Learning things the hard way

Learning things the hard way--which does not bother me nearly so much as being humiliated because my private (sexual) life is exposed for every lascivious alien, Amon-RA satanist, immature hybrid and yahoo to drool over. So what else is new--I might as well share it on this blog, because I know that some of the readers of this blog have more maturity than the POS pathologicals which latch on to my every move and thought, just as surely as Horus does to Isis (I forgot to post this yesterday to link this pix to the Time cover):

http://wysinger.homestead.com/isis.html

So, where to start? Why--with sex, of course. You would think by reading this blog that I have the most incredible and prolific sex life. I don't--it is just that sex is the focal point that these aliens and hybrids glom onto, and it is no use in saying that I create the problem by myself. Did I create the problem when I was raped in jail; or for the years that the Vatican/Jesuit faction made my social life non-existent, in an attempt to force celibacy on me; or for the months and years when Faction 2 used hypnotic drugs, and brain nanoswitch mind control in an attempt to turn me into their interdimensional sex slave? No, the only action that I have undertaken in the last three months ONLY (God, it seems like it has been years), is to choose to engage in a sex life with a partner who actually had the intrepid fortitude to consent!

As my love (it IS more than sex) life with PF has grown, so has the intensity of the responses by these extremists KaBalists from the entire spectrum--aliens, interdimensional hybrids and humans. Because I was not schooled in any of this occult practice and predatory behavior, the learning curve has been painful and humiliating, and so it continues. At least I am capable of fighting back--so many humans involved in this world are so pathetically neurotic, psychotic, or mind controlled, that actually I consider myself lucky, or perhaps a better word would be, "free".

Yesterday morning, for the first time, I engaged in deliberate interdimensional travel. Now, I still am not aware of what is happening in the interdimensional world, but I am able to catch flashes of memory and deduce. I did it by the same old contemplative, "breathing" practice that I have engaged in for years. However, the virus does make a difference--though I could not really explain why. Even more importantly however, is the fact that the KaBal now is force feeding me, Vioxx, which, like most contemporary pharmaceutical chemicals is pure poison to the body, and I am deeply worried about its impact on my body. However, for now, it keeps the autistic brain inflammation, caused by the virus, under control, so that I don't zone out in debilitating physical illness or brain spasticity (though once again, I am suffering from ADD, and some kind of writing dsyslexia). Thus my consciousness is able to leave the body and travel to another dimension, where interesting things happen.

The good news is that the Patriots, and especially PF, have been in control of these morning jaunts, and I know that I am spending extended time there. I imagine that when I am in interdimensional space, I share what is on the mind of my "Higher Self" in regard to contemporary issues, and look to spend time with PF and my children. Yesterday morning, I know that I materialized as a Black man, and I think PF was pulling me to a bedroom, and as part of foreplay, we engaged in a hot, passionate kiss. Then, we were interrupted, by the POS vampire alien, "Charles" who lives next to me. He had knocked on my door, looking for a jump. The last time I obliged him (remembering the REAL Charles, who was a decent fellow), he put an energy weapon in my truck, so of course, I told him "no". (Again, there is that learning curve--I have had to unlearn my natural Christian instincts to help others, and recognize that there are some truly evil predators in the world, who should be completely shunned--count Charles and his "mother" among those). However, Charles still got what he wanted, which was to disrupt sex between PF and I. As so many men are, he is a racist in regard to sex, and it especially galled him that I was in the body of a Black man. He, as an alien Watcher, wants all the women for himself, and he cannot bear the thought of Black men competing with him, nor for that matter, can he stand the thought of my own free choice and will of a sexual partner that excludes him. Oh, and by the way, though I am singling out Charles, he is not the only one--a preponderance of alien males present in this 3D world are that way--remember, they are FALLEN angels, and according to scripture a third of them are corrupted in this manner. Sadly, they seem to be the ones most evident and actively intervening in our world--their mentorship is why the entire occult world and interdimensional human beings are so psychologically and sexually disturbed.

