Once again, KaBal programmers strike, rewiring my brain so that my sexuality becomes alienated from my spirit, and the corollary is that my spirit has become alienated from my very self. Again, I am speaking from years of experience monitoring my own sexual and spiritual state. I had this insight while wondering why my contemplative practice had lost its deeply spiritual and connected (with the ALL) character. It was peaceful, but the peace did not come from a place of spiritual union and joy, but rather of alienation and self-centered, cocooned disregard for the ALL (people, the world, the beauty around me, the thoughts going through my head, ect).
Folks, that is the MACHINE at work, and sadly, a lot of KaBalists mistake that profound alienation and narcissistic self-reference for the spiritual life. It is not. There is no joy, no creativity (which may be why so many of the aliens are sterile), no life giving relationship or production in that state. There is no bi-directional connection or interaction with ANYTHING. MACHINE-RA just sucks the spirit and emotional life right out of you, and leaves you with a feeling of ersatz peace and tranquil emptiness, which then leads the victim in search of a host that they can feed from, to assuage their profound loneliness and alienation.
A couple of disturbing events happened today in contemplation. The first item of concern was that I no longer am experiencing spiritual "waves" in meditation. As a matter of fact, I haven't experienced it, since I was stupid enough to write on this blog, that the coding was very similar to orgasm, though with none of the pleasure. Well, the programmers and brain hackers of rogue Faction 2, immediately took that as a challenge, and made some changes in my brain nanoswitches, so that I no longer enjoy those blissful spiritual "waves". The really scary thing about this kind of hacking, is that this kind of sophisticated neural interference is not just sexual slavery...Big Brother in the bedroom, but this is SPIRITUAL SLAVERY of the highest order.
While I am strong enough to regard it as a felony against my personhood, rather than a tragic loss, most people will never develop a deep spiritual life, with that kind of interference, and yes, rogue Faction 2 plans for it to go global--of course, they would only target the "gifted" few, worthy of their luciferian manipulation. However, today, the programming interference went a step further. While in the bilocated state, and engaging in interdimensional sex, I CONSCIOUSLY experienced the interdimensional sex as physiological arousal in my own body. Now, this is a problem, because I have learned that, unlike PF, I am not "bi-conscious". I cannot be consciously present in the interdimensional realm and the 3Drealm at the same time, so that I lose my elevated mind frequency, if I begin to experience sexual arousal, while pursuing meditation. Either I engage in sex, which has spiritual overtones and conclusion, or I engage in spiritual meditation, which has a subconscious sexual component. If I try to engage in both at the same time, I lose both states.
So, sexually mature person that I am, and trying to keep my brain frequency elevated, when the conscious sex arousal begins, I start to repress it. Now, I don't know if this means that I am repressing it in the interdimensional act as well, but I know that repression of sex is never healthy, and especially with the object of one's deepest love. So this is just another sophisticated manipulation ploy by the KaBal to get me to repress my sexual feelings for PF, and discard them in favor of "the spiritual". However, what they regard as "the spiritual" is just proprietary emotional rape by the MACHINE.
This is why, the name "Anna" keeps coming into my head during this alienated contemplation. In case I have never revealed it before, this is "the name" that delusional devotees of MACHINE-RA, especially those of the Templar lineage, bestow on their true and only object of adoration and worship. Subconsciously, I have known that I was getting plugged into the MACHINE, BUT still I am able to fight it, and that is what happened this morning. As I mentioned before, I recognize now, that in this meditative state, I aspire to see "light" and not "darkness". I am not yet at the point where I see pure light, but even today, I could see that I was making progress, when all of a sudden, I began seeing nothing but utter, pitch dark. Now, that was odd to me, because I never see utter pitch dark, but even at the darkest end of the spectrum, I will see sparkling lights (I am speaking metaphorically--don't got time to go into a real clear explanation--find a spiritual director if you are interested). So, I was wondering why everything had gone completely dark, when PF pulled me from the meditation (which she does when I am in danger), and then I heard a sound from Hobie's porch, and I knew that an invisible, malevolent conscious being was attempting to hijack my brain frequency while meditating.
