Torture--that is the only word I can use to describe my current situation as I struggle to endure the unbearable physical and mental suffering and torment caused by the psychotropic drugs--it is Risperdal--I know I have been through this torture before. It just never fails to amaze me that Opus Dei and any stupidass Catholic can really believe that torture will ever change my mind. They not only know nothing of God. They know nothing of human nature or the human psyche. Ratzinger was feted by Bush recently, no doubt in profound payback gratitude for the letter in 2004 that Ratzinger, as head of the Inquisition office, issued to be read by bishops forbidding Catholics to vote for a pro-choice candidate. It is no surprise that the worst, most vile and unfaithful elements of the Catholic Church are cozying up to an administration that has sanctioned torture, and an "intelligence" community that increasingly repudiates the fundamental truth of the USA-the constitutional rights of citizens. It is clear to me that I will never experience life as a human being again until this cowardly, stupid and even evil administration is gone, and even then I might not. There is only one candidate running for office who has the character, ideological inclination, and political savvy to effectively restore human rights in this country. Unfortunately, she is the underdog. So I keep putting one foot in front of another, hoping for God's deliverance, even if it be death. But I will never turn my heart to the Catholic Church again. Opus Dei, Ratzinger, the SLI, the male only priesthood, their decision to torture, and all the other SHIT that obscures their so called profession of the Christian calling has ensured that forever. Keep struggling Tita. You have to survive, no matter how hard. Whatever is the Lord's will. Life is too hard right now, and I can't even get medication for the migraines that afflict me day and night. Just endure. Just endure. Just endure.