I've been busy with personal karmic issues, and the worrisome concerns of the past couple of days. Karmically speaking, it took me a couple of days to address and resolve the baggage from the worst incarnation that I have yet realized. A while back, I wrote of a "King Tigranes" from Armenia, who I believed had been an early proponent of the Amon-RA cult, after obtaining the viral microorganisms through contact with aliens during an orbital transit of Halley's comet.
So, first I had to come to accept the fact that so much of my suffering at the hands of the Amon-RA cult was because I helped originate the power and spread of the cult in the first place. Like all satanic cults, this clique derives allegiance and obedience through mind control, generationally maintained through mind control established through the horrific sexual and physical torture of young children. Thus, indirectly, my negative karma is responsible for the suffering of many young innocents, and the warped, often insane minds, of so many Amon-RA devotees.
Furthermore, while perusing the web site of the "Saturn death cult", I saw a picture of an Armenian female (sex) slave, covered with inked occult symbols on her body, and I knew, that, as King Tigranes, I had participated in the abuse and desecration of women through sex slavery. This negative karma has been the source of my masochistic brain flipping and mendacious insistence that I am female, and desire mutilation and loss of vitality to make me even more so. It is my own unconscious Higher Self attempt, to atone for the atrocities I committed against numerous women, denying their personal free will, turning them into the most degraded of sex objects, mutilating their bodies and spirits, to estroy the natural feminine vivacity, so that it would not threaten my own diminished manhood. It is negative entities who demand sacrifice, and King Tigranes, as all other satanic and MACHINE enslaved devotees, had to give up his own personal autonomy, free will, and even, his manhood, in order to gain this reptilian patronage. In the subsequent attempt to lessen his personal torment and virally created insanity, as well as to please his reptilian overlords, with their own voracious hunger for human suffering, he perpetuated the most brutal and demeaning of atrocities against other human beings. It is always the most vulnerable and physically weak who suffer the most from the KaBal ritualistic traumas, which is why the most horrific crimes are committed against children and women, and because the spirit is so close to our sexuality, they egregiously abuse sexual boundaries in order to destroy the spirit.
As you can imagine, this is pretty heavy duty karma to acknowledge and resolve, so it took a couple of days to even make a dent in it. I think that I was able to heal a lot of the hurt that I have done to generations of female sex slaves, just by asking and receiving forgiveness from PF, who of course, was one of Tigranes' victims. Of course, it was engaging in the sex act that was healing; as long as I was beset with a heavy guilt that I felt in the pit of my stomach, I could not engage in sex. Finally, after wallowing in this sickening guilt for nearly two days, I braved intimate union once again, and I think the end result is that PF knows that I have not the slightest of misogynistic impulse or regard to women. Rather I insist upon their rights as free-willed, highly intelligent, and productive human beings, whose sovereignty extends over their minds, bodies, souls, and sexuality. Indeed, I have nothing but the highest regard for women, in every conceivable way. Once again, I experienced sex as the healing force, which I so steadfastly resist, from mind programmed guilt and repression.
I am not so sure that I was able to significantly resolve the negative karma caused by generations of children abused through satanic torture and rape. Partly, that is because I have suffered from the effects of that so much myself, as a young child, when torture was used to traumative and split my mind, for purposes of mind control. Now, while I do not believe that I am organically schizophrenic, I may be artificially so, by which I mean, that I think my childish mind was conditioned to respond to certain vibrational frequency states by zoning out into a schizoid alienation. That would have been easy enough to inculcate--all the Amon-RA doctors and techs would have had to do, would be initiate a vibrational frequency into my "tabula rasa" consciousness, deliver a jolt of intense, but steady pain, so that the body separates from the mind, in order to withstand the pain. Schizoid. Thus, any later life attempts to enter that frequency state, and of course here I am talking of the "higher", healthier frequencies for "ascension", would trigger the initial brain programming to automatically go "schizoid". Of course the brain would be triggered to respond to the Amon-RA frequency as well, and that would be with anger and/or rage. Because of my emotional and spiritual maturity, often I am able to counter and switch off the Amon-RA frequency with a healthy anger; however sometimes the virus/frequency gets the better of my executive function, and I fly into an inappropriate rage, but it is extremely rare for me to "lose control". I would walk away first. However, most people are too intimidated by my display of anger to deflect it through natural converse. Only people who are very wise and secure in their own emotional states can understand the difference between a destructive, demonic rage and a healthy, cathartic anger. In our society, I think the pendulum has swung too far towards emotional repression of anger, and thus, it goes underground, manifesting as depression, or in worst case scenarios, severe pathologies.
