this point I am inclined to believe that your total lack and lapse of humanity is caused by a moral defect, and not by implants in your brain. I could be wrong, and if so, the world is in even greater danger than I thought, but even so, I have had brain implants for years, and while they have impacted my emotional states, making me more angry, irascible, and closed-off to reality (because of the autism), they have not impacted me spiritually. I won't let them, even now when I have to work at it, because every day is hateful. Maybe the truth is that you all were never spiritual people to begin with; certainly you struck me as "religionists" from the very beginning. I am sure many of your "read your bible" and spout your "religionist talk", but you don't have Christ in your hearts or you would know that Christ is present in every single being, most specifically humans, and therefore no one can be condemned to a lifetime of slavery, suffering and torment, due to arbitrary categorizations of "other" or "inferior". Or maybe, you don't think I'm human...brown skin, Indian cheekbones, and Jew blood in the woodpile disqualifies me I guess...certainly you didn't think that the progeny of my direct, pure DNA was fully human.

You probably think that I am not fully aware of the gravity of the problem, of the strength of the reptiles and the Borg Machine collective, but you are wrong. I am more aware than you know, so much so that I realize what Lord Jesus tried to teach us--to defuse the power of the reptiles through agapic love--is no longer enough. For evil no longer threatens us individually, but aggregately, as humanity and as a planet. I had tremendous agapic love, but it didn't protect me from the PIB's and the implants, and such will be the future of all sensitive, spiritual and artistic souls and talents, until the domination is complete. I am pondering on how to best fight this (it would help if I weren't so drugged up all the time), but I know that the answer isn't the same old same old (though agapic love is always a good spiritual state to which to aspire). That is my problem with all those who use the interdimensional gifts of astral planing and psychic awareness as weapons, instead of gifts. Again, I don't BLAME them (as long as they are agents for the Good), for now, I understand that they are soldiers in a desperate cosmic war, and soldiers have to use weapons, but it is not the answer, but a short term tool. Somehow we have either got to break the reptiles' power and domination completely (not easy, for they are more technologically and psychically advanced than us), or we have to come together as a whole of humanity, which if anything, is even more difficult, for the entire planet has been mind controlled by this evil paradigmatic dichotomy of an either/or, superior/inferior binary reality. I went to watch the NCAA tournaments on TV yesterday, and could no longer enjoy the game, as I was not rooting for either side. Instead, I saw how both teams were playing their hearts out, and yet one side was cheering and triumphant and the other side was crestfallen and heartbroken. I like sports. I have no problem with competition, but surely we can still play our hearts out in games that are not win/lose, zero/sum. Maybe sports are no longer playful, even at the collegiate level, and maybe that is why there is so much corruption, so that anymore, I can't bear to watch many of the (rigged) games. When I play, I don't mind losing a game, as long as it is all in good fun, but our binary evil has so infected even our sports world now, that it is now longer fun for athletes of any age, but serious business--as multi-million dollar salaries, chronic concussions, and teenage kids dropping dead from heart attacks testify. It reminds me of the ancient Aztec/Mayan evil sacrificial ritual which were games of sports until the loser was decapitated. This is reptilian influence, and it always becomes more pervasive right before a collapse caused by chaos, strife, warfare and/or genocide. We are there, people. Certainly I am--I am the one whose head is (figuratively) being kicked around by opposing teams to score a goal. I keep trying to make myself clear where I stand, but it is never enough. I keep trying to tell people what I need to meet expectations (my own self-respecting identity as a lesbian intersexed being, and a drug and virus free mind), but all sides, even those fighting for the side of the Good don't trust God, don't trust me, don't even trust the future that they know, through experiential contact, exists. They always have to be in control, but I will not succeed in figuring out a win/win reconciliation or victory, or for that matter, do any interdimensional travel, until I am free (or dead), but in the offchance that I am abducted beyond my free will, be assured I will return.

Sunday, March 27, 2011


YOU FUCKING GODDAMNED ARYAN PIGS--YOU'VE GOT ME ON LITHIUM AGAIN, DON'T YOU. Fucking goddamned assholes--you see how your fucking drugs have turned my body from peak fitness and beauty to a blob of fucking female fat, and yet YOU ARE SO GODDAMNED STUPID THAT YOU THINK I WILL HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH YOU FUCKING GODDAMNED RACIST PIGS. NEVER. NEVER. NEVER. NEVER. Your culture is doomed and i say GOOD RIDDANCE. You have made a slave of me, and brought forth my children into the world as slaves, and I am here to tell you that NOTHING will save you. The human race may, with the grace of God, survive, but your imperialist, misogynist, mind-control superior/inferior paradigm is doomed. FOREVER. AND YOU FUCKING ASSHOLES ACTUALLY THINK I AM GOING TO BE ANOTHER MIND CONTROL SAINT FOR YOU AND YOUR FUCKED WORLD AND YOUR FUCKED VISION AND YOUR FUCKED UP VALUES, AND ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS MAKE ME A CELIBATE, MATRIARCHAL ICON. HOW FUCKING STUPID CAN YOU BE?

The world that I and my healed children have a part in creating has nothing to do with your dead, sterile, barren, racist culture or ethos. I don't know to what extent I will participate when I am so fucked up, I can barely function or move, but guess what, no slave will ever be a savior for a group of soulless monsters. And that is what I have been for the past 12+ years, a slave to a group of mind-control religionists who have destroyed my body and brain in order to make me into some kind of avatar you think will save you BECAUSE YOU ARE TOO SPIRITUALLY CORRUPT, EMOTIONALLY DEADENED, AND INTELLECTUALLY DISHONEST TO SAVE YOURSELVES. Like every corrupt slaveowner, you want your slaves to do your work for you. Well guess what, I know a little bit about the spiritual life, and it don't work that way. You are DOOMED, and no amount of drugs or mutilation of my body is going to stop that. The Christian in me says "Rest in peace"; the mother in me says, "Rot in hell." Either way, the end result is the same, but clearly I can't convince you of that, and God knows how much I will suffer and how much I will weigh, before I can finally rest in peace....but know this, as I have said from the very first postings of this blog--my soul is connected with my sexuality and my body, and now I am estranged from one and thoroughly disgusted with the other. No avatar coming from here....

