Severely depressed

Severely depressed after a couple of days of being massively drugged on psychotropics (risperdol again, I think). Now it is just the speed and maybe something else--my head is floating once again with excess cerebral spinal fluid. I am having a hard time moving as I am too sick and listless with speed to have any energy. But most of all is the crushing despair and hopelessness that I am never going to be a free person again--free to love, free to laugh to exercise, to read, to pray--in short all the things that make MY life worth living. I have been "tagged" and "claimed" by Opus Dei, secular puppet masters and intelligence agencies, and I cannot escape. I will do what I am told to do when they decide to tell me to do it, and if I do not comply, or when I am no longer useful to their purposes, I will be killed, or thrust in the 21st century American gulag--the psychiatric hospital (the damned Communists were good for a trick or two, weren't they?). In the meantime, I am a slave whose life is hell, and it is getting harder and harder to keep going. I no longer have access to my spiritual life to try to get me through their day. Their satanic, evil implants have made sure of that. I try to keep going, but everything is so hard. My house is a mess, and it is so damned hard to do anything about it. I have no strength, no energy, no desire to persevere. Once again, I plead God, please, for death. I dont want to be here, and I have no desire to play any future role in this world whatsoever. Maybe it is the poison from the Risperdol detoxing that is talking. I don't feel good at all. Got to keep trying.