Anyway, my brain still is capable of being flipped, and until I can learn to stop that, I will not only be unable to ascend into the interdimensional reality, but also, I will be stuck in a miserable state of unfulfillment. I believe that energy weapons, fired in close proximity (and it can come from a hand-held phone), are able to cause this flip. I believe that I have such an energy weapon hidden somewhere in my vehicle--just because I flip so much when I am driving, and find it difficult to concentrate on the road. I know that the Amon-RA people have access to my truck, and that they will attempt to enter it, even without my consent. Thus, on a couple of occasions, I have been startled to find my truck door, slightly opened, and once, a Nazi "Iron Cross" fell from the inner running board. I know that the consciousness inhabiting "Charles", my neighbor, put that there. Also, my back window can be cracked open from the outside, and apparently, that gives them access to my inner vehicle as well. An energy weapon can be as small as a transparent dot. Finally, even my bicycle has been tampered with. I know this because they took off the brake grips to put something inside the handlebars, and when they tightened the brake grips back on, they left it slightly askew. For someone like myself, whose fingers have been shortened, and whose hands are weakened, I noticed immediately, the difference in the grips positioning.
Of course, by now I am thoroughly accustomed to this constant harassment and manipulation, and I AM getting better at resisting the brain frequency flips that often I just tend to ignore all the negativity. I am learning too, that the viral contaminants cannot impact me as strongly, unless the corresponding frequency receptors are there. However, some of the Faction 2, and definitely the AmonRA virus still have elements in them that make me sick, and I think are trying to change my DNA to that of a Grey or "jellyfish", so I avoid trying to consume it, which is not always easy, since they control the MATRIX in which I reside.
I think that, physically, once again, I am on Mars. I know that I am not on Earth. It still is a little hard for me to figure out what is going on in the interdimensional realm. I think I still am being abducted by both positive and negative factions, and it is hard for me to separate out the images which I remember the following morning to let me know what really is going on. I think that I was present at the birth of a daughter last night, who had a shock of thick black hair like her Mom. In my dream, though, my hands went numb again, which I think is the childhood programming, attempting to reinforce my sense of helplessless and lack of creative productivity. So, I woke up, afraid that I was the little baby in the dream, and it became very important to me that it be a baby boy, because I thought the dream image referred to ME.
Years ago, about the time, I dreamed of Rose Kennedy, I dreamed of giving birth, or recognizing the birth of a baby that I knew was me. He was blonde and blue-eyed, but he had the "caul" over his face, and I wondered if that was what caused his blindness, because even though the eyes were open, they were unseeing. However, the most important part of the dream, was when I went to hold him, straddled on my lap. Just born, he was still naked, but at that point, I did not know the gender of the child. However, as I sat his naked body on my leg, I said to myself, in surprise, "this baby has got a penis". So, just like a little puppy, I laid him down to check out his genitalia, and I was shocked, but oh so happy and gratified to realize that he had a tiny little scrotum and penis. I told this dream to my therapist who I was seeing at the time, who, conservative Catholic that he was, seemed a little perturbed by the dream. At that time, I did not know that I was a physical hermaphrodite, with a full blown penis inside my abdomen. However, I was not disturbed by the dream at all--I knew that the baby was me (probably indicating interdimensional birth or baptism), and that I could not be happier or more pleased that he was male.
