Fresh perspective

It's time to start writing again.  My life hasn't appreciably changed.  The Powers That Be are still drugging me.  The difference is that I am going to start naming names.  I am tired of playing nice.  It is the NSA that has doped me up and wrecked my body and brain.  To what extent the Spiritual Life Institute or Opus Dei is involved, I can't say, but there is involvement.  Of course I know how crazy this sounds and that is what the NSA is counting on to keep me quiet.  Well no longer.  I have been reading Alexander Solzyhnitsyn, and I am horrified at the extent of torture done to the citizenry of the Soviet Union by their state security organs, and how it was made possible by the complicity and silence of the citizens.  Well, I will be silent no longer.  You might call me crazy, but you will not call me silent.  I will not be a silent victim any longer.  I will go kicking and screaming all the way.  For I have made the ultimate sacrifice that Solzynhitsyn says has to be done by the victim of torture.  I have given up on my protection and security of the body.  That is what I have been clinging to and desperately defending these past few months when the NSA began drugging me in earnest in November.  I couldn't believe that they they wanted to destroy my body and brain, and that was my mistake.  They do, so that I will be a complicit victim in their proposed agenda for me.  Well now, my body is so trashed, I know that I will never fully recover from the torture of the past year, but this time I am not clinging to my body.  As I write, I am suffering from the headaches and dimming eyesight caused by the rush of fluid to my brain occasioned (solely and directly) by the massive amounts of psychotropic drugs I have been force fed this previous week.  I am suffering from increased inflammation and pain of the joints, suffering from  back pain and an inability to walk normally.  I am dealing with a weight gain caused by the progesterone I am being force fed to induce a psuedo pregnancy.  But I no longer will focus on those things.  A victim of torture has to acknowledge that their body is worthless, an object of contempt and violation for their torturers, and so it is with me. 

Nope, according to Solyznhetsin, I have to focus on conscience and spirit, because that is what the masochists cannot take away, and in my case, itis precisely what they want me to deny.  Over months of being drugged, I have lost contact with my spirit, and I do not know how I can get back in touch with it, as the drugging continues.  But even the drugs cannot take away my faith, and sometimes when that is the only way one can touch spirit, it is enough.  So here is my promise--no matter how bad I feel, and sometimes I feel so bad I wish that I were dead rather than alive, I have to fight, to speak, to let my fellow citizens know what a monster is arising in our country while they exercise their democratic spirit by voting for "The American Idol."  I should have started this another day when I don't have to go to work, but I have to write when I can.  To be continued....