Woke up in pain

Woke up in pain after falling asleep in pain--my shoulder is so chopped off that it is constant pain. I cannot sleep on my side because my shoulder doesn't have the breadth to handle the weight of my head and body, but I can't sleep on my back, because of the pain in my lower back. Even now, my left arm feels practically dead If this is the rest of my life, I would rather be dead. I woke up depressed and low energy with the belly all poofed out as if I got another viral download shot in the gut. There is no doubt in my mind that the virus is stealing my energy. Last night (after a day of feeling better than I had in days), I felt the same tell tale energy drain after eating. Years ago, when the PIB's first began flooding my nighttime bedroom and my workstation with the black oil virus, that was the first symptom that something was wrong. After eating a light workplace lunch of sandwich, chips and apples, I would feel as tired and sluggish as if I had just pulled from the Thanksgiving table. The virus is doing serious metabolic damage to my body, and the STUPID, idiotic Aryan doctors, who have never gotten one thing right, are playing mind control games on me trying to blame ME and my eating habits for the 80+ pounds their stupidity and misdiagnoses have caused. Well, let me explain you fucking assholes. I am an extremely disciplined person. For years I practiced a good Lent, and developed the habits of abstinence so that not only was I capable of fasting, but I was even vegetarian. For various Lents, I have given up coffee, alcohol, and sugar. It is not that hard for me to do WHEN I AM HEALTHY, and not under this goddamned virus that drains all my energy. So let me just tell you, I am fucking obsessive about my weight, and before you fucking amped up the psychotropic drugs and mutilated my body so bad that it now is practically a dead stump, I would work out like a fiend to keep it under control. There is no sugar in my house. I rarely eat any desert, soda, or sugar. I can't even have an occasional beer. But that is what you mind control Aryans excel at, isn't even--try to force guilt on someone's mind so they blame themselves for the damage, pain and suffering YOU cause. It must be very disheartening for you, to realize that I don't suffer from so many of the guilt complex triggers that so many spiritually immature humans carry.

Don't worry, though. I do suffer--from the loss of energy, from the pain, from the loneliness, from being out of control of my body and face, but I know that the alternative is to sell out my soul to you or another future when a human being is not fully respected as an individual with free choice of self-determination, but forced to conform to some static legalistic expectations. Now that I have something to give my suffering meaning, I can endure it, but the virus is preventing me from thinking clearly again. Iwonder if the goddamned Aryan PIB's have put some other psychotropic drug in my body. I can't believe you, you racist, dehumanized monsters. Do you think any drug in the world will ever let me trust or ally with you in any way, for it no longer is it my subjective suffering that fuels my resistance to you, but the objective suffering I know my children have suffered. There is a lot more I want to write, but my brain isn't thinking so well, so I am going to save it for later.

Saturday, March 26, 2011

Preparing for a nite of abduction

Preparing for a nite of abduction--I know because already I felt the symptoms of the overwhelming sleepiness. So far I have bothered to fight it off, but I know I cannot fight it forever. My body is desperate for sleep. At this point, it doesn't matter. I pray for one thing. There is no use worrying anymore about my body. My shoulders are trashed. I took a hammer to a pic of the full moon today. I have been meaning to do it for weeks now, as I realized it was homage to the home of reptilians and Aryans, but it was a beautiful picture in electric blue, and I hesitated. I have always had a yearning for the moon, and I thought it was because of my astrological sign, but all the time, it was just another mind control symbol. Anyway, after listening to an interview on Project Camelot--an AF veteran talking about the horrors of her trips to, and rapes on the moon, I had had enough. The frame was kinda nice, but I was so enraged, I just took a hammer and busted up the picture. As I lifted the hammer, I felt like a little kid again--not knowing how to do it, and the hammer nearly went flying across the parking lot. Yes indeed, my shoulders are not the same as they once were, and the mechanics of the mutilated shoulders are way different. I am trying to force myself to lift hand weights to get the muscles to respond, as the muscles in my arms are turning to fat. Really bugs me, but the pain wracked shoulders prevent any kind of sustained lifting--even of an 8 pound weight. Still, I felt better today than I had in a long time--TESTOSTERONE. The expensive, high dosage unit I took was an immediate mood elevator and energy booster--a natural "magic pill." I am beginning to wonder if the reason I do so well on thyroid is because I need the extra sex hormones, specifically testosterone. I don't know. All I know is that I went from dragging depression, unable to do anything, and not even liking my music, to finally being able clean my kitchen (first time in 3 weeks--just kept rinsing dishes), and overall, well, function. The testosterone has drawbacks but overall it makes me feel so much better. And now, I am tired---wondering who will abduct me?

I am very aware that I am skirting certain issues---have to take things slowly. I don't do emotional stuff really well. It is in the back of my mind, but trust me--I have a one track mind right now.

One last little word--dreams last nite may have been warning me about food security--specifically grain silos in the Midwest--again. I don't know how they can be protected, but again I reiterate, we are in a hidden war with China, and the only logistical advantage of ours they fear is our food security. They can send millions of young soldiers to their death, but they cannot have their population starve while we can eat. If our population is starving, too, then their superior manpower is a huge plus. Watch out for poison--even via low tech methods. Just a word of caution. And let's hope the farmers can get rid of Monsanto see or in 10 years we will be harvesting a preplanned death and disaster of deliberate corporate sabotage and malfeasance--just as we saw with BP the Gulf of Mexico, and now, as we are seeing with the GE reactors in Japan.

So much crisis and suffering worldwide--make my suffering and personal drama look petty and narcissistic in comparison...

Friday, March 25, 2011

Realizing a whole lot more

Realizing a whole lot more--maybe that is why I cried all day. Actually I cried all day because I am in terrific pain--both in my mutilated back and shoulders, and now from way too much fluid on my brain, behind my eyes, and on my face---the face you disfigured. You see, that is how I figured out that you, my tormentors were Aryan--because you pumped up the inside of my cheekbone--apparently your idea of making up for the beauty you destroyed when your mutilations stole my one exceptional facial feature--my high cheekbones. But you didn't give me back the high cheekbones I once had, and I know why---because my original high cheekbones make me look Indian, and you with your pathetic, disgusting racial purity cannot abide anything but "Caucasian" features. Well, I HATE, LOATHE, AND DESPISE the cheekbones that you plumped out on my face. They may make me look European perfect, but THEY ARE NOT ME, and I HATE THE LOOK AND DESPISE YOUR RACIST IMPERIALISM--the worst imperialism of all--undeserved and violent rapine and abuse of another human's body.

I should have known that it was the Aryans mutilating me all along, but the Sirian/reptilians and the Borg Machine and their human stenchmen got involved, and so much abuse was coming at me from all sides, that I couldn't get things clear. But, oh baby, things are becoming clearer and clearer. I thought that the Aryans were wiped out in the October victory led by our cosmic friends. I thought that just a few were left. I remember being very worried that my children might be upset with me, because I had contributed to that victory. I was so happy when I realized that they were actually thrilled, but I still didn't snap. I do now. MY CHILDREN WERE ARYAN SLAVES!!!!! A little while ago I took a Phenergan and then a full Vicodin because the pounding pain in my face, head, and body was causing severe nausea. It is a good thing I have major sedatives in me, or I would be screaming at the top of my lungs and throwing anything my hands could grasp. They say hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, but I tell you what's worse--the righteous fury of a woman who knows her children have been ENSLAVED BY ABUSIVE PIGS.