So you can image my fear at the thought of being a female baby, and given that so much of my dreams are manipulated nowadays, I woke up concerned that once again, alien technology was trying to force an unwanted female identity onto me. However, I think our most recent child is a boy, and yes, once again, I am thrilled to be a father. To me, the gender is unimportant--both genders are a marvel and a miracle. It is like looking at a child, and being equally gratified, when they look like me, with fair hair and light brown eyes, or they look like PF, with dark hair and blue eyes, and sometimes they look like a mixture of both. However, it is as equally gratifying to see the ones who resemble a "mini me" as it is to see the ones who look like their mother, who I think is the most beautiful woman in the world, bar none. Likewise with gender--yes, I identify with the boys a little more, because they have my kind of energy, but I love the girls in a special way, because they have the gender identity and energy of their mother, who pulls me out of myself, and completes my life. Sometimes, I think that beings, alien, human and hybrids, try to separate PF and I, just because they want our children. Or maybe they want the White, blonde haired, blue-eyed ones, or the Black ones, or the ones with a predominant strand of particular Sirian DNA, or the male ones, or the female ones. Well, all of that is bogus. All of my children, born of spiritual and creative love between PF and I, belong to us, and our family, and it is a prerequisite of spiritual creation of life, that you value it in all its forms, colors, genders and DNA particulars. PF and I do, which is one reason we have been blessed. Yes, there are other reasons, and if I could ever get cooperation into entering the interdimensional life, instead of constant challenges and harassment, I think I could help most others (but not racists, sexists, or ethnic haters), share in the joy of a creating human life through sexual love as well. Oh, and by the way, spiritual celibate love between two people won't work, for a whole slew of reasons, which I am not interested in explaining right now.
Sadly, I think even those most basic of prerequisites that I just outlined, would be too daunting for many aliens and hybrids. Ethnic hatred has reared its ugly head once again, among the Sirians. Its Earth correlate occurred in the town of Huaula, Syria, where nearly 100 innocents were massacred. However, there was an incident here, on Mars, right around the street corner from my house. The Sirians were involved in a car accident. Now understand, the Sirians have the mental capacity to prevent vehicular accidents, unless someone with equal mental capacity is trying to cause one. In other words, some sect of Sirians deliberately tried to harm individuals from another. This may be why PF has "gone underground", so to speak. Watcher/Loretta is gone. The day I saw her catch a bus, she was released by PF into the care of another, because she had helped an enemy prevent PF from interdimensionally traveling. Some sites need special codes or frequencies, and somehow Loretta stole those from PF, which is how the Arcturians were able to manipulate my dreams, and flip my brain to lie, which they then use to hobble my sexuality (didn't work, you sobs, and I have a newborn son to prove it!). I still believe that the evil spirit inside of Loretta can be safely released, but it is better that she be in a more objective setting right now.
Anyway, this Sirian conflict is extremely dangerous, not only for the Sirian factions, with their ancient history of bitter, murderous and enslaving conflict, but also on Earth, where there are many communities of Sirian descent, including, you guessed it, Syria. Right now, Earth is a tinder box, literally, ready to explode. I am still gathering information (sometimes, you just have to sit, and wait for the information to percolate), but we, as a planet, are in a critical state, and the renewed Sirian tension is part of it. Part of the hostility may center on me, and all these factions' proprietary designs on me--yet they do not listen to, or respect word I say, or for that matter, the hundreds of thousands of words I have placed on this blog alone. Last night I think the negative abductors may have placed an implant in my prostate to help me pee, and yes I am grateful, but why didn't they restore my clitoris to its original condition? That is what I really want--I LIKE that little hard sexual arousal, telling me I need to find a toilet--that is the way, my body has been for 50 years, and it feels good. What man feels good, knowing that a catheter is going to allow him to pee, so that he no longer has to worry about a hard dick? It is part of the vitality of being a man, and I am a man, but for now, one with a catheter inside of him. YUCK!!! Also, what about the pain that I am now experiencing in my genitals...hmmmn, sirens going off for sure.
However, that wasn't the worst of it. While they were there, the abductors also put an implant in my sacrum, and in my dream, I knew the purpose of that implant was to turn my sexual arousal from my clitoris to my anus. So, whoever placed it there, wants me to be a gay male!!!! Not only that, but they put a receptor in my sacrum, which as I recognized before, is for the purpose of allowing unwelcome and evil intentioned spirits into my Central nervous system. As a matter of fact, I recognized it today, while I was meditating, and so I quit. This was an alien spirit, not a human one. So let me make it clear--I AM NOT INTERESTED IN ANY KIND OF SEX OR SPIRITUAL BONDING, WITH ANYONE EXCEPT PF, SO ALL OTHER BEINGS, KEEP YOUR GODDAMNED HANDS AND LUSTFUL, DEGENERATE SPIRITS FAR, FAR AWAY FROM ME. YOU DO NOT HAVE MY PERMISSION OR CONSENT TO EVEN BE IN MY HOUSE, MUCH LESS MY BODY OR CONSCIOUSNESS!!!!
So, I have a lot to think on, so stay tuned...