Well, the drug is not lithium, but wow, am I drugged

Well, the drug is not lithium, but wow, am I drugged---to the point that I can barely function. I know it is not lithium because I put it to my lithium test--and drinking alcohol, while making me feel emotionally more mellow did not make me mentally sharper and clearer. Basically, I am walking around with so much cerebral spinal fluid on the brain, that I am like someone living (or dying) with a brain tumor. The brain disability impacts everything--mood, sensory perception, energy. I keep wondering what happened to my high energy that I have always been able to count on to pull me out and onward, to fight the good fight. Did the PIB's make some kind of hormonal/nervous system change to me? Or is it just the elevated amounts of virus, creating the excessive csf/brain tumor symptomology that has totally destroyed my energy---for I do feel like I like did years ago, when this virus first was directed at me. I was still employed, and I went from being one of the happiest, most energetic and extroverted people, to barely being able to move or function, and severely autistic, in the sense that talking to people, which is always anxiety producing and challenging for me, became downright overwhelming and next to impossible. It doesn't help that I really don't have anyone to talk to--I know there are people trying to help me--it's just that my experience of them is essentially the same as the Aryan Nazi PIB's--they love feeding off the vibes of a unique person, but they resent and can't accept me for who I am--an intersexed lesbian. Oh, but now that I am a mutilated man, instead of a healthy, intersexed man in a woman's body--now they are confident that I will fit in their world! That realization, and the knowledge that the trauma and abuse done to my body, would never have happened if I had not been sold out by these same people who rejected, and wanted to change my intersexed body and queer self-dentity as much as the Aryans--starting with the SLI--is just one more huge depression to bear. Yet, I have to live with and accept, and somehow try to forgive it. The stakes are too high. Because of my high spiritual nature, and all the implants and alien virus in me, I can't allow myself to fall into a negative frequency unless I want to become a shapeshifting reptilian or an anti-Christ. That basically is my choice--sanctity or evil; saint or anti-Christ. I understand so clearly now, how people become evil. They become evil when they are treated and betrayed as I have been, and in an attempt to cut off the pain of lost trust, innocence, and healthy self-identity, reject trust, innocence, and healthy self-identity, seeking power instead. I imagine I could be a very evil person, but I made that decision to reject that years ago. It's not even a temptation. What is a temptation is falling into despair--this longing for death, so I don't have to live in this fucked up, mutilated body anymore. I wish I could fight evil the way Jesus did. I would rather have suffered agonizingly for one day and get it over with, than go through the 12 years of hell that I have gone through. (To be fair, my high spiritual and psychological health enabled me to put up a good fight for about most of the years, but my health is totally gone, as is the body and hormonal system which enabled such resistance, and my natural spiritual self is reduced to a clinging to a hidden soul). But what immature spiritual people never understand is that reality is always changing, every individual and their life situation is unique, and God needs and demands saints that are responsive to the reality as is, not to what the mythos or historical dogma dictates. The religionists who have sold me out and destroyed my God given body, would go back in history and sanctimoniously murder Mary Magdalene if they could, so that they could preserve their precious memory and mythos of Jesus as celibate. No, I don't know what God has in mind, but I know it is essential that I be true to myself, no matter how much I suffer. It is just so hard with these drugs dragging me down, and I know I am on something--because once again, my guts are messed up, and I woke up with nausea at 4 in the morning--same old damned tired loop of psychotropic drugs--I've experienced this once about 10 times. Pretty crazy. And you wonder why I am so fucked up, and every third post is a rant about my health. It is because nearly every day is a struggle just to keep my sanity. Well, there is nothing for it but to keep going. I guess I have been bartered over to the Aryans in exchange that the entire military of the US does not mutiny, for I realize now that not only are many White military personnel are not only coopted into the Borg Machine, but many of them are coopted into a deeply racist Aryan ideology. That is why there is such tension between Blacks and Whites in the military, and God help us if that rift cannot be healed and reconciled, but escalates into open conflict. I am no longer so furious at the Blacks who violate my mental and emotional privacy, as I was when I thought it was the White psychics (Nazi PIB's) vs. the Black psychics. Now I know that my brain and my life is remotely viewed by every conceivable cabal, faction, and a multitude of foreign and domestic agents, 24/7. It does no good to be angry that I have been stripped of my right to privacy, for the current reality (which I did not choose, but was imposed upon me) is, that I am a high stakes pawn of value in a cosmic war between good and evil, and the agents of good have to keep up with the agents of evil, or they lose. I also know that the Aryan-identified military is much more compromised by evil than I thought. You see, originally I had thought that the military Whites were mainly compromised by the Borg Machine, victims of brainwashing. Yes, I knew they planned to throw the people of color (about 95% of the population) under the bus, but I thought their doomed future was death or abandonment to a prison planet Earth, ruled by negative entities (similar to what we have now). Now I know that these military Whites (and again, I am sure this is not the entire White population, but it is significant enough to influence top decision makers), actually buy completely into the racist Aryan ideology that some people are superior and some inferior, and that you can treat people based on how you categorize them--race, gender, SEXUAL ORIENTATION, etc. They don't even have the excuse of being brainwashed. Even the day after I cried my guts out, after subconsciously and then consciously realizing my children had been bred to be spiritual slaves to evil, reptilian tormentors, so that the "pure" blondie Aryans could have big smiles and clear blue eyes, the Aryans were giving me the same inviting, vapid smiles--a little more tentatively, but still there.