I had seen the torture and enslavement reflected back at me from my children's eyes, but from my reading, I thought that it just sucked to be an Aryan--that the reptiles were responsible for the endured suffering and pain I could see in their eyes. But it doesn't suck to be an Aryan, does it? It sucks to be a BROWN Aryan, an ABORIGINAL Aryan, a JEWISH BLODDLINE Aryan--doesn't it? I realize now that when you Aryan pigs went to steal my eggs, that slavery was what you had in mind for my offspring, BEFORE THEY WERE EVEN CONCEIVED AND QUICKENED. You thought that they had good genes for being psychically responsive, but you KNEW of my "mongrel" (Brown, Jewish, Native American) genes, and my children were slotted to slaves from the get go. Thanks to Arizona Wilder, I know what my children provided you. They were the lightning rods for the reptiles' anger and abuse, weren't they? Were they sexually violated by those lizards? Did any of the "pure" blue eyed blondies rape my daughters, or are their dicks too pure for brown flesh? Well, let me tell you something, you Aryan pigs. I am enraged and griefstricken over what befell my children, so much so, that even now, I won't dwell on it, because it is too emotionally upset. But no matter what my kids endured (and I can see in their eyes that they endured a lot), they still are the "superior" ones--that is, every one I have seen, still is in touch with their soul, and that is more than I can say for the blue eyed blondie Aryans I have seen. Though it pains me to even touch upon what they must have endured, I am glad, for loving them is much easier and more natural, than the thought of trying to feel affection for one of the blond, blue eyed crowd. The latter can only be done with great and disciplined effort through Christ, but one way I know my children is that my heart spontaneously warms to them when I have seen them (and some I have only seen, and never talked to). My children may be tyrannized by an inner evil spirit, as is their mother, but I can see the spirit of God within them, and that is more than I can say for you.

I just have one question on my you Aryan pigs still have any of my children in slavery? I am too distraught to get an honest answer, even from my inner voice, but I think so. And guess what, suffering for them and for the spiritual liberation of my physically free children is the spiritual reason and meaning I give my own hellacious suffering that you pigs put upon me now.

This thread is not over by a long shot, but the drugged body needs to rest. Understand one thing--I will not serve you Aryans, ever. I have no desire to do anything to save you, AND NEVER WILL, UNTIL I AM SURE THAT EVERY ONE OF MY KIDS IN YOUR ENSLAVEMENT IS SAFE, SOUND, AND WORKING TOWARDS THEIR OWN SPIRITUAL HEALING. Kidnap me all you want, drug me all you want, mutilate and inflict constant pain on me all you want. God is a good God, and I think God will give me the ability to resist you.

Finally figured out who is cutting on me

Finally figured out who is cutting on me--the goddamned Jesuits passed me over to the GODDAMNED MILITARY, who is now the ones in alliance with the Aryans. Knowledge doesn't stop them from drugging me and cutting on me. Latest cutting was even deeper into my ribcage. I look disgusting and am miserable beyond belief. For now my arms not only are deformedly short, but now they no longer hang on the torso properly like the heavy set muscular intersexed being I was, but now I have the classic fat woman syndrome, who can't even lay her arms against her body. The worst of it though is the lack of energy to do anything about it. The miliary will say this cutting is necessary so that I ccan go astral planing for them. THEY ARE FUCKING LIARS. Do I need to have depilatory lotion put on my legs so I can go astral planing? NO, these are fucked up patriarchal men denying me my free will and control over my own body as patriarchal men have done for centuries. Well, keep playing your games you stupidass bastards. I won't play along. You know when I am close to breaking thru and I came close the other nite. You know it and I know it. What you won't admit is that the reason I did was because I was free of drugs, (so you could get your goddamned informatiobn out of me). If I live long enough (and believe me, I have no desire to do so), I will astral plane, but i will do it as a FREE WOMAN, not as one of your goddamned slaves. With every breath I take I ask God for just that one small mercy to be free of you in that regard. Too sick to do any more--can't read, can't think, so no writing. Don't care.

Fucked up

Fucked up on some psychotropic. can move but barely. still largely catatonic. have to move slow, deliberate. head very heavy. even worse, goddamned motherfuckers cut on me in my sleep again. as usual, they cut bone and muscle. also fucking with my face. destroyed only beauty i had in high cheekbones, now they got some strange swelling going on. disgusting beyond belief. cant stand to be in body or look in face. who is doing this to me.Machine or Pleiadians? Are they Pleiadians really who they say they are? i hoped to answer these questiosn today but so fucked up on lost day yesterday and so fucked up today unable to think. hope i am going to be able to drive in a few hours.

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Most rapid onselt of catatonia

Most rapid onselt of catatonia ever experienced. barely able to move. so severely autistic, cannot baear any stimuli whatsoever. had to turn off tv. cant surf, or read. cant even look at a little piece of anything. overwhelming. i took a couple of shot of vodka to do lithium test. cant tell significant difference. maybe a little. my eyes can open long enough to write this. going to bed. hope i dont wake up so catatonic i cant move. wasted fucking day. stupidass me/ think im figuring it out worse than i thought. also severe nerve pain in teeth. what the fuck are assholes doing to me. alcohol does seem to calm me down, normally i would be ranting raving, maybe it is catatonic. got to go. nose dripping. takes immense effort to wipe it.

Very sick all day.

Very sick all day. Nonfunctioning. Unable to do anything. Realized today that I am losing vision in right eye again--going dark. Don't need my optic nerve to tell me that there is too much csf on brain. Once again i have brain tumor syndrome. Face, right cheekbone all swollen. dont know why. too sick to tell if i fighting an infection or if it is just more botched cranial surgery. having involuntary muscle spasms of whole body again. i know this means way too much csf. had it before. no way i am going to hospital. Last time i went, i got mri's that were used to cut out over half my muscle, and left me a deformed, mutilated wreck. no thanks. i would rahter, and much more happily, die first. The fact that i felt so well last nite and have veen so fucked up today tells me that it is not reptilians or nais behind my torture--it is the supposedly "good" aliens---something I have suspected for a while, and am closing in on understanding. Doesnt matter who did it--I want nothing to do with them--level of suffering i have endured at their hands is beyond words. would rather die than live in this body. Honest to God. Hear me, oh Lord, I pray.

Hoax alert!!

