A Near Perfect Day Ruined

July 30th---before bedtime.  Well, it was just too good to last.  I went to the post office to mail my rent (one mile away), and the NSA had put so much dope fumes in my truck that by the time I got back, my knees were to weak to climb the one step up to my back door.  I did dishes when I got home, and as I have had to do often in the weeks prior, I leaned against the kitchen cabinet to hold me up as my knees were just too weakened from the drugs.  I think they are causing arthritis, and I think the damage is permanent.  Earlier, when I went for a bike ride (for the first time in a long time), it was very obvious that I have lost a lot of strength---most of it, I suspect, in the knees.  I just am biking like a senior citizen.  I have no strength to propel my bike along.  My stamina is good; it' the joints that are being inflammed by these drugs.  Not only the knees, but the pain started up again in my left thigh, once I got all doped up.  These dumbasses are destroying me.  I don't know what they intend to get out of it.  If they only knew, what really works for me.  All they have done is created unnecessary pain and suffering to try to obtain an objective that I will attain one way or another, but there is no need for the trauma and bodily destruction that I have been put through.  But these bastards are hung up on their power trip so I know they won't listen.

What did motivate me to be mellow and focussed all day?  That is obvious too.  It was talking to someone online  who was genuine, warm, and very real.  She related to me as a person, not a thing to be manipulated and coerced.  She seems kind of hesitant, but she understands me and knows how to motivate me more than all the rest of these psychs combined.  Talking with her is like talking with Augusta.  It leaves me feeling energized, open and vulnerable, instead of closed off and restricted like usual.  But my brief vacation won't last.  Tomorrow, I go back to working 10 hour days and I am certain I will be so doped up when I leave I won't even be able to go to the gym and do a little cardio....