Now, I didn't know all this, yesterday morning. I just knew that I had "lost time", and I knew that I was incredibly sexually aroused. PF and I had been abstinent for a few days, because Loretta/Watcher has been not only jealous, but also invasive of my body, attempting to latch on to my central nervous system at my sacrum. That is where I feel unwanted sexual attention from those interdimensionals who have learned to transport their energetic consciousness at will. I am feeling it today. I had to leave my house, because the pain in my sacrum was so bad. So, I am writing this in the library, and I had to leave the computer table, and find an outlet in a corner of the bookstacks. An alien in a human body (and damned, she looked evil--it was almost like from a movies) had me in her direct line of sight, and was making me miserable with the pain in my sacrum.

Anyway, PF and I engaged in sex, and very uncustomarily for me, I climaxed almost at once. I knew that was odd, and not really enjoyable for my partner, but honestly and truly, I suffer from chronic headaches during sex, and I just was not up for another session. Normally, I move really slowly, and take mini-breaks, in an attempt to stave off the headaches, because they can be so painful that sometimes I have to just quit. It sounds like a drag, but most times it works out fine--like a long, pleasurable, slow ride. Anyway, I guess (and I am only guessing) that PF attempted to entice me into further sex, and I declined. Yes, it had been unsatisfactory lovemaking, even for me, but the headaches are a big detractor, along with anxiety about Loretta/Watcher, and I just felt like tomorrow I would give it another go--after all, you can't really appreciate great sex, unless you have occasional mediocre sex.

I honestly don't know how this exchange between us went, because it was all on a very subconscious level. However, PF is every bit as strong-willed and verbally articulate as I, so I can imagine I felt a little defensive. Then I did something really stupid--I even knew it was stupid, when I did it, but I "bit" on some internet astrological sex compatibility report between two partners (remember, I know her birthdate). Now, I "believe" in astrology to an appropriate extent, but I think that, as with all divination, it is easy to get hung up on a particular, that may or may not prove true. It is best just to use astrology as a symbolic guides to access one's own unconsciousness and intuition. However, I did precisely what I warn myself against--and got negatively hooked on a particular, specifically one line that said PF's sexual appetite was greater than my own, and could feed my insecurities.

Now, to be fair, the report said that these roles could flip between partners, but all I focused on was the self-fulfilling prophecy, and guess what, every insecurity I had regarding PF, her extensive sexual experience and prowess vis a vis my own monogamous vanilla (well, "lesbian vanilla"), just started destroying my self-confidence in my ability to please her sexually. However, I am getting better at recognizing my psychological states, and I knew that this was putting me in a very negative mental condition, and that the dark entities attack that like a wounded animal. So, I talked myself out of that state, which really had no basis in fact, except for my own insecure, male ego--and yes, the male ego IS more insecure than the female one, and I have had to deal with it my entire life, without the support structure that families and societies provide as a handicap to help men surmount that fragility.

So, I went to sleep feeling pretty solid about myself, knowing that the KaBal would attack me in my dream state. My house once again, was full of moths--about two dozen of them, and I knew that some of them were malevolent semi-sentient beings. Three times, the KaBalists (the Venusians/Italians) tried to abduct me. I know, because each time, I heard a car park and exit from the front of my house. They were directing some kind of energy or psychotronic weapon at me. I would open my eyes and see little sparks of electricity--the moths were making some kind of electrical grid in which to entrap me! Once, I dreamed that I was flipping through the channels and was going to watch a George Clooney movie (NEVER, but that identified the clique that was trying to abduct me--Italian vampires).

I woke up, after what I decided was an "immature anima" dream--I can guarantee you, it wasn't about self, or any woman I know--like other of my anima dreams, she was blonde and blue eyed, though at least she had a personality--often she is just an iconic presence in my dream. She was telling me that she was a beautiful woman, who had changed often for me, and that she now expected me to transform so I would be worthy enough to meet her expectations for me. Then she wrote out the word, "Commodore", only with some of the letters backwards. I interpreted the dream to my satisfaction, and then sat down for another morning of contemplation.