Hoax alert!! After taking two tylenol PM and a couple of shots of vodka, I finally got a couple of crummy hours of sleep, but my fitful dreams were enough to tell me that I had been a victim of a well-constructed hoax. But staying up all night long, trying to be fair and thorough in my analysis was not a complete waste of time. Apparently, the hoax was put to good purpose, and somehow my dreams tell me, that the hoaxed post conclusions averted a huge disaster for the people and homeland of the US, as well as a likely military coup, based on emergency martial necessity So let me briefly backtrack and re-state those items of which I can be sure:
1) I do believe that the White Dragon alien overlords and genetic forebears of the Chinese people suffered a crushing defeat last week, when our cosmic friends destroyed either Planet X, its satellite vanguard, the comet Elenin, or both.
2) I believe this defeat stung China into accelerating plans for a direct assault on the American homeland, plans that were definitely on the drawing board for the time when their White Dragon allies would advance with them. For all you deluded alternative channellers out there, who think China is on a great mission to save humanity, I have got bad news for you. China, and its allies--and that would include a whole faction onto itself--Maurice Strong, George Soros, GE, and at one point, even Barack Obama, not to mention the White Dragon aliens, and all those human sycophants who were prepared to kiss their dragon tails as the new world order alien overlords, have nothing but the most naked imperial ambitions to rule the world. While I am the first to acknowledge the faults of the US, I can objectively and unequivocally say, that not only, would I find a personal disaster, but it would be a global tragedy and darkness of the highest magnitude. I know that a lot of people are naive about China, and all I can say is that they are seriously deluded idealists, and they need to do a little research into Communist China, and its history and its policies, before they get all excited about the envisioned promise. After all, Hitler's Third Reich made the most stunning reversal of economic fortunes ever seen by a modern, industrial nation. Who would want to live under their rule?
3) I do believe that we have briefly been under emergency martial law, imposed by the military, and that they were prepared to make it a long term behind-the-scenes coup, if this country were invaded. My dreams told me that this was averted by the results of my previous post just a few hours ago. (I kinda know how it all panned out, but I am going to sit on that information for a while....)
4) I do believe that the American forces somehow got their hands on the Libyan stargate/technology on Monday of this week. However, at this point, I am completely unclear about its status. I tend to think that we still have it, for one thing I am now sure of--the facts and experiences that led me to think that this country was under covert UFO assault were COMPLETELY STAGED, and I was fooled.
5) Gratefully, I am also confident that we are not under imminent terrorist attack via biological weapons. However, I feel the need have to warn that I do believe that we barely escaped a biological attack as part of the Chinese invasion plan. This country has to get prepared for biological weapons attack, for while China turned back this time, they will wait, plan, and scheme for another opportunity. They know the only way they can successfully invade our homeland, will be with the aid of alternative weapons, and that would likely be weaponized biological agents, though it could be an EMP blast or something else.
6) Most gratefully and happily, I am glad to report that I was completely wrong about troops in Mexico; again, I was deliberately and skillfully led down the garden path by a carefully constructed hoax. But I don't mind. I am just so happy that I was wrong, for I really do like the people of Mexico, their nation, and the enormous influence that the Mexican heritage has had on the Southwest. I would be very bummed out if I had to regard their nation and people as enemy collaborators, which I surely would do if they willingly allowed China or any other nation to launch an attack on the US from their territory across the border. I know that they are a proud people struggling with the chaos, violence and destruction caused by the drug wars, for which the rogue elements of the American cabal is somewhat responsible, but trading the influence of the US for the influence of China would be a disaster. I think Steve Quayle was in on this hoax, for it was only his sterling name and intellectually solid and honest reputation which got me on board this hoax, but again, the end result was all good, and I am glad.
7) End results: I think this country narrowly averted a planned Chinese airborne/naval invasion by biological weapons in the wee hours of this morning. That was why I couldn't sleep even though I went to bed at four in the morning. Unconsciously, my mind was on high alert. My dreams told me that the plans for a military coup are likely scrapped, and it seems possible that the government is going to transition, constitutionally, to the legal authority. Go Joe! I also have to commend Hillary for her elaborate plans, for I think this hoax was her brainchild. It worked.
8) So, what do I think happened? I think the Chinese did lift off for invasion, but when they did, Russia immediately responded (again, my dreams), and this deterred the Chinese, leading them to turn around. Many thanks to the great Russian bear, and Putin/Medved. I don't think Putin espouses many of the values which I find essential for a free society, but I think he is a true patriot and leader, who wants and does what is best for his country and his people, and I don't think he is eager to see a world where Communism is the globally reigning power. Quid pro quo...he also got the return of the Amber Room out of it (and thank you, Germany for acceding the lost treasure).

As for me, I go back to what I was trying to discern before this whole hoax exploded around my ears--trying to figure out the alien factions involved. Hopefully, I can make progress, for after a night of very little sleep, I am really tired. BUT HAPPY!!!

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

My fury as evidenced in the last post

My fury as evidenced in the last post was justified. Not only was I severely drugged on psychotropics to the point of psychosis, but I think I was also feeling yet another betrayal, another reversal of fortune for the Forces for Good (that would include me, although I am just a pawn). So, what happened?

As most of you know, I refer to the forces of good running America as the "Patriot Leadership Team"--that is because it really is a collabarative effort, though there are some key players--Hillary Clinton, Joe Biden, Secretary Gates, and others (some of whom may be in the shadows and I don't want to pull their covers). There is no executive figure of authority however, and that is both the result of the cabal's encroachment on the office of the President, as well as the treasonous activities of the political actor who was selected by the cabal and their media sycophants to win the office of supreme authority in the land. One element of the Patriot Leadership Team that I don't mention much is the military. It is essential that they be included, even though their ranks, all the way to the top, are shot through with ranking officers who are co-opted by the machine--that would include, among others, Gen Petraeus, the Sec of Navy, Mabus, all the way down to that doofus that almost got control of the ship, "Enterprise" (boy, I bet the occultists were salivating over that one). I understand and supprt that the military plays a key role in this alliance. From their perspective (and mine), the country is in severe peril, under assault on fronts that only military force can counteract, and the civilian office of the President and much of Congress (ranking Senator John Kerry!), has been severely compromised. However, there is always a danger when the military seizes power in a country governed by democratic elections (oh, did I forget to mention that NASA--the cabal--has the software to hijack our electoral machines, and thus they stole the 2000 and 2004 elections. I think they offered to steal it for John McCain as well, but he was too much of a class act to take them up on their offer, so the Bush family settled for a muti-billion dollar bribe from Iran to put the Muslim mahdi puppet in place, and as far the machines were concerned, the 2008 general election results were accurate; what happened in the primary process to the Democrat Party was where the 2008 election scandal resides).

So, though I can't blame the military for intervention (though to be honest, their ranks are as riddled with the corrupted and coopted, as surely as the civilian branches are), I am uncomfortable with the whole notion. Unlike a lot of liberal leaning people, I actually have a lot of respect for the military, which I think is a very honorable profession. I think that career officers are highly intelligent, disciplined, and patriotic. Unlike the corrupt, greedy snakepit that is electoral politics, many, though not all of them, maintain a strictly virtuous lifestyle. Despite my spiritual nature, I am not a pacifist nor naive. I understand that a military is necessary to safeguard freedom in the most powerful nation on the Earth, not only for us, but for all the planet, and furthermore, that sometimes the use of violent force is required. Having said that, let me say that I don't think the military mind is the best option for leadership at a time like this, when we are besieged by unprecedented, and often, barely imaginable challenges, of a type that can best be categorized as "supernatural". Dealing with challenges that are definitely outside normal parameters, requires thinking that is "outside the box", and while I know that the military has been on the forefront of the alien scene for decades now, I am not impressed with the way they have handled it--giving all the power to the cabal on a platter. I believe that their hierarchial obedience to authority and conformity to tradition undermines their ability to creatively resolve the crisis that we face. They also are not very good judges of character. That is why they never liked Bill or Hillary Clinton, even though that partnership was the closest thing America has had as an effective champion for the American people since JFK (don't get me started on the damage done by Ronald Reagan...) This is really too bad, because Hillary Clinton IS the political leader who can pull us through this mess (and I AM a damned good judge of character), though I will be the first to say that she can't pull it off alone). Force alone is not going to solve the problems and challenges we face, but a military person is not trained to think of alternatives to force, but only of the most efficacious use of force.

