Tampered Medication

12.16.06--I've had a sick headache now for two complete days, caused by tampered medication.  Because the hospitalization and psychotropic drugs of October and November left so much cerebrospinal fluid in my brain, Dr. Huaman wrote out another prescription for Diamox.  I took it for two days and it really helped.  I could hear the buzzing subside in my head and I wasn't suffering so much from the chronic daily headaches that have really been draining my energy.  Then I stupidly left my fanny pack in the house while I went out, and I knew as soon as I looked that the drugs had been tampered with.  They had that shiny glossy look instead of their normal matte finish.  Still, I went ahead and took one.  Immediately the buzzing in my head became so loud I could not stand it, and I came down with the headaches that have become unfortunately familiar to me since I was put on psychotropic drugs.  Because I am so desperate to get this cerebrospinal fluid in my brain down to normal levels, I went to the pharmacy and paid a full, uninsured price for another prescription, even though it had the same glossy finish that told me it was tampered with.  But I want so much to get rid of these chronic headaches and avoid surgery.  This time the medication made me violently ill immediately.  I think it was designed to do that  I think I am just being harassed by the very same people who have made my life sheer hell for years in some kind of perverse, inhumane belief that this will lead to healing.  It just leads to suffering and the full resolve that I will never more have anything to do with the entitity behind it.  I know that it is the Roman Catholic Church members and Opus Dei who are doing the dirty work (I saw the man in the pharmacy who I believe was ultimately responsible for the tampered medication--he must have brought the tampered bottle), though I suspect there may be another party involved behind the scenes, but I think that while the government psychs were behind the psychotropic drugs, they don't cause suffering just for the sake of suffering.  Only the sick, ideological Christians do that. 

 Someone IM'ed me anonymously the other day, "Always Respect Others."  I wasn't sure what they were talking about--perhaps my profile at Titacarmen in which I make it clear that I don't want anything to do with anyone of the Spiritual Life Institute or Paul DeBlassie.  But if it was one of TPTB that IM'ed me--how dare they?  They talk about respect and yet throw me in jail on bogus charges where I encounter abuse nearly daily for six months from an incompetent, corrupt correctional system, they fire me from jobs, they force feed me drugs, including psychotropic drugs that have left my brain and body battered and permanently damaged, they violate every civil right guaranteed me by the Constitution, and they want me to show respect?  I think I've shown great Christian forbearance, so much so that I'm angry with myself for not taking more appropriate revenge.  I'm tired of being violated and I will push back, and I have a long memory, and I will get satisfaction (if only assurance from the Lord that S/He will mete out the justice--and the Lord does).

     In the meantime I have to struggle through these sick headaches.  I start training for a job Monday, and I hope that I didn't make a big mistake, because I am very unhealthy right now and if the headaches are too bad or I am doped up via the workplace, I will be in big trouble.  I will have to quit and will have lost my unemployment.  The only thing I am praying for is the grace and strength to perserve for three months, which is how long the job lasts.  Three months, God.  Help me to survive the muscle spasms (caused by the damned psychotropic drugs I took) and daily headaches for just three months--that is all I ask and pray...