I am a walking zombie

I am a walking zombie today--every muscle in my body is rigid and locked and I walk and move like the Munster patriarch.  That is not the wrost of it though.  I feel like I am in the hospital while tons of drugs go pouring thru me.  So sick that even getting up to walk to the bathroom is a major feat of accomplishment.  It hurts to open my eyes--I cannot take in the stimuli.  Yesterday, pretty much when this all started, was a completely wasted day, as I could not take in any visual stimuli at all, but could only lay on the floor with a sheet wrapped around my head while I prayed to God to be released from this horrible suffering.  Whatever drugs I am on make me severely autistic.  I had went to yoga (big mistake--could barely move, and then I had to drive home when I could not even open my eyes to take in the stimuli), and before leaving the gym I used the toilet.  While staring at the advertisement boards facing me, I realized how seriously messed up I was.  I could not read the photographic faces staring at me.  I had no sense of emotional subtlety or nuance whatsoever.  Even now I am so goddamned drugged that I cannot explain it, even though I know what I want to say, but my ability to use language and organize thought is completely gone.   Suffice it to say that the faces all looked like they were threatening me, when I know (from having seen the pictures many times before that they were not). 

Somehow I managed to get home, by staring at the space in front of me while I tried to keep the anziety from overwhelming me.  As soon as I got home I drank some stiff shots of gin.  Why?  Because I learned when I lived in Rio Rancho, that the only thing that takes off the edge of autistic anziety and stimuli overload is some really stiff alcohol.  I would go to sit down to watch TV with my roommate and the time, and I didn't tell her, but the words were absolute gibberish and I had to close my eyes against the images.  But I noticed after three or four stiff shots of whiskey that the words made enough sense to follow the program even tho I could not understand the emotions.  Well, the alcohol worked -- for about three hours and once it wore off, I could not bear to open my eyes or watch TV.  I tried watching football (very familiar) and could not stand to see the movement. All the faces in all the other programs looked like caricatures of evil, and all the people seemed to want to leap out of the tv and attack me. 

Thus, these motherfuckers with their poison have forcibly made me mentally ill and autistic to the point that I cannot function in reality.  Why?  Because they knew that today I was going to go the church again (and guess what assholes---not your church--never), and the one thing they cannot bear is that I am happy, free, and prove myself to be quite functional.  No, they want me totally handicapped and sick and unable to function while they shove their poison down me, insisting that the only future I have is in conformity with their plans for me.  FUCK YOU!  GET IT ASSHOLES!  NEVER.  As for me, all I can do is lurch about like the zombie I am today.  More of my life wasted in the utmost suffering, pain and misery.  Heckuva job--Im sure you r proud of yourselves, tools of satan.