I know that the military has been doing everything possible to undermine Hillary from the beginning. They are patriarchal conservatives, and frankly, they are not comfortable with feminist women, or female leadership, especially those who think outside the box (oh, and by the way, they are not comfortable with me either--TOUGH SHIT. I have the gifts I have because of the INTERSEXED, autistic being that I am. If I were a traditional woman, I wouldn't be of much use --I'd have six kids, instead of myriad progeny, and I would never have developed my intellect and character as I have. By the way, I am not against traditional women. If someone wants to bake cookies and watch "Desperate Housewives", let 'em. I AM very much against rigid gender roles which deny freedom of choice of self definition).

However, the military's role has reached a new power level, in that they now are no longer collabarative partners, but decisive shotcallers. I don't know when this happened--perhaps when Hillary Clinton, along with other prominent figures of the Patriot Leadership Team had to go essentially into "hiding", because the threat to their lives was so immediate and dangerous. Circumstances change so quickly that I never even mentioned it, but withing the last couple of weeks, two major threats have apparently been neutralized--the earthquake-creating, comet Elenin (and Nibiru AKA Planet X as well??), and the Mormon cabal which was looking to become the 21st century mega powerbrokers. I was worried about Libya, and getting bogged down in a war there, but Monday afternoon, I just got a sense that everything was going to be okay in Libya, and yes, we did the right thing. Interestingly enough, a post thread on the alternative news site I frequent also had a few writers sharing my sense of relief. What do I think happen? This is pure speculation, but I think we found the stargate/technology. Great news! But as happens so often with the military, somehow the Borg Machine or reptilian human operatives infiltrated the military and got the stargate back into the hands of the bad guys. Why do I say this? Because this country, including my home city of Albuquerque is under UFO attack.

When I went for a bike ride today, I saw unmarked government vehicles at every major intersection

However, the military is flexing their muscle and this is evident in the bombing of Libya. I don't believe that Hillary or Bob Gates wanted that, because they knew the rebels are terrorist riffraff from Muslim Brotherhood or Al-Qaida/Taliban rejects, that will end up taking American lives again and again. But their voices did not prevail. I was a relunctant supporter of the bombing for several reasons. First of all, despite the fact that Kadaffy has been a relatively decent leader to his people, husbanding Libya's resources wisely, I think years of excess and drugs have addled his brain, and left a power vacuum that his sons are trying to fill with unwise alliances. I have grudging, if limited respect for Kaddafy. I have none for his sons--they are sociopathic brutes with no sense of government and authority whatsoever. I also believe that Libyan troops were out of control and committing atrocities against innocent civilians. MOST IMPORTANTLY, however, I had a nagging suspicion (of which all the TV talking pundits were unaware), that there was a hidden stargate/technology hidden in Libya, that every major faction wanted to get their hands on, and being a pragmatist who understands that WE ARE AT WAR, I wanted to make sure that the good guys got there first. Still, I was worried about getting bogged down in a war in Libya, and so I was very relieved on Monday, when I got an inner sense that everything was going to be alright in Libya. What happened? I think the Odyssey Dawn true mission was accomplished--and we got our hands on the stargate/ancient alien technology. But by Wednesday, planet Earth, specifically the US, and most immediately my home town were under UFO assault. Why? I can only speculate, but I think there was a repeat of the Egyptian stargate saga....the good guys got their hands on the technology, and the coopted infiltrators, this time within the military ranks, turned the stargate over to the bad guys, and now, once more, a swarm of negative entities can enter the skies of our planet. See what I mean by bad judgment?

As if that wasn't bad enough, there also is biological weapons on the loose from Libya, which terrorists are trying to import into the country...that may be what the 13 fake "Marines" trying to enter the US at San Diego was about. Poor San Diego--if it gets through the next couple of years without a successful terrorist attack, it deserves a medal. Where did the biological weapons come from? Well, they could have come from Libya itself. According to the former justice minister who is allied with the rebel movement, Kaddafi had biological weapons. However, I found it interesting that a Chinese warship moved into waters off the coast of Libya four days ago. Did the Chinese give Kaddafi the WMD material to distribute to terrorists who would be able to smuggle it for detonation in the US?

Let's talk about the Chinese. China and the US has been engaged in covert hostilities, expecially via the climate weather wars for some time. Actually, it would be more appropriate to say that the White Dragons of Planet X/comet Elenin have been engaged in covert hostilities with the Sirian reptilian humanoid hybrids/Orion greys. You see, China really does have the most ambitious of imperialist designs on the entire planet. They may be the ones backing the rebels of Libya. They want the resources of oil and water, badly. However, China has been waiting on "the crossing" of Planet X, and its satellite harbinger , comet Elenin, which I think really is a spaceship. For Planet X is the home of the White Dragons, which is China's genetic forebears. I would be very surprised if Chinese psychics/channellers have not been in touch with the dragons of Planet X for a very long time. They wanted to use "the Crossing", alien invasion to assist them in their own invasion, and indeed they did. The scout satellite, comet Elenin, helped along by HAARP, was responsible for the Japanese earthquake. You see, despite similar facial features, the Japanese and Chinese are not genetically related AT ALL. The Japanese are actually an offshoot of the Scythian race which the White Dragons hate, and they wanted to see them go, and the vanguard of their human allies on Earth, China and the treasonous company GE was happy to help (did you notice China never shut down any of its nuclear facilities; the Scythian nations of Germany and Slovenia/Croatia had to--they discovered the virus to trip the plants into meltdown. GE is very involved in China, and is ready to move to the world's next great superpower!). Did you also notice the latest round of inclement, stormy weather. That is China, HAARPING back.

You see, China is pissed. Our cosmic friends delivered a huge blow to their White Dragon homeland. I cannot be sure if it was the satellite station, comet Elenin, or Planet X, or both, which was destroyed, but this was a huge blow to the Chinese. Just like the Western negative cabal counts on support from the evil aliens from Orion, the Chinese were counting on the support from the evil aliens from Planet X. They were furious when THEIR cosmic friend fiends were dealt a stunning blow last weak. Then on top of that, their backed rebels in Libya failed to get the stargate/technology, although they may have it now. You see, I am not positive to whom the military turncoats flipped possession of the stargate--whether it was the greys/reptilians from Orion or white dragon remnants of Planet X. I know for a fact (without divulging how I know) that this UFO swarm over our skies are hostile.

Even worse folks, we have got hostiles across our borders in Mexico. Read this:

The warning says to consider the source. Well, the source is Steve Quayle, and I can tell you that he is one of the most reliable sources of alternative info on the web--nothing counterintelligence, disinfo, or self-seeking posturing about him at all. Now, if you do a search on the web, you will see that Chinese troops have been rumored off and on to be in Mexico since the late 90's. I think that is very likely true, and I think that a possible China/Mexico alliance and the presence of Chinese troops on our borders has probably been used as an effective negotiation tool by both the Chinese and Mexican governments for over a decade. BUT, there are differences this time. First of all, there was the recent resignation of Ambassador Pascual, ostensibly over the Wikileaks scandal, but Pacual is a seasoned professional, and there was no need for Calderon to react as he did, except as a way of saying "fuck you." Then there is the recent posting of all the military personnel being removed from the Japan/Okinawa zone, and being placed on the west coast! Finally, there is the sad truth that everyone hates to admit--Mexico is a mess. The drug cartel violence is destroying the country, but what has to gall the Mexican government is their knowledge that it is the American cabal/intelligence agencies, AND consumers, which is ultimately responsible for the huge profits and bloodthirsty violence created by the drug trade. These are matters that should be worked out diplomatically, but it looks like Calderon has made a deal with the Chinese to ensure that California and the Southwest never again prevents Mexican immigrants from free travel, employment and residence in that area.

