(I can see the face of the stupid Christian who poisoned me at Starbucks as clearly as if she was there.  I wonder if they told these Christians who have been actively poisoning me if a huge mistake was made---i.e., I am neither "semi-schizoid" or manic-depressive, just an autistic.  Of course the Christian foot soldiers are so stupid, I don't think they have any idea of the tremendous damage done by lithium--especially to an autistic brain....Anyway from December.....

I am taking advantage of a brief bit of lucidity---the first in a while.
The SLI and their stupid, sheep followers, have been hard-edged by the power
and resources of a "black" agency (I am willing to bet its the NSA), and they make
my life a veritable hell, poisoning every place I dwell and work, with drugs--
a combination of speed and anti-depressants, I suspect.  I can barely function.
As a matter of fact, the only reason I persevere is because intellectually I
know what is happening.  When it is really bad--my legs are rubber and can hardly
walk, I'm so high that I cannot concentrate, and weird things are happening in
my brain---like they did when I took Imetrex (so that I am worried about having
a brain seizure), I know that the only way this will end is with my physical
collapse.  But I have no other recourse but to suffer it.  After having spent six
months in jail at the hands of these psychological idiots and spiritual midgets,
I know they care nothing about the long term consequences on my body.  And consequences
I already feel.  I don't know what is going to happen, though I can feel twinges in my
appendix, storing the poison, I'm having serious heart pain (wouldn't it be fun to have
a damaged heart for the rest of my life), and my body is so stiff and weak from the
inability to exercise that I literally cannot cross my legs without lifting one
over the other.  Worse of all, I am having those weird brain rushes, similar to the
ones I had when I was taking Imitrex.  How close am I to having a brain seizure?
A stupid sheep just came in and sat behind me.  It is all I can to not go off on her. 
Whenever these Christians come and do their Opus Dei or prayer group duty by spying on
me, or poisoning me (like the two Asian bimbos at the Econolodge),I creep out.
I can read their stupid, simple, brainwashed minds every time, and it horrifies me to
realize how the Church and its power brokers--i.e. the priests have totally undermined
and twisted the gospel message of Jesus to these people.  The interesting thing, too,
is that none of them have any depth of spirituality (the Asian women struck me as a
duo of Jehovah's Witnesses), but thanks to the brainwashing of the church and its priests,
they are so smug in their psuedo-spirituality that they are doing some great work.
This is not the spiritual life--my God, how the Church has degenerated.  Is this my call--
a regeneration of faith and spirituality---very far from the abyss of corruption where
they try to control bodies and minds, instead of welcoming and inviting the freedom of
choice that Jesus did.  These people are like the Islamic suicide terrorists.  They
know nothing of true faith or spirituality.  They are brainwashed sheep---agents of
action for the power brokers who use the name of Jesus and the spiritual life to
control and manipulate others. So I guess that I am being prepared to fight that, with
the added preparation of fighting against the tyranny of governmental abuse (but religious
abuse is always so much worse than political abuse). 
When my mind is clear, I try to pray, but all I can do is cling to God's promise---and
that gives me hope.  I think of people like Victor Frankel or Alexander Solshenitsen-sp?.
I've also been thinking a lot of John Sheridan's torture in B5.  The same thing that
gave him hope and allowed him to persevere works for me.  Thanks Augusta.  I know that
there are people on my side, and you are the primary one.  That is so important for me
when I realize how even my own mother sells me out (but then she has sold me out my
entire life long....what is new?)
It isn't that hard to be on my side---just respect my freedom of choice to define myself,
and don't abuse my body or mind.
Before I go, I have to say that I had a good dream last night.  Good dreams are hard to
come by these days. I dreamed of Dave Denny trying to tell me what to do, and I was telling
him no, I wanted nothing to do with him, and I went to S Therese who told me she didn't want m
me to live with her but with a woman who was about to get married.  It felt so good to
talk to Therese--someone else who really respects me for who I am, and I knew that she was
trying to tell me that I need to exercise a marriage committment.  I am trying Therese, but
these damned cultists keep going to extremes to keep me from living my vocation.