Very sick all day.

Very sick all day. Nonfunctioning. Unable to do anything. Realized today that I am losing vision in right eye again--going dark. Don't need my optic nerve to tell me that there is too much csf on brain. Once again i have brain tumor syndrome. Face, right cheekbone all swollen. dont know why. too sick to tell if i fighting an infection or if it is just more botched cranial surgery. having involuntary muscle spasms of whole body again. i know this means way too much csf. had it before. no way i am going to hospital. Last time i went, i got mri's that were used to cut out over half my muscle, and left me a deformed, mutilated wreck. no thanks. i would rahter, and much more happily, die first. The fact that i felt so well last nite and have veen so fucked up today tells me that it is not reptilians or nais behind my torture--it is the supposedly "good" aliens---something I have suspected for a while, and am closing in on understanding. Doesnt matter who did it--I want nothing to do with them--level of suffering i have endured at their hands is beyond words. would rather die than live in this body. Honest to God. Hear me, oh Lord, I pray.