12/25/06—I am in a pensive mood this Christmas. I just don’t have my normal energy levels to befriend me—the ongoing legacy of the abuse I suffered at the hands of psychiatrists and forced medication. It is a good thing that my new job is starting out slowly, working only 7.5 hours a day with two 4 day weeks back to back. I get fatigued after about five hours of work, but fortunately, the training class is at a reasonable pace, instead of the usual frenetic, cram-as-much-as you-can mode, and so I find it easy to stay on top.
I am grateful to have a job, but I’ve got to say, a few of my co-workers are really low-hanging fruit. They already fired a couple of people for stealing, but a friend of one of the fired has really negatively hooked into me, and delights in constantly pushing my buttons with his immature and lame, but highly vocal negativity. It doesn’t help that word is going around that I was responsible for snitching off the two thieves. Someone overheard a conversation I had with the person who really did see and tell, and misunderstood. But I have to get used to being at the center of whatever moral storm is in the vicinity. My nature precludes otherwise. For better or worse, I have a spiritual gravitas that means I’m involved in moral issues and controversy (even if only as an unwilling recipient of projection), even though I may do everything possible to distance myself. I cannot fight who I am. Instead I must embrace it as creatively and lovingly as possible.
I also am sad over the condition of my neighbor who I do believe is dying in thehospital. Part of me wants to help, butI know that it is his time and there is nothing that can be done. He has a positive attitude towards his own life and death, and I can only hope that I go out the same way.<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />
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