Yeppers, big things are happening, and I cannot know from one day to the next what will happen. Today, I was relatively drug free, except for being ELFed when I rode my bike, and could barely make it back. Is the military and their religionist ranks responsible for the current psychotropics I am receiving? I don't think they are responsible for my mutilation, but then again, I don't know which alien faction is backing their moves...but I will figure it out. In the meantime, I am worried, especially because in my severely weakened state, there is so little I can do. I can barely walk, and have lost all strength and vitality, though today, I could read for the first time in a long time. Maybe, if the military has been drugging me, to "force me out of my lesbian'disorder'" now needs me to help them figure out their next move. To be honest, I don't have much confidence in them, as I do Hillary Clinton. First of all, they have never respected my humanity, my free will, my sexuality or my body--of that I am fairly certain, that they took the baton from the Jesuits. Secondly, they have too many people coopted by the Borg Machine, and that is not coincidence--that is the result of their training which emphasizes passivity and obedience over free thinking and free action. I don't even know if this post will get out...Still, we are on the verge of an invasion on our home soil, and once again, I will ally myself with people whose values I do not largely share, in order to help my country. I am so tired of this shit. It seems like I have been suffering at the hands of stupid, patriarchal men forever--but it has been about 12 that a cycle God? Can this shit ever be over? And no, suffering at the hands of Chinese Communists is not what I have in mind.

Brain rushin again

Brain rushin again--am I on lithium? I don't know. I'm so fucking depressed and autistic I can barely drag myself thru life. Hate life. Hate my fucking body that aint my body--just some goddamned Nazis wet dream for a suckling nurse. so miserable. I keep trying to pull my shoulders forward in the way that feels natural and healthy. but it dont work. I try to stay focussed on research since the only thing i am is a brain and fat blobs of tits that fill me with disgust and loathing. one good thing for the goddamned fucking pibs trying to force me into their fucking goddamned suckling nurse is that i have no sexual desire whatsoever--well guess what you fucking assholes. No sexual desire, no desire for fucking antything. except death. so stay the fuck away from me because i am in no mood to have you motherfuckers in mty mind, and i have no energy to give your anything. have no fucking self exsteem to barely live, much less spare any for you sons of bitches who CAN AND WILL NEVER ACCEPT ME FOR WHO I AM FUCKING AM, WHAT MAKES ME FUCKING CREATIVE AND FUCKING HAPPY. My body is fucking destroyed because of your fucking prejudiced and fucking stupidity so don't come looking for a tit handout. it aint there.

Monday, March 21, 2011

Seems the more I learn the less I know

Seems the more I learn the less I know--so why do I keep struggling to make sense of everything, of all the dark forces impacting the world and my life? Because I would despair and suffer meaninglessly if I didn't...

After a brief respite on Friday, the nightly abductions and bodily interventions have picked up again. I try so hard to figure out what is going on, but it is hard when I don't have one objective, authoritative voice I can trust (even the inner voice of God has to be authenticated and verified because the Machine can so easily mimic the voice of God). It is also very hard to figure out what is going on when I am so sick that I can barely function. I can't even listen to Wolf Blitzer on CNN--his is very "soft" but incisive in his 2 hour presentation, and usually I can learn a lot by watching, or rather listening, (while I multitask, surfing the web), but today, not only can I not multitask, my head cannot process news, even by focusing only on the TV. It is the same old autistic habit of shutting down, because I cannot bear the stimuli. This has been going on for some time now. I have realized that I am much more autistic towards others than normal. I even felt autistic when I entered Dale's office on Friday, but managed to ocver it, like I learned to do years ago. I no longer can even look people in the eye, which is not such a handicap, because I have so little contact with people, except when I pass them on the bike trail. But I have been so sick that I haven't been able to ride my bike for the last two or three days

What is causing the autism? I am carrying such a heavy viral download that my entire left side is locked in spasm? I am in a lot of physical pain, because my back, which has never been right since it was mutilated from its natural pelvic girdle, is completely and painfully out of joint. It hurts to even try to passively elongate my body. More dental/cranial changes at work--my face is so much longer, squarer, and full (of fluid) than normal, and I have a tiny little mouth that God designed for a face that is supposed to be about third the size that it is now. Miserable and pain-wracked. Sleeping a lot. I can read a little bit, but I am too sick to do much research on the web, too depressed, too. When I am so severely depressed, all I see are bad guys winning everywhere--Libya, for example. I support the PEOPLE of Libya, the citizens, but it seems like they are just pawns in a game, and the big movers and shakers all just want to use them. My fears of the sociopathic cruelty of Khadaffy's sons and what I thought to be true instances of armed forces brutality led me to support the limited no fly zone to give the rebels a chance, but it looks like the rebels themselves are backed by outside powers who have no true desire to help the Libyan people, but only rape their wealth, and maybe even worse, place the Libyan stargate in the hands of nefarious powers...The sad part is that I know there are good men with leadership potential in Libya, but like good people everywhere, like me, they are hobbled, thwarted, (and nearly assasinated), at every turn.

As for me, I am dreading tonight---the vigil of 3/22. I am not intuiting another great catastrophe (but I could be so drugged as to be out of touch with my intuition) for the world, but I do think the evil occultic powers will have a lot of fun with me tonight. I finally got into the Dan Brown novel, and I find myself reading about a truly evil adept of the occult, preparing to sacrifice a good man, to give him greater powers. Why does everything I read always have to do with such deep, difficult subjects? (To be honest, I have never developed a taste for the superficial, shallow, or trendy; it is just that when I am so sick as I am, that I cannot handle my regular fare). Anyway, I do not know how much longer I can endure this level of suffering (only thing my inner voice keeps saying--"endure").

Lot of questions I need to probe that are currently on hold, because of my incapacitated state--I just realized the other day that some of my DNA children are "Pleiadians". I thought that they were Aryans, and maybe they are both...Are they immediate descendants, or from far in the future? A lot of questions in my mind, and I need to research it, but I am too sick right now. The discovery, coupled with my recent viewing of "The Event" has thrown my entire hypothetical framework into chaos, and I am too sick to straighten it out, but I will!!! In the meantime, let me say again, that even though I was nothing more than a non-consensual egg donor for my children, I love them all and wish the best for each one of them, and yes, that includes my hybrid reptilian offspring as well, but everyone should know by know, that I am a woman of values, and I live by those values and act on those value, and will die for those values. Being abducted and controlled by the viral downloads and the machine is totally antithetical to my values, but my inner voice says "endure" and so I shall.

