I recovered quite well from last night's trauma--with help from an "angel" in the astral realm. You know, I am on some kind of psychotropic drug that is tearing up my stomach, and making it impossible for me to remember my dreams. That is a real handicap for an intuitive like myself--a lot of insight comes to me in my dreams, and it could make a huge difference. However, I remember last night's dream--that my former therapist ran her hands over my body to heal me. I woke up feeling that it had worked.
The point of yesterday's entry, though, was that evil, profound, deep, and overwhelming evil exists in this world, and I haven't even experienced the worst of it. This evening, I was searching on sites again, trying to find out where the next attack is going to come from, because if we, the patriots falter for even a single time, the consequences could be disastrous.
However, personal challenges vie for my attention as well. Now, that I have an elemental wall of trust, I know that I can peek out further and longer from my fortress--which is a responsibility and call that I can no longer avoid. Yes, I am not healthy, and I still suffer from great anxiety, but I am not so sick that I can barely function. The cannabis that I am on, makes me functional--but it still reminds me of the first two quarters of college the year that my father died. I was smoking pot every day, going to class high, and barely getting by in my studies. To be honest, I didn't like the courses at the new university to which I transferred--a bunch of positivistic deconstruction crap. Conservatives would call it "secular humanism", but secular humanism actually has a proud and strong classical tradition--just not in the universities formed by Rockefeller foundation grants and monies. Anyway, the marijuana helped me function, but it took a while for life to feel normal again.
I am not a big fan of marijuana. Even when I smoked it, I didn't like being high, and it made me lethargic and listless--when normally I am high energy and hyperactive. However, I know that I must have needed to be on the meds, because for the past year or so, I would keep fantasizing about hitting a joint. Now, what the "friendly" doctors are feeding me is THC-free (I know, because I told a shapeshifter alien that you could get marijuana without THC, and the next day I wasn't so damned high), so I am not quite so miserable as when I was a grieving undergrad, trying to self-medicate. However, I still am not my sharp and bright self, even if I am not so zoned out as I was when I smoked the illegal brand of marijuana. As I write this post, I find it very difficult to concentrate, but it is not the cannabis; I am being hit by the other psychotropic -- probably depakote). I suspect that I am being given it by the Vatican allied Sirians who still think I am going to be a celibate avatar for them. NEVER!!!! While they would not rape me, or force me to witness a murder on the astral plane, they would shove pharmaceuticals down my throat without my consent--and they wonder why I am angry!!!
However, I have decided that I am just going to do the best I can do in all areas of life. Right now, research is impossible, but I will be back at it tomorrow. I have glimpsed what the future will be like if evil wins the day, and I have to fight that.
I also have to fight myself--to come out of the comfort zone, and try to feel accepting of psychic relations--not something that is easy to do when satanists stalk your every movie. But I have a trust wall now, and so I can occasionally stick my head out--but not when I am drugged, which I am right now.
P.S.--Let me insist that I regard the medical use of non-THC cannabis, the exact same way, that I regard anti-depressants. That is, they are to be used for short-term, crisis intervention situations, and never meant to be a healthy, long term, daily supplement. Marijuana may have afforded me a coping mechanism for three to four months, but I hated the way I felt the entire time, and knew that it was time to give it up when I did. Furthermore, I did not touch the stuff for over 25 years, and when I did again, it was more out of curiosity than any real desire, and I knew that it was not something I would ever want to do again. Altered states of consciousness may be acceptable for youngsters, experimenting with life and the parameters and content of the psyche, but it has been years since I had the free time to engage in such practice--besides the spiritual practice of meditation, while initially dry and difficult, actually leads to much more fruitful results.
Right now, however, I think it fair to say that the acute anxiety I am experiencing--both from evil opponents, patriarchal control freaks, or just the unaccustomed intimacy of whole gang of people being in my mind all the time QUALIFIES AS CRISIS LEVEL ANXIETY!