Non--functional again today

Non--functional again today--too sick to do much other than watch TV. Even then, I kept falling asleep during the shows--too bad, there were some good programs on History Int channel. I have been wanting to write on some dreams, but have been too sick. I will say that I dreamed a couple of nights ago, that I went to see someone who I really wanted to talk to, but she refused to see me, because she said that Bank of America and Wells Fargo were both bidding to be my bank!! Not too hard to figure out that dream...some institutional entities (have anything to do with all the white psychics I see dressed in black?) are once again attempting to appropriate my free will in service to their agendas. Yet, just as I would not bank at BoA or WF, because their corporate values and ethos are not a good fit with mine, so I am not interested in working with these institutional entities now bidding to provide my career and compensations. I am sure that Opus Dei/religionists are involved in the mix somehow, but I had an interesting conversation with my brother, in which I think he was asking me rigged questions to see if I had a morally judgmental outlook on life. Well, I don't, and if I did, I would not be worth a damned to all those same entities desperate to snatch every last little crazy crumb of idea that flts through my mind. You see, people who obsess about being morally judgmental are completely incapable of being creative or free thinkers. They censor their own minds, ideas, and thoughts, whereas for me, I censor nothing. Yes, I am a mature, spiritual person, and know that it is not good to dwell on certain thoughts, but if a thought, idea, or image finds its way in, that is okay by me. Nor do I want to live in a country or work for an institution in which people are constantly making moral judgments on others. Sure, I make moral judments on others, and sometimes I feel the need to express my own censure regarding moral lapse I may encounter, but I don't linger there. Furthermore, I think most adults are capable of choosing their own self-identity, and yes, I will respect it. There is no doubt in my mind that all of my hassles and suffering comes about because people will not accept my homosexuality. I know who I am, what I want, and what fulfills me, and the kind of suffering I endure by these small minded tormentors, is just beyond belief. Anyway, the point I want to make is that these moral prigs will never be creative in the sense that I am, nor will their company ever provide a comfortable place for me to be creative--my mind needs to be free, and they have closed, censured minds. Such freedom leads to a lifestyle choice that needs to be free and loose--that is who I am, what makes me happy, and what I need to be productive. The Huffington Post had a really good article on characteristics of highly creative people--and I agree with it. In addition to the need for a loose and free environment and lifestyle, they talked of the need for rest (Joseph Pieper would call it "leisure"), and the need for a balance of introversion/extroversion. Fortunately, I do have a lot of opportunity for rest, since I am unemployed, and I am grateful. I can't imagine the level of stress I would be under if I had to work a 40 hour work week, especially when I am so sick that I sleep even during the day. However, I would like to have a greater balance of extroversion or social interaction to balance my introverted side. I think a large part of the misunderstanding from others regarding my imaginative talking, is the result of me not having anyone to talk to--so I hold a conversation in my head. Really, I am much more extroverted than people think, but I always need my personal quite time for thinking, reflection, and praying.

Anyway, there isn't much creativity going on right now, as I am so drugged I can barely move. I wonder if the solar flare has anything to do with the miserable day I have had--even my feet were cramping up in muscle spams. Still, I know I am drugged--I just have no energy, no zip, no enthusiasm. I really try to do at least a little exercise every day, but all I could do today was sleep. Hopefully, tomorrow will be better.