Woke up in pain

Woke up in pain after falling asleep in pain--my shoulder is so chopped off that it is constant pain. I cannot sleep on my side because my shoulder doesn't have the breadth to handle the weight of my head and body, but I can't sleep on my back, because of the pain in my lower back. Even now, my left arm feels practically dead If this is the rest of my life, I would rather be dead. I woke up depressed and low energy with the belly all poofed out as if I got another viral download shot in the gut. There is no doubt in my mind that the virus is stealing my energy. Last night (after a day of feeling better than I had in days), I felt the same tell tale energy drain after eating. Years ago, when the PIB's first began flooding my nighttime bedroom and my workstation with the black oil virus, that was the first symptom that something was wrong. After eating a light workplace lunch of sandwich, chips and apples, I would feel as tired and sluggish as if I had just pulled from the Thanksgiving table. The virus is doing serious metabolic damage to my body, and the STUPID, idiotic Aryan doctors, who have never gotten one thing right, are playing mind control games on me trying to blame ME and my eating habits for the 80+ pounds their stupidity and misdiagnoses have caused. Well, let me explain you fucking assholes. I am an extremely disciplined person. For years I practiced a good Lent, and developed the habits of abstinence so that not only was I capable of fasting, but I was even vegetarian. For various Lents, I have given up coffee, alcohol, and sugar. It is not that hard for me to do WHEN I AM HEALTHY, and not under this goddamned virus that drains all my energy. So let me just tell you, I am fucking obsessive about my weight, and before you fucking amped up the psychotropic drugs and mutilated my body so bad that it now is practically a dead stump, I would work out like a fiend to keep it under control. There is no sugar in my house. I rarely eat any desert, soda, or sugar. I can't even have an occasional beer. But that is what you mind control Aryans excel at, isn't even--try to force guilt on someone's mind so they blame themselves for the damage, pain and suffering YOU cause. It must be very disheartening for you, to realize that I don't suffer from so many of the guilt complex triggers that so many spiritually immature humans carry.

Don't worry, though. I do suffer--from the loss of energy, from the pain, from the loneliness, from being out of control of my body and face, but I know that the alternative is to sell out my soul to you or another future when a human being is not fully respected as an individual with free choice of self-determination, but forced to conform to some static legalistic expectations. Now that I have something to give my suffering meaning, I can endure it, but the virus is preventing me from thinking clearly again. Iwonder if the goddamned Aryan PIB's have put some other psychotropic drug in my body. I can't believe you, you racist, dehumanized monsters. Do you think any drug in the world will ever let me trust or ally with you in any way, for it no longer is it my subjective suffering that fuels my resistance to you, but the objective suffering I know my children have suffered. There is a lot more I want to write, but my brain isn't thinking so well, so I am going to save it for later.