What a laugh

What a laugh to think I am reclaiming anything.  Instead I am trying to endure torture of the first degree--psychotropic drugs that mess me up so bad I can do nothing.  It is like having a severe hangover, nauseated, pounding headache, and unable to bear any stimuli.  For those who have had severe hangovers, you know what I mean by "can't see straight."  Even now my eyesight is so messed up I cant read.  Then there are the back spasms.  Once again every muscle in my back feels wrenched out of place.  But worse now are the abdominal muscle spasms I am experiencing.  My ab muscles are now as locked as my back, legs, shoulders and neck (been getting progressively worse).  It feels like I am wearing a heavy layer of chain mail inside my belly and its hard to get up and sometimes to even breathe--it goes up to my diaphragm. My whole belly is now taut tense and tender to touch.  But the worst is when the muscles spasm, putting pressure on internal organs.  I wish to God for death.  I would have gone to the hospital this morning but I was too damned sick to drive and too damned sick to walk half a block to catch the bus.  Nobody has any idea of how much suffering I am experiencing--all I can do is cover up while I am kicked viciously and mercilessly.