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Third day in a row

Third day in a row that I have been drugged on something that just totally steals my energy, and as it accumulates in my body, my physical and emotional state deteriorates further and further. Yesterday, I struggled to bike for about a mile; today I won't be able to at all. I have spent most of the morning lying in bed and crying. I tell myself that it is the drugs and I will feel better when its over. I am trying to read a Dan Brown novel, which I usually can do quite rapidly, but I am have been struggling with ADD for a while now, and not in the healthy and creative way that I experienced it as a young woman, but in the unhealthy way of not being able to absorb information or sustain focused awareness. I was thinking of attending a Pleidian workshop in Sedona (just putting it on my credit card), but I have decided that I will fight all attempts at interdimensional travel until I am a free human being again. I would have to drive about 8-10 hours to get there, and driving is no fun when you are all drugged up. I would probably be stalked by PIB psychics who would make me miserable the whole entire time, so I will just wait. If it is God's will, it will happen; if it is not, then I am happy to end this incarnation here on Earth. It will take me months to heal physically, mentally and spiritually from the abuse that I have endured, and I doubt that I will ever be my joyful, energetic, loving life and others, self again.

In the meantime, I continue to try to stay abreast of happenings. Got something I am thinking on, but am not ready to write about it--maybe I will wait until I see Dale again--I am supposed to see her on April's Fool day, but I am going to reschedule. My time with her is too precious to wonder if the trickster aspect of the universe is going to have some fun with me or any ideas I put forth that day. I also want to post a letter I wrote to the RMN editor a few days ago about the situation in LIbya. I am so disappointed that intervention in Libya was deemed necessary, but I understand why, and the reasons for it, is in this letter that I wrote to Rayelan Allan, who actually has conversed with Kadaffy.

While you are at the website, also check out Farrakhan's rant against Obama, "Who the hell do you think you are?". This rant, delivered in unconditional support for Kaddafy further bolsters my opinion this intervention was necessary. For those who have read my prior posts, you will not be surprised to know that I regard Farrakhan and the Nation of Islam are true and treasonously hateful enemies of this country, and I suspect Farrakhan/NOI and/or their allies, may have beaten the UN Coalition to the intervention in Libya.

Also, check out the post by Never Surrender about the principalities and powers post. This contains very important information that I think would behoove all to read, pray about, and begin making even simple preparations--a dark room and a bucket! (Read the post--and then read Exodus, and recall the devastation that befell the land of Egypt at the time of the Crossing, except for those who had a direct "channel" to safely deliver them--Moses. If you are not sure that you got a surefire prophet to lead you, read the post!)

Saturday, March 19, 2011

Good thing I was able to talk

Good thing I was able to talk to Dale yesterday, for I find myself drugged on psychotropics that make thinking and writing a real chore. Dale complimented me yesterday on my mind's ability to retain facts--she, and no one else but me, knows how much brainpower I really have lost. I guess that I am just grateful that the Holy Spirit gives me the ability to hang on to facts and knowledge that I most immediately need, but already this morning, I have struggled to remember some details regarding my medical condition, that, pre--lithium, I would be able recall with little effort. Now, it is like a black curtain has fallen over my brain. There is just not much I can do now, except endure. In my weakened state, I am not able to penetrate all the confusion, lies and deliberate illusion surrounding world events. All I can do, is just continue to read and wait, hoping for the day I am free to be me. I find myself more autistic, and do not mind my imposed isolation that much. Interacting with people is extremely anxiety-provoking right now. I have lost the high energy which gives me the ability to relate to others in a healthy and positive manner. No doubt, the damned religionists are still playing me, looking for some conversion experience, whether I go astral planing or choose a celibate vocation. I can only say again that such conversion will not happen without my exercise of free will, and my free will is NOT respected nor considered, but is in hiding, until it the day when it can come out again. I just have to wait, endure, try to get enough energy to keep my house clean, and a little physical exercise to help stave off the deteriorating condition of my physical body.

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Very fucked u-p

Very fucked u-p. Severe pain and muscle spasms. too much fluid on body head. everything hurts. everything. start sufferinf from abnormal heat flashes again. wanted to turn on sc unit, but it was unplugged. too sick to pull out bed and replug it. very very sick. cant live like thisl. cannot live.

Another day of barely functioning

Another day of barely functioning...the Nazi PIB's have done something to my left shoulder and neck area which causes a higher volume of the viral download which originates in the implant in the left hand and goes to the brain. (The mark of the beast is in the LEFT hand and the forehead, not the right hand--it is the luciferian tag/code to synch the human with the Machine). Anyway, now my entire left arm feels dead and numb, but in a painful way--especially in the shoulder area. It keeps popping out of joint, and that is painful. As painful as my left arm is, it is nothing compared to the wasting caused by the viral download itself. I am experiencing the same results of androgen poisoning as before. I have said it over a dozen times--my body is profoundly allergic to androgen download and I can do nothing, absolutely nothing, except lay there with eyes shut, when it happens. It used to be that taking testosterone would help, but I think the PIB's have completely eliminated the testostorone hormone makers from my system, and along with it, I have lost all joy, energy, and spirit, for every cell in my body is XY and needs high levels of testosterone to function well. It also impacts my ability to think clearly and with focus--taking testosterone supplements is like getting an immediate brain boost. You can castrate me, and remove my natural hormonal systems, but you can't swap out every cell in my body and brain--the gadzillions of cells formed to need, and be responsive to, testosterone. I keep telling myself to hold on until I can get to a dr. who can get me testosterone replacement, and maybe then I won't feel so dragging and dead, surrounded by a dirty house and dishes. But right now, it takes everything I have just to hold my head up. So much going on and so very little I can do. I wanted to go to the laundromat for first time in two weeks but then virus hit and I could do nothing. I have to go get waterwhile I can, but it is so hard to even move to find my purse--people have no idea of how dragging and drugged I really am.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

I found out why my shoulders are in such pain

I found out why my shoulders are in such pain--I have been cut on again, this time, leaving me with a shortened, deformed-looking pinky finger on my chording hand. I guess it doesn't matter, as I haven't played music since Christmas (whenever I feel healthy enough to do so, I have an enormous to-do list which precludes enjoyable hobbies), and am unlikely to ever have the time and energy to do so again. Still, the pain in my body is constant, from the shoulders painfully popping out of joint to the near constant spasm of my lower back, glutes, and hips. All of this has been caused by the mutilation of my body, as aliens have forced an ungodly bodily change on me. Because they are not human, and have no deep and real connection with their bodies, they have no idea of the psychological and spiritual damage they have caused as I try to adjust to a body that is completely alien and hateful to me. It doesn't help that I am drugged on psychotropics (depakote and something else I think--I recognize the groaning on awakening), which depress me to the point that I don't want to do anything at all. Still, I force myself to follow what is going on. I think I know (and it certainly is not what is presented), and I am okay with that, but I am not free or healthy enough to respond in any kind of manner. All I can do is curl up psychologically and wait to be free of this baneful influence which has destroyed my body, my self-esteem, and my joy of life and appreciation of others. I could comment on some things (are we near disclosure--I sure hope so), but I am going to just suffer my pain, and read and watch TV under this influence--and hope that the pendulum doesn't swing back to evil's way (for the aliens causing my suffering now are not maliciously evil, just very ignorant...ignorant of how spiritual formation and conversion works in a human person--and it starts with authentic self-love, not with an alienated, mutilated body/mind severance.

