Nausea, headaches, and crazy mood swings

Yep--I'm on psychotropic drugs again.  It's not only the constant suffering and misery caused by nausea and headaches, along with the pain of the nerve damage done to my left leg by their fricking apeed, it's the crazy mood swings I suffer when I am on psychotropic drugs.  I am fantasizing about hurting myself again, and the only time I do that is when I am on their stupid mind poison.  My lymph nodes on my neck, and even my underams are tender, and I know it is because my lymphatic system is straining to rid myself of the toxic poison, just like I that  I am being doped when I have to constantly pee--my poor kidneys are working overtime as well.  But the poison is taking hold and building up, and I just can't  fight it anymore. It's becoming increasingly difficult to maintain even casual social relations, and I struggle so hard (normally when I am not doped up, it comes relatively easy, if I apply myself, as long as I am not among strangers or a crowd), but I realize I no longer have the energy to apply myself.  Everything is focussed on just getting through the day, when I feel as badly as I have felt the last few weeks.  I hate my body. I can't stand the weight gain of 9 pounds over the last three weeks, after I struggled so hard to lose it, after their damned lithium caused me to gain it in the first place.  Now their psychotropic drug (and I think it is depakote) is causing more weight gain, insulting all the strenuous effort I made to lose the the 15 pounds.  I am up to 180, and I just watch my stomach spread, no matter what I do.  (What's the point of doing 50 minutes on a cardio treadmill?   Even my heart rate has gone sky high, and before these bastards started doping me, I had the heart rate of an athlete in her 20's).  My whole body no longer belongs to me.  It is the territory of a bunch of sadistic psychs who have violated every civil and human right I have.  The only thing that keeps me going is the knowledge that I am not the first that this has happend to---I think of Solzhenitsen, and today I read quotes from Victor Frankl.  I have to keep going, even though even my own body and mind has been stripped from me by chemicals.  I just don't know how I am going to get up and function tomorrow, as messed up as I feel right now.  I have lost years of my life, so what is one more lost day?