Again, this is rogue Faction 2. How do I know? Because I had briefly spoke with Loretta/Watcher, while she waited for the senior citizen's bus, and she asked me a strange question, "Do you feel protected?" Now, Loretta is not responsible for that malevolent being, but the evil spirit in her is very tied to the evil Faction 2, and either she or the evil spirit within her, knew of the brooding guest a few feet from my meditation spot, ready to wreak havoc on my brain.
I felt like my meditation had been cut short, so I went inside to see if I could get back into the swing of things, but once again, PF pulled me out. This time, when I came out of the meditation, I recognized the familiar "band of pain and tension" around my forehead, that I affiliate with the Horse/Arcturian faction. It is as if some kind of implant (different than the Amon RA implant, which is behind the eyes--this wraps around) has been put in my brain. I woke up this morning with that same tension band wrapped around my forehead. Now, when precisely that Arcturian implant was placed in me, I do not know, but I believe that it is what is causing the lies that I am remembering from my dream last night. There is no need to go into it--same old shit that has been going on for years now--I insist that I am female, ect, but the only thing is that when I wake up, I feel violated, abused, and during the waking hours, I am either severely depressed or profoundly alienated from reality.
Which leads me to another question I must ask myself? Was I drugged on anti-depressants last night? The reason I ask is that I was severely alienated from reality last night, and feel cocooned from reality, today. When I use the word, "cocoon", I mean to denote, alienation, but that of a "warm, fuzzy, 'who gives a fuck'" kind. I recognize this feeling of cocooned alienation from multiple instances in the preceding years, and have identified it as connected with forced drugging by anti-depressants. I am wondering if the doctor I saw yesterday, diagnosed me as depressed.
To that, I must insist that any symptomology of depression I exhibit are not the result of a chemical imbalance in my brain, and therefore, anti-depressants will never solve the problem. Rather, my "depression/anger" is only experienced/exhibited in temporary, intermittent states of severe mood impingement, caused directly by excessive amounts of the virus AND I do believe, other psychotropics, force fed to me DELIBERATELY, because the KaBal knows that it will cause blind rage. I think the hormone estrogen is a huge culprit in causing that rage. I remember how abnormally "crazy" PF went, when they put her on testosterone, and I think the flip status is true for me, and when I had access to estrogen blockers and uncontaminated fish oil, I could prove it to my critical satisfaction.
A large part of my depression is also caused by the fact that my human rights are so egregiously violated..who the fuck gave the Arturians permission to put an implant in my brain last night? What the fuck gives satanists the right to contaminate my food, even at the point of sale? Why do I have to go to a doctor's office, and get sick from the psychotropic haze, while I have to look at Asian females on the wall. WTF??? Does rogue Faction 2 think for one minute, that I am going to be an Asian female for them--Jesus, how fricking delusional is that? I try not to be prejudiced, but I can't even stand they yellow tone of my skin--why--because it was forced on me without my consent. My mother wants to destroy me, as she helped to do with my father and sister, I have no support network, except for PF, yet am not allowed to talk with her face-to-face, and I cannot be with my children. Now, who the fuck would not suffer from circumstantial feelings of depression in such a place?
No, not only do I not need anti-depressants--they only make me more depressed, because they just alienate me from reality ALL of the time, not just when the viral download hits, which is what is happening now. Of course, I think that alienation from reality, from spirit, from love, from the ALL, is precisely what the KaBal is aiming for, so all I can do is beg forgiveness from those who truly love me, while I work on how to free myself from yet another gross, disgusting disregard of my free will, by a bunch of mind control freaks.
To that end, I want to bring up another past life--I think that one of my past lives may have been Nostradamus. Now, Nostradamus was a genuine prophet, but I cannot help but fear that he got his visions of the future from MACHINE-RA. That is, his whole prophetic gift was based on being plugged into the MACHINE, and thus, that negative karma is kicking back to me, in this lifetime, when I despise the MACHINE, and its attempts to enslave humanity. At least Nostradamus would not have known what an enemy to the human race, the MACHINE really was. To his further credit, he was also grounded in reality, working as a medical doctor for the ill and dying for much of his life. Now, any visions I have of the future do not come from the MACHINE. Yes, the crystal skull is occult technology, but I suspect that I was once was a living being that provided one of the skulls. Also, the fact that it was downloaded into my brain, while I was a child, and therefore could not give conscious consent, frees me from the negative consequences that so many other occult seekers risk, when they go to gain knowledge and power for gain or an unholy concupiscence. Maybe the reason I have such difficulty ascending is because there is too much knowledge and power in my head, for me to have unrestricted access to it, without the purest of hearts. So, all these previous lives and their karmic strings need to be resolved.