My God, what kind of soulless monsters are you people--approaching me when I know the fate and suffering meted out to my own flesh and blood by your partners and allies? How can you smile at me, inviting me, when you despise my own brown skin (of which I am more proud than ever, which is more than I can say for my white heritage), or when you destroy my beautiful, Native, Mayan cheekbones, and replace it with some European version WHICH LOOKS LIKE SHIT AND WHICH I DESPISE--because it is nothing but hateful racist body imperialism, which is what I have suffered for years now. You Aryans are worse than brainwashed. The Borg Machine brainwashed have been mentally compromised, but you have been SPIRITUALLY compromised. I am going to pray about this some more, but at this point I am inclined to believe that your total lack and lapse of humanity is caused by a moral defect, and not by implants in your brain. I could be wrong, and if so, the world is in even greater danger than I thought, but even so, I have had brain implants for years, and while they have impacted my emotional states, making me more angry, irascible, and closed-off to reality (because of the autism), they have not impacted me spiritually. I won't let them, even now when I have to work at it, because every day is hateful. Maybe the truth is that you all were never spiritual people to begin with; certainly you struck me as "religionists" from the very beginning. I am sure many of your "read your bible" and spout your "religionist talk", but you don't have Christ in your hearts or you would know that Christ is present in every single being, most specifically humans, and therefore no one can be condemned to a lifetime of slavery, suffering and torment, due to arbitrary categorizations of "other" or "inferior". Or maybe, you don't think I'm human...brown skin, Indian cheekbones, and Jew blood in the woodpile disqualifies me I guess...certainly you didn't think that the progeny of my direct, pure DNA was fully human.

You probably think that I am not fully aware of the gravity of the problem, of the strength of the reptiles and the Borg Machine collective, but you are wrong. I am more aware than you know, so much so that I realize what Lord Jesus tried to teach us--to defuse the power of the reptiles through agapic love--is no longer enough. For evil no longer threatens us individually, but aggregately, as humanity and as a planet. I had tremendous agapic love, but it didn't protect me from the PIB's and the implants, and such will be the future of all sensitive, spiritual and artistic souls and talents, until the domination is complete. I am pondering on how to best fight this (it would help if I weren't so drugged up all the time), but I know that the answer isn't the same old same old (though agapic love is always a good spiritual state to which to aspire). That is my problem with all those who use the interdimensional gifts of astral planing and psychic awareness as weapons, instead of gifts. Again, I don't BLAME them (as long as they are agents for the Good), for now, I understand that they are soldiers in a desperate cosmic war, and soldiers have to use weapons, but it is not the answer, but a short term tool. Somehow we have either got to break the reptiles' power and domination completely (not easy, for they are more technologically and psychically advanced than us), or we have to come together as a whole of humanity, which if anything, is even more difficult, for the entire planet has been mind controlled by this evil paradigmatic dichotomy of an either/or, superior/inferior binary reality. I went to watch the NCAA tournaments on TV yesterday, and could no longer enjoy the game, as I was not rooting for either side. Instead, I saw how both teams were playing their hearts out, and yet one side was cheering and triumphant and the other side was crestfallen and heartbroken. I like sports. I have no problem with competition, but surely we can still play our hearts out in games that are not win/lose, zero/sum. Maybe sports are no longer playful, even at the collegiate level, and maybe that is why there is so much corruption, so that anymore, I can't bear to watch many of the (rigged) games. When I play, I don't mind losing a game, as long as it is all in good fun, but our binary evil has so infected even our sports world now, that it is now longer fun for athletes of any age, but serious business--as multi-million dollar salaries, chronic concussions, and teenage kids dropping dead from heart attacks testify. It reminds me of the ancient Aztec/Mayan evil sacrificial ritual which were games of sports until the loser was decapitated. This is reptilian influence, and it always becomes more pervasive right before a collapse caused by chaos, strife, warfare and/or genocide. We are there, people. Certainly I am--I am the one whose head is (figuratively) being kicked around by opposing teams to score a goal. I keep trying to make myself clear where I stand, but it is never enough. I keep trying to tell people what I need to meet expectations (my own self-respecting identity as a lesbian intersexed being, and a drug and virus free mind), but all sides, even those fighting for the side of the Good don't trust God, don't trust me, don't even trust the future that they know, through experiential contact, exists. They always have to be in control, but I will not succeed in figuring out a win/win reconciliation or victory, or for that matter, do any interdimensional travel, until I am free (or dead), but in the offchance that I am abducted beyond my free will, be assured I will return.