I really didn't expect anything to happen, but clearly it did. Now, here is what people don't understand. I DO NOT KNOW WHAT IS HAPPENING WHEN I AM INTERDIMENSIONALLY TRAVELING. I am just aware of what is going on with me consciously, which is sitting, breathing, and trying not to obsessively count. It take me a while, A SIGNIFICANT WHILE, to figure things out, and I figure them out, just as I always do--by going into my imagination and playing out various scenarios, until I string together enough intuitive pings to make a narrative. I guess I finished my meditation at 9:30 am, but only slowly, did I start to realize what had happened in my interdimensional experience, and the narrative really did not start to come together until I was driving and shopping about four hours later.

So, what happened? Well, the other conscious detail I remember was trying to focus on opening my heart. Without sex (of course, with someone I love), it is very difficult for me to open my heart, and so, I told myself, "have a lion heart like King Richard I (?). As soon as I had said that, I knew that Richard the Lion Hearted had been one of my previous lives. I said to myself, "great, another gay guy", because so many of previous incarnations have been gay or bisexual--King David, Alexander the Great, Marc Antony, Jacques de Molay, and now Richard the Lionheart. I am not prejudiced against gay men, but I know that I am not a gay man in this incarnation, but rather have a great need for the feminine to complement my hypermasculine mind. Thus, I furiously resent the sodomy and oral sex forced upon me by the Faction 2 boy posse, who accomplished this by accessing my unconscious memories of previous lives and the hijacking of my sexual activity brain frequencies with PF, not to mention the hypnotic drugs (Temazapam, Scopolamine?), and brain hacking. I consider this to be rape, and that along with their damage of my prostate, so that I lost a kidney because I no longer have a (clitoral) "woody" with which to ejaculate my urine, I consider to be the most outrageous of violations, and I intend to get payback, one way or another.

So you can see how, over the course of many lifetimes, I have had quite the history of sexual activity and varied partners myself. In the interdimensional realm, all of your lives are relevant; you can remember much of most of them, so really all my fears about my sexual ability are unfounded. I have pleasured many women (including PF's former incarnations) and other gay men (I only have had two feminine incarnations, both hermaphrodites and celibate--maybe ;-) ), in my life, and so the memory of my large sexual library remains within me. So I think the reason this Richard incarnation came up, was that it was time to resolve outstanding karmic issues with him, and I believe that I asked PF (who remember, can change bodily shells at will) to engage in anal sex with me.

Now, what had to be resolved I don't know. Maybe Richard suffered from a huge guilt complex. I remember seeing the movie, "Lion in Winter", and he had a dysfunctional family, and a father who was impossible to please, and certainly his homosexuality would have complicated matters terribly. Maybe he suffered from terrible performance anxiety regarding his arranged marriage--he didn't fulfill the ultimate royal duty of leaving an heir. I don't know. All I know is that PF, super lover that she is, accommodated me. Apparently, she climaxed three times, or at least I felt three intense waves go through me (all of this took about 45 minutes in real time). Now, the thing is, I did not experience this as sexual pleasure, but as a spiritual wave. I am not lying, nor am I ignorant of what I speak. I engaged in advanced contemplative practice on a near daily basis for over 20 years altogether (with a seven year hiatus). There is nothing unfamiliar to me, about what I am experiencing when I sit there in contemplation. I have felt and known the same circumstances before--hundreds, and even thousands, of times.

Does this mean, that for all the years I sat in sweet bliss in a monastic chapel, experiencing this same "spiritual wave" that I was getting laid in an interdimensional realm? I don't think so--though I do know, that as a spiritual practitioner, I was often getting laid in my dreams. Instead, I think that what is happening is that the brain code for an ecstatic contemplative rush is so similar to that of physical orgasm, that I experience them as almost the same. But not really--there was no physical pleasure, just neutral contentment, while I sat there this morning, which was fine by me, because I didn't even know I was engaged in sex in another realm. Also, in the spiritual practice, there is an emotional detachment, whereas in sex, there is emotional entanglement, which again, for me, with my hyper-rational, analytical mind, is the sweetest of experiences, and which, believe it or not, I DO experience in telepathic sex with PF.