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Nonfunctioning day

Nonfunctioning day--so drugged up on something that I can't even do my little mandatory bike ride. Worried sick about everything--Japan, which looks like it is doomed, if not by the earthquake, then by radiation poisoining; the Middle East, where it looks like the Muslim Brotherhood is getting stronger and stronger (and they are pawns created and directed by the evil cabal), and Libya is in a bad and worse situation. If I just felt healthy, then I would have the energy to handle all the negativity I see, but I'm so drugged that I literally can't think straight. There are things i need to do and thoughts I need to pursue, but my brain is like jello, and I find myself reading the same thing over and over, trying to comprehend it. On top of all this, I am in pain. For the past couple of days, my shoulder has been popping in and out of its joint, even though I have not done any exercise or lifting--just massaging the fat ball where once I sported proud, healthy biceps. Never in all my years of sports, exercise, and weight training, has that ever happened. But my body will never be healthy or strong or painfree again, and that is just a reality that I have to get used to. Still, it is hard to deal with the arthritic like pain that courses down my whole left arm. I would take painkillers but I already spent all afternoon sleeping. My house needs cleaning, but that is not going to happen. I am going to go lay down and watch tv, and try to block out the horrible reality that there are some really bad things happening, on a global and personal scale, that I cannot change. Hopefully, tomorrow is a better day. Prayers for everybody on the front lines.

Sunday, March 13, 2011

Grimmer and grimmer

Grimmer and grimmer---as I write this, the Japanese are still struggling to prevent a nuclear meltdown. I do not know if they will be able too, as a nuclear meltdown and massive radiation being released to the population is part of the cabal's agenda. This is not speculation on my part--this is a strong intuitive conclusion based on perusal of web sites--some of it by cabal disinfo agents. I will say this--watch the following video, and note how this woman is aware that Warren Buffet, Bill Gates, and the entire David Rockefeller family clan is in New Delhi, India right now.

The relevant point of visiting New Delhi is that New Delhi is the home to underground bunkers specifically designed to survive nuclear fallout. You see, not only did the cabal create the earthquake and tsunami, but they hoped for, and planned that the nuclear reactors would fail. In my last post, I talked of how the Lucferian Machine gained control of the spaceship that blasted off into orbit on March 5th. Well, I submit that the nuclear reactors' computer systems likewise were taken over by the Borg Machine. You see, those nuclear reactors were designed and built by General Electric. I have stated before that the upper management of General Electric was quite literally treasonous to the United States, and I meant it. As cybernetically brilliant as the Borg Machine is, it has to have cooperation. Someone has to upload data/computer code and keys for the Machine to be able to use it, and I think GE has done so. Why do I think that? Well, after the earthquake, the Japanese engineers went to shut down the reactors. Remember, they are highly aware of earthquake potential and hazards, but the engineers told the media outlets that the computers were not responding to the shutdown protocols as expected--in MULTIPLE reactors. Why not? I think that they failed to shut down, as they had hundreds of times before in safety tests and drills, because The Borg Machine was given inside information on the nuclear reactor computer code/schemata by GE itself. Although I believe that, at least some GE execs of the highest levels, are complicit in treason with the machine (don't forget--the last time that Obama thought he was going to be ruler of the universe--I can't remember what nefarious plot turn led him to expect that--he visited the wind turbine plant of GE, along with their top exec. Apparently support for wind power and turbine production for wind power is high on his political favors list right now), I think the extent of compromise is even scarier. At some high level, I believe that the Borg Machine collective has been given full upload link to ALL GE product computer codes/schemata, so that the Machine can intervene and interfere at will.

Another scary thought is that there are 23 nuclear reactors in America with similar GE designs. I am especially worried about the one in Washington state, for HAARP activity has been strong there for the past few days. I think the HAARP beams are literally trying to set off Mt. St. Helen's or create an earthquake there as well. Of course the whole west coast needs to be on elevated tsunami alert. My initial thought RIGHT NOW (but that could change) is that a tsunami event, caused by a Pacific Plate ocean earthquake is a more immediate threat than a New Madrid earthquake. It could impact California, Oregon, Washington state, or Hawaii (I dreamed of their gov last night--I can't remember what about or why, but I wouldn't be surprised if he was another quisling for the Machine).

As for me, I am so frustrated, because I can do so little in my small world. I suffer terribly every day (and figured out why--more on that in the next post), but I feel that if I just had a little bit information, and was able to do more research, instead of spending hours sleeping or sick from the drugs I am given, that I would be of more useful assistance. I am kicking myself right now, because I KNEW that 3/11 was an occultically significant number, but the idea didn't snap in my head, whereas if I had been in an environment with others working on the same issues, it might have. Even now, I wish I could have resource to astrologers, because I think that recognizing and forecasting astrological alignments are a huge, underresearched area that could alert the good guys to the bad guys plans. But
it is not enough to understand astrological signs and portents--you have got to be able to think like the occultists think--and that is where I could really be of assistance. But, I am stuck, astrally kidnapped, raped and impregnated every night with reptilian embryos, created from my own genetic eggs. I am suffering and sick, and at this point, there is nothing that can be done about it. Over a year ago, the time was ripe and right to rescue me, but the people who had the capability to do so, lacked the authority, courage, and manhood to do so, and now, I am in a no-win position, and suffering on ALL fronts, not just mine, is unnecessarily intensified and aggravated, which is what happens when good people do nothing (except violate my privacy, to get in my mind and try to figure out what they can take to use without any kind of support, assistance or decent minimum level respect in return). In other words, psychic rape--but the offense of the good guys (and its always nearly always men, or I should say, "males", who are violating and abusive), pales with what the bad guys are doing to me...dreams and nightmares on next post.

Saturday, March 12, 2011

Struggling to make a decision

Struggling to make a decision, which is hard to do when I am so severely depressed that I can barely move. I don't know if the depression is caused by the unpalatable nature of my choices I am assessing, or the psychotropic drugs that cause the genetic mutation or the excessive female hormones I am force fed. My breasts smell like milk, and what little has remained of my muscle is all turned to fat. Still, I try to do even a little bit of physical exercise every day, which is hard when I literally don't want to move. It is spring and I am opening my doors, but this means I need to clean my home, but even that is too much. It is not a filthy mess, as it has been in some times in the past---it is just a low grade dirty, which I wish I felt well enough to redress, but the effort to clean requires too much effort than I have right now. This morning I cooked a pound of turkey burger that had been defrosted in my fridge for three days. In the evening, I am just too sick to cook, preferring instead to microwave TV dinners. Maybe I should try to exercise the first thing in the morning too, for the longer the day passes, the worse I feel. I see the swelling behind my eyeballs and can understand where the headache and autism is coming from, but I just wish I could feel half way decent, for one thing is for sure, I am not making any major decisions until I am in a psychological state in which I trust my own judgment. Depression is not a psychological state from which to make a major decision, so just have to hang in there--no doubt what all patriots are doing right now.