Thursday, October 16, 2008

Depressed

Depressed...after suffering excruciating pain yesterday and last nite that left me in agony, I woke up so severely depressed that I could barely get out of bed.  Not much use anyway, as whatever hateful chemical was in my brain caused me to go back to bed and sleep until about 2 pm.  Since then it has all been speed--my head is so heavy right now with excess csf that I can barely lift it.  Headaches and pressure.  I am just tired of suffering.  I take steps to try to escape but the thought of joy and free will--all characteristics of my life before I became involved with SLI and Opus Dei--seem impossibly out of reach right now.  I dreamed that SLI is still involved in the mix of the suffering and psychotropic drugs that continue to be forced on me.  I am too tired and sick to even curse and yell at them to get out of my life.  Just inner resolve to never have anything to do with them.  Trying really hard to take positive steps to living out life, but so hard when all these gd drugs are in me, making it impossible to think, to feel, to concentrate...

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