Preparing for a nite of abduction

Preparing for a nite of abduction--I know because already I felt the symptoms of the overwhelming sleepiness. So far I have bothered to fight it off, but I know I cannot fight it forever. My body is desperate for sleep. At this point, it doesn't matter. I pray for one thing. There is no use worrying anymore about my body. My shoulders are trashed. I took a hammer to a pic of the full moon today. I have been meaning to do it for weeks now, as I realized it was homage to the home of reptilians and Aryans, but it was a beautiful picture in electric blue, and I hesitated. I have always had a yearning for the moon, and I thought it was because of my astrological sign, but all the time, it was just another mind control symbol. Anyway, after listening to an interview on Project Camelot--an AF veteran talking about the horrors of her trips to, and rapes on the moon, I had had enough. The frame was kinda nice, but I was so enraged, I just took a hammer and busted up the picture. As I lifted the hammer, I felt like a little kid again--not knowing how to do it, and the hammer nearly went flying across the parking lot. Yes indeed, my shoulders are not the same as they once were, and the mechanics of the mutilated shoulders are way different. I am trying to force myself to lift hand weights to get the muscles to respond, as the muscles in my arms are turning to fat. Really bugs me, but the pain wracked shoulders prevent any kind of sustained lifting--even of an 8 pound weight. Still, I felt better today than I had in a long time--TESTOSTERONE. The expensive, high dosage unit I took was an immediate mood elevator and energy booster--a natural "magic pill." I am beginning to wonder if the reason I do so well on thyroid is because I need the extra sex hormones, specifically testosterone. I don't know. All I know is that I went from dragging depression, unable to do anything, and not even liking my music, to finally being able clean my kitchen (first time in 3 weeks--just kept rinsing dishes), and overall, well, function. The testosterone has drawbacks but overall it makes me feel so much better. And now, I am tired---wondering who will abduct me?

I am very aware that I am skirting certain issues---have to take things slowly. I don't do emotional stuff really well. It is in the back of my mind, but trust me--I have a one track mind right now.

One last little word--dreams last nite may have been warning me about food security--specifically grain silos in the Midwest--again. I don't know how they can be protected, but again I reiterate, we are in a hidden war with China, and the only logistical advantage of ours they fear is our food security. They can send millions of young soldiers to their death, but they cannot have their population starve while we can eat. If our population is starving, too, then their superior manpower is a huge plus. Watch out for poison--even via low tech methods. Just a word of caution. And let's hope the farmers can get rid of Monsanto see or in 10 years we will be harvesting a preplanned death and disaster of deliberate corporate sabotage and malfeasance--just as we saw with BP the Gulf of Mexico, and now, as we are seeing with the GE reactors in Japan.

So much crisis and suffering worldwide--make my suffering and personal drama look petty and narcissistic in comparison...