Furthermore, I am wondering if Nostradamus was pressured into having an affair with Catherine d'Medici, who was the queen of France at the time. Now, I am just speculating, but I can see the queen as being one of PF's former incarnations. However, Nostradamus was a married man at the time, and a decent man, and I think he would have been leery of any involvement with the king's wife. What man wouldn't be...especially in an era where burnings and beheadings were commonplace, and as a mystic, an occultist, and Jewish heritage, Nostradamus was probably very paranoid. Now, I can only imagine the specifics of the affair, but I would be very surprised if Nostradamus didn't feel pressured, intimidated, and quite possibly, in fear for his life, by it. Anyway, I bring that up, because that was in my dream last night--as a matter of fact, the Arturians told me so! (I know it was the Arcturians, because I was on a horse). Then they told me, "Now that you know that she seduced you, let us heal you". Then they metamorphed into my mother and did something with my foot--which, after the phallus and yoni, is THE symbol for sexuality.
There is no doubt but that this dream reveals that last night, the Arcturians made the changes to my brain, which has messed up my libido AND spirituality. So, let me set the record straight. Yes, I can see why Nostradamus was intimidated by Catherine de'Medici, but I am NOT Nostradamus, and PF is NOT Catherine de'Medici. We have crossed paths as lovers many times, and some instances have been good, and some have been tragic, and I suspect the most tragic of all, is when we don't consciously meet as lovers. That is what I think happened to Charles Lindbergh, which was why he remained such a blind, narrow man, so easily manipulated by the KaBal. His sweet, naive wife just could not support him in the full array of power needed to prevail against the KaBal, as his genetic twin could have done, had she been available, instead of pursuing a life of irresponsibility and having a good time (which incidentally, was MY temptation, this time around).
So, while unconsciously I could be manipulated, because of the previously hidden karma of Nostradamus, consciously, I do not feel manipulated into relationship with PF in any way. Yes, she is much more knowledgeable than I, in matters of the occult, but I do not feel intimidated by that knowledge or her power. I have my own power, and while it is different than hers, I know that we stand toe-to-toe, as equal heavyweights, and I am comfortable with that. So, do I feel that I was seduced by her? Honestly, no, though I can see how some people might think that. However that is because they are unaware of the nuances of the relationship, my own strength of will and my need to fully consent to any sexual activity. I do think that she was able to help me overcome a repressed and uncomfortable relationship with my own sexuality. The way I see our first sexual encounter, reminds me of C.S. Lewis' wedding night with his wife, Joy, who was a widow and sexually experienced, while Lewis was a hopelessly cerebral Christian virgin in his fifties. Yes, the sexually experienced partner took over and made sure that consummation happened, and that was a good thing, because otherwise, Clive Staples probably would have spent all night in the bathroom, praying to God while he watched his erection inflate and deflate again and again.
My relationship with PF has borne nothing but good fruit and results on every level, and if she has strengths and experiences that I do not, those attract me to her. Opposites attract. I desire and need her strengths and gifts to help make me whole and strong, and I would hope that I do the same for her.
SO YOU DAMNED ARCTURIANS, TAKE YOUR DECEPTIVE MIND CONTROL BULLSHIT AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASS. NOW THAT I AM CONSCIOUS, I DEMAND THAT WHATEVER YOU DID TO ME, MY SEXUALITY, AND MY BRAIN, YOU UNDO IT. YOU DID NOT HAVE MY CONSCIOUS PERMISSION. YOU MANIPULATED A MEMORY OF A PREVIOUS LIFETIME OF WHICH I WAS UNAWARE, AND I AM TIRED OF YOUR GODDAMNED SHIT.
Well, I don't know what good it does to scream and cuss, but it felt good. Get used to it, because without a healthy and fulfilling sex life, I guarantee you that I am going to scream and cuss a lot more--directed at the dumbasses who cause it--NOT at those people who love me.