Tuesday, October 14, 2008

In constant, miserable pain

In constant, miserable pain as the speed spasms the muscles in my back and abdomen, neck and shoulders, totally crippling my left thigh with nerve, as I try to drag it, and my equally dead right leg along.   I constantly wonder whether this force-fed speed is just an attempt at mind control.  If so, it won't work, because I won't concede my humanity.  I go through days and moments when I am "broken", but then comes the memory of my essential humanity which I wonb't sell out, no matter how miserable the pain and suffering. 

They can break down my brain though.  I desperately want to write what is going on with me, but the mind cannot focus.  It cannot read.  I tried to read a little of St Augustine's Confessions today, and the effort literally made me sick (makes me wonder what the mindfuckers are so afraid of...--I know that some sadistic security agent somewhere has his finger on the brain implants that make me sick, releasing the chemicals whenever I would attempt to touch base with Truth or Beauty).  I may not be able to get in touch with the truth, but I a sure can smell the lies and the liars from far away, and am getting increasingly disgusted at the lies being fed to the American public.  But I don't want to focus on outing lies and liars.  I just want to focus on the truth, but the truth for me right now is constant pain and torture.  Beats being a candidate as a sellout traitor to the human race, just to satisfy personal ambition or comfort.

Then there is the problem with memory loss--I saw my supe from a year ago today, and I was utterly stumped.  I absolutely could not remember his name!  I read articles, and later in the day can not recall what I read.  But I have to try to cling to my humanity even  though the mindfuckers would take it away from me.  Hang on Tita.

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