However, after pondering the experience most of the morning, I decided that the experience had been very healing. Only time will tell, but I hope this encounter resolves any unhealed homosexual guilt or shame, and thus ends all attempts by KaBalists to provoke sexual response from me. The more I resolve and heal negative karma from past lives, the less they can use to abuse and mind control me. However, even if this negative karma pops up again, the experience would still be healing, for sex with PF, any kind of sex, is positive, joyous and life affirming, because we love each other.

I am possible that the Faction 2 or Amon RA clique is going to come up with some plan to dupe me in the interdimensional realm or rape me again, but they just don't get it. Such actions leave me feeling violated and furiously angry. I don't have sex because I need healing or release or pleasure; I have sex, because I long to make soul contact with the woman I love. These occultists, of every type and degree, are like sexual perverts everywhere--desperate for love, but absolutely incapable of exercising basic respect for another human being that is the prerequisite of even rudimentary love.

While I wrote this post, some gay Templar was trying to read my mind. WTF???? After everything those bastards have done to me, even if I were a gay man, I wouldn't have anything to do with that clique. I have been drugged, raped, mind controlled using alien technology, I suffer agonizing pain every few days for my prostate to be reamed out, and now splash all over myself when I pee--and for what? FOR A GROUP OF PUERILE JUVENILES TO INDULGE A FANTASY OF AN "ETERNAL FEMININE", TO THEIR SUCKLING HORUS.

Then, there is the Amon-RA crowd with which I have to contend. Even though I was truly using my imagination to try to develop a narrative, I think (subconsciously--honest!), I sunk into "gutter mind" and started reliving, and of course, enjoying the narrative I was weaving in my mind. It was not only the thought of sexual pleasure; it was also the satisfaction of turning tit for tat on PF. Part of me hopes that I gave her a little taste of performance anxiety, herself, but just a very small part of me. Mostly I hope that she enjoyed herself thoroughly.

I really do not want to engage in gender flipping sex on any kind of regular basis. While fantasy and role playing may be fun on occasion, I do not think it is psychologically healthy to engage in it often--continuity of gender identity and sexual orientation is important, because healthy individuals have strong self-identities. Besides, I think frequent indulgence in such activity can lead to a strong temptation to sexual immorality. Of course, I think PF and I are mature and strong enough in our self-identities to handle this kind of edgy sex play, but no sooner did I arrive home, than I was met by all these lascivious grins on the faces of aliens and hybrids. Once again, these "ancient" and "advanced" interdimensional beings reveal that for all their sophisticated and enlarged psyches, their sexual lust is as juvenile as a 14 year old porn addict.

Again, it is all about a lack of love. They are so excited to voyeuristically get into someone's mind and enjoy the sensations they pick up there, but it never occurs to them what a violation and pity this really is. Instead, they should be engaged in seeking out and loving their own sex partner and significant other, but that takes work, commitment and love. It is so much easier or a lazy being, a suckling Horus, to just violate someone's mental, emotional and spiritual privacy than to develop an intimate relationship. All I can say is that it definitely is worth it. As difficult as it is for PF and I to maintain an intimate relationship, when nearly everyone around us, wants to sabotage it, the benefits to me have been tremendous (PF will have to speak for herself, although I think she enjoys motherhood greatly). I am maturing spiritually, by leaps and bounds, in a way that the most diligent of spiritual practice could not teach, and especially I am learning how to keep the mind elevated, from lust, from anger, from fear, because the moment I slip, the KaBalists start circling.

I just wish that I could lead a semi-normal life, and deal with all my negative karma and sexual insecurities in the privacy of our relationship, but that is not possible. I will be damned if a bunch of KaBalists exercise a monopoly on their voyeurism of my sex life, so as long as they are in my head, I will be compelled to write. For I am not going to let a crowd of creepy bastards steal my truth and determine my legacy, the way they did another